Friday, June 29, 2012

They Begged Me to Photograph Their Cleavage

Imagine a very succesful two hour poker session (tripling up) not being the most memorable part of an afternoon in the poker room.   Why not?  Well, can you imagine what it would be like for me, your humble correspondent—offtimes referred to as “titguy” by Josie the Assgrabber—to have three lovely, generously endowed ladies beg me to take a picture of their bosoms.  Seriously.

Lightning has already given a quick and dirty description of this scene here. And that is what especially great about this story.  Not only do I have physical evidence of the incident, but I have a witness!  A fellow blogger witness, at that. 
I had offered to join Lightning in his last poker session of this particular Vegas visit.  I volunteered to pick him up at his hotel, take him to BSC for some poker, and then drop him off at the airport for his return flight.  It was Lightning’s idea to play at BSC (my home turf, as he called it, as opposed to his home turf, Bally’s, where we had mostly played together since he got to town). I am very grateful to Lightning for this idea, as you’ll see why.
Before I go any further, I strongly suggest you refamiliarize yourself with my post here, where I described the time I saw one female poker player take a picture of another female poker player’s cleavage right in the middle of a poker tournament.  Yeah. That’s what I said.  Understandably, it is one of my popular posts ever.
The picture taker in that post was Jeanne and yes that’s her real name.  I have to abandon my normal practice of using pseudonyms for this post.  Although Jeanne was originally called “Maria” in the earlier post, she “outted herself” in her comment on the story.  Then she tweeted about that post—and my blog—and got me a bunch of new readers (for which I am ever grateful).  And it is Jeanne who is once again one of the stars of this current post.
And seeing as I am going to post a picture of Jeanne and her two “partners in crime”—both of whom, along with Jeanne, are well known in the Vegas poker community—it would be pointless to give the other two ladies fake names. Everyone will recognize them anyway.  Besides, Jeanne has already tweeted the picture below all over the twitterverse.  So those of you who hate the use of fake names on this blog, rejoice!
So, as Lightning and I entered the poker room, we noticed they were setting things up for some sort of Ladies poker tournament.  There was merchandise and advertising from PMS Wear and some where calling it the PMS poker tour (no joke from me is necessary), but I don’t think that was the name.  I believe it was actually the “Highheels Poker Tour” tour.  And the specific event was the Red Stilettos Team Event.
So, within minutes of getting seated, I noticed Jeanne.  She didn’t see me at first, but I made a point to tell Lightning that I noticed one of the featured players of a rather popular past post of mine.  But a few minutes later, Jeanne walked right by my table, accompanied by her two teammates for the tournament.  One of them was Suzie, who was actually the girl whose cleavage was in fact the subject of my earlier post.  Yes, the woman called “Kathy” in that original post is actual Suzie, who works at The Orleans and runs the Friday night tournament there (among other things).  That’s why every time I’ve mentioned The Orleans Friday night tournament, I’ve mentioned seeing “Kathy.” Of course!
The third lady was Judy, who I didn’t really recognize.  I don’t believe she was there at Binions the day Jeanne photographed Suzie’s cleavage.  She may have been the absent party who requested that Jeanne take such a picture.  But that is pure speculation on my part.  Perhaps Judy or Jeanne will confirm or unconfirm that.
Anyway, Jeanne recognized me and said, “Hi Rob.”  I said hello back. Then she added, pointing to Suzie and Judy, “We’re all here.”  I nodded and before I could say anything further, she shocked me by saying, “Don’t look at my boobs.”
I laughed nervously, but reminded her, “Hey, I wasn’t looking at your boobs. I was looking at you looking at someone else’s boobs.”  She agreed, “Oh that’s right, it was her boobs,” pointing to Suzie.  Then she tapped Suzie and somewhat introduce her to me. “This is the guy who did the blog about your cleavage.” That’s not an exact quote, but it was something along those lines.  Suzie said hello (or perhaps merely “oh”) but didn’t seem that interested in the topic, and returned to talking to whoever she was talking to at the moment.
Then Jeanne added, “You’ll probably write about this and get more followers because of it!”
Probably write about this?  Ya think?
I don’t think Lightning heard this, but I did inform him of it.  And pointed out how it was totally unsolicited on my part.  I also thought it was a bit odd because I have run into Jeanne several times since the Binions tournament and although she has mentioned my blog, she’s never so directly referenced her boobs—or anyone else’s.  In fact I saw her just a week or so earlier at the WSOP venue, and we briefly chatted and she did not ask that I not look at her boobs.  Apparently, it was Suzie’s presence that made her think of her boobs.  I’ll leave the readers to interpret that as they wish.
She also introduced me to Judy and I wished them all luck in the tournament.  I assumed that was the end of a story and that I had a quick little “woman said” story to blog about.  But there was more to come.
When it was time for Lightning and I to leave so I could drop him off at the airport, it happened to be during the break in the Ladies tournament.  As we were exiting the poker room, I noticed Jeanne, Suzie and Judy all together chatting.  I just waived to them, but Jeanne stopped me.
“It’s him”—or something like that—she said to her cohorts.  One of them, not sure which one, suggested I take their picture.  But not just a normal picture.  No, in unison, they pulled their shirts down to reveal as much cleavage as they could, given the structure of their shirts (and what they were wearing under them).  Ok, that was nice, but I assumed they were kidding about taking a picture.
But they were not.  “Hurry, hurry, the tournament’s about to start up again.  Hurry.”  What?  They really wanted me to take a picture of their cleavage? Seriously?  Seriously.  It is fair to say, they were begging me to take a picture of their semi-exposed bosoms.  Begging.
So having a reputation as a guy with a bosom obsession has its advantages (see also my two previous posts, below, talking about Josie posing similarly for me).
I fumbled for my cell phone, the only camera I had.  I took a first shot that didn’t come out, because it was dark and I didn’t have the flash out.  I fumbled to turn on the flash and all the while, the gals were pulling down their shirts and screaming, “hurry, hurry.”  There was also concern from them that in addition to their cleavage, I needed to get their tiaras in the pic.  Their team was called “The Diamond Divas” and the tiaras were part of their “uniform.”
So I took another pic and got the flash working.  You can see the picture for yourself right below (from left to right, Suzie, Judy, Jeanne).
I showed the picture to the women and they were all thrilled.  Yes thrilled.  Thrilled that I had just photographed their breasts.  And also that I managed to get at least one tiara in the pic. Now I have to make a very serious observation here.  Regular readers who know my blog, consider this. Think of all the content of this blog up until now.  Think of me and my reputation.  Think of having three crazy but lovely women asking, begging, demanding that I look at their cleavage (which they all three enhanced and exaggerated just for me), and then insisting, yes insisting, that I photograph said cleavage.
Got that?  Ok, now I normally avoid discussing religion on this blog, but if what I just described doesn’t prove the existence of God, I don’t know what possibly could.  Just saying.
Anyway, Jeanne gave me her card and asked that I send her the picture.  Of course I did.  And in fact, Jeanne has already blasted the picture above all over the twitterverse to all her followers.
Needless to say, it was just awesome that I had a witness for this whole adventure.  He was even more surprised than I was at what he had just seen.  We talked about it all the way to the airport.  He called me the “King of BSC” as he named the blog post.  He witnessed that I did nothing, I mean absolutely nothing, to encourage such behavior.  He can confirm that they ladies begged me to look at, and photograph their breasts.  Remember, the ladies are poker players, not nude models!
Lightning told me he would try to get a quick blog post up about this before I could by doing at the airport as he waited.  Which he did, as linked above.
But that’s not quite the end of the story.  I wasn’t sure I had Jeanne’s email address right, so when I returned to BSC later that evening, I caught her when she wasn’t playing but chatting with others. I asked if she got the picture.  She checked her email and found it.  She loved the picture.  Actually, for a second, she was worried that her nipple was showing, but then confirmed that the pic was indeed “family friendly.”  Hours later I discovered that she had tweeted it. 
I wanted to make sure that I got the name of their team right, so I ask her thru Twitter.  Her response was priceless.  “It was ‘Diamond Divas’ but after that pic we are renaming ourselves ‘Tits & Tiaras!!!’”
I thought I saw the three leave and figured they were long gone.  But I guess they went out for a nice dinner and returned to the poker room later that night.  They walked right by my table and said goodbye.  Judy was lamenting that there was only one tiara clearly visible in the pic.  I said that wasn’t exactly what I was concentrating on.  “Yeah, I know what you were concentrating on!”
Then Suzie said to Jeanne, “Oh, is this the man we showed our breasts to?”  Jeanne confirmed, so Suzie shook my hand and wished me good luck!
I not only have women begging me to look at their breasts, but thanking me and shaking my hand for doing so.  See comment earlier about the existence of God.
Anyway, there’s actually a great hand of poker I want to blog about that took place at this afternoon session that Lightning witnessed.  I alluded to it in the opening paragraph of this post.  But I’ll have to save that for another time, as this post is already getting long enough to bother certain people who will remain nameless. 
Many more blog posts about this Vegas trip to follow, to be sure.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Blogger Who Grabbed My Ass

Continuing with my intention of spewing out tales of poker and debauchery from my current Vegas trip in drips and drabs, this post concerns the social aspect of the All Vegas Poker Meet & Greet Tournament that took place this past Saturday night.  But there will be no poker content in this post; that will have to wait for another time.  The main point of this post is that there were more than a few bloggers present, you know, the bloggers that are part of this little blogging community we seem to have going.  And one very famous blogger grabbed, fondled, rubbed and squeezed my ass. 

Which one?  Well, it sure as hell wasn’t grrouchie, despite the fact that he very recently blogged about having spent 8 to 10 years of his life wearing skirts and fishnets and claims to have gone to his senior prom in a dress.  And it wasn’t Lightning, even though one of the first stories he told me when we met a few days earlier was how when he first met Waffles in Vegas, they had sex together the very first nite.  And it wasn’t even Carmel, even though doing that would seem rather tame compared to some of the antics she’s admitted to on her blog. 
Nope….it was Josie that grabbed my ass.  Yes, sweet, innocent Josie, who always seems to have men harassing her, fondling her, giving her unwanted attention, begging for affection from her.  The very same Josie who just complained about the Sylvester Stallone look-alike who inappropriately felt her up right on Freemont Street the other day.
That Josie.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Before the tournament started, I got to the Mirage early and ran into both Stump and grrouchie.  I almost didn’t recognize grrouchie because he wasn’t wearing his traditional Pittsburgh Steelers baseball cap and he was playing 2/5 instead of 1/2—so clearly he was in over his head.   But he was wearing a totally cool craps shirt. I decided just to chill out and relax before the tournament (and the free pizza), rather than try to get in a cash game. 
Once it got close to pizza-serving time, name tags were handed out.  Someone who noticed mine introduce himself as a fan of my blog.  We’ll call him “Kingsmen” because that’s his screen name on AVP (I was actually thinking of calling him “Queensman” here but I thought he might not be thrilled with that).  Anyway, he is much younger than I am (but then, who isn’t) and after telling me he likes the blog, he told me he was expecting me to be much younger.  I chuckled.  I said something like, “Yeah, well, I guess that’s because of my juvenile sense of humor.”  He laughed, and said, “Well, it’s a great subject.”  I believe he illustrated his point by extending his hands out in front of his chest.  I’m pretty sure that was a reference to women’s breasts although I honestly have no idea how he would associate them with my blog.
By the way, Kingsmen was one of the players the next night I had fun with in the HORSE game I described here. A good guy to be sure.
Another fan of some blogs from AVP who I met was Lindy99.  Lindy was particularly excited to say hello to grrouchie, Lightning and Josie and tell them how much he loved their blogs.  About my blog, he said nothing.  But that’s ok.  Apparently my blog is just classy for his tastes. 
Another person I met before the tournament began is Koala. Koala is the extremely nice guy from Australia who comes to Vegas every year for six weeks, and is the one who organized the TBC tournament that was taking place the next nite.
Then I noticed a tall woman talking to grrouchie.  Even from the back, I recognized Carmel.  Now earlier, I had tweeted that I was waiting at the Mirage.  Carmel tweeted to me that she would see me soon, and asked what I was wearing.  So of course I sent the following tweet back to her, “Nothing. I’m stark naked.”
Carmel responded, “Easy, Just like I like my men.”  To which I replied, “Yeah I figured.”
Anyway, I recognized her and tapped her on the shoulder.  I just said hi and waited for her to figure out who I was.  It took her awhile. Grrouchie had to tell her, in fact.  We hugged and had some time to chat before the poker started.
Let me describe Carmel just a bit.  She is tall.  I mean really, really tall.  An Amazon, really.  Pretty sure she’s at least 7 feet tall.  And there’s something else big about her that I really didn’t notice.  I mean, I never usually notice a woman’s bust, but because Carmel talks about her chest so much on her blog, I did force myself to sneak a peak.  All I will say is that she has been very generously blessed in that area by Mother Nature.
But there’s something even bigger about Carmel.  Much bigger. It is her smile.  Her smile is humongous.  It almost literally lit up the room.  She is also extremely friendly and gregarious.  We had a nice chat, and she expressed her surprise at meeting me.  She told me I wasn’t at all what she expected.  She thought I would look older than I do (Carmel, meet Kingsmen).
We had a nice chat.  Lightning showed up at some point and joined the fun.  Lightning would eventual entertain Carmel once the poker started, having decided that he had had his fill of poker tournaments.  Lightning however, was Josie-less.  Apparently, the blogger everyone wanted to meet was running late.  I suspect that she just wanted to make an “entrance.”  I briefly said hi to PokerGrump who of course was also playing, although as with the next nite at Tony’s tournament, he was one of the first to bust out.  I assume he just wasn’t dealt the mighty deuce-four enough times in either event.
During the first break (and the only break for me, sadly), I noticed Josie had finally shown up.  She actually left her table early, before the break started, because she had so many chips she didn’t need to try to win any more. Or something like that.  She gave me a warm greeting, and then all the bloggers congregated in the middle of the poker room during the break.  Josie met grrouchie for the first time, but they didn’t really have much time to chat.  Cameras were taken out and pictures were taken.  One from this event is already posted on Josie’ blog (linked above).  After some photos of the bigger group, Josie insisted that a picture be taken of her with me, just the two of us.
So we got close to each other for the photo.  We of course put our hands around each other’s shoulders. Of course, I was a perfect gentleman the entire time.
Josie?  Not so much.  Soon, as we were waiting for the pictures to be snapped, she started giving me a shoulders and upper back rub.  Then her hand went lower, rubbing the middle of my back.  Then even lower, rubbing my lower back.
Then….her hand was all over my ass.
Yeah, my ass. 
She rubbed it, she patted it. She squeezed it.  Before I knew it, she had given me a more thorough ass examination than I got the last time I visited a proctologist.  And it goes without saying, if I had done that to her, I could have easily gotten arrested.  Talk about your double-standards!
Anyway, in addition to fondling my butt, Josie felt the need to adjust her top for the picture.  She felt that she just wasn’t exposing enough cleavage initially, so she pulled down her top a bit. As the first picture was being taken, someone (I think it was Lightning but am not sure) yelled out that I should be looking down Josie’s top.  Of course, I would never have done that, being such a gentleman.  Besides, as I stated previously, I’m not really much of an aficionado of the bosom.
But Josie liked that idea, so again, being a gentleman, I complied.  Before the next picture was taken, she practically lowered her top all the way.  To go all along with the request, I had no choice but to look down at what she was now revealing. It would have been rude—and insulting—to have done anything else.  So a picture was taken with me looking down her top in a very exaggerated way.  She pretended to be surprised that I had taken advantage of the opportunity. “You looked!”  Well duh.  Again, I couldn’t insult Josie by not looking.  Besides, it was very impressive, what she was showing. Even a guy like me, with no particular interest in that part of the female anatomy, could appreciate it.  I can’t wait to see the picture on her blog.  I asked her to send it to me, but she hasn’t yet.  But I guess it will be on her blog soon. ((Edited to add: Josie has now posted the picture I'm referring to in her latest post, which you can find here.))
One thing I missed, because Josie showed up so late, was the titanic meeting of Carmel and Josie.  They are such a mismatch height-wise that their hug must have been quite a scene.  They had already joked about it on their blogs—Josie would essentially be “motorboating” Carmel.  And unfortunately, I didn’t get to see that.
The break was soon over and unfortunately, I didn’t last in the tournament very long after it resumed.  I ended up in a cash game.  Meanwhile, I had sent a text to Prudence updating my tournament status.  I had told her about the tournament and the fact that all the bloggers were gonna be there—she knows all of them and frequently reads their blogs—and asked her to join us.  Unfortunately she had something job-related to do.  But it turned out that by now her responsibilities were over and she found herself playing poker at the BSC. In the text I mentioned that Josie had been literally all over my ass. She responded, “Whoa!!! Getting action huh?”
When I noticed that Josie had also busted out, I suggested that we go to BSC she could meet Prudence.  The entire time she was here, Josie kept questioning whether there really was a “Prudence”, or if she was in fact just a figment of my imagination.  This was her chance to meet her face to face.  But she declined.  Poker Grump had already agreed to take her downtown so she could meet Tony, who would just be arriving back in town right about then.  Grump was willing to join Prudence and I at BSC, but was fine with going downtown too. Josie made the call.  Tony over Prudence.  Hope you appreciate that, Tony!  BTW, Grump tried to convince Josie that Prudence existed, having played poker with her before (see here), but Josie remained skeptical.
So they went downtown and I headed to BSC (grrouchie and Lightning were long gone).  It took awhile but I managed to get into the same game as Prudence.  Prudence was indeed on her game, even though she was not drinking this night.  We were initially sitting a few seats away from each other, so we couldn’t converse privately.  That only bothered me, not her.
“So I want to hear all about tonite!  You got your ass grabbed, huh?”  This was said loudly enough for everyone at the table (and probably a few neighboring ones) to hear.  It got everyone’s attention.
“Not that it hasn’t happened many times before.  I’m just saying that it happened tonite.  He got his ass grabbed by a girl with big juggs.”  At least two of the guys at the table (and it was all guys, save Prudence) said, almost in unison, “Yeah, that’s a good thing.”  Someone added, “A very good thing.”
There was a bit more fun from that night at BSC, but I can save it for another time.  I’ve already gotten ass and tits in this post, I’ll save the vagina for another time.
Right now the poker room is calling me.  See ya later.

Monday, June 25, 2012

And the HORSE You Rode In On

There's so much to report from the past 48 hours in Vegas--not to mention all that happened earlier--that I hardly know where to begin.  I am so, so tempted to just wait until I return home and do one record breakingly long blog post covering everything all at once.  Just to piss off a few people who have complained about the legnthiness of some of my blog posts.  But no, I'll try to break it up into shorter (for me) posts.  So, for a quick update, I guess I'll start with the last major event of last nite's festivities, the HORSE game.

This took place at the Riveria after the TBC tournament ended.  I will have plenty to say about the tournament, the evil bastard who busted me out of it (and you know who you are, uncool one) and the entire day leading up to it--including my first ever meeting with Tony himself--in the near or not so near future.  But let's get to the HORSE game first.

Oddly enough, Poker Grump was one of the first players to bust out of the tournament.  This was probably just punishment for him bluffing me off a better hand early in the tournament.  OK, he had an open-ender, but I had top pair and folded to his re-raise.  Just to try to put me on tilt, he showed his bluff.

OK, but what he doesn't know, until now, is that earlier, I 3-bet him pre-flop with total air and got him to lay down whatever the hell he had.  Yeah.  He raised, I had garbage but took advantage of the tight image I have with him to raise back at him.  Heh. Heh.  He folded like a cheap suit.  So he returned the favor sometime later and tried to get me off my brilliant game by showing me his superior play.  Unfortunately, it was not me who had the pleasure of busting him out.

Anyway, after he busted out, he got a HORSE game going in the room.  HORSE is a mix of five different forms of poker played on a rotating basis.  If you need an explanation, you can see here.  It was $3/$6 limit.  Now, unlike Grump or Cleopatra, who we will now call Josie for the rest of this post, I was one of the last to bust out of the tournament, so the game was in full throttle by the time I finished my tournament run.
I went over to check it out.  Everyone was having a lot of fun, except Lightning who was, I believe, still fuming over a cash hand he played just before leaving for the tournament.  I'm sure he will be posting a blog entry of epic proportions about that hand when he has time. 

The game was full but that was fine, I had no intention of playing.  I only really know how to play Hold Em (no matter what you've heard).  Hadn't played some of those other games ever!  So I figured I would just watch and kibitz.

Josie was clearly having a great time.  Until I reminded her that despite her earlier coming over to my table to mock me for the small size of my...chip stack during the tournament, I had managed to survive the tournament for a lot longer than she had.  So I had won our "last longer" bet.  And just to be clear, it's not the kind of "last longer" bet you perverts out there are thinking of.  However, I can assure you (and Josie) that I would win that bet too.

As such, Josie will be posting on her blog, when she returns home, the picture that was taken of her almost completely exposing her impressive bosom for me from the night before.  If you can take your eyes off her (which will be a challenge), you will see that yes, I am indeed looking at her chest.  How could I not?  How could anyone not?  ((Edited to add: Josie has now posted the picture I'm referring to in her latest post, which you can find here.))

I must say this is continuing a nice trend of woman taken their off or lowering their tops for me.  Recall the poker player who lowered her shirt so that her female friend to take a picture of her cleavage right in front of me a few months ago in the middle of a poker tournament (see here).  And just the other day Prudence took one look at me and took off her shirt (see here).  Oddly enough, when I met Carmel the night before, she did not expose her chest to me.  I say oddly because she recently won the poll, "Internet babe most likely to expose her chest to Rob."  Oh well.  More about Carmel in a future post.

I didn't mention Prudence there gratiuitously.  She figures into this story later, even though she wasn't there.  Anyway, Josie disputed that we ever made such a bet, but I ask you, who was drinking alcohol and who was downing diet Cokes?  Nuff Said.  So Josie told us about the bet she made with Poker Grump about the HORSE game.  She said that if she ended up with more chips than Grump by the end of the night, she would win the opportunity to take a picture of Grump naked.

Grump agreed that was the bet.  However, the interpertation of what that meant was disputed.  Grump stated that if Josie won, what that meant was that Josie would take a picture of Grump while she was naked (and Grump would conceivable be fully clothed).  But Josie thought it me that she would take a picture of a naked Grump.  I believe the issue was never properly resolved, but I can assure you that there were no naked poker players at any time at the Riveria last nite.

At one point Josie was showing her cards to people, like me, because she wasn't sure how to play some of the games.  "Is this a good hand?"  One time she accidentally flash her cards to Stump, who was sitting next to her and still in the hand.  He warned her that she flashed him--with her cards.  I said something about "well, it was only her cards she was flashing."  Josie--desperately trying to get her own "label" on my blog--said, "Well, it's early yet."  Unfortunately, unless Josie sits near enough me at a poker table for me to hear all her the outrageous things she says while playing, she may not earn that label on this trip.

Although I was having a great time watching and kibitzing, I did start thinking of getting into the game.  It was only 3/6, it was limit, and even though I didn't know most of the games, how badly could I get hurt?  Unfortunately, the only seat that opened was Lightning's, who left to cry in his beer, or his Jager bombs.  That was far away from Stump, Grump and Josie, all sitting together and having a great time.  But the lure of a card game was too much for me to resist all nite.  I decided to bite the bullet and get in the game.

When I started, the game they were playing was 7 Card Stud, 8 or better...basically 7 card stud high/low.  Haven't played that in 30 years, in some penny ante home game.  On my second hand, when I had 6 cards, I had a 6 high straight.  I don't know the game well, but I was pretty sure that was what is known as a "monster."  I mean, a straight looked like the best high hand.  A 6 high is almost always gonna be the best low hand.  I would win both halves of the pot.  Which I did. I got two calls at the end and sure enough, the entire pot, a very large one, was shoved to me.  Grump leaned over, "Aren't you glad I got you to play?"  Uh, yeah, now I sure was.

Nothing much happend for me for awhile until the game turned to Omaha.  Yes, freakin Omaha.  It is well document how much I loathe that game.  But at least this was limit, not a no limit tournament.  I figured I could muddle through.  Now unlike all my previous Omaha experience, this was not Omaha High, but Omaha Hi-Lo, so I was totally cluess here, even more than usual.  And worse, I hadn't even realized that this was Hi-Lo when the hand I'm about to describe happened!  Embarrassing to admit, I know.

I think I was dealt a pair of 9's and Q/3 of diamonds.  Neither of the 9's were diamonds.  I decided that was enough to stay in to see the flop.  There were two diamonds on the flop, including the Ace.  So I was drawing to the second nut flush.  Of course I stayed in.  The turn card was the King of diamonds, not only making my flush but making it the nut flush.  As long as the river card didn't pair the board, I had the absolute nuts.  I bet out, got some callers.

The river card was a blank, so I knew I won the pot.  Again, I hadn't realized this was Hi-Lo, so I assumed I won the whole pot.  I bet out, got a caller or two, one of whom said he had the second nuts, ie, a Jack flush.  I said I had the nuts and won the pot.  There was some review of the hands and it was only then that I realized they were looking for a low hand to take half the pot.  But there wasn't one.  In this game, you have to have no better than an 8 high to claim the low pot.  If no one does, high hand wins everything.  Which is what happened here.
Now I was really glad I played the game.

A bit later, there was some drama concerning TBC and Josie.  I have no idea what that was about, but they both left the table for some time.  It was then that I received a text message from Prudence, who off course, all the readers of my blog who were in attendance (and there were quite a few) were asking about.  All were disappointed that she failed to make an appearance, even though I did invite her.  Anyway, Prudence sent me the following text:

"I am eating dinner with Tom with a very confrontational woman who keeps looking at me while screaming that Asian men have small cocks."

I of course laughed and immediately texted her back that she should tweet that.  She did and really improved upon it.  Her tweet went as follows:

"Drunk stripper keeps looking at me and screaming that Asian men have small cocks.  Not true.  Dad showed me his all the time and it was big."

Definitely a candiate for "Tweet of the Year."

After I stopped laughing, I immediately re-tweeted that and then told everyone at the table to check out her tweet.  Stump did and I thought he was going to pass out from laughing so hard.  Fun times.

BTW, Prudence assured me that she "was never ever molested. But I love a good pedophilia joke."

I think I won one other small pot--don't remember which game--and lost some chips too.  Still, as the game was breaking and I cashed out, I had made over $100 for playing a relatively short time.  Maybe, just maybe, I will play HORSE again.  Maybe.

Anway, that's one small portion of a very interesting--and bizarre--day in Vegas.  More tales to be told--and experienced--soon.  ((Edited to add:  The story of the rest of this day and all that led to this particular post, is now up and can be found here.  Consider it the prequel to this post.))

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Joe-Zee, Grumpy, Lightbulb & Titguy

A professional poker player, a soulless siren, a self-proclaimed chick magnet and a tit-man walk into a poker room.....

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Last night, I made my way over to Bally's poker room to find Cleopatra, Poker Grump and Lightning, all sitting at the same table. Three poker bloggers all at the same table? What could worse?  Only one thing.  I had to make it four.

I saw some amazing things.  I saw Cleopatra being felted--twice. 

No...not that way, you pervs.  It's a poker term.  Look it up.

I saw Grump and Cleopatra acting like they were BFF's--if not more.  Seriously, all that shit they give each other back and forth on their blogs?  It's all a smokescreen. I never checked it out to be certain, but I'm pretty sure they were playing footsie with each other under the table the whole time.  Fortunately, I don't think Grump's girlfriend reads my blog.

And now that I've done the joke about giving Josie the fake name of Cleopatra three times, I'll go back to calling her Josie. Tip of the hat to Poker Grump for reminding me that I promised to do this.  Back to the blog post....

I saw someone go all in at that table pretty much every other hand, if not more often.  Seriously, this was a major, major action table.

I saw people with huge stacks one minute and felted the next.  I saw everyone and his brother--even the fair, sweet looking Josie, unleash the dreaded "button straddle."

I saw a cocktail waitress, who had probably once dated Calvin Coolidge, actually serve someone a drink once.


Yeah, it was one weird nite.

Of course, I had not previously had the pleasure--and it was indeed a pleasure--of meeting the effervescent Very Josie before. As I entered the room, I immediately spotted her sitting to Grump's left in Seat 10.  I saw she was in a hand so I waited to say hello.  Almost immediately thereafter, she was felted.  I was worried that I had brought her bad luck.

As she was re-buying I came up behind her and Grump, and started to say hello, but she immediately recognized me from the picture Grump had sent her last month.  Her first words to me, after hello, were, "Can I call you titguy?"  I said I would prefer she not call me that in public--I do have an image to maintain--even tho it amuses me when I see it on a blog link.  My position is this; it's ok to call me titguy if there's a link to the blog attached.

Fortunately someone at their table wanted a table change so I was almost immediately allowed to join the fun, sitting immediately to Lightning's left.  Unfortunately, Grump and Josie were at the other side of the table, so it was difficult to talk all that much with them.  So I mostly got to hear Lightning grumbling about Josie raising every other hand.

Soon after I joined the fun, I saw something truly sensational.  All-in, Josie vs. the Grump.  Guess who won that battle?  Josie!  Grump doubled her up by over playing his pocket Queens.  Josie of course had the dreaded pocket Kings. If I had tried that move, you could be sure that Grump would have flopped a Queen and then rivered quads, just to rub my face in it.  But Grump just didn't pick the right person to try that move against. 

I knew I had to remember that hand for the blog, so I took out my memo pad and started making notations.  Josie saw this and asked if I was writing notes about the session, and I admitted I was.  She got up to take a look.  Standing behind me, I showed her my chicken scratchings, which I doubt she could make out (most of them I can't read a few seconds later, either).  But while there, she did give me a very nice back rub.  Someone out there was gonna keep a count of the back rubs Josie administered while in town, so there's one I know of for sure.  While I was there tho, she didn't administer or offer anyone a front rub, as she has been known to do.

Then I saw Grump take on Lightning, and fail in that effort too.  His dreaded pocket Kings were no match to Lightning's nut flush.  Grump made a huge raise to try to scare of Lightning, but Lightning refused to be pushed around, called, and hit his flush!  I believe this hand felted Grump.

Here's where I can't read my notes too well, but I believe I also saw Josie catch Grump with his pants down, and stack him again, when she played 10-7 and caught a straight.  Grump went all in with a pair of 5's?  Josie said she only played that hand because of some history she and Grump had with it.

Josie took some guy's whole stack when she went all in with AA vs...the dreaded pocket Kings!

But what about me?  How did I do?  Well, terribly, actually.  It was a very frustrating night for me, for a variety of reasons.  One, I truly do hate the Bally's poker room, and when I have more time, I will rant about this, and about the button straddle, and about the fact that I've never won there, and who knows what else.  BTW, I hate the f&ck*#g button straddle with all the intensity of a thousand red suns.  Just sayin'.

I was getting zero cards.  Nada, zilch.  My hands redefined the definition of "card dead."  And since this truly was a high action table, with huge preflop bets followed by even bigger post flop bets, I saw no opportunities to try anything cute to try to win some pots.  I just kept waiting for the cards to get even semi-playable, so one of the action players would pay me off.  But it never happened.  I tell you, 9-4, K-2, J-5 get old after a few hours.  And those were my better hands!

Also a bit frustrating that I was so far away from Josie and Grump, and couldn't really converse much with them.  I could tell Josie would be a real treat to BS with, but was unable to really do so from that distance.  And then Lightning, frustrated by all that action with such terrible cards himself, bailed on the table and tried to find greener pastures, leaving me there all by myself, watching Grump and Josie having a ball together, playing footsie, and occasionally looking over at me to laugh at me for playing so few hands.  I know they were talking about me all nite.

Somehow, despite being felted by everyone at the table except me, towards the end of the night (for me, that is) Grump had accumulated a ton of chips.  I guess that's why he can do this for a living.  He can take those loses in stride and not go on tilt and just continue to play his game, and recover.

Unfortunately, Josie did not fare quite so well.  For most of the night she was flush with chips.  She had made a great recovery from the felting I had witnessed when I showed up, and at one point she had multiple stacks of red chips in front of her.  It was clear that she was going to have a great poker night to blog about, plus being able to brag about catching Grump at least twice.

And then it all went to shit on one hand.  She overplayed top pair, top kicker against the guy at the table who had the most chips--by far.  She made a huge raise (flop or turn, not sure) and then the guy shoved against her.  She thought long and hard and finally called.  Bad move.  The guy flopped a set of deuces.  Josie said goodbye to all her chips, including the ones she took from Grump


At least my hands were so freaking bad I didn't lose my entire stack.  I was actually down to less that $40--and because it was Bally's and my luck sucks there,I didn't rebuy--when I shoved preflop with pocket Aces.  Actually got a caller and whatever he had, he didn't beat the bullets.  The flop was scary--three clubs.  I had the Ace of clubs and was praying for a fourth club to seal the deal. Didn't need it.  Pretty much the only memorable hand involving me in 3-4 hours of poker.

After I was there for awhile, Grump asked me if Prudence would be joining us. I said that sadly, she was unavailable.  Oddly enough, there was conversation back and forth between Prudence and I earlier in the day that might have led to me meeting her and Ginger at a locals casino that would have prevented me from joining the gang at Bally's.  But that never came off.  Just a bit after Grump asked about her, Prudence texted me to apologize for not coming through on the plan.  I told this to Grump and so he asked if she would now be coming over.

I laughed.  This was way after midnite and I knew there was no chance of that. Tom would be finishing up his shift soon and be ready to join her at home. So I said, "No, her boyfriend will be getting off soon."

Josie piped in with, "I bet he will!"  OK, not bad as an entry level "woman said" line, but my dear Josie, if you want to get your own "label" on my blog, you'll have to do better than that.

It was after 2AM when Ieft, Josie & Grump were still playing, as was Lightning at the other table.  But I was too tired and too frustrated by the lousy cards to continue.  But I will see this fun group again soon.  Tonight, for example.  Gotta run.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Bras, Burgers, Poker....And a Flash of Lightning!

Yesterday was a lot of fun.  I finally got to meet my fellow blogger Lightning (or as he should be known on this blog, Thunder).  Lightning and I have been ribbing each other on our blogs for some time now, and it was great to put a real person behind all the joking.  He is actually a really a great guy and we had a great time together.  His totally fictitious version of the events can be found here.  Now for the truth, or a brief version of it (brief by my standards) as I am limited in time.

After noticing his tweet, I headed over to Bally's where he was crushing the 1/2 game.  I almost missed him because I was looking for some creepy looking guy in a backwards baseball cap.  But just before I recognized him from his blog photos, he noticed me and waived.  He was capless, by the way...not expecting me to arrive so soon, I guess.  Now how did he recognize me since I have never posted a photo of myself on my blog?  Well, it seems that the devilish Josie had forwarded to him a picture of me, without my permission.  That would be the picture that Poker Grump took of me on the night this post took place. I was happy to see that he was sitting right next to a fellow blogger buddy, Ron, who blogs here and who happens to deal at Bally's.  Ron and I met at a tournament a few weeks (months?) back and last time I went to Bally's we had a nice chat and he dealt to me nothing but absolute crap but I don't hold that against him.

So this was clearly the blogger's table but it was full and I had to go to another table.  I asked for a table change and after a few hands was told I could move to where Ron was dealing and Lightning was playing.  Ron soon dealt me a winning hand (very small pot tho) and all was well.

It was very noisy in there and I was sitting quite a distance from Lightning so it was virtually impossible to chat with Lightning.  I did get a seat change eventually and was able to talk a bit with him.  Meanwhile, the cards were treating me as they always do at Bally's--like a baby treats a diaper.  I never have any success over there.  It's funny because people like Lightning and grrouchie love this room because they think it has the most fish and is the easiest room to win big bucks in.  But that is not experience; I don't recall that I've ever walked away from there a winner.  I lost more than half my stack when some guy hit a set against my top pair.

Since Lightning was on Central Time and hadn't eaten since he left Chicago, he was in desperate need for food.  We decided to eat at Le Burger Brasserie right there at Bally's/Paris.  This is the place I also ate at with grrouchie the first time we broke bread together, as described here. Recall that this a place where hot girls in their underwear serve you hamburgers (and alcohol, if you are so inclined).  So it is clear, based on my experience, this place is clearly the restaurant of choice for the poker blogosphere.  And why not?  If there are two things you can be sure a poker player will like, it's burgers and really hot, scantitly clad girls serving burgers.

During dinner, there was only one topic of conversation, which was Josie's cleavage.  How could we not talk about Josie's cleavage?  It's such a big, juicy topic.

But I kid.  We did not discuss her cleavage. But there was plenty to say about Josie.  Lightning reports that she is really a warm, wonderful person, very funny, who is an absolute terror at the poker table.  Seriously, he said she is an excellent tournament poker player and one should take her on at their own peril.  He couldn't say much about her cash play, only because he hasn't seen her play much cash, but said she is a force to be reckoned with at the tournament table.

We also discussed the upcoming TBC tournament, that Tony is now expected to attend. Originally I was being secretive about this event, because I thought that's what Tony wanted, but I see that yesterday he tweeted about it so I guess the cat is out of the bag.  So that event is where I'll be on Sunday night.

Another blogger whose name was mentioned, with a lot of obscenities attached, was Waffles. Lightning told me why Waffles carries a grudge against him that dates back to the days of the Roman Empire. Speaking of Waffles, if you haven't already seen it, he has an absolutely hysterical post here about the possibilites for Josie's upcoming Vegas trip. You should definitely read it, and not just because of all the times I'm insulted there.  Go check it out.

After dinner, which Lightning generously used his Total Rewards comps to pay for (thanks again, man, and I will return the favor soon), we headed back for some more poker at Bally's.  This session went a bit better for me, but I still lost a couple of bucks.  We had decided that after a bit I would drive Lightning to BSC for some serious poker.  I was glad when Lightning was ready to head down there.  Not only was the room noisy but I swear it has the worst cocktail service of any room in Vegas.  Surprising because it is two feet from the bar.  Also, the cocktail waitresses are not exactly young or attractive.  Most of them looked like they were hired during the Carter Administration, except for the occasional holdover from the Eisenhower Administration.

Lightning went up to his room for a few minutes and when he came back he was with baseball cap, and of course wearing it backwards.  If you don't understand the reference, it is explained in this post here.  But he soon reversed and wore his cap correctly, as befitting a man of his class and stature.

So we headed over to BSC and I did well there.  Caught a couple of straights.  Got lucky when my top pair/rag kicker beat 2 pair when the rag hit the river.  So I more than doubled up in less than 2 hours.  Lightning took off after just a short time, the time change, travel and everything else catching up with him.  But I'l bet the biggest reason he didn't play long was when, very early in the session, some guy folded his Ace to a board with 2 Aces when Lightning bet out.  How do you fold an Ace on a Aces paired board?  Of course Lightning had a pocket pair for a full house, so he was expecting to be paid off for it.  He'll be thinking about that one for a long time, perhaps he will even blog about it.

Anyway, since my day started very early since I made it over to Caesars for their Noon deep stack event--a story to be told another time--I was tired too and made it a short session as well.

But it was great to finally meant Lightbulb and I am looking forward to meeting more bloggers and readers as the week progresses.

Current plan for today is to head over to the Rio and play in the 2PM deep stack with Prudence and try to not to freeze to death while crushing everyone in my path.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

She Gave Me The Shirt Off Her Back

While I'm in Vegas having a great time, I see that Josie and grrouchie are taking turns mocking me on Josie's latest post and comments.  It's ok.  I'm having too good a time to be concerned.

Things started out in fine fashion when Prudence greeted me at the WSOP by taking off her shirt.

Well, ok, that's perhaps misleading.  She did take off her t-shirt right in the middle of the Deepstack tournament she and Tom were playing in.  But there was nothing salacious about it.  She was perfectly covered up underneath. It was G-rated.

But she took off her shirt because she was wearing it inside out (on purpose) and wanted me to see what the decoration was.  It featured a pint of the famous painting of dogs playing poker, and it was basically the exact same shirt that I wore to the  last month's Crazy Pineapple game, as I mentioned here, and she wanted to show me.  Not sure why she was purposely wearing it backwards until I showed up.  We should coordinate one time to both wear our shirts on the same day to the same venue.

Anyway, even before I got to Vegas, Prudence had been asking me to join the two of them in this Deepstack event at the WSOP.  But that was the day I drove in from L.A.  I figured I would be too tired from the drive and leaving L.A. early to be up for a Deepstack tournament where, if I did really well, I might still be playing in during the wee hours of the next morning.

So I showed up when I got to town to rail for them and cheer them on.  I must have brought them good luck since they both cashed, with Tom lasting longer than Prudence (I understand that women love it when that happens).  But I got there right before the first break, so during the break we caught up a bit and the two of them were selling me on the idea of playing at the cash games running as part of the whole WSOP festivities.

Furthermore, they encouraged me to play 2/5, not 1/3 (the cheapest cash game they have).  They felt the 2/5 game was, I guess, "jucier" than the 1/3 games, and also, that, it is less affected by the high rake that all Caesars Properties take.  Whereas most rooms in Vegas max out at $4, Caesars Properties, such as Rio where the WSOP takes place, max out at $5.  Over the long haul that extra dollar adds up, and it is even more noticable with the presumably smaller pots at a 1/3 game than at a 2/5.  Since Tom deals at a room that only takes $4 per pot, the rake here irks him no end.

I asked what they buy in for at the $2/5 game.  My thought was you have to buy in for at least 100 big blinds.  Thus at 1/2, I buy in for $200.  If I were going to play 1/3, I'd buy in for $300.  So if I play 2/5, don't I have to buy in for $500?

They said no. They've been buying in for the minimum, $200 and have been doing fine.  They start out playing a short stack strategy, as I did when I first started playing NL, and when you double up a time or two and have a good stack, then you can start playing some "real poker."  They made it sound like it would be highly likely to double up because of the loose play at these tables.

So when I was ready to play, I stepped up the biggest game I've played to date, 2/5 NL.  Yeah, even bigger than when I recently stepped up to 2/3 as I described in the post here.  Details will follow, but I did ok at the game, not great.  I never dropped below $140 and was almost $100 up at one point.  But this particular table wasn't quite as loose as they described; in fact it was pretty tight.  Thus when I did get good cards and raised, I didn't get a lot of action.  That plus a general lack of good cards preventing me from doubling up.

I left only a few bucks ahead, but I pretty much had to leave.  Even though I knew to bring a sweatshirt, it just wasn't enough, it was absolutely freezing in the room.  Everyone at the table was talking about it. Before chasing me away, the freezing cold chased away a very attractive blonde who was at our game.  Damn them.

I had a much better time playing 1/2 back at BSC later that night, all the while getting updates from Prudence on the success she and Tom were having back at the Rio.  I ended the night up $300 between the two sessions.

Today I got a late start playing poker due to having to change hotels.  Perhaps I will rant a bit about that in the future.  But I finally made it to BSC and had a pretty good session.

Details to follow, but I did have one really great hand when I was dealt Jack/9 suited and flopped a gutshot straight flush draw (Q/8 clubs, plus another 8).  This was the third time I'd flopped a gutshot straight flush draw in the session.  First time I missed everything.  Second time I rivered the flush only, and it turned out I won the pot because the other guy had the lower card I need to make the straight flush.  So his flush was one card lower than mine.  Between the two of us we had the straight flush.

But on this hand, the turn was a blank and the river was an absolute gorgeous 10 of clubs for the absolute nuts.  My opponent led out for $15 with his trip 8's (it was limped pot and there wasn't much betting on the flop or turn, so that wasn't as little a bit as it sounds).  I made it $45 praying he would come over the top, or failing that, at least call.  But he showed his 8, said, "I guess my 8 is no good" and folded.  I showed my hand, because when you get a hand like that, you have to show it, don't you?  It was only the fourth straight flush I've gotten since I started playing Hold 'Em, and the first one since switching from limit to No Limit.  The most recent one before this was described in this post here.

Well, that's enough of an update for now.  More reports from Vegas will follow, to be sure.  Stay tuned.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

The Crib Sheet

Edited to add:  ok, it's 6/18 and I'm in Vegas (see "imminent Vegas trip note" below).  I am debating whether to do a blog post about yesterday's festivities or just go out and play some poker right now.  Among the things that happened yesterday: I played 2/5 NL for the first time ever--at the WSOP;  A woman greeted me there by taking her shirt off; I finished the day up $300.  Hell, that can wait, I'm gonna play some poker!

(Imminent Vegas trip note:  I'm going to be back in Vegas starting tomorrow (6/17).  While there, I hope to meet up with visiting bloggers VeryJosie, Lightning36, MemphisMOJO, and hopefully others.  And of course I expect to run into local Vegas bloggers grrouchie, Poker Grump and Stump too. If I left anyone out, I apologize.  Anyone caring to meet up with me as I try to find the fishiest fish at the Vegas poker tables can contact me via email or Twitter, contact info for both is to your right.

Also on the agenda is the All Vegas Poker AVP XVI Meet on Saturday, June 23 at The Mirage, or as I call it, XYZ casino :).  I sincerely hope that this event goes better for me than the previous AVP meet, a sad, sad story that I detailed in the post here.  There's also going to be a meeting of Tony's followers, but the details of that are supposed to be a secret, so if I told you all about it, I'd have to kill you.  However, last I heard, the guest of honor will not be in attendance.

Really looking forward to meeting as many fellow poker degenerates as possible.  Now, back to the regularly scheduled blog post.....)

Ironically, as I am about to embark on my next trip to Vegas, I relate what I believe is the last story to report from my previous visit there, one of the more unusual things I've seen at a poker table.
Fairly aggressive No Limit game with a lot of action.  A young Asian kid comes to the table, buys in for the max, $300.  He still had most of his stack when this hand occurred, which was fairly soon after he sat down.  So no one really had much of a read on the kid.
I don’t recall much of the action until the river, but that’s when it got interesting.  I wasn’t in the hand. The board was all kinds of scary; it was paired, there were three hearts, there was a possible straight out there….in fact, there was a possible straight flush out there.  The cards were low, I think the biggest card was an 8.  The pair was 6’s or 7’s.
It was the river card that made the straight, the flush, and the straight flush possible.  There had been some big betting before the river.  The guy to my immediate right had been the aggressor, and he bet out on the river. The Asian kid had been calling all his bets.  This time he hesitated and then did something I’d never seen at a poker table before.
He reached into his pocket or his wallet and took out a card.  The size of the card was between a business card and a playing card.  He looked at this card intently for some time.  He then looked at the board.  He looked back at his card.  Then he looked at his hole cards.  Back to the board.  This routine lasted at least a minute, maybe two, maybe even three.
Finally he said, “all in.”
The guy next to me who had made the initial bet was totally lost.  He was beyond confused.  He showed me his cards—I don’t remember whether it was intentional or not.  He had a full house, which he had made on the turn.  There was a possibility of a bigger full house that could beat him, or the straight flush.  What the hell was on that card that the kid had looked at?
The kid had the guy with the boat covered.  So a call would risk his entire stack (probably over $225, total).  But after a fairly short amount of time he called.
What do you think the Asian kid had?
“I have a straight.”  That’s it.  A plain old straight.  He went all in on a board with a possible flush, and a possible full house (or even quads) out there.  The guy turned over his boat and exhaled.  I think this hand took a year off his life.  I mean, you can’t really lay down a full house there, can you?  He said he was more worried about a bigger full house than a straight flush, but he thought about that too. We asked if the guy looking at the card and making his decision based on the card made it easier or harder to call?
He said it didn’t really matter, he would have called regardless.  But it made him think for a few extra seconds, mostly trying to figure out what it all meant.
We all started giggling.  Everyone at the table was talking about it.  It was mostly solid players at this game.  Everyone said they’d never seen anything like that. Since he had the guy who won the pot covered, he was still in the game.  He seemed just a bit bewildered to have lost the pot, but he was taking it ok.
So finally someone asked him what was on the card he had looked at.
Without a hint of embarrassment, he said, “Oh I just wanted to make sure I had a straight, and to see what it would beat.”  So indeed, what he was looking at was a crib sheet. A list of the hand rankings.  Perhaps it also explained exactly what a straight is.
Here’s a clue.  If you need a card to refer to just to see what hand beats what, you shouldn’t be playing poker in a poker room in Vegas.  Or anywhere else, for that matter.
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. This was not the first time I’d seen someone playing poker in Vegas that didn’t know hand-rankings cold.  I remember the first time I witnessed something like this (cue the flashback, grrouchie).
I was playing at a locals casino in Vegas, 2/4 limit back then, one of the first times I’d actually played poker in Vegas.  I was having a good nite, and there was a young guy next to me who had been playing there for at least a few hours.  I swear I didn’t have any hint of his cluelessness until the moment when, on the river, facing a bet (of $4, it was 2/4), he suddenly asked, “This is bad to ask this, I know.  But does a straight beat a flush or does a flush beat a straight.”  I’m pretty sure someone—it might have been the dealer—told him that a flush beats a straight.  Now that I think about it, I believe it was inappropriate for anyone to answer that question in the middle of the hand.  Poor guy should have brought a card to the table like the Asian kid I just described did.
Anyway, when he was given the answer, he folded.  I guess we know what he had.
Since that moment, I’ve heard that question asked at least half a dozen times at a Vegas poker table.  Worse, one time someone asked, “How does a flush do against a full house?”  That time was at BSC and the dealer told him that she could not answer that question.  I think he figured it out and folded.
Almost every time I’ve seen this, it was at the 2/4, the “beginner’s game.”  But one time when I just started playing NL, a guy at the table said he’d been playing NL in Vegas for three days and just found out that morning that a flush beat a straight.  And when I asked him how he was doing, he said he was ahead for the trip!  He might have been kidding, but it sure didn’t sound like it.  I joked that by not knowing that, he may have won some money by bluffing out his opponents when he didn’t himself realize he was bluffing.
I realize that a lot of people are coming to Vegas just to have fun, and playing at a poker game in Vegas is fun, and therefore they don’t do a lot of study on the game before giving it a shot.  And these are exactly the kind of people we want playing in our games, right?
But still, it is amazing to me that someone would risk actual, real money, at a Vegas poker room, without knowing the hand rankings cold.  Even at 2/4, where I’ve mostly seen it, it’s still a pretty good way to lose money.
Back to the Asian kid…he lost the rest of his chips a few hands later and took off, never to be seen again.  I’m pretty sure everyone at the table was praying he’d re-buy.   

Thursday, June 14, 2012

The Naked Poker Player, The Cigar Man, & The Possible Hooker

You must be used to the fact that I don’t post my anecdotes in chronological order, right?  This is the tale of my first night in Vegas last month. 
Got into a 1/2 game at BSC and was minding my own business when the fellow to my right suddenly said to me, “You play here a lot, don’t you?”
I figured it was because he’d seen me being friendly with the dealers but no, he said he recognized my “card protector”.  I talked about my card protector in this post.  Anyway this guy is a frequent visitor to Vegas and admitted that he didn’t really recognize me, just the card protector.  Wow.  Guess I would make a good bank robber if no one recognizes me.  Anyway, his wife was across the table from me and she was very memorable.  She had a terrific figure, a skimpy dress and was revealing some very nice “no limit cleavage”, a concept I mentioned, among other posts, here.
A bit later, the husband took off, quickly followed by his wife.  That left the table short-handed for a bit.  The wife’s seat had been seat 1, right next to the dealer.  I was in the middle of a hand when I saw out of the corner of my eye a completely naked woman walking behind the dealer to take seat 1.
Honestly, for a second or two, that’s what it looked like to me.  In reality, she was an extremely attractive woman wearing an ultra-tight dress that gave new meaning to the term “skin-tight.”  She had darkish skin (Hawaiian, perhaps?) and the dress was almost identical to her skin-tone.  At first glance she really did look naked.  I suspect that was kind of the effect she was going for.
 It was certainly attention-getting.  I mean, I’ve seen a lot of strange things in Vegas and in casinos, but a completely naked woman, that would be a new one.  Now, just last summer, while playing in the very same BSC, I did see two really attractive girls walking through the poker room wearing skimpy bikinis and nothing else.  No towel, no cover-up, no nothing (well, maybe some kind of footwear but my eye never got there).  At first I thought they were coming from the pool to exit the casino to walk on the strip, but later I realized there was sort of a back way to the rooms near there and they were probably just walking thru the poker room from the pool as a shortcut, ignoring all the signs asking people coming and going to the pool to wear some kind of cover up when walking in the casino.  I wasn’t complaining about their rules violation.
I wasn’t the only one who noticed these two girls.  Of course a lot of the male dealers saw them, and we discussed this later when they dealt to me.  But the best reaction was from Ginger, the very attractive dealer I first wrote about in the post here. She noticed the two bikini girls the same time as I did and I think her head snapped even more than mine did.  She saw me noticing the girls, looked at me and gave me a classic “WTF?” look.
There was another time a number of years ago, back when I played table games, not poker, that I was playing blackjack at the Hard Rock.  It was the middle of the day in the middle of summer.  I looked up and saw a girl in a very small, white bikini walk very slowly towards the table across from mine, where she started talking to a player—presumably her boyfriend or husband.  The bikini was ridiculously tiny. The girl’s figure was just plain ridiculous.  Seriously, she was unbelievably well built.  All of the players at my game saw her, and our jaws just dropped in unison.  We told the male dealer to turn around to check this out, but he said he couldn’t turn his had away from the—you’ll pardon the expression—rack that he was responsible for.  There was so much incredibly tanned, incredibly proportioned flesh revealed, and her walk to the player had been so slow, that it was pretty damn obvious that this body was god or Mother Nature given (depending on your religious views), and not store bought from a talented plastic surgeon.
But I digress.  The girl about to take seat 1 only looked naked. The dress was, as I said, very tight, I don’t know how she could breathe—or sit down—in it, but she did.  It was extremely short too, the amount of leg I could see before she took her seat added to the “nude” effect.  She was well enough endowed for the dress to stay put even though it was strapless. So there was some nice no-limit cleavage too.  It was pretty damn eye-catching.
Unfortunately, she didn’t play many hands, and didn’t stay long.  I didn’t see a guy with her, but it seemed she was just killing time waiting for someone.  Well, it was fun while it lasted. 
But you want to hear about the poker, right?  Right.  So a guy comes to the table and takes the seat on the other side of the dealer with a big fat cigar in his mouth.  Of course he couldn’t light it, but he kept that thing in his mouth and chewed on it the whole time he was there.  He bought in for the maximum, $300, My first impression was that he was going to be a tough player, but I was proven wrong.
First though, I lost some money to him when I was dealt pocket Queens.  He had limped in, or was the big blind, not sure which, when I raised to $12 and he called (one or two other callers too, I believe).  There were 2 8’s on the flop and nothing near as high as my Queens.  I bet it strongly and he stayed with me.  I ended up losing $100 to him because he had 10/8 and called my raise with that crap.  I gave him too much credit, I didn’t think he’d have called my preflop raise with a hand like that.  I was wrong.
So I figured out that he wasn’t nearly as good a player as I feared, and I used that information, plus a little bit of a screw up on his part, to get my money back.  In early position he tried to raise.  But he messed up and put his $2 out first and then said raise and tried to add more to it.  A classic “string raise” which is not permitted.  Since he had raised before without screwing up, I assume this was just a glitch and not a case of his not understanding the rules.  But I definitely kept that in mind when I looked at my hand, in late position.  It was Ace-King off.
It had been limped around to me and ordinarily that’s a sure raise. 
But I had gotten the impression that Cigar man had wanted to raise big, and I thought if I raised, he might 3-bet me.  I really didn’t want to invest much money in a hand that is just a good drawing hand preflop.  So instead of raising, I limped.  No one raised and we saw the flop really cheaply.
There was a King on the flop.  When he bet out, I just called.  I put him on a pocket pair.  Sure it could have been Aces, but my gut told me it was not.  I thought my pair of Kings were good, and if I raised, he might fold, I wanted him to stick around.  Sure enough, as two harmless cards came on the turn and the river, he bet each street.  Finally on the river, fairly convinced he couldn’t beat my Kings, I raised.  He called.  My read was dead on.  He had pocket Jacks.  I took all my money back from him and a lot of his own buy in as well.  It was very nice.
Cigar man lost the rest of his chips soon thereafter, and regrettably, didn’t rebuy.  But his brief visit to the table ensured a profitable session for me, if not hugely so.
There was one other interesting woman at the table, and she was there pretty much the whole time I was.  No cleavage.  She was wearing a big sweat shirt that said “Cougars” in large letters.  Since she said was from Seattle, I assumed the shirt was referring to the sports teams of Washington State University, whose nickname is The Cougars.  She was cute and young if you think late 20’s/early 30’s is young (for me, it sure as hell is).
She was a fun girl, and it was great that there was always at least one nice looking woman at the table, and as mentioned earlier, sometimes there were other females as well.  She was joking and laughing with the guys at the other side of the table, unfortunately, she was too far away from me to hear a lot of what she was saying.  I don’t think she was saying anything too salacious though.  I don’t think I missed hearing any great “woman-saids.”
Because she wasn’t saying anything raunchy, I just couldn’t screw up the courage to say to her the one line I had going through my mind looking at her “Cougars” sweatshirt.  And Prudence was not there that night either.  So I had to wimpily admit to Prudence the next night that without her there to get me in the proper, uninhibited frame of mind, I didn’t have the guts to say to the gal, “You know, you look much too young to be a Cougar.”
I left the room with a small profit and headed to my car.  I noticed that the area of the casino where I’ve often seen ladies of the evening ply their trade was being torn up.  There was a lot of remodeling going on.  I wondered where the ladies would be working since their normal area was not accessible.  But I assure you, based on what happened to me in this post here, I was not even looking for them.  Really.
But I couldn’t help notice an extremely attractive blonde girl in the vicinity. She had either very short shorts on or a very short skirt.  She was really tall, extremely high heels, and a purse big enough to hide a small child.  Her top was rather modest, as far as I could tell.  But I walked right by her and she didn’t say a word to me.  So I assumed she was not a hooker, since I am usually the exact demographic these girls are looking for.  Besides, I got a good look at her face, and I thought she was way too beautiful to be a hooker.  She was really quite lovely.
Well, I wasn’t hanging around there waiting to find out.  I learned my lesson, officer.  So I tried to take my normal route to the parking lot and found it was closed off due to the construction work.  I had to retrace my steps and take an alternate route. When I did this, she had made the same mistake, we passed each other and again she ignored me (she was obviously alone, and like most hookers, talking on or looking at her cell phone the whole time).  So she was kind of following me, apparently to the parking. 
At this point I decided to stop just to see if she would say anything to me or if she was indeed headed out. Sigh. Old habits die hard.  She walked right by me, but then surprised me by heading toward the self-parking and not the valet.  I had observed in the past that most hookers use the valet parking.  From what I’ve seen waiting for my own car when I do use the valet, I think they tip the valets to keep their cars right there in the driveway and not actually park them so they can make a hasty exit if they need to meet a client elsewhere.
So when I saw the gal going to the self-parking I was again convinced she was not selling happy endings.  She was now way ahead of me and I continued my way to the self-parking, where it was necessary to take an escalator.  But as I got near the escalator, suddenly she stopped before getting on it herself.  She was looking down at her cell phone. 
And then I was surprised that as I was about to walk by her, she suddenly looked up, gave me a big smile and said “Hi.  So….where ya headed?”  I remembered the incident with the cops.  I just said, “Home” and kept walking and got on the escalator.  So indeed she was a hooker.  And I noticed her top, when you looked at it straight on, was indeed not as modest as I thought.  It was very classily revealing.  This was definitely the classiest, best looking hooker I can recall seeing.
But I was a little uncomfortable when she followed me on the escalator, and then on the long walk to my car.  But she said not another word to me, she didn’t harass me in any way, and she apparently headed straight to a car, which was on a different level than mine.  No further hooker encounters that night, or I believe, the rest of the trip.
Note:  I was really mad at myself as I started writing this post.  I almost instantly hit upon the perfect name for this post.  It should have been called, “Naked Came The Poker Player.” Just one problem.  I have already used that title.  Yeah, just threw it away, thinking I would never be able to do a post where it would be so appropriate, so I blew that title on my entry for “hooker week.”  You can find that post here, even though there are no poker players, naked or otherwise, in it. Damn, I wish had older post to do over, title wise.