Sunday, April 22, 2012

Happy Birthday, You're Under Arrest!

The last thing I would have expected to happen to get my birthday off to an interesting start was to run into Las Vegas’s Finest, ie, Metro Police—and almost getting arrested in the process.  But that’s my life, folks.

Last night, while waiting for my birthday to arrive at the stroke of midnight, I was playing poker at BSC next to the truly delightful Prudence, who, among other things, rejected my suggestion that she rub my schvantz—a suggestion I made with her boyfriend sitting just inches away.  But sorry folks, that story will have to wait, Law & Order comes first.
Midnight came, making it my birthday.  Prudence and Tom had left after giving me a birthday present and a bit later, so did I.  Where I had parked I had to take an escalator in the casino up to get to the parking area.  As I was going up the escalator, I saw in the slot area I had just left two black girls who had hooker written all over them.  Not quite literally, but my spidey-sense was going off like crazy. They were, from a distance at least, both reasonably attractive and were dressed just slutty enough to be hookers but not so slutty so as to look like club-going girls, who dress a lot sluttier than the hookers. So I was sure I had spotted a couple of gals who offer men vagina-rentals by the hour (or maybe by the half hour for men who are quick on the trigger).
Now, as I mentioned in this postI have a married friend who loves for me to tell him hooker stories.  He’s also one of the two people (along with his wife) who encouraged me to start this blog based on the Vegas and poker stories I would tell them.  Even if I don’t blog about them, he wants hooker stories.  I haven’t posted one lately, partly due to running into a dearth of hookers recently.  Last trip I didn’t see any, surprising as it sounds.  So when I saw these two working girls, I figured I could get a story to tell my friend, whether or not I got something blog-worthy.  Why not check it out, I thought? Basically, I was mining for a good hooker story.
I got right back on the escalator, this time going down (so-to-speak) and went looking for the girls.  I found one talking to some middle-aged white guy and they both had their celphones out.  It appeared they were exchanging information on their phones, and I took this to mean I was right, she was a hooker and they were exchanging contact info for a future tryst. 
Then I noticed the other gal talking to a guy. He was white but appeared somewhat younger than middle-aged, but close to that. I missed his approach, but they were talking really intimately, it seemed.  They were very close, face-to-face.  There was some body contact as well, one of them had their arms around the other, and I think I even saw a quick hug.  You don’t usually see hookers encourage that much contact in public, it might attract attention.  If I hadn’t been so damn sure she was a pro, I might have thought that no, this was a couple already in a relationship.  But my spidey-sense is seldom wrong, I was still thinking hooker.
They started to walk off together, and I believe for a few moments they were holding hands.  I decided to follow them just to see if they headed to the elevators, and if so, that would be the end of my story.  But they went past the elevators, into an area where there are a lot of eating places and a bar or two.  I thought, oh, they want to have a drink first.  This is cool, I will see them in the bar and then observe a bit how they interact.

But no, they went past the bar, they went past all the eating places, and they went to—nowhere, really—and exited the casino through some double door.  WTF?  I thought where they went was like an “Employees Only” place but I had to get close enough to see for sure.
I should point out here that I thought I was being very careful in following them.  I lagged way behind, I didn’t want them to turn around and notice me.  I was sure I was being discreet.
Anyway, a few minutes after they disappeared, I slowly wandered over to the door they had exited, and sure enough, it said “Employees Only.”  I didn’t get it.  I was just too dumb to figure out what had happened.  All I could think of was that I sure didn’t think the girl was an employee, unless this casino actually had hookers on the payroll.
I was about to leave when I noticed an interesting looking restaurant nearby, a Burger joint.  Always on the lookout for a good burger place, I stopped to check out the menu (the place was closed).  As I was trying to read it on the wall, I heard a male voice behind me.
“Excuse me sir.”
I turned around to see a guy who was casually dressed and looked not too dissimilar to the guy who went thru the door with the hooker, but not the same guy.  He had his wallet out and showed me a freaking badge! I didn’t get a good look at it, but I did hear the guy say, “Metro Police.”
WTF????
“We noticed you talking to that woman, and then following us here, wanting to see where we were headed”
Shit.
I told the officer the truth.  “I didn’t talk to any woman.”
He disputed my claim.  “You were talking to that woman and then you followed us here.  She’s been arrested for prostitution.”
Only part of that was true.  I hadn’t spoken to anyone since entering the casino.  But of course he had me dead to rights on the “following them” part.  I was trying to think fast, to come up with a logical story as to why I would have followed them.  Gulp.  I wonder if he would have been ok with, “Well, I have a blog and I need hooker stories for it, but I never use the girls’ services.  Also, my friend loves hooker stories….”
Fortunately, I didn’t have to come up with that on the spot.  I repeated what I said before, the truth.  “Officer I didn’t talk to that woman, or any woman.”  I paused to think of something to add, but he saved me by talking first.
“Well, sir, we advise you to be careful with those girls.  We’re trying to protect you.  Many of them are trying to rob the men they solicit.  For your own safety, we advise you to stay away from them.”
I said ok, and thanked him, for what I’m not sure.  Scaring the shit out of me?  Or I guess, for not detaining me further.  For not arresting me on my god damn birthday!
I turned away and got the hell out of there as fast as my old legs could take me.  What a hell of a way to start to a birthday that almost was.  Getting arrested for soliciting a prostitute, that I didn’t even solicit! 

So...not quite the same kind of fun I had on my last birthday, as I told here.
Next time my spidey-sense tingles and a gal says “Hey baby” or “Where you going, Sugar”, or “You want some company”, I’m not even gonna bother to say “no thanks.”  I’m turning and running.

Phew.

38 comments:

  1. Rob, I think this is your best hooker story yet. Further, the Metro Police should be ashamed of themselves. How is an honest hooker supposed to make a living in the NY NY?

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    Replies
    1. I never mentioned the name of the casino, Woody. It was actually Circus Circus (I was the CLOWN who almost got arrested).

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  2. Hehe, awesome! Happy Birthday

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. It was a good birthday, details to follow.

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  3. So, were the cops:
    1. Honestly trying to protect you,
    b. Trying for a multiple collar, or
    iii. Hassling you for catching one of them trying to cash
    in on his "Freebie"

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    Replies
    1. No clue, I wasn't about to stick around to investigate any further, I can tell you that.

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  4. Following people in a casino? It didn't occur to you that this isn't smart? I would assume your motive is robbery, but regardless, if I'm surveillance or security and see you doing what you did, your ass is in a sling. You didn't break any laws, but I'm not going to be happy to have you as a future customer. Excellent way to get 86'd. Such a very bad idea.

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  5. This pretty much means happy death day to new hooker stories eh?


    Happy Bday spiderman!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks and yes, unless I dip into my old story vault, hooker stories might be drying up. As do the hookers, with time.

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    2. Noo! Don't let the man keep you down!

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  6. Rob -- the hooker stalker. Holy Waffles!

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    Replies
    1. That nickname is catchy... :)

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    2. LightNing....does Waffles stalk hookers too? Wow.

      Coach....yeah, you're right. Sounds like a movie title or maybe a reality TV show.

      I want a cut!

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  7. Happy Birthday. Glad your adventure turned out okay.

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  8. "Next time my spidey-sense tingles and a gal says “Hey baby” or “Where you going, Sugar”, or “You want some company”, I’m not even gonna bother to say “no thanks.”

    Don't forget the classic, "Do you have the time Shug?"

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    Replies
    1. Ducky, I'm sorry to admit this, but I don't get the reference. Please enlightening me.

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  9. Oh yeah -- forgot to say "Happy Birthday!"

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  10. Oh my God Rob! I came here to wish you a happy birthday. REALLY I did. So Happy Birthday Sweetie.

    Um, following hookers down around and out of casinos on your birthday. I'd say something was tingling - interesting that you call it your spidey sense.

    Oh and this was for your friend. That's right! I'd forgotten. rofllllllll

    Happy birthday!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Josie.

      Yes, yes, yes it was my Spidey sense that tingled, I swear.

      Something else was tingling the other night when Prudence almost grabbed it.

      I knew you would be skeptical of it being my friend. Heh Heh.

      Come on, Josie, do poker players ever lie?

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    2. Only when their lips are moving.

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  11. I was thinking that before you got to the 'punchline' - it had to be obvious to the eyes in the sky that you were following them when you reached the desolate parts of the casino... Love it... Happy Birthday!

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    Replies
    1. I've been stupid, I guess, I never really thought of the eye in the sky watching ME. This was not the first working girl I followed.

      And YES, it was just for a good story and a possible blog post. NOTHING MORE.

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  12. You know, I've heard that the birthday song from Bubba inside the Clark County Detention Center is a really special moment. Sorry that you missed out on that opportunity.

    Happy Birthday regardless!

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  13. Rob - the rule is if no money exchanges hands then they can not bust you period. It was fun to picture you scurrying out of the casino like a little girl with your tail between your legs.. no offense to little girls.

    I LOVE this hooker story though! Please do not stop! Best. Story. Ever!

    Also.. you win the prize for Creapiest dude! I am no longer the champion! YES!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I know that I really don't do anything that was "bust-worthy" (so-to-speak). And the cop accused me of talking to the girl and I didn't even do that. But anytime a cop shows you a badge, it's a little bit startling, to say the least.

      Me, creepy? But I was just going for a good blog post.

      Not sure if I'll be doing any NEW hooker stories tho, I have been tamed.

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    2. wimp... hmmm maybe I could take up this segment.. of course you would need to point them out to me..

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    3. I do offer free "hooker spotting" lessons to all regular readers of my blog.

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    4. Everytime a cop shows me his badge I hope I will have to convince by any means necessary to let me go :)

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  14. Replies
    1. Thanks. I managed to spend it out of jail!

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  15. I can see myself doing the same stupid thing out of mere curiousity. And I'd still do it. funny!

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    1. Thanks Vook. I do know at least one lawyer in Vegas who reads my blog but I'm not sure he's the right kind of lawyer, so I'm not likely to pull this stunt again.

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  16. Just because you DIDN'T do anything wrong DOESN'T mean that you won't be arrested.

    A message from your friendly, neighborhood criminal defense attorney.

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    Replies
    1. Heh,heh....thanks John. I'll keep that in mind.

      After all, ALL your clients are INNOCENT, right?

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