Driving Miss Prudence

As I mentioned in my previous post, I played in a WSOP 2PM Deepstack tournament last month at the Rio.  The disgustingly brief details of the tournament play itself were covered in that post.  This post concerns the rest of the day, a full day of poker, laughs, drinking and inanity with my pal Prudence.

We met up at the venue just before the tournament started, and as I noted, were kind of sitting back to back at adjoining tables.  The one thing that is relevant here is the cocktail service at the WSOP.  First of all, the really hot looking women who serve drinks inside the casino at the Rio?  You know, like the one who is depicted in the post here whose ta-ta’s were licked by my friends’ dog?  Well, those girls don’t work inside the WSOP venue.  Instead, it’s mostly male waiters—and the women they have there were not hired for their looks.  Or their ability to serve drinks promptly.  Also, I believe they are woefully understaffed.

For the two or so hours I was at that tournament, nobody came by to take our orders, even tho the guy next to me asked the dealers and the floor several times.  But somehow, one aisle over, Prudence got served.  Boy did she get served.  She ordered a double and when the guy came back with her drink, he said he was so swamped he didn’t know when he’d be back so he bought her a double-double.  She said it was basically four drinks in one glass. And so it had an effect on her.

Although she unfortunately busted out of the tournament in about an hour or so, she was pretty well under the influence by the time she picked up her stuff to move on.  She went over to the cash games and started playing 2/5 while I continued playing in the tournament.

But my tournament experience came to an end not longer after hers did, so I found the table when she was playing.  I volunteered to join her at that game, but she said no, she’d play 1/3 with me.  That was ok too.

While we were waiting to get called to the 1/3 game, we visited Ginger, the BSC dealer I’ve mentioned a few times (see here). She too was playing in this tournament and Prudence wanted to see how Ginger was doing.

Prudence found Ginger at her tournament table, and apropos of nothing, greets her by saying, loudly and in a sing-songy voice, “It’s Vagina Time!” Everyone at the table, including the dealer, heard this.  Probably a few tables nearby heard this too.  Now this was the first time that day I heard the v-word but I’ll never be able to remember all the times I heard it.  Suffice to say I believe that she set the record for most times the word “vagina” was spoken inside the Rio convention center, and that includes the yearly gynecologists convention they have there.

Yes, that four-in-one drink she had gotten was working its magic.

While she was talking to Ginger, she said vagina a few more times just for good measure, for no apparent reason, and also talked about flashing the table, which the guys there were all in favor of.  Of course Ginger said hello to me, and when Prudence told her we were gonna play cash, Ginger immediately became jealous because she wanted to join us and get smashed.  Ginger has a personal rule, only drink while playing cash games, never while playing a tournament.  So while we were there she actually played her hand purposely badly so she would bust out of the tournament.  But it turned out she won the pot anyway, the guy didn’t call her bet.  So we left and got into a 1/3 game together.  We sat right next to each other.

Between hands, and sometimes during hands, Prudence regaled me with stories of her past outrageous behavior at this very venue, including the time she got cut off.  Even before I got to town she had sent me messages about some of the “fun” she was having during the WSOP.  Some of it involved playing poker and winning, some of it involved her being, well, Prudence.

So…one time she offered to massage the balls of all the other players.  Unfortunately just as she said that, unbeknownst to her, Tom (her boyfriend) showed up right behind her and heard that.  So she saw him and said to him, “Oh, hi there.  Can you take your big cock out so I can use it as a card protector?”  Tom said that was enough, and decided it was time to take her home.

Another time she was being very aggressive at the table, raising and shoving a lot.  She could tell the other players, all guys, were surprised to see a girl play like that.  So she explained by saying she used to be a dude.  Yes, she said, she was transgendered.  She said that she is still taking hormone therapy, but she used to have a penis, now she doesn’t .  Now she has a vagina.  And she has boobs from the hormone therapy.  She asked if they wanted to see them, and started pulling up her shirt.  This may have been the time Ginger was at the table with her and stopped her, or that may have been another time.  I can’t keep it straight.  But I’m pretty sure there were at least two times when she started pulling her shirt up and one time when Ginger stopped her.  Guys started throwing chips at her and said that she could keep them if she did indeed flash them.  But I assure you, no actual forbidden flesh was exposed during these incidents.  Actually, when you consider stories like this one or this one,  it’s hard to believe that yours truly was nowhere to be found when a very attractive woman was threatening to take her top off at a poker table, but it’s true.

Anyway, when she claimed to have a brand new vagina, two guys who were very straight-laced and uptight didn’t approve, and took her seriously.  They openly complained that they didn’t approve of people just deciding to change genders like that.  Prudence kept talking about her hormone therapy and her lack of a penis and this put the guys on tilt and they started playing badly and giving all their money away.  They eventually left, disgusted at the thought of having played with a gal that used to be a guy.

Of course, she was telling me this loudly, so everyone at the current table heard.  Everyone was cracking up although I think a few serious poker players were not happy about this nutty girl.  When she gets like this, it isn’t all vagina talk.  There’s lot of poker talk too, all of which can be annoying to a serious player.  She’ll scream and screech and say “boom” as a reaction to the cards hitting the board.  Her reactions have nothing to do with whether it helps or hurts her hand but if she is in a hand it could be very misleading.  A lot of the time she does this she isn’t even in a hand.  She even brags about bluffing just to throw players off (this is not during a specific hand).  Or other times she will only play the nuts.  One time she showed that she pulled off an awesome bluff and then said, “Well, now I can’t do that again.  From now on, I’m only playing Aces.”  It really confuses the other players.  When you add in the fact that she was so obviously drunk, it makes it tough on the other players to get a read on her.  It’s actually a pretty good strategy, but it’s only partially on purpose, and partially due to the booze.  I think.

Another time, she was talking about a possible scenario with the cards, basically making up hands she had, her opponent had, what the flop, turn and river would be.  The river card in this scenario would scare her, so she said, “And then I crap my pants. And the smell will be a tell.”

In her inebriated state, she will often give players a hard time for calling or raising, “I thought this was a friendly game”.  Or tell players they are too serious.  If a guy didn’t respond to her ribbing, she ribbed them more for being too serious.

When we got to this game, there was a female floor person helping set it up.  Prudence announced that this person, who she called by name (from her name tag), was the best floor person in the place.  She thanked her for the compliment but then Prudence said, “Certainly much better than that Asian man who gave me a hard time the other day for offering to massage his testicles.”  The floor person froze in her tracks.  “Oh.”  Everyone else at the table—again all guys—cracked up.  I said to her, “Well, for sure, you won’t be making that offer to this floor person!”  She went on to say that the Asian floor man had cut her off and she told him, “You just need your balls tickled.  How long has it been since you’ve had them tickled?  Just three strokes in the back room and you’ll feel much better, I promise.”  The guy didn’t respond, she said, but he reinforced his pronouncement that she was to be served no more alcohol that night.

Another story that she told was when she had a really good nite, but was totally drunk and had to have Tom pull her away from the table.  As he was taking her to the cashiers cage, she was screaming and showing off her huge rack of chips. “Ha! 2/5 players, look at this, look at this, I took all this money, Ha ha.  Wanna see my tits?  I’ll show you my tits, 2/5 players, I got your money.” 

Not long after this, a new dealer came to the table, a good looking, youngish woman.  And as she is sitting down, she says, “I heard there was talk about flashing going on here, so that’s why I came.  I want to see some of that.”  I guess her previous table was right next to ours.

Prudence said yes, that the guys were flashing, and pointing to a guy at the other end of the table, who wasn’t fat but could lose a few pounds, “You there, show us your man boobs. Show us you moobs.”  He laughed and lifted up his shirt an inch or so.

Later, this same dealer tossed a chip to Prudence for change, somehow it took an unexpected bounce off the table.  I think it landed in her chair.  She reached down and got it and put it back on the table.   The dealer said, “Oh good, you found it.”  “Yes,” Prudence said, “It was in my vagina. I just reached in and got it out of there.  The big black hole.”  Again, much laughter but the dealer was frozen.  “uh….that’s not what  I was going for, but ok.”  Actually, it’s possible she said she was going for that, I can’t be sure I didn’t mishear it.

Meanwhile, I was dying of thirst.  This cash game I was at was the same as the tournament table—no friggin’ cocktail service.  It was now three hours in there and no one had offered me a drink.  We kept bugging the floor person to get us a waiter but it never happened, we even heard them paging cocktails to our table but it didn’t work.  I finally went outside and paid $3.25 for a 20 oz. bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. 

Meanwhile Prudence was getting close to sobering up.  One time we saw a server right at the next table and we thought finally we’d get a drink.  Nope, they turned away and disappeared. “What a cock-tease,” Prudence said.  “That’s an actual cock-tease.  Just the head, don’t stick the whole thing in there….just the head.” 

While we were playing in the cash games, I found out from Twitter that my fellow blogger buddy Memphis MOJO was playing in the same tournament Prudence and I had busted out of.  He had been in Vegas for a few days, was soon to depart, and somehow, we had not met up at this point.  So I went over to find him at the table he tweeted he was at.  Since he had indicated to me that he was not a young guy, I figured out easily which one of the guys at that table he was and said hello.  I hadn’t warned him that I was coming over.  So he had his baseball cap on properly (see here).  He immediately flipped his cap so it was backwards for me.  We had just a short chat as I didn’t want to interrupt his tournament play.

When I returned, I told Prudence I had gone to say hello to a fellow blogger, but I didn’t say who.  “Memphis MOJO, right?”  I said yes, somewhat surprised.  Apparently she had been following the tweets herself.  Also, around this time she announced to me, “You used to have a moustache!  Don’t grow it back.”  Hmm….I wonder if Prudence is stalking me?

She got tired of the 1/3 game, and thought she could do better at 2/5, so she took off to play that.  I was doing shitty too, and figured it would be worth playing at the 2/5 with her for the entertainment value.  So I left the game and got into the 2/5 game, eventually we ended up at the same table.  Finally a table where they actually brought us drinks.  So Prudence got a chance to reload,

Unfortunately, we didn’t have any better luck at the 2/5 game than we had at the 1/3 game. And soon Prudence got itchy to try something else. We were debating what that would be  She asked if I was headed to BSC.  And yes, she said “BSC” not the name of the actual casino that employs her boyfriend.  She usually now refers to it as BSC rather than it’s real name.  That always tickles me.  She also frequently refers to her boyfriend as Tom even though his real name is….oops, almost goofed up there!

Tom had dropped her off at the Rio.  If I went to BSC, I could take her there and save Tom a trip back to the Rio to pick her up.  Since we had pretty much both had our fill of the WSOP venue, we decided to head for the friendly confines of BSC for the evening.

I had only one concern about this plan. I said, “You’re not going to throw up in my car, are you?”  She assured me she would not.  Actually, she seemed fairly sober at this point.  But I did recall that earlier when she was seriously feeling no pain, she did say to me, “You have to watch me, make sure I don’t get too out of control.”  I promised I would.

First she said goodbye to Ginger, who was pissed.  She had indeed busted out of the tournament and was now playing cash.  I’m not sure why she hadn’t tried to get moved to the table with me and Prudence.  Anyway, she had started drinking and for whatever reason, was not interested in playing drunk at her place of employ.  Plus her friend was driving, and was still in the tournament.  She doesn’t drink so Ginger had at least a safe ride home.   While Ginger was begging Prudence to stay, Prudence just started giving the man next to Ginger an upper back rub.  And she was digging her elbows into the guy and really going at it good.  She said to him, “I’m Asian….it’s in my blood.  I made a comment about “happy endings” but she didn’t hear it. This guy was a total stranger to her.

On the way over to BSC, she called another poker buddy, a young guy who is a 2/5 regular at BSC.  She begged him to join us; she wanted to play 2/5 at BSC, now that’s she gotten used to it at the WSOP.  She has told him about my blog and get this….the guy wants to have his own identity on my blog, like Prudence has “Prudence.”  I told her that he has to do something outrageous to merit a post.  Actually meeting the guy would help.  Sadly, tho this guy wants a Prudence-type identity on the blog, he hasn’t read it ever, to Prudence’s knowledge.  Well, this is a start, friend of Prudence.  Now we have to meet, and you need to do something blog-worthy and I’ll be happy to give a phony name right on this blog. 

Unfortunately, her friend said he couldn’t join us because he had taken some prescription drugs and was in no condition to play poker or drive.  Prudence will have to introduce me to him some other time.

On the way to BSC I told her I had to eat.  She agreed to join me at a place at the BSC where my comps were good—and has simple enough food for my limited tastes. On the way to the restaurant, she phoned Tom, who wasn’t dealing at the time.  He was in the break room eating.  She asked him to join us, and he did stop by at the end of our meal to say hello. 

We were done so the three of us walked back to the poker room together.  Prudence and I were able to get into a game together, next to each other, and at first Prudence was a total maniac.  Mostly it was the kind of poker talk I described above, talking and screeching about the cards.  But it led to some interesting talk.  A couple of her screeches (reacting to or acting like she was reacting to the cards) were rather unique.  One guy at the table said, “I’ve never heard a sound quite like that before.”  Prudence said, “What, you’ve never heard a woman climax before?”  He said he has and that’s not what it sounds like.  She said it’s what she sounds like. I so wanted to say to the guy “I guess you’re not doing it right” but that’s the kind of thing that could really get a guy pissed off if he doesn’t know me, so I didn’t.

She was so loud that at one point Mike, the dealer, came by and said to her, “Pardon me miss, the people at my last table were complaining about the noise.”  I said, “Are you kidding, the people at the poker room on the other side of the Strip are complaining about the noise!”

Later she saw Tom dealing at the table directly in front us (behind the dealer of our game).  She went over to give him a tip. Yeah, she just took a few of her chips and handed to him at the next table.  Then she said—to the people at Tom’s game, not ours—to remember to tip the dealer.  It was all guys at that table (ours too, except for Prudence), so she said, “Show how big your penis is by giving the dealers big tips.” 

Now the guy at our table who said he’d never heard a noise like Prudence’s scream said, to that, “It’s two inches….soft.  Hard, it’s one inch.  Yeah, it actually gets smaller when it gets harder.”  No one reacted to that.

At some point in the day, she mentioned Tom and said something like, “I just thought he was cute.  Who knew he had a huge cock.”  The current dealer was Derek, mostly a quiet, deadpan guy who generally doesn’t talk much when he deals—unless he and I are talking about the NBA.  She had joked a few minutes earlier that Derek was the first dealer at BSC she had asked out.  I think she was just joking.  So Derek said, in response to the comment about having a big cock, “Is she talking about me?”

There was another comment somewhere along the day about her having “surprisingly sagging bosoms. Yeah, it’s surprising they sag so much, considering I’m not that old.”

She was having some success at the 1/2 game but wanted to try 2/5 at BSC.  There was no game going when we got there but she got on the list, and after an hour or so they had enough to start the game.  She moved on to that game, where she was, surprisingly, quiet as a titmouse.  She said the game was too serious and she was too concerned for her success to be loud and crazy.

I was doing terribly when we were together at that 1/2 game.  I was stacked when I hit 2 pair and someone hit a straight, the exact same thing that busted me out of the tournament earlier that day. From now on, I’m pretty much folding whenever I flop two pair.  I re-bought and was still struggling.  But once Prudence left for the 2/5 game, I was able to focus a little more on the poker and managed a nice turnaround.  I ended up leaving up $140 for the nite, after starting out down $250.

Prudence was still doing ok at the 2/5 game when I got too tired to continue.  So I left and said goodbye, finding out the next day that she had unfortunately busted out of her game after I left.  But she was comfortable playing at that level at BSC, and said there was a fair amount of weak players there.

And thus my day at the WSOP and my night at BSC came to an end.  A lot of fun, a lot of poker, and a lot of “Prudence."