Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Caught With My Zipper Down! (Part 3)

Note:  Be sure to read parts 1 & 2 of this post first, as this post picks up right after part 2 ends.  See below, or part 1 is here and part 2 is here.

Ironically, on the day Denise told us the story about Poker Genius,  I came thisclose to telling her about my blog, right after I busted out.  I thought she might enjoy my first Poker Genius post. As I mentioned earlier, in part 1, I rarely tell people about the blog. I think about doing so all the time, then I get self-conscious.  But I really did almost tell her about it.  Then I remembered the “zipper” post, and without being sure of what I said about her even then, I decided to play it safe and not tell her about the blog.

Of course, at that time I had no idea she had read that post I was worried about.  But now I know she had.  So let’s just suppose she also knew that I was indeed the guy who had written that post.  Now say I had decided to tell her about my blog for the purpose of sharing the first Poker Genius story with her.  How might that conversation have gone?
Gulp.  “You know, I have a blog and I think—“ 
“Yes, I know all about your blog"
Well, I dunno how to finish that.  But I guess I would have found out that she had read my first story about her a lot sooner than I did.
Although I didn’t tell Denise about the blog, ironically, she and I actually had a private conversation just the weekend before this whole thing with Audrey took place. You see, during a tournament break, I felt compelled to tell her about my Poker Genius sighting back in L.A. (see here).  So I said to her, “I saw your ‘boyfriend’ in L.A. last weekend.”  I used air-quotes when I said boyfriend.  She didn’t get it at first, probably because she thought I was staring at her…..many fine physical attributes.  But then I used his name and she was surprised he had gotten to L.A.  I reminded her that the story is he lives in his car.  Surprisingly, she did not take advantage of the opportunity she then had to tell me how much she loved my blog (if indeed, she knew that I was the "zipper" blogger).
Well, that was going to be the end of the story.  Originally, my plans were to leave Vegas the coming Saturday, so I would not have a chance to play again at Binion’s before leaving town.  But then I decided to stay two more days, the thought of all those crazy gamblers in town for the Super Bowl made me think the poker might be quite profitable. 
So, of course,  I just had to go to Binion’s the Saturday before the Super Bowl.  I needed to ask Audrey two more questions.  Now that I had re-read my first post about Denise, the one that Audrey sent to her, I had to hear how she reacted to it.  I had to know.
And also, I needed to find out whether or not  Denise knew who I am.
I eventually was in a position to speak to Audrey confidentially.  I have no idea how she really felt about me peppering her with all these questions, but she acted like a good sport about it.
I whispered to her, “You know, when I got back last week and finally read my old post about Denise, I was so embarrassed,  I was so……ungentlemanly.”
She laughed and kind of waved it off, as if it was nothing.  But I continued.
“You have to tell me how she reacted to it, what was her reaction when she read it?”
Now here I got maybe some mixed messages.  Her facial expression turned sort of negative, like, well, “ugh.”  But maybe that was just her trying to remember, or trying to phrase her response.  Because all she quoted Denise as saying was, “They’re talking about that?  Seriously?”  Hmm, that was pretty much what she said when she heard about the post, before reading it.
I wasn’t sure I got the whole story there.  I repeated how embarrassed I was about what I’d said about her.
Then Audrey said, “Oh, don’t worry about it, it’s fine.  It’s fine.”
“Although, it was pretty funny, that you said they were real.”
Oh. My God.  I was now discussing the breasts of a woman I barely know, with another woman I barely know.  How did this happen?
I said, “They’re not real?”  Yes, I actually said that.  Shame on me, but I did.
Audrey then said, “Oh, they’re real…………expensive.”  There was a good five second pause between the words “real” and “expensive.”
I couldn’t help myself.  That news was pretty sensational.  “They’re not real???  I guess I didn’t get a good enough look at them.”  Yes, I really did say that, too.
Audrey was laughing.  “That’s what she always says…..’they’re real……expensive.’”
Oh my god.  So Denise jokes about “them” that way?
I was trying to process this when she said to me, “Don’t worry about it, it’s flattering.  She should be flattered.”
I heard myself saying, “Yeah, that they look real.”
OK, I really did say that, but in hindsight, I think Audrey may have meant that Denise should be flattered by my overall comments about hot she is, not that she would be flattered because her breasts look real.
And to be perfectly honest, I can’t totally dismiss the possibility that Audrey was just joking about the “real…..expensive” line.  It would serve me right.
If I had half a brain, I would have gotten the hell out of there right then, but I was in too deep, and I had to ask my last question.
“Does she know who I am?” 
“Oh yes, of course.  She knows who you are.”
I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure the color completely drained from my face.
“Really? Because I don’t think she would have told me the story about Poker Genius asking her out for a date if she knew I was a blogger and would likely blog about it.”
“Oh, she knows. For sure she knows.  She absolutely knows it’s you.”
I think I mumbled something totally incoherent and slunked back to my seat.  I believe I heard her say one more time that is ok, or not to worry about it, or something like that.
OK, if she knew it was the guy who blogged about her zipper sitting at the table when everyone was trying her to get her tell us her Poker Genius story, perhaps I misinterpreted her reluctance.  Perhaps she would have snap-told that story to everyone at the table if I wasn’t there.  Perhaps the only reason it took so long to convince her to spill the story was because I was there, and she finally realized that she didn’t care if I blogged the juicy details. 
I left Binion’s sometime later, trying to process the whole story, trying to remember every possible detail I could.

As I went over this in my mind, I felt two things.  1) I had the greatest story to tell my close friends.  I knew they would all love this story.  They would all think it was my greatest story yet.  And truth be told, I was dying to tell them.  I couldn’t wait to tell them.  I was almost bursting, keeping this story inside.
And 2), I could never tell this story on the blog.  My greatest blog post ever, and I couldn’t publish it.
My thought was that, for one thing, this story is way too self-indulgent, way too self-absorbed to be of interest to anyone outside my small circle of close friends.  Of course, you could say that all my posts are self-indulgent, and of course that’s true.  That’s the great thing about doing a blog, you only have to write what you want to write about.  Still, I was wondering if the average person would find it that interesting that I was sitting next to someone who surprised me with the term, “the dreaded pocket Kings,” and then....and then.....
But of course my main concern was…..could I risk embarrassing Audrey, and more importantly, re-embarrassing Denise, by publishing this?  Here I am, being self-critical about how ungentlemanly I was, how crude I was, so how the hell could I publish the much more cruder, the much more ungentlemanly version now?  And wouldn’t I be just be admitting to all the nasty things I’ve said about myself in this post?  Admitting, nothing.  I’d be shouting it from the highest hills.
So I didn’t think I could do this blog post.  Then I told my friends, one at a time.  As I suspected, they all loved the story (this is not being egotistical, I just knew that all my close friends, the ones who know me a lot better than the average blog reader possibly could, would be fascinated with it).  But one by one, they all said, without reservation, that I could, should and indeed, had to blog this story.
First there was Prudence.  Even though she covered her face as I read to her my description of Denise in the “zipper” post, she thought it was definitely great blog material.  She told me that ultimately (as Audrey had said), Denise would be flattered.  When I repeated my reservations, she said, “You’re too much of a gentleman.”  I repeated some of the quotes from the earlier post to prove otherwise, but she brushed that off.
Then, Luv Malts and Woody, the couple who pushed me to start a blog, weighed in.  Of course you have to blog this story,” they both said.  It was exactly for this kind of story that they pushed me become a blogger. Woody said, all I had to do was use pseudonyms to give everyone plausible deniability.  Actually, I’ve used that very phrase here previously to explain why I use pseudonyms. 
They also pointed out that people actually seem to like being written about on my blog.  After all, although Prudence hasn’t outted herself with her real name, she has totally embraced the whole “Prudence” persona I helped publicize for her.  Jeannie, after I talked about her taking a picture of her friend’s cleavage, not only revealed her real name, she revealed her own cleavage—and demanded that I photograph it and publish it on this very blog!  Other people discussed here have outted themselves with their real names as well.  In fact, no one has ever complained to me about being written about on this blog.
Finally Norm agreed with all of that, and again, encouraged me to publish the whole story.  And in discussing it with him, I realized (or perhaps he suggested it first, I’m not sure) that just as Denise apparently knew I was the blogger when she told us all about her “relationship” with Poker Genius, Audrey told me all of this knowing full well that I was the guy who blogged about….well, a lot of shit, to be sure.  And at no time did she ever say to me, “You can’t blog this.”  And believe me, people who know I have a blog have said that very thing to me from time to time.  And of course, I always honor that.
So, I decided to go with it.  No real names were used and I sincerely hope that the only people who will be able to recognize the players in this post are the actual people themselves. To the rest of my readers, they have that “plausible deniability.”
If I’ve miscalculated, I apologize in advance to Audrey and Denise.  And then, I will have to recognize the fact that I might never be able to set foot in Binion’s again.

(Edited to add, well I did return to Binion's again and the story of my next encounter with Denise, see here).


  1. Rob, I agree with both Audrey and Prudence: Denise would undoubtedly be flattered that someone could derive so much sensation and written dialog concerning her prominent boobies. I can only imagine some "male version" of that story that some gal would write about ME! Fat chance indeed. Anyway, great story. Now get back to Vegas and bring us back more stories like that one. Cheers, Woody

    P.S. Why does this crazy stuff only happen to YOU?

    1. Thanks Woody. I would like to get back to Vegas sooner but an important dog-sitting assignment next week is keeping me in L.A.

      As for this stuff only happening to me.....well, see below. If it happened to Grump he wouldn't have blogged about it. :)

  2. Grump's Notes Version:

    I blogged about something that I thought the subject wouldn't find out about, but she did, and now I'm so embarrassed about it I took 18 billion words to explain why.

    1. I don't think there's any problem at all with Rob's post. Its flattering to be remembered and written about! I only wish that some day I can say or do something blog-worthy that Rob will write about.

    2. @Grump : And yet, you read all 18 billion words, Grump!

      @Luv Malts: It's simple. Get implants.