Cocktail Time

This is a story that goes way back, and it has nothing to do with poker or Vegas.  But it is a “woman “woman said” story, and as I’ve noted before, those are my favorite kind of posts to write.  I haven’t had the chance to write up many “woman saids” lately—they just haven’t been coming.  True, my previous post (here) was a “woman said”, but it was rather tame for the genre. This one is much more salacious.

I was recently with my friends Woody & LM (the ones who encouraged me to start this blog) and was reminded of this story from our past.  It took place many years ago, and I just remember a few details, but what I remember is quite juicy.

The story starts when I somehow discovered that there was a cocktail called a “shaved bush.”  Don’t ask me how I found it.  I just did.  It was on a bartender’s guide website.  Unfortunately, the site I found it on no longer exists and it’s really hard to confirm that such a cocktail exists.  If you Google it now (and be sure to add “cocktail” after “shaved bush”!), you will most likely be directed to a drink called a “shaved pussy” instead.  Close enough, right?  I assume the recipes are one and the same.  Anyway, there’s actually evidence that it was once called a “shaved bush” in the book you can find here.

I emailed the original link I found (which included how to make it) to Woody and LM because I thought it was a rather amusing name for a cocktail.  They enjoyed the name as well, and LM reviewed the ingredients and thought it sounded like it might be tasty.

Now, at this time, Woody and LM were frequenting a sports bar in their neighborhood.  We’ll call this bar “Cheers” because they went there often enough so that everyone knew their names.  They not only liked the food and the adult beverages at Cheers, but they also liked the atmosphere and the staff.  There was one particular waitress that they always asked for when they went.  Let’s call her Diane, since that seems like a good name for a waitress working at a place called “Cheers.”  (Note: Please don’t confuse my friend Woody with any bartender from Cheers).

Diane was young and loud and friendly and outrageous and funny and not at all ladylike.  She had quite the mouth on her.  She would banter with Woody and LM in pretty much an X-rated manner.  There was nothing you could say to her that would shock her, and at least half the things that came out of her mouth would make a sailor blush.  Woody and LM always had a good time whenever they went to Cheers and were served by Diane.

When LM heard of the drink “shaved bush,” she knew she had to ask Diane if she was familiar with it.  That, in and of itself, would be fun.  So one time, at Cheers, LM asked Diane if she knew what a shaved bush was. Sadly, her exact response to this provocative question is lost to time, but I’m sure it was pretty good.  But Diane had never heard of the drink.  She of course went to the bartender to ask if he knew what a shaved bush was.  I’ll bet that interaction was classic too, but again, I cannot report it to you.  Anyway, the bartender never heard of it either.

As I said, LM thought it sounded like it might be good, so she brought the recipe in and had the bartender make her a shaved bush.  And she did indeed like it.  I dunno if she kept ordering but I know she did occasionally.

Well, one time they invited me to join them at Cheers.  There were mostly anxious for me to encounter the outrageous Diane.  So I joined them one evening and they introduced me to Diane.

To be honest, I can’t remember much of that encounter.  But one thing I do recall is that Woody wanted to get a picture of Diane and me together.  So she leaned into me and Woody took a few snaps.  In one, Diane stuck her tongue all the way out and it looked like she was licking my face. There was another pic where she put both her hands down my shirt and rubbed my chest for the photo (I was wearing a button down shirt, which she partially unbuttoned).  To be honest, it’s possible both those things happened in the same photo.

Anyway, it was a fun night, and Diane was every bit as sensational and salacious as advertised. It’s too bad I wasn’t doing a blog back then, because I’m sure a blog post written immediately after the evening, when it was all fresh in my mind, would have been epic. 

But as it is, I just remember the best line of the evening.  Cheers had a computerized menu, for both drinks and food.  You just punch in the menu item and the computer kicks out the price.  On this night, LM had ordered a shaved bush, no doubt so that I could see Diane’s reaction to the name of the drink.  I’m sure many jokes ensued, all lost to time.  But when she bought the check, there was no way for it to show a “shaved bush” on it, because that drink was never in their computerized system.

I guess Woody noticed that instead of a “shaved bush,” the bartender charged us for a different drink, presumably one of equal value.  And the item on the check showed up as a…..”blowjob.” 

Check it out folks, if you’ve never heard of it, but yes, there is a mixed drink known as a blowjob.  You can find out about it here.  I am led to believe that it is a popular drink served at bachelorette parties, if for no other reason than to make jokes about the bride-to-be and blowjobs.

Well, I had certainly never heard of a blowjob cocktail (my goodness, that sounds obscene, doesn’t it?).  I asked Woody and LM what kind of drink that was.  I honestly don’t recall if they knew or not, but they knew that asking Diane would be fun.  Since the drink was in their system, she would certainly know what it was.

So when she came back to pick up the payment for the check, LM pointed to the item on the check and said, “Diane, what’s a blowjob?”

We all laughed, and Diane spent a few words beginning to describe the drink and its ingredients, like, “Oh, well it’s part…”  But before she could get into the description, she stopped herself.

And then, pointing to me, she said, “Would you like me to demonstrate on this young man?”

Needless to say, there was a burst of laughter from our table.  I’m not sure we ever got an explanation of what the drink actually was.  And no, she did not demonstrate it on me (although Diane was so outrageous that it was not outside the realm of possibility that she might at least have started to).

But it was a fun evening, a heckuva punchline….and a classic “woman said” long before I even knew what a “woman said” was. .