One of the fun things about
having a reasonably successful blog is checking the stats to see what search
terms people have used to find it. I
talked about this a bit in this post here.
Some of the terms people plugged in to
search engines that landed them here so amused me that I even started a
separate page to keep a running list of the more unusual ones. You can find that page here. You’ll notice that the page hasn’t been
updated in awhile. There are a couple of
reasons for this. One, it was getting to
be a drag to keep updating it even as I was getting no feedback on it whatsoever. But more importantly, Google changed their
policy and now seldom reveals what the search term is. If you are logged in to Google with your
Google account, the search term you put in shows up in my stats as an “encrypted
search” and I have no idea what you were looking for when you found my blog. So I'm no doubt missing out on being advised of a lot of the more interesting and amusing search terms people are using.
This is ridiculous, because even if I
knew the search term, I would have no way of identifying the searcher. Revealing this information would be helpful to me, and would cost the
searcher nothing in terms of privacy. If
you ask me, the folks at Google are just being bastards doing this. I’ll never know who that person was who
found the blog by typing in “Slots O’ Fun Hooker” a few months back (that’s an
actual search someone used to find the blog).
But if that person had been logged into his or her Google account when
he or she typed that in, I would never have seen that search. Pity.
Anyway, for a few months now, one
search phrase has appeared over and over again in my stats, and it must be being
entered by a person or persons who are not logged into Google, so I can see it.
The phrase is a variation on the same
theme. Here are three different recent
versions of the search that all appeared recently:
“penny von big bang theory nackt”
“penny big bang theory nackt”
“big bang theory penny nackt”
Of course, I Googled “nackt” and found
out it that it's the German word for “naked.”
The rest of it is pretty self-explanatory. One or more people apparently want to see
Kaley Cuoco, the female star of the TV show The Big Bang Theory, naked. Her character’s name is “Penny.”
Initially I was a bit surprised. I had only very recently been made aware of
the fact that there are actually some people out there who desire to see
celebrities, actresses, famous people, etc, stark naked.
I’m not sure I understand this desire,
but who am I to judge?
In almost every case I’ve seen this
search, it uses the German word “nackt”, and not the English words “naked” or “nude.” This leads me to believe that searchers are
German. Just a hunch. I guess Ms. Cuoco has quite the following in Düsseldorf..
I want to make it clear that this search
shows up nearly every day. It shows up in the daily listing, so it is a new
search made almost every day, not just an old search made once or twice last
I suppose there could justbe a whole
lot of Germans coincidentally searching for Kaley in the buff, but the more
logical probability is that this is the same German guy searching for nude pics
of Kaley, over and over and over again.
He may be a little bit obsessed.
Now, the reason that search gets him
to my blog is because of the way search engines work, something I don’t really
understand. But if you look at my post here, about Time-Warner cable, you will
note that I included a couple of pictures of Ms. Cuoco in that post. Sorry—if you clicked that link hoping to find
nude pictures of Kaley, you were bitterly disappointed, just like that German
guy has been. You will note that in neither of those pics is she even remotely
naked. She’s fully dressed. Well, at least somewhat dressed. But the ways of Google are mysterious. Even though she is dressed for church, searching
for nude pics of her leads one to my blog.
It is probably because of those
pics that the Time Warner post is one of my all time
most popular posts. As such, it appears
on the main page of the blog, not once, but twice, in the "Most Popular Post" sections on the right side
(one for the most popular of the month, one for most popular of all-time). Thus, the first pic of that post appears twice
on the blog’s main page. So that search leads one to my main page.
Again, my working assumption is that
it is the same person who is searching for nude pics of Kaley Cuoco, most
likely from Germany, almost every day. I
guess he expects that any day now, that secret vault of naked Kaley Cuoco pics
will be opened, and he will finally get to see what he apparently really,
really wants to see.
That’s rather amusing, but what I find
really funny is this. The only way that
it would show up in my blog stats would be if, after entering that search term
and coming up with my blog as one of the search results, this poor guy goes
ahead and clicks on the link to my blog.
Every single time. Every single day.
Even though the day before he clicked on the link and
only found pictures of Kaley that she could proudly show to her father here, he
keeps coming back. Does this poor man
keep forgetting that he’s already been to my blog and that there are no nude
pics of Kaley here? Has he not figured
out enough about the blog to realize that if, by some chance, nude pics of Kaley
were suddenly available,, they wouldn't appear on this blog? After all, there are no nude pictures on this
And if he really thought this blog was the
go-to website to find those hot-off-the-presses nude Kaley pics, why not just
bookmark my blog so he doesn't have to keep typing ““big bang theory penny
nackt” into Google every day?
I just don’t get it that this same guy
(again, I assume) is doing that same search every day and somehow thinking that
this blog—called "Rob’s Vegas & Poker Blog"—is going to be the place to find
those nude Kaley Cuoco pics whenever they suddenly emerge.
I would think that every day he does
that search and sees my blog show up, instead of clicking on the link, he’d
say, “Scheiße, that stupid poker blog again?
No pictures of Penny nackt there!
But I guess he is the eternal
optimist. He never gives up on seeing
Kaley naked. And he never gives up on those pics appearing on this very blog.
Well, sorry, mein freund, there are no
pictures of Kaley Cuoco in her birthday suit here. I don’t have any. I wouldn't post them here if I did—this is a
Now, the constant appearance of this search phrase caused me
to do a little research on my own. I
would never have thought of it myself,
of course, but I decided to see if indeed there are any nude pictures of
Kaley out there. And it turns out there
aren’t. Ms. Cuoco is a modest woman.
Furthermore, some research shows that
she is steadfastly opposed to appearing nude.
She has stated this unequivocally and repeatedly.
Interestingly enough, though, this is not due to any strong moral or religious principles.
No, I've read that Kaley just doesn't like the way she looks naked.
Apparently, in Kaley’s eyes, she is so
unattractive without her clothes on that she dare not let the world see her
Of course, never having seen her
naked, I have no idea if her fears are well-founded or not. For all I know, she may indeed look hideous
without her clothes.
That’s not the way I’d bet, however.
It occurs to me, however, that there are
people out there, some of whom are likely men, who indeed have seen her naked. Is it possible that these men have told Kaley
that she looks bad naked, and that’s why she won’t allow herself to be photographed that way? I rather doubt that. Even if a man who saw Kaley naked was somehow disappointed at that sight, I don’t think he’d tell her that. I mean, I imagine that most men who have seen
her naked were doing so right before they were about to do something that they really,
really, really wanted to do. And
they were probably smart enough to realize that if, at that moment, they
expressed disappointment with her physical appearance sans clothing, they might
not get what they were just about to get.
It might be a real mood killer.
But then, Kaley is a smart lady, and
she surely knows that no man would likely tell her she looks bad naked in such a situation. So, while she was no doubt getting compliments
from these fellows about to reach the promised land, maybe she is so filled
with low self-esteem and self-doubt that she just didn't believe them. She must know that these guys were not in a position to be objective. Or at least verbalize such a thought.
Clearly, Ms. Cuoco needs an unbiased
judge to give her a totally honest assessment of her nude form. So Kaley, if you’re reading this—and I’m sure
you are—I selflessly volunteer to check you out without your clothes on, and then give you an totally objective opinion. I would be glad to tell you whether you have nothing to fear from having nude photos taken, or if you have been wise all these years to have kept your clothes on. It would be a great personal sacrifice, but I
am a giver. Contact me through the blog,
and let’s see if there’s a chance you can make that German kerl happy.
In the meantime, Herr Kaley Cuoco fan, I don’t
have any pictures of Penny von the Big Bang Theory nackt. Sorry.
You can stop coming here to find them.
Oh, I suppose the photo above is technically a photo of Kaley Cuoco naked. But it doesn't really count, right? She’s naked
but she’s not naked. You could put
this pic on broadcast television.
I seriously doubt this will satisfy my
obsessed German freund.
I’ve spent almost every Christmas
season in Vegas for more years than I care to admit. So of course I’m spending the season in Vegas
again this year. Due to both professional
and personal reasons, I arrived in Vegas for the season earlier than
usual. But that was fine, as it meant an
extra weekend in Vegas. An extra weekend
of poker. An extra weekend of enjoying
what I lovingly refer to as The Slut Parade.
So there I was, on the Thursday night
before Christmas, playing poker at the MGM, waiting for the young, engaging, minimally
dressed young hotties to arrive. But
they didn’t. An investigation revealed that club was apparently not going to
open that night. WTF? When I returned to my room, I checked their
website. The club was dark the entire
weekend before Christmas. Oh, the
horror. Don’t they know that nothing
would bring me more Christmas joy than seeing the young attractive girls
wearing dresses that are too short, too tight, and too low-cut to be allowed in
public in any other locality than Vegas?
I shouldn’t have been surprised. For years my pal Norm and I would go to Vegas
every holiday season and we knew that for all its reputation as a 24-hour town,
there would be certain things that would be closed until Christmas was in the
rear view mirror.
Of course certain things don’t
close. You can be sure that the casino
itself and all its gaming operations are available 24/7. No Christmas holiday for that!
But most if not all of the showrooms
were dark the two weeks or so before Christmas.
Although I almost never go to a show these days, back in the day, Norm
and I went to many a show. In fact we
saw almost all of the big shows on the Strip at one point or another. And many headliners as well. But when we went for Christmas, we were
mostly out of luck.
We were even surprised to find that
many of our favorite eateries were closed.
That was a shock but we sort of got used to it. Some buffets actually closed, and our
favorite dives as well.
We liked certain snack bars (this was before
they all had food courts). Frequently
when in Vegas, we’d stuff ourselves to excess at a buffet for lunch and then
would only need a light snack at night.
We found all the best places for a light nosh.
I recall one of our favorites was the
snack bar at El Rancho. Before it was El
Rancho, this casino was known as the Thunderbird and the Silverbird (I forget
which was first). With El Rancho, they
went with a western theme. It was just
south of the Sahara on the same side of the Strip. It is long gone.
One of the things we liked about the
place was that they had lower limits for their table games than most of the
places on the Strip. We were cheap and
really appreciated that. Then they
opened our favorite snack bar. I’m not
sure if the food was really that good or we loved the fact that they had a
boatload of video games there that we enjoyed.
We were arcade game enthusiasts back in those days. As I recall, after we got tired of Pac-Man,
our favorite game became Burger Time. We
played an awful lot of Burger Time at that snack bar at El Rancho.
There was one time when we had to wait
to play Burger Time. There was a kid
there playing it, with his buddy watching, urging him on. I do mean kid—I’m thinking he was probably
too young to be in the casino itself. He
had a slice of pizza on a nearby machine or a stool or something that he couldn’t
eat because his hands were busy playing the game. He was breaking the high score for the machine
and was quite proud of that fact.
Still, he was worried about his slice
of pizza. He kept telling his friend, “Don’t
touch my pizza, dude.” There was just
something about the way he said that, the tone in his voice, the use of the
word “dude”—which was not a particularly popular word back at this time—that totally
cracked Norm and I up. He repeated it a few times as he continued to play the game--one eye toward the pizza to make sure his friend wasn't helping himself to it--and it got funnier every time he said it. We started
quoting, “Don’t touch my pizza, dude” to each other the rest of the trip. It became a long running catch-phrase between
us. We never missed a chance to quote
this phrase, whether it fit in our current context or not.
So the Christmas after the pizza dude,
we were bitterly disappointed to go to El Rancho and see that our favorite
snack bar was closed for the holidays, and would not reopen until we were back
in Los Angeles. Rats.
The arcade games were still there and
working, and I think we played them, but it just wasn’t the same. We both commiserated that there was no chance
of hearing that kid once again warn his buddy, “Don’t Touch My Pizza, Dude”
even if he did somehow miraculously show up while we were there. Besides, we
had to find another place for our much needed snack.
On my current visit, of course, it isn’t
just Hakassan that was closed for Christmas.
I was surprised to see that MGM’s signature restaurant, Craftsteak, is
also closed until after Christmas. This
is not an issue for me, because the place is so expensive I couldn’t afford to
eat there anyway even with my comps.
And when I went downtown last weekend
to play in that Binion’s weekend Deepstack (a very good decision, see here), I saw a big sign at the Fremont that
their buffet was closed until Christmas.
Fortunately for me, I remembered that the deli right next to the poker
room at Binion’s was closed the last two years I played in the tournament before
Christmas. I made sure I ate lunch
before I got there, and I had food with me in case I needed to eat during the
So I was pleasantly surprised that
this year, they remained opened. That
was really nice for me, because I was able to eat a couple of hot dogs from
there for dinner, instead of just a bunch of nuts I had with me. I might not have made it all 11-1/2 hours in
the tournament without that Deli being surprisingly open!
But that was a lucky break, and as I’ll
eventually reveal, I had a few lucky breaks during the tournament. Be warned if you plan to visit Vegas right
before Christmas—Vegas does somewhat close down a little bit this time of the
And that’s why that, unlike for Halloween, there’ll be no post
entitled “The Christmas Slut Parade" to follow.
As we approach Christmas, here’s my
favorite version of the Christmas classic, performed by the late, great, Ella Fitzgerald. It’s more up-tempo than most versions, which
I like. And you’d be hard pressed to
find a better singer on this or any other planet that Ella. Enjoy!
The song itself has an interesting
history. I recommend the Wikipedia entry
on it, which you can find here. One of the original lyrics, never recorded,
was “Have yourself a Merry little Christmas / it may be your last.” That’s a fun Christmas message!
Although Ella’s version is up-tempo
and up beat, it does have the line “Until then, we’ll have to muddle through
somehow,” which was in the movie and in Judy Garland’s original version. Later, Frank Sinatra thought that was still a
little two downbeat and he changed it to “Hang a shining star upon the highest
bough.” Most versions you hear have that
lyric; I much prefer the original and don’t think it’s a downer at all.
And for those of you who don’t like Christmas
music, here are a few pics.
Before I get started, I want to offer a
sincere apology to a very nice, very classy, very good looking lady I met just
yesterday. I played over 11 hours of
poker Saturday, all at the Binion’s 2PM Deepstack. I had a great time and met this awesome woman
who I played poker with on and off the entire day. In keeping with this blog’s tradition, I’m need
to give her a pseudonym, so I’ll call her “Liz.”
The one thing that prevents yesterday
from being a perfect day was a tacky comment I made in front of Liz. I won’t re-enact it for you—sorry, but that would
only compound my indiscretion—but blog readers can probably hazard a pretty
good guess as to the nature of the comment.
I certainly know better than to make such a comment to a woman I had
just met. It’s just that the people I’ve
encountered lately—especially since I started blogging—have continually surprised
me with how much they have let me get away with. Recall that I was nervous as hell about the “ungentlemanly”
comments I had made about Denise and my surprise that she was actually
flattered by them (see here). And
just last week I played at a holiday poker party here in Vegas where the ladies
present said some of the most outrageous things. Thus,I had somehow gotten lulled into the
notion that I could take the filter off permanently, and clearly that is not
So I apologize to Liz, a lady of class
and considerable poker talent. I
apologized in person several times, and my apology was graciously
accepted. But I want to do it in public
as a permanent reminder to myself.
After the tournament was over, I gave
Liz a card with the blog’s URL on it and I hope she checks it out. Liz, this will not be the last time that you’re
Liz is just part of the story of
yesterday. There is so much to tell it
would probably take my longest blog post ever.
As much as I know my readers are clamoring for longer posts, I will have
to break it into several parts, over a period of time. I cashed in the tournament, and not a
min-cash, a significant cash. I was one
of the last three players (along with Liz).
I ran into someone who had been a star in a very recent, very popular
blog post (the guy who asked, “Will you show if I fold?”), see here.
As such, my blog was much discussed at the tournament. More of this to come, to be sure.
With all that poker, there are many
poker and non-poker stories to write about.
But for this post, I want to discuss the “Bubble Girl”….or the “Bubble
Bitch” as I am calling her.
The situation was this. Eleven players were to be paid and there were
12 left. One table had everyone agree to
play the bubble. But before they polled
the table I was at, the tournament director announced that one player had
secretly come to him earlier and said he or she would not under any
circumstances agree to pay the bubble.
So the discussion was closed. We
played hand-for-hand. For a discussion
about how I feel about paying the bubble, see here.
I had just been at the table I was at
a short time as the bubble had approached and been reached. Across the table from me was a rather
aggressive woman. When the bubble was
reached, she stayed aggressive even as most of the other players tightened
up. She was not the chip leader at the
table. She had a big stack, but several
were bigger. I was not at all the short
stack, but I was shorter stacked than many others. We had already played about 6-7 hours and of
course no one wanted to play that long and leave empty handed.
So on this hand, the lady raised, the
chip leader called (he might have been the Big Blind, not sure). I’m not sure of exactly how it played out,
but I believe she shoved on the flop (it might have been the turn) and the chip
leader snap called. She had Ace-5 for
nothing. Really nothing. Maybe she had a straight draw with the
5. What she didn’t notice was that the
chip leader flopped a straight. She
said, “I need an Ace.” And sure enough,
she got an Ace (either on the turn or the river). She actually thought she had won (she must
have misread the guy’s hand and assumed he had a small pair). When she was told he had a straight, she was
Because all her chips were in $1K
chips, she had a lot of them. The chip
leader had mostly $5K chips and fewer of them.
But when the count was done, his stack was considerably bigger than
hers, and she was done, out on the bubble, the 12th to last player
out. No money for her. No soup for you.
I’ll point out here that when the T.D.
had announced a player had already vetoed paying the bubble, she hadn’t said a
She had a significant stack and lost
it all to a bigger stack. She had played
very aggressively and got burned. If she
was so concerned with getting paid something, she could have played a lot
tighter and easily out waited one of the short stacks busting out first. But she was aggro and paid the price. She could have used that aggression against
someone with a smaller stack than hers, but picked on one of the few players at
our table who had her covered.
And thus, as she got up to leave, she
went totally ballistic. I wish I had a
recording of her speech. I’ll do the
best I can from memory. She said, “So, I
play poker for all this time and don’t get anything or it? Is that fair?
Is that nice? Who didn’t want to
play the bubble? Who didn’t? Everyone one but one person, and they didn’t
even have the courage to say it openly?
Say it now! Who was it, who
screwed me over like this? Was it
you? I’ll bet it was you.”
She was talking to the guy who busted
her. Since he was the chip leader, he
was a likely candidate for having vetoed paying the bubble. Plus he was very young, and from England, if
that means anything.
He didn’t say a word. She continued to rant and rave about how
unfair it was, how terrible it was that she got nothing. She caused quite a scene. I expected her to start shouting f-bombs and
the like, but to her credit, she kept her language PG-13 rated the whole
time. She went over to the other table, where
they had all stopped playing and were watching her tirade.
“You all wanted to pay the bubble,
right? How about you all give me $10 for
my troubles, since you all wanted to pay the bubble anyway. That’s fair, right?”
They all looked at her like she had
just landed from Mars.
She reiterated her demand that the
bubble-vetoer show him/herself , which of course didn’t happen. The T.D. said to her that the reason the
person came to him privately was because they didn’t want to receive the venom
we were now all hearing.
Finally she left. Now ordinarily, the remaining players tend to
feel bad about the bubble leaving empty-handed, even as they are happy that
they are now in the money. But this
time, I’m sure that every single one of us was happy that she gotten
zilch. We weren’t just happy that we
were in the money, we were happy she was gone and scoreless. We all thanked the chip leader for busting
her, more for the fact of being rid of such a sore loser than for enriching our
We all rehashed that moment several
times the rest of the evening. Players
who had busted out earlier but who were still at Binion’s came over to see how
we were doing and heard the tale from various sources. Much later, when it was down to just 4 or 5
of us, I suddenly, out of the blue, said, “So now are we all going to give that
lady 10 bucks each, right?”
That got everyone laughing again and
the T.D. said that this was up there with the worst scenes from a bubble person
that he had ever witnessed. And he’d
witnessed his fair share. Then he surprised us by saying that she is actually a
poker dealer herself! Not at Binion’s
though. And he said she is always poorly
behaved and always pissing people off.
Some of the players were noting that
her scene was no doubt recorded by the security cameras. I said they should put on a DVD and sell
it. The kid from England said it should
be uploaded to YouTube. Great idea.
That’s your tease for this great day
of poker. Many more stories to follow.
(Edited to add: The rest of the story of this great tournament day can now be found in the two posts that are here and here. Enjoy!)
During the session I described here, I saw an unusual situation in a hand
I wasn’t involved in regarding a player exposing his hand prematurely.At first I thought the guy had just done
something stupid, but the more I thought of it, the more I thought he might
have been angle shooting.
I wasn’t really following all the
action on the hand; I believe I was actually jotting down notes on a hand I was
involved in at the time.But on the
river, with an obvious straight out there, and two players left, the last
player to act flipped over his hand.The
trouble was that the player who had first action claimed to have not yet taken
The player who exposed his hand indeed
had the straight, but it was King high.A glance at the board revealed that an Ace high straight was
possible.So the guy had the second nuts
(there was no pair, and no flush possible).Now, this is a guy I’ve played with before, an older gentleman,
generally a tight player who is capable of the occasional bluff.I’d never seen him do anything like this
before, and I’ve played enough with him to know the guy knows the rules of
poker pretty well.
It was clear that the old guy had
turned over his hand thinking the hand was over, that his opponent had checked
and he was checking behind and showing his hand.The trouble was, as soon as the guy tabled
his hand, the other player said, “I haven’t acted yet.”
Old guy says “No, you did, you moved
your hand to indicate that you were checking.”The guy denied doing any such thing.The dealer was unsure of what happened.He did think the player had made a motion, but he hadn’t read it as a
motion to check and he hadn’t turned his attention to the old guy to see what
he was going to do.
With the other player insisting he
hadn’t checked, and with the old guy’s hand exposed in front of him, the other
player put out a bet of $25.The dealer
was willing to accept that as a bet, but the old guy said no, he couldn’t bet
and insisted the floor be called over.
As the dealer waited for the floor to
show up, I was surprised that the old guy, the old veteran, had made such a
rookie mistake.You don’t table your
hand unless you’re sure the hand is otherwise over.Surely he knew this.Whenever I’m in that situation, I almost
always ask the dealer if I can show, or if the other player had indeed
checked.The only time I don’t do that
is if the other player has made such an obvious checking motion that no one
could have missed it.Or if he audibly
said “Check” loud enough for the players at the next table to have heard it.
By the time the floor had arrived, the
other player was saying it was ok, he would take his bet back, hand over.In fact, he showed his hand and he had the
exact same King high straight the old guy had.He was just trying to steal half the pot with his bet.After all, if he could get away with it, the
old guy might indeed think he’d only bet there if his exposed hand was losing
to the Ace high straight.
But the old guy insisted on getting a
floor ruling anyway for the future.I
don’t think he liked what he heard.The
floor told him that ultimately, it was up to him to protect his hand.Since the dealer hadn’t turned to him, since
the dealer hadn’t indicated that the action was on him, he should have checked
with the dealer before exposing his cards.In other words, if the other player had insisted, his bet would have
been valid.This is exactly what I
thought, and I almost said something to the guy.I almost said pretty much what the floor
said, and then added, “You’ve played enough poker to know that.”But I saw no reason to get involved and
agitate the old guy further.Especially
since the floor had already told him what I was going to say.
I should add that there was some “mild”
warning to the other player about being careful with his gestures, since there
was some issue there.I have no idea
what that player did with his hands, if anything.
I thought it was weird that the
veteran player had goofed liked this, and then chose to make a big deal out of
it.But as I thought about it more, I
had to wonder if maybe the guy was angle-shooting.He didn’t want to bet because he was afraid
of a bigger straight.But suppose he was
wondering how big a bet he could call there with the second nuts?
Is it possible he tabled his hand
knowing full well the other guy hadn’t acted, and planned to insist the guy had
checked?If the other guy bets, it’s
tough to call knowing the most likely best case scenario is chopping the
pot.This way he gets his chop for
free.Maybe he had taken advantage of
some minor little hand movement the guy had made to try his angle?Make it impossible for the guy to bet his Ace
I don’t know.I’d never seen the guy pull anything like
that.On the other hand, I was really
surprised that he tabled his hand like that.Just on the basis of how much poker the guy has played, I think it is
more likely he was angle-shooting than screwing up.But who knows?
Blogging may be problematic for me for the rest of the year and then some. My Thanksgiving Vegas
trip ran long so I could attend the latest WPBT bloggers tournament on December
7.That story will be told eventually
and it has a happy ending (no, not that kind), but you can read about
last year’s epic event here.
Then, I had to return to Vegas this week for business reasons.And I’ll be here through New Years.So I was only back in L.A. for barely a
week.I wasn’t home long enough to make
any kind of a dent in writing up all the tales I have to tell from the last two
trips.And I have stories from earlier
trips left over too. But when I’m in Vegas, I spend most of my “free” time
playing poker and not writing.So I
don’t know if I’ll be able to keep posting fresh material here until I get back
home and have more time to write.We’ll
This post is about a fun night a bunch
of us degenerates had at the Quad a couple of weeks ago.The wonderful AlaskaGal, who I’m going to call “Kristi” the rest of the way (hey, it’s
on her Twitter profile) had been tweeting about getting a game together for a
particular Wednesday evening.It would
be a 50c/$1 No Limit game at the Quad, the only place on the Strip where you
could get a game like that going.I
believe they used to spread it at O’Sheas and at Bill’s before they tore those
places down.I also recall them offering
it for about a year at MGM.In fact, I
played it there once or twice while I was still mostly a 2/4 player.The problem with the game at MGM was that
they referred to it as the “beginner’s No Limit” game, which I always thought
was somewhat demeaning.
I figured a game with Kristi’s poker
pals at such low stakes had to be fun, and I was right.There were plenty of familiar faces and some
new ones.Former blogger Stumpwas there, and I sat immediately to
his left.A couple of nice folks I had
first met at February’s “Grumpament” (see here)
, Steveand Michelle were there.Another one of my Twitter
peeps, Bill, was there as well, and
I met him for the first time. Mitzula showed up, but not to play, just to kibitz.Early in the evening, The King of Pocket Kings (aka Nick,
aka Cokeboy) showed up.This took place
two nights after my first meeting with Nick, told here.
And then there was “Gwen.”I’m going to give this wonderful woman a
phony name because I’d never met her before, she doesn’t know about the blog,
and because she’s not on Twitter. I don’t know how open she would be to my
revealing some of her comments under her real name.So better to be safe than sorry.Gwen’s boyfriend was also there, and the two
of them both work in the poker industry (shocking, I know).I’ll call him Jerry and he’s a good guy too.
The low stakes and the group we had
pretty much insured that no serious poker was going to be played, but also that
we all were going to have a great time.And we did.There was almost a
constant roar of laughter from our table.Unfortunately, there were too many funny things said, and too many disparate
conversations going on for me to keep track of.I wish I had an audio recording of the entire session.
Gwen kept me laughing the entire
night.Now, she is not a small
woman.One area where she is not small
is in the chestal region.And she was
wearing a low-cut top to emphasize it.At one point, the topic of strip clubs came up.She joked that she used to be a stripper, but
had to give it up when they closed the “Curvy Girl Strip Club.”
Another time we were discussing the
Mega Beat Bad Beat Jackpot at Caesars’ properties, and discussing what we might
do if the call came in while we were playing at the Quad that it had been
hit.We’d all got some share of the prize
pool.Someone said we should all go to a
Strip Club.Kristi said, “Rob would
like.He likes boobies.”
Ahem.But that reminds me of something I overhearda few nights earlier at the MGM, while I was
over by the Slut Parade.Not sure where else I can report this line so
I’ll throw it in here while I’m thinking of it.There was a girl talking to two guys over by the line to get in the
club, but they were not in line.The
girl was a little older than the average age of the club goers, and was dressed
way too modestly for the club.In other
words, she was dressed.As I passed
this group, I heard the girl exclaim, “I thought we were going to a titty bar.”
The amusing part of this was the tone
in her voice.I swear I could hear a
great deal of disappointment in it.It
sure sounded like this woman really, really wanted to go to a titty bar.
Gwen mentioned some guy she was
dealing to once who insisted on calling pocket Queens “boobies.”No one had ever heard that one before.Then the guy took it a step further and
started calling Gwen “boobies.” She didn’t
appreciate that at all.She said she
knows she is “blessed,” but that was uncalled for. (Note: she might have said “gifted”
instead of “blessed”, not sure)
Kristi was eating some trail mix and
it spilled on the poker table.I think
she was sharing it with Nick and he was debating whether it was still safe to
eat.So Kristi told him, “Well, I’ve had
Jerry misheard this and said, “What?She’s had men in her vagina?”I think he may have purposely mis-pronounced “vagina”
to make it rhyme with “meningitis.”Kristi didn’t hear why everyone was laughing, so she asked him to repeat
it.Reluctantly, he did. “Oh that too,”
was her reply.“Everyone knows that.”Well, the fact that she has a kid is kind of
a tip off.
Kristi and Stump are good pals, and
though they are just friends, they sort of bicker and carry on like a married
couple when they get together.It’s
pretty funny to watch them go at it, although I can’t remember anything
Michelle came specifically to get her
revenge on me, and she did.She tweeted
that she wanted to get back at me for a hand we had together in the Grumpament
(which I linked to above).I busted her
out when her JJ wouldn’t hold up against my King-Queen.I had completely forgotten about it (except
that it was in the blog post) but she has been holding this grudge all this
time.Typical poker player—it’s the hands
you lose that stick with you, not the ones you win.She said that I had a great expression on my
face when I saw her Jacks, assuming she was shoving with a lot less.
Anyway, I raised in early position
with Ace-Queen and she was the only caller.I don’t remember the flop; it missed me completely.I dutifully put out a continuation bet and
she just called.I checked the turn,
which also missed me, and this time she bet out. I folded, as I had
nothing.She didn’t show, but she told
me she flopped a boat on me.Glad that
turn didn’t hit me!
And speaking of the turn hitting me,
that brings us to the hand of the night, starring Mr. Cokeboy, aka, the King of
Pocket Kings.As I mentioned, Nick kept
getting pocket Kings in that first session I played with him, and won every
time.Now again, at the Quad, he was
getting them almost every other hand, and showing me (and everyone else) that
he was winning with them.It was
starting to piss me off.I hadn’t seen a
decent hand all night, and Nick was getting cowboys—and proving to me that it
was a good hand—more often than Tony Romo throws a game losing interception
(OK, guess what Cowboys game I’m watching as I write this?Answer:All of them).
So I had Ace-Queen and made it $3
(remember, the blinds are $.50 & $1).Nick came over the top and made it $9.Folded back to me.I should have
folded right then and there.But what
the hell, I thought, it’s only six more bucks and I should see a flop.So I called.
The flop was King high, nothing for
me.I checked and Nick checked behind
me.Now, I did consider that he had
three-bet with pocket Kings.So I
wondered if he had actually hit his set of Kings there.But I thought, no, no, he wouldn’t slow play
it like that.I guess I was assuming he
was me.I’m the one who has a rule
against slow playing flopped sets.Although on this particular trip, I modified that a few times.But then I thought no, it looks real suspicious
to three bet and then check the flop.He’d
make the continuation-bet almost every time, no?
I wondered if he had pocket Queens and
if the King had scared him (putting me on Ace-King).So a damn Ace hit the turn and now I have to
bet, right?I put out $10.
And Nick promptly raised to $25.Shit.He did indeed have a set of Kings. I was sure of it.
But….did you ever have two completely contradictory
thoughts in your head at the same time?As sure as I was that he did have a set of Kings, I was
equally sure he didn’t have a set of Kings.I mean, I’d seen him have pocket Kings a hundred thousand times by
now.How could he have them again?Nobody ever gets one particular hand—even 7-deuce—as
often as Nick had gotten KK.It defied
the law of probability.
The more sure I was he did have pocket
Kings, the more sure I was he couldn’t possible have them.And that there was a decent chance my Ace was
So I called and heard Nick say, “You
were supposed to fold there.”Whatever
The river was a blank and I
checked.Nick put out $30 and I
tanked.Again, I held two diametrically
opposed thoughts.He both did and did
not have a set of Kings.
I folded in my mind an infinite number
of times….but not in reality.The more I
became convinced he had those Kings, the more I became convinced he didn’t have
them.Does that make any sense?
And then finally, I thought, well, it’s
a low stakes game, it’s only $30.I
started thinking that Nick, having shown me pocket Kings a zillion times by
now, could easily be trying to bluff me there, knowing I’d be putting him the
one hand that was my worst nightmare.He
was taking advantage not only of my irrational fear of the dreaded hand, but
also of the fact that he’d shown me it over and over again for the past two
sessions and always seemed to win with them.
At least that’s what I talked myself
into when I decided it was only $30 and I should call.So that’s why I called.Either that, or I’m not a very good player.
Of course, of course, the King of
Pocket Kings did absolutely have KK once again, for a flopped set of
Kings.And made me look a total fool as
a bonus.I swear he won more times with
pocket Kings in those two sessions I played with him than I have in my entire
Everyone had a good laugh at my
misfortune and my bad play.I took great
pains to immediately whip out my notebook to write down the hand.The King of Pocket Kings of course made a
comment about it, “Rob, are you writing down the hand?”Of course I was.
I said, “Yes.How do you spell your name?A-S-S-H-O…..”I was just kidding.The asshole
in that hand was yours truly.
And of course I had to live tweet that
epic event, so I sent out this missive:“So
can't seem to lose with #thedreadedpocketkings. Especially
when he flops a set with them against me. I see a future blog post.”
I had to add chips a couple of times,
but there was one nice hand for me that involved a player who was not part of
our little group.I had pocket 8’s and
had to call a small raise.The flop was
Jack-8-x.So I led out with a $6 bet and
the pre-flop raiser made it $12.I
decided to just call.I checked the turn,
now convinced the lady who raised would bet, which she did.It was $30, I think.I didn’t have much more than that so I went
all in.She promptly called.
The river was a blank and she turned
over pocket Queens.My set of 8’s was
good.It was one of my few good hands of
the night.Having to work in the
morning, I had to leave when I was down around $100.It was a fun night, full of laughs, and
definitely worth it.
It's always nice to finally meet one of my loyal
blog readers.It might not always be so
much fun actually playing poker with them, as I reported here.But it’s always nice to meet them.
Readers of this blog and many others
on my blogroll are no doubt familiar with Nick.He comments under the name “Cokeboy99.”He also is on the AVP forums under the same name.I would
refer to him as Cokeboy in this post but he seems to prefer “Nick” these
days.I guess he switched to Pepsi.Also, having met him, I can assure you, he is
no “boy.”Not that I’m one to talk.
So a few days before this story took
place, I got an email from Nick asking if I would still be in Vegas in a few
days, when he was scheduled to arrive.Yes, I would be.He mentioned
that he wanted to play at MGM that coming Monday, for at least a couple of
reasons.He had never played in the room
before, and he also was interested in their Monday Night Football promo (which
I talked about here).
I arrived a bit after he did and I
noticed immediately from his not-really-green “Beer Hunter” sweatshirt (which
he had warned me he would be wearing).I
joined his table, which was in the process of getting started.Rather than introduce myself, I reached out
my hand and said, “Why aren’t you wearing a “Cokeboy” shirt instead?
Nick and I played at the same table
all evening.During that time, I saw him
get the dreaded pocket Kingsapproximately 750
times. And he won with them every single
time.I got them exactly once, and of
I raised to $10 preflop with them and
only had one caller.My flop bet was
called.I just checked the turn on a
scary board, lots of high cards, a straight very possible.The river put four cards to a straight out
there.I figured I was beat but I called
a small bet on the river.He didn’t have
the straight.He had two pair, which is
one more than I had.I folded without
showing but asked Nick what he thought I had.He whispered “pocket Kings” and I nodded.
A few hands later, Nick won a
pot.I think he had made a bet—not sure
what street—and wasn’t called.However,
he flipped over his cards even though he didn’t have to.The reason was that he had pocket Kings, of
course.He wanted to rub it in!
Early in the evening I felt a hand
rubbing against my right side, near my back.I quickly looked up and was surprised that there was a beautiful blonde
girl standing over me who had just pawed me.It was Alicia.
You all remember Alicia, right?She’s the awesome poker player I introduced
you to in the post here(where I called her
“Veronica”).And earlier this year, I
sold an article about her for Adanai magazine (see here).This was the first time I’d seen her since my
article was published.
Alicia was in town for a quick visit
and she and her boyfriend were hitting the MGM poker room for a few hours
waiting for a show across the street.She eventually joined our table and played with us.As she noted, I was doing better than the
last time I played with her (see here).
I actually took a few small pots from
Alicia.I think in both cases it was
when I called her small raises in position with weak holdings—suited connectors
or gapers.I wouldn’t ordinarily call
raises with such hands but because of MGM’s cash drawing promo, I find myself
playing suited cards more often, trying to win a ticket into the drawing.And I think I got lucky a few times with them
against Alicia.She definitely noticed
and probably thinks I’m even a worse player than I was the first time we played
together.At least one of those times I
did indeed catch a flush.
When Alicia came by I had introduced
her to Nick as the great poker player I had written about.Alicia thinks she’ll be playing in more WSOP
events next year and it is her goal to be the first female at the final table
of the Main Event since 1995 (the only time it happened).I
wouldn’t bet against her doing it, though it will be tough since she isn’t
playing full time anymore.
When Alicia sat down, on the other
side of the table from Nick and me, she noticed me fiddling with my cell
phone.I think I was sending a
text.She shouted, “Rob, are you
blogging?”Nick and I both cracked
up.So did the dealer, Brent, who knows
about the blog.So I explained to Brent
that I had written an article about Alicia and what a great player she
was.Alicia remembered Brent from her
days grinding at the MGM years ago.
Nick and Alicia got into a hand
together.The board was Queen high, and
Nick, who had raised preflop, shoved a relatively small stack either on the
turn or the river.Alicia thought about
it for awhile and finally called even though she didn’t seem very
confident.It was just that Nick’s bet
wasn’t big enough to get her to fold her top pair hand.She was worried about her kicker, but Nick
didn’t have a Queen.No, he once again
had the dreaded pocket kings.So he took
the pot.Damn him.He won a pot from the best poker player I’ve
ever played against with my personal Kryptonite hand.In all seriousness, I think he won 4 times
with KK and showed them to me every time.However, I think two of those times no one had called him preflop.
Nick was not enjoying the football
game.Not only did he not get picked for
the football drawing (nor did I), but he had bet the game and it wasn’t going
well.This was the Seattle-New Orleans
game.He had bet both that Seattle would
cover and the over on the points.Seattle won easily but both teams forgot to even try to score in the
second half.So he lost his parlay.Plus, no scoring meant less chances for
either of us to get picked for the football drawings. So we all lost.
A bit of the football game ended, I
decided to call it a night.I had made a
(very) bucks, but after a full weekend of poker, I was tired and wanted to make
it an early evening.I picked up my
chips and Nick decided to move on as well.I was carrying my rack of $200+ in redbirds and a nearly full glass of
diet coke that had just been delivered to me.And then I recognized a woman playing at another table as I headed to
For reasons that will soon become
apparent, I have to be careful as to how I identify this particular poker
player.It might just be that she is
a woman who has earned a mention or two on this very blog.It might be that she has been
identified on the blog with either one of my famous “blog pseudonyms” or
perhaps even her real name.Those things
might all be true….or they might not be true.
One thing that is definitely true is
that she is familiar with my blog.And
further, she is also aware of my (totally undeserved) reputation of
being “obsessed with bosoms.”
I guess it will be easier if I give
this lady a blog pseudonym to use for this post.So we are going to call her Alexandra.I stood behind Alexandra and waited for her
to be out of a hand.Then I called out
her name.She turned and looked at
me.I wasn’t sure if she recognized me
instantly, which didn’t surprise me.But
then I said, “Hi, it’s Rob,” and I mentioned a person we both know who would
help her place me. And then she knew exactly who I was and how she knew me.
I could see the light bulb go off and
she leaped up to greet me.Suddenly she
was acting like I was a long lost brother that she hadn’t seen in ages.She actually moved in to give me a hug, but
then held back, noticing that both my hands were full.“I was gonna hug you but you’re carrying too
much stuff.”I was a bit surprised she
wanted to give me a hug.We really haven’t
had that much contact over the years.I
don’t know her very well at all.
So we stood there and chatted for
quite a long time.At one point, I put
my rack of chips and my drink down at the empty table nearby.Finally, we were in the process of wrapping
And then she said to me, "Well,
since you put your stuff down, I might as well give you that hug so you can rub
against my boobs." Before I had a chance to react, she was hugging
me. And when we separated, she said, "I mean, since I know you're a
In case you missed it, here was a woman who wanted me to rub against her boobs.
I laughed. But then she said,
"Oh, don't put that in your blog. You put everything in your blog.
Don't put that in."
I chuckled at that and said no
problem. I told her I would always obey a request not to blog something.
Then she said, "Oh, I guess you
can put it in there if you don't use my name. Don't say it was me."
And thus, “Alexandra” was born.I do have to admit, it would be a better
story if I could reveal Alexandra’s true identity.But I am a gentleman, and a man of my word.So of course I will honor my promise.Hopefully it is still amusing as told.
As for Nick, I said goodbye to him for
the evening, but that’s not the last you’ll hear about him. Nick and his
magical touch with the dreaded pocket Kings will return in a future post. Edited to add, and that post is now up and can be found here.