Sunday, December 29, 2013

I Don't Have Any Pictures of Kaley Cuoco Naked

I don’t.

I also don’t have pictures of her “nackt.”

Really, I don’t.

One of the fun things about having a reasonably successful blog is checking the stats to see what search terms people have used to find it.  I talked about this a bit in this post here.

Some of the terms people plugged in to search engines that landed them here so amused me that I even started a separate page to keep a running list of the more unusual ones.  You can find that page here.  You’ll notice that the page hasn’t been updated in awhile.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  One, it was getting to be a drag to keep updating it even as I was getting no feedback on it whatsoever.  But more importantly, Google changed their policy and now seldom reveals what the search term is.  If you are logged in to Google with your Google account, the search term you put in shows up in my stats as an “encrypted search” and I have no idea what you were looking for when you found my blog.  So I'm no doubt missing out on being advised of a lot of the more interesting and amusing search terms people are using.

This is ridiculous, because even if I knew the search term, I would have no way of identifying the searcher.  Revealing this information would be helpful to me, and would cost the searcher nothing in terms of privacy.  If you ask me, the folks at Google are just being bastards doing this.  I’ll never know who that person was who found the blog by typing in “Slots O’ Fun Hooker” a few months back (that’s an actual search someone used to find the blog).  But if that person had been logged into his or her Google account when he or she typed that in, I would never have seen that search.  Pity.

Anyway, for a few months now, one search phrase has appeared over and over again in my stats, and it must be being entered by a person or persons who are not logged into Google, so I can see it.

The phrase is a variation on the same theme.  Here are three different recent versions of the search that all appeared recently:

“penny von big bang theory nackt”

“penny big bang theory nackt”

“big bang theory penny nackt”

Of course, I Googled “nackt” and found out it that it's the German word for “naked.”  The rest of it is pretty self-explanatory.  One or more people apparently want to see Kaley Cuoco, the female star of the TV show The Big Bang Theory, naked.  Her character’s name is “Penny.”

Initially I was a bit surprised.  I had only very recently been made aware of the fact that there are actually some people out there who desire to see celebrities, actresses, famous people, etc, stark naked.

Who knew?

I’m not sure I understand this desire, but who am I to judge?

In almost every case I’ve seen this search, it uses the German word “nackt”, and not the English words “naked” or “nude.”  This leads me to believe that searchers are German.  Just a hunch.  I guess Ms. Cuoco has quite the following in Düsseldorf..

I want to make it clear that this search shows up nearly every day. It shows up in the daily listing, so it is a new search made almost every day, not just an old search made once or twice last month. 

I suppose there could just be a whole lot of Germans coincidentally searching for Kaley in the buff, but the more logical probability is that this is the same German guy searching for nude pics of Kaley, over and over and over again.

He may be a little bit obsessed.

Now, the reason that search gets him to my blog is because of the way search engines work, something I don’t really understand.  But if you look at my post here, about Time-Warner cable, you will note that I included a couple of pictures of Ms. Cuoco in that post.  Sorry—if you clicked that link hoping to find nude pictures of Kaley, you were bitterly disappointed, just like that German guy has been. You will note that in neither of those pics is she even remotely naked.  She’s fully dressed.  Well, at least somewhat dressed.  But the ways of Google are mysterious.  Even though she is dressed for church, searching for nude pics of her leads one to my blog.

It is probably because of those pics that the Time Warner post is one of my all time most popular posts.  As such, it appears on the main page of the blog, not once, but twice, in the  "Most Popular Post" sections on the right side (one for the most popular of the month, one for most popular of all-time).  Thus, the first pic of that post appears twice on the blog’s main page. So that search leads one to my main page.

Again, my working assumption is that it is the same person who is searching for nude pics of Kaley Cuoco, most likely from Germany, almost every day.  I guess he expects that any day now, that secret vault of naked Kaley Cuoco pics will be opened, and he will finally get to see what he apparently really, really wants to see.

That’s rather amusing, but what I find really funny is this. The only way that it would show up in my blog stats would be if, after entering that search term and coming up with my blog as one of the search results, this poor guy goes ahead and clicks on the link to my blog.

Every single time.  Every single day.

Even though  the day before he clicked on the link and only found pictures of Kaley that she could proudly show to her father here, he keeps coming back.  Does this poor man keep forgetting that he’s already been to my blog and that there are no nude pics of Kaley here?  Has he not figured out enough about the blog to realize that if, by some chance, nude pics of Kaley were suddenly available,, they wouldn't appear on this blog?  After all, there are no nude pictures on this blog. 

And if he really thought this blog was the go-to website to find those hot-off-the-presses nude Kaley pics, why not just bookmark my blog so he doesn't have to keep typing ““big bang theory penny nackt” into Google every day?

I just don’t get it that this same guy (again, I assume) is doing that same search every day and somehow thinking that this blog—called "Rob’s Vegas & Poker Blog"—is going to be the place to find those nude Kaley Cuoco pics whenever they suddenly emerge.

I would think that every day he does that search and sees my blog show up, instead of clicking on the link, he’d say, “Scheiße, that stupid poker blog again?  No pictures of Penny nackt there!  Arschloch!”

But I guess he is the eternal optimist.  He never gives up on seeing Kaley naked. And he never gives up on those pics appearing on this very blog.

Well, sorry, mein freund, there are no pictures of Kaley Cuoco in her birthday suit here.  I don’t have any.  I wouldn't post them here if I did—this is a family blog!

Now, the constant appearance of this search phrase caused me to do a little research on my own.  I would never have  thought of it myself, of course, but I decided to see if indeed there are any nude pictures of Kaley out there.  And it turns out there aren’t.  Ms. Cuoco is a modest woman.

Furthermore, some research shows that she is steadfastly opposed to appearing nude.  She has stated this unequivocally and repeatedly.  Interestingly enough, though, this is not due to any strong moral or religious principles.

No, I've read that Kaley just doesn't like the way she looks naked. 


Apparently, in Kaley’s eyes, she is so unattractive without her clothes on that she dare not let the world see her that way.

Of course, never having seen her naked, I have no idea if her fears are well-founded or not.  For all I know, she may indeed look hideous without her clothes.

That’s not the way I’d bet, however.

It occurs to me, however, that there are people out there, some of whom are likely men, who indeed have seen her naked.  Is it possible that these men have told Kaley that she looks bad naked, and that’s why she won’t allow herself to be photographed that way?

I rather doubt that.  Even if a man who saw Kaley naked was somehow disappointed at that sight, I don’t think he’d tell her that.  I mean, I imagine that most men who have seen her naked were doing so right before they were about to do something that they really, really, really wanted to do.  And they were probably smart enough to realize that if, at that moment, they expressed disappointment with her physical appearance sans clothing, they might not get what they were just about to get.  It might be a real mood killer.

But then, Kaley is a smart lady, and she surely knows that no man would likely tell her she looks bad naked in such a situation.  So, while she was no doubt getting compliments from these fellows about to reach the promised land, maybe she is so filled with low self-esteem and self-doubt that she just didn't believe them.  She must know that these guys were not in a position to be objective.  Or at least verbalize such a thought.

Clearly, Ms. Cuoco needs an unbiased judge to give her a totally honest assessment of her nude form.  So Kaley, if you’re reading this—and I’m sure you are—I selflessly volunteer to check you out without your clothes on, and then give you an totally objective opinion. I would be glad to tell you whether you have nothing to fear from having nude photos taken, or if you have been wise all these years to have kept your clothes on. It would be a great personal sacrifice, but I am a giver.  Contact me through the blog, and let’s see if there’s a chance you can make that German kerl happy.

In the meantime, Herr Kaley Cuoco fan, I don’t have any pictures of Penny von the Big Bang Theory nackt.  Sorry.  You can stop coming here to find them.

Oh, I suppose the photo above is technically a photo of Kaley Cuoco naked.  But it doesn't really count, right?  She’s naked but she’s not naked.  You could put this pic on broadcast television.

I seriously doubt this will satisfy my obsessed German freund.


  1. You might be making a false assumption. Perhaps it is a woman who is searching for the naked pictures of Kaley Cuoco. I'll bet she has large breasts that she is just waiting to expose to you, Rob. Likely she is a woman of loose morals who, if she met you, would begin to strip off her clothes and ...

    Please reply me after you've wiped off your keyboard ...

    1. Was this comment meant for me or did you mean to post it on Tony's blog?

    2. LMAO. she is hot but need bigger BOOBIES. LOL. happy pre new year

    3. That was 20 minutes I'll never get back.

    4. @anger. Based on what we can tell by the pictures of her not naked, her boobies seem fine to me. I wouldn't touch them. Hmm, well, you know what I mean.

    5. Annony--if it took you 20 minutes to read this post, you should probably sue your third grade teacher. I suggest you write a letter to your elementary school to complain. Oh, I guess you probably better ask for help from your mommy or your daddy in writing that letter.

  2. My bet is that somebody has written a script to scour the internet for "nacht" pics of Ms. Cuoco. The script is likely dutifully performing that search daily, following the links, and collecting any picture files (jpg, bmp, png, etc.) that it finds on results for the search.

    1. Thanks, Jeff. I definitely thought it might be a bot or a script. But would a script actually land on my sight? Or would it just accumulate results from the search?

  3. She got married yesterday (1-1-14) so I am guessing she was nackt plenty last night. I am assuming with a body like that she is nackt all the time...I know I would be if I looked like that ;-)

    1. Thanks for the hot tip, Anony...I hadn't heard that. I guess that guy in Germany must be disappointed it wasn't him.

      Maybe her hubby--a tennis player, I see--will convince her that she looks good enough nackt that she show the world.

      But I'm not counting on that.

  4. Replies
    1. Yeah, he probably did. But why not? Aren't ALL of my blog posts worth reading at least four times.

      I think so.