This post is going to be pretty much entirely off-topic. There’s no poker to be discussed, and nothing having to do with Las Vegas either. So unless you think this is a blog about boobs, I’m really departing from my mission statement. You don’t think this is a blog about boobs, do you? For that matter, do you actually think this blog has a mission statement?
I have to set this up for you, because this is basically going to be a reprint of an email I sent to my pals over five years ago. Long-time readers (assuming I have any left) will recall that many of the early blog posts I published were adaptations of emails I sent my friends relating my Vegas and poker adventures. In fact, the story you are about to read was emailed to my pals a few months after I started the blog. I never published it because I didn’t think the subject matter was particularly relevant. But I recently came across this email, re-read it, read my friends’ reaction to it, and decided why the hell not?
A few things you need to know to understand this. Back in 2011, there was a female talk radio host on KFI here in Los Angeles named Lisa Ann Walter. She is an actress and comedian. Among her credits is the 1998 Disney film The Parent Trap, which starred a pre-teen Lindsay Lohan. In other words, Lisa Ann knew Lindsay before she developed….as an actress, I mean.
The very first time I heard Ms. Walter as a talk show host, a few months before this story took place, she was talking about Lindsay, who was all over the news for various legal issues and had been sentenced to community service. There were pics of her showing up to do her time in sort of a see-through top, not wearing a bra. Lisa Ann didn’t approve, but in discussing Lindsay’s appearance, she had to admit, “OK…she does have nice ones.”
That line scored with me. Of course, I had to relate that line to my pals, especially Woody, who loves to bring it up from time to time. A classic “woman said.” Woody invented (or perhaps I should say discovered) the “woman said.”
Lisa Ann went on to talk about how Lindsay and other young celebrity starlets have been photographed with their legs open and sans panties. She said they do that on purpose just to get the attention. “Photographers get the open leg shot….though it’s not the leg you notice.”
Now we fast forward to December, 2011, when I dashed off an email to my pals after hearing Lisa Ann’s latest show. For context, you should know that this was right around the time that Lindsay Lohan appeared in Playboy—nekkid. I believe the photo set was her made up to look like Marilyn Monroe and posing in famous Marilyn poses.
As my email explains, I heard Lisa Ann again when I was driving home from the Bike—so there is at least a tenuous connection to poker! Here goes:
Remember the gal on the radio who said of Lindsay Lohan, "Ok, she does have nice ones?"
Of course you do. It was Lisa Ann Walter who does a weekend radio show on KFI.
So today I get in my car sometime after 5PM, at the Bike, where I cashed out (minimally) at the Noon poker tournament.
Tuned on KFI and the first thing I heard was Lisa Ann saying:
"That's why we all like boobs so much because it reminds us of being safe and comfortable. No seriously, guys love boobs, girls even like boobs. I mean a girl can look at another girl and go, 'Those are nice boobs.” It all goes back to breast feeding. It makes us feel safe so when there's somebody you know from growing up and she made you feel warm and happy from Please Don't Eat the Daisies or A Touch of Mink or whatever she was in...."
The caller mentioned a movie where "she" played Annie Oakley. She dropped the call and went to a break.
I guess they were talking about Doris Day, but what she had to do with boobs was beyond me. Back from the break, it seemed that Lisa Ann was talking about a poll in Men’s Health magazine, the 100 hottest women of all time. Believe it or not, the number one pick was....Jennifer Anniston (!!!). Raquel Welch was #2, Marilyn Monroe was #3 and Brittany Spears was #4 (!?!?!?!?!?!?!) Well, what does Men’s Health know?
But apparently someone thought Doris Day was really hot (must be someone our age or older!). I did not really get what boobs had to do with the Doris Day. But it was definitely a "woman said" story.
[So you ladies out there, have you ever told another woman she had nice boobs?]
But there's more. Being diligent, I went to the KFI website when I got home to find the link to the article. I'll post it at the bottom. Problem, it's one of those lists where you have to click 100 times to get the whole list, they only put one gal per page. F*** them for that.
Anyway, KFI also had a podcast of the show already posted, so I listened while I did other computer stuff, just to get the "context" of Doris Day's boobs.
I had to listen to the entire first hour plus of the show, which was ok cuz I was listening while doing other stuff. But of course, since Lisa Ann is the gal who said Lindsay Lohan had "nice ones" she started the show talking about the Playboy pics which have been leaked. She refused to look, she said something about not wanting to see a “Disney icon” that way. But before she left the topic, she mentioned that it was the Christmas issue of Playboy and said, "I guess nothing says Christmas like Disney tits."
She then bantered with her producer about whether or not they bleeped the word "tits". It appeared they did not. I'm not sure. I heard the podcast and it was not bleeped. But it might have been deleted off the live broadcast. Not sure.
Anyway, I played enough of it to get the context of the "everyone likes boobs" comment. Right before mentioning Doris Day, the same guy mentioned Adrienne Barbeau. Lisa Ann said, "Oh she has boobs. They're her boobs. She's boobalicious." The guy agreed and then mentioned when he was kid, it was Doris Day for him. So somehow Lisa tied Adrienne's boobs with Doris Day's. (Que sera, sera) It wasn't really a logical segue, the guy said nothing about Doris Day's boobs, but it got another woman said story for you.
Here's the link to the article she was discussing:
And we are back to the present. First off, I want to mention that the link I found back in 2011 is still valid. And they improved it in that you no longer have to click through 100 pages to see the whole list, you can check it out and just scroll down.
But the date on it is now November 22, 2013, so they did update it since I wrote my email. But perhaps the only thing they changed was to make it all on one web page. Because, you will note, that the top four names two years later were the exact same as I reported in ’11, and in the same order.
And by the way, I find that date—November 22, 2013—rather ironic. That was the 50th anniversary of the JFK assassination. And since Marilyn Monroe was number 2 on the list—well, I’ll leave it at that.
Whenever I come across something I wrote years before, I usually find something that surprises me. It may be the writing style, or perhaps the presentation is different than I would do today. In this case, I have to say I was surprised that I reacted the way I did to Jennifer Anniston being chosen as the hottest woman of all-time. I really have nothing against Jennifer, folks. Actually, I think she’s one of those rare women who seems to keep getting better looking as she ages. Still, I would agree with my ’11 self that she doesn’t belong first on this list. In fact, during the first-run of Friends, I always preferred Courtney Cox.
And I stand by my previous opinion that Brittany Spears has no business being in the list at all. Maybe if they expanded it to the top 1,000….Oh and by the way, my email referenced young Hollywood starlets being “accidentally” photographed missing their underwear. Well, as with Lindsay, you can find a pic like that of Brittany if you desire.
Well that’s it. Hope you enjoyed this change of pace.