Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Didn't Their Moms Tell Them to Always Wear Clean Underwear?

New Year's Eve 2013 (Part 3)

(This is the third and final chapter of my New Year's Eve adventure.  You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.)

At one point in the session, Abe returned from the Men’s Room with an interesting tidbit of information.  He had witnessed a guy taking a girl in there with him.  He took her into an empty stall, closed the door and proceeded to do….well, we don’t know what.  But it is a safe bet that they did somethi ng that couldn’t be described in a family blog. 

I asked him if he looked at the bottom, below where the door covered, to see if he could better provide us with a guess as to what specifically they were doing.  He denied doing so.  I did point out that it was a shame that I hadn’t witnessed this myself.  After all, “Woman in the Men’s Room” is a label I have used on this blog quite a few times before.  This will be the 9th such post with that designation.  Oh well, Abe’s reportage of this incident will suffice.

OK, Ok, I’ve stalled long enough.  I know you all come here expecting a serious poker blog, so let’s finally get to the actual poker, shall we?  I was pretty card dead the whole night.  The good thing was, when I played a hand, the flop missed me so completely that it didn’t cost me a lot of money.  After a couple of hours I had lost about a half of my buy-in but had never come close to putting my entire stack in play.   Down to $103, I added a $100 and immediately started getting the exact same cards I was getting before.

The best hand I had during this period was when I had nothing.  I had Ace-Queen in late position and raised to $12.  Three players called.  I totally whiffed on the flop, and it checked to me.   I bet $35 with air and had two caller.  Another miss on the turn.  I checked behind the other players.  Another complete miss on the river.  Both players checked.  I assumed that one of them had at least a small pair.  I decided to bet to see if I could steal it.  I put out $50 and they both folded.  Who says I can’t bluff?  (Of course, it’s possible I had the best hand there.)

A little while later I raised to $10 with Ace-Jack offsuit, and had four callers.  It was a King high flop, and totally missed me, but I took a chance and put out a $35 continuation bet (not always a good idea with so many in the hand).  But no one called.

Then there was a bad hand and I should have known better.  I limped in on the button with Ace-3 clubs.  That was strictly in a desperate attempt to hit a flush so I could get a ticket for the cash drawing.  The flop was Ace-3-2, two hearts.  I bet $10 and had two callers.  A five of clubs on the turn put four to a straight out there.  I checked, but called a $20 bet (just the two of us).  And when a Jack of spades hit the river, I checked and called a $25 bet.  Of course he had the straight.  In fact, he was playing the mighty deuce-four!  How could I fall for that?

This takes us to Brent’s 2AM down.  Recall I was ready to leave but was having too much fun discussing “genres”.  So I stayed.  I started his down with about $150 in front of me, so I was stuck for about $150.  And unfortunately, I didn’t take really good notes on the hands during this down because I was having too much fun discussing and watching those genres.  So I’ll do the best I can since this was also the best poker for me of the night (another reason why Brent’s down was so much fun).

In early position, Abe raised to $10.  I was in the Big Blind with King-Queen of clubs.  To me, that’s not a good hand to call a raise out of position with, especially a raise from a solid player like Abe, not some maniac.  It’s too easily dominated.  But almost everyone at the table called Abe’s raise.  I think a few players from the Wynn called.  At least one player from The Bike in L.A. called.

No, I guess four had called so it was pretty easy for me to call there as well, making the pot $60 preflop.  The flop was Queen high, one club.   I checked and Abe bet.  Now my best recollection is that he bet $20 although that seems awfully small for the size of the pot.  But one player called and so did I.  The turn was a club, so when Abe bet $30 (I think) and the other guy called, I called.  At this point I was thinking Abe might have Ace-Queen and I need to hit the flush to win.

So a low club hit the river giving me the second nut flush.  I bet $35.  Abe tanked for a good long while.  He couldn’t put me on any hand that made sense.  He didn’t think I would have called the flop with just a back-door flush draw.  He didn’t tell me afterwards, he was saying this while he was thinking about his action.  Finally he called and so did the other guy. 

He did indeed have Ace-Queen.  The other guy King-Queen, same as me (if you ignore the fact that I had the flush).  In that one hand, I went into the black from being the red. I won over $200 and was now up for the night.  And I had earned my very first drawing ticket (for the flush) after over 8 hours of poker!  Brent offered me the ticket and I declined.  There was no way I was gonna hang around until 6 in the morning!  I’m crazy, but not that crazy.  I later apologized to Abe for hitting the backdoor flush on him.  At least this time a lot of the money I won came from other players, not just him.  (Edited to add:  I've heard from Abe and he has a different recollection of the hand, see addendum below)*

The very next hand I won again.  I didn’t write down the details and couldn’t remember the next morning.  I know I had Ace-5 and presumably limped in from the small blind.  I hit two pair and this time it held.  It was a much smaller pot than the first.  But still nice to win.  Abe was shouting, “kill pot, kill pot.”

A few hands later I raised pre with Ace-King and only one player called, an older gentleman.  He led out on a board that was Ace high.  I just called.  I really suspected he had two pair. I kept calling and I think we both checked the river.  He mucked when I showed my hand.  Note:  I guess I should have insisted he show first, even though there was no bet on the river.  But at this point I knew I was almost done playing and didn’t really care what he had if I could drag the pot.

I managed to lose some money on a few other hands but when Brent was pushed out, it was 2:30 AM and I had gone from down $150 to up nearly $200 in less than 30 minutes.  And had a blast checking out ladies and joking about genres.  It was a great fun.  So, since I couldn’t imagine the next dealer (I can’t recall who it was) making “genre” jokes, I picked up and cashed out. Playing 8-1/2 hours of poker over two days, two months, and two years was enough.

I went people watching.  And you can easily guess the type of people I was watching for.  As I’ve implied, there were plenty of really attractive, minimally dressed ladies walking by the poker room all night.  And when I had taken a dinner break, I walked by the night club and was surprised to see they were already lining up to get in.  This was around 8-8:30, whereas they usually don’t start queuing up until 10-10:30. 

But at a quarter the three, there were still plenty of people near the club, either trying to get in, or leaving, or somewhere in between.  Generally speaking, the outfits the club-goers were wearing were no different than what I’ve described in the past.  Just more of the same.  But really, it never gets old. 

And then, and then….well, I saw this girl who was so drunk she could not walk under her own power.  Apparently she was leaving the club after a night of a few too many adult beverages.  Holding her up on one side of her was her girlfriend.  Holding her up on the other side of her was some guy.  Her friend too?  Someone she met in the club?  I have no idea.  But the two of them were practically carrying her as they headed toward the parking area.  They had a long way to go.

My eyes were scanning the whole place (there were so many wonderful things to see, you couldn’t take it all in) and I was already more or less passed this trio when I noticed them.  I saw the girl could barely walked and I turned around to see if she was going to fall.  I saw her wobble from the back and I couldn’t help noticing that her very, very, very short dress was hiked up quite a bit and I could see, well, at least 1/3 of her bare butt cheeks from this angle, totally uncovered by the dress.  Ahem.  And since the girl was a bit on the heavy side, there was a lot of butt cheek to see.

Just then, the trio stopped and the two sober folks bent down and tried to get her heels off. It was tough enough for her to walk in this condition.  Trying to walk totally smashed and on heels was asking way too much.

Now I after to interject here that my pal Woody, upon hearing and reading about the Slut Parade, has often wondered what percentage of these club-going ladies go “commando.”  Of course, I have no way of knowing.  But ever since he brought it up, I have on occasion tried to determine if I could ascertain if any particular girl I saw might indeed be lacking in the panty-department.  This woman here seemed to be an excellent potential candidate for my research.  Of course, she could have been wearing a thong.

So purely for the benefit of science, and for the benefit of my pal Woody—and not for any prurient interest of my own, I assure you—I doubled back and moved in front of the young lady.

As I did this, her friends were making half-hearted efforts to pull down her dress from either side.  But I couldn’t help noticing several guys—at least four or five—who were parked in front in front of her enjoying the view.  And her friends didn’t seem to care about this.

I didn’t get the best look, but I’m here to tell you that this was the first vagina I saw in 2014.  But then, the year was less than three hours old.  Ok, so I know what you’re all saying.  I can hear you. “Pics or it didn’t happen.”

Fair enough. I couldn’t imagine actually whipping out my camera phone and trying to snatch a picture of this poor inebriated woman at her most vulnerable.  Sorry.  But not all guys have my sense of morality.  In fact, one of the guys parked in front of her did indeed snap a few pics of her.  His camera was pointed right below her belt (if she had been wearing one), make no mistake.

Shocking, really shocking.

Again, her two friends couldn’t seem to care less that he was taking pictures of her like that.  They were too busy trying to prevent her from falling over (which would have given everyone one hell of a view) while they desperately tried to get her heels off.

So I can’t prove it with pics.  I’m not that sleazy.  But I bet, I just bet, that the guy who did take the pics posted them online somewhere.  Somewhere there must be a website of drunk girls inadvertently flashing the beav.  I bet this girl is on it.

Finally they got her shoes off and proceeded to more or less carry her towards the parking area.  I don’t know if they made it or not.  In hindsight (so-to-speak), I probably should have followed them.  No, no….that would have been taking things too far.

Besides, just a few minutes later I saw a group of especially attractive young ladies hanging out together, just talking.  One of them was sitting on the ledge of a pillar.  She had on an incredibly short dress.  She was not especially drunk, and she was holding her purse in her lap.  But one of her girlfriends with her, standing up, caught my eye.  There was something about her outfit I found interesting.  I’m guessing it had to do the area between her neck and her belly button.  Just a hunch.  As I was noticing the girl standing, the girl sitting down suddenly stood up, and before, she had a chance to pull down her dress she convinced me that she too had neglected to put on her undies before going out for the evening.  Hoo-ha #2.

If I may philosophize for a moment, I have to wonder how much—if at all—these women really care about accidentally flashing total strangers like this.  Back in my day, it would have quite scandalous and humiliating.  A woman might be forced to leave town and even get a whole new identity.  Now, I’m not so sure.  Surely a woman who puts on a ridiculously short skirt and leaves the panties at home knows she’s at great risk of this happening.  Does she care that someone she’s never gonna see again gets a quick look at her like that?  I mean, as long as nobody got a picture of it….oh wait.

Besides, according to the article here, 2013 was the year of the very visible vagina.  Which leaves me wondering what 2014 will be the year of?  The very visible cervix?

By around 3:30 in the morning, I figured the traffic would have died down enough for it to be ok to get on the streets.  I had observed that the roadblocks were no longer on the strip and that cars were coming and going on it.  Time to put New Year’s Eve 2013 to bed. 

I’m definitely glad I decided to spend my first ever New Year’s Eve in Vegas.

*-Addendum:  According to Abe, it was a limped pot, he didn't raise pre and he was in the big blind, not me.  I limped from the button.  He only bet $10 on the flop and $30 on the turn. He agreed that I bet $35 on the river and both called.  My problem with his recollection is that I would have won quite a bit less money if he is right, and I'm pretty sure I won over $200, which wouldn't be the case if he's right.  I guess next time in town, I'll ask to look at the surveillance tape.  :) )

Also, for another look at NY's Eve in Vegas, and a great trip report from a reader from England, check out Ben's report here.


  1. Rob, based on your very astute observations, I would say that the "commando %" at those clubs is in excess of 50%.

    Keep up the good work. I want updates in this regard. Woody

    1. Thanks, Woody. I had a feeling you'd like this post.

      I don't know what the percentage is.

  2. HI Rob, nice short 3 parter there !. Myself I had a great NYE and we found the perfect spot on the strip without being crushed and watched the fireworks from PH, MGM and Aria, with TI in the background. Also near enough to the hotel to be back at the craps table for 12.45. Good seeing you again over the break, even if it was brief. But hey, I lost 2 decent hands with KK in my hand ! What did I expect with you in the vicinity !! :) Anyway trip report here http://mrben09.wordpress.com/2014/01/11/vegas-nye-2014/ , v.low poker content, cept the above ! At least I didn't lose my car which stopped me going drinking (!), like crazy guy at our table !

    1. Thanks, Ben. You should have gotten those KK hands against me like Nick did. Then you would have crushed me with them.

      Great trip report on your blog which I recommend to everyone, even tho you had only one poker session.

      I have to check my notes, but my recollection of that session we had was that it was sadly neither profitable nor memorable (except for playing with you) and I dunno if it will ever make it into a blog post. Oh well.

      It was great meeting and playing with you tho. Hope we do it again some time.....with better results.

    2. AllI remember (apart from getting crushed with KK - 10 -6 sir, that'll do nicely), was the self proclaimed "Worst Cocktail waitress in the World", the man who's drinking was interrupted by loss of car, and the arrival of Mr Big Time Player (of 1-2), who got an "O Sh**t ! from my immediate right. And then they traded stories of 2-3 G swings at 1-2 in single sessions(!)

    3. Oh wow, my memory is bad. I do recall both the worst waitress and the "Oh Shit" stories. They're definitely in my voice notes, so they will definitely make it into a blog post at some point. Definitely. I remember those stories, but didn't recall that they both happened in the session with you. So, you will make it into the blog for sure.

      But I don't recall the guy losing his car. I really don't. Now it might be in my voice notes, but I suspect it isn't. So what was that story?

    4. There was a black guy in seat 3 who stated he had had his car stolen the day before. And this was a massive inconvenience as he needed the car to go drinking. But all was not lost as Metro had since found the car (my inner detective says wherever he had left it), so all was good. Which was just as well, as he sounded like he had 1 or 2 sherbets that day as well, and would probably need a ride home soon. But he was clever enough to read my KK against his 10-6 and know he would flop 2 pair. So in short, Crazy guy bemoans the fact his car is stolen and had ruined that days pub crawl.

    5. Thanks, Ben. I barely recall that, I doubt it's in my notes. But when I get to the blog about this session, I'll include your version of the story.

  3. Oh and lastly, I will draw on my experience of once being a nightclub DJ. Over 75%. Ladies don't like the VPL you see.......

    1. Oh wow, that's valuable information to be sure. I'm sure you have scientific date/studies/charts/photos etc to prove this right?

      I assume this was in England? So instead of leaving their panties at home, the left their knickers at home? Wouldn't that be VKL then? :)

  4. Rob, you said, "In that one hand, I went from in the black to in the red, I won over $200 and was now up for the night."

    You went in the red after winning a hand?

    1. It's true....that's HOW BAD my luck at poker is.

      Haha. Thanks for catching that, it's been fixed.

  5. Rob - I'm probably about your age so I was just as surprised to find that underwear is mostly optional these days. I work with about 40 women, all but two under 35 years old. As the only male I sometimes find myself in conversations as 'just one of the girls' and just as surprisingly as you I was shocked to find out that pantyhose and underwear went out a long time ago. Seems when smooth came in, underwear went out.

    Enjoy your blog. thank-you for the entertainment.

    1. Thanks, itchy. Yeah, I knew pantyhose has long been gone....even if offices have dress code, bare legs are the thing.

      But no underwear when wearing a dress that just barely, and I do mean barely, covering their backsides? I mean, there's no margin of error, as I found out NY's Eve.

      I can't wait for the next 20-30 years--will the girls wearing any clothing at all--perhaps just a belt--be the exception rather than the rule?

    2. Really creepy