7th Anniversary Post: Remembering the Hard Rock Hooker

I publish this post on the seventh anniversary of this blog's debut.  Yes this is a reprint of the very first post I ever published (well, sort of, read on).

You see, a few weeks back I suddenly realized I was coming up to the anniversary of the blog, and I got the idea of commemorating it by reposting my first blog post.  But why do this for the seventh anniversary?  It's not like seven is normally a big deal.  I guess i should have done this two years ago for the fifth anniversary--but the truth is I didn't think of it.  And why not wait for the 10th anniversary?  Well, because I might not remember then.  Also, who knows if I'll still be doing the blog three years from now.

Anyway, technically, this isn't quite the first post I did.  On September 20, 2011, I actually published two posts, just a few minutes apart.  You see, I wanted to make sure I had enough content ready so that this blog wasn't going to just be a one-post wonder.  I published two that first day and two more the very next day.  Then after a day or two another post, and then another day with two more posts.  By the end of September, I had nine posts up.

The actual first post was a review of my previous experience staying at the Excalibur.  Since that experience dates back to like 2010 it has almost no relevance today.  In fact, I should take it down, but I don't want to diminish my actual post-count. I guess I thought I might periodically review hotels in Vegas, but I never did that again.  It was just a mindless rant.

Besides, this post below is a hooker story--obviously the first one of many to appear here.  What better way to kick off the blog?  As you know, hooker stories are a staple of the blog.

For the record, I was able to research this and figured out that the actual incident I describe below took place in the summer of 2008--so this is like the 10th anniversary of the story taking place..  I can't vouch for things being the same over at the Hard Rock.  Perhaps the place is hooker-free.  Perhaps they've replaced the hot female bartenders at the pool with senior citizens (I rather doubt that).

I must admit, when I reread this post to publish it again, I sort of cringed.  I feel that if I wrote this today, it would be a lot different in terms of writing style, word usage, sensitivity (ie, a bit more PC) and even grammar.  I was tempted to change a few words and some phraseology.  But I decided to present it in all it's original glory--I didn't change a thing.  But I feel I'm not the same person today who wrote this seven years ago.

Oh, I did change one thing.  Back when I started the blog, I didn't add pictures to the posts.  I didn't start doing that for a few months--in fact, I didn't even know you could do that.  I'm sure you will all agree that the blog is better with the pics.

I'm sure this post, like a lot of my early ones, was adapted from an email I sent to my friends relating this story to them (using those emails was one of the reasons I was able to post so much material right out of the gate).

Hope you enjoy this trip down memory lane!


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A few years ago I decided to go to Hard Rock (not a pseudonym) to check out the pool.  I told the guy I wanted to play blackjack but he didn't seem to care.  Not sure if it was because it was a weekday or not, but all he was there for was to make sure no one took anything glass into the pool area and to make sure they didn't take any bags there (I guess they don't want anyone smuggling outside food and drinks in).  Anyway, I got into the pool area and looked around.

Oh my gosh.  This is the place I wanted my ashes scattered when I die.  The female employees who work in the pool area--all of them wearing bikinis with very tiny sarongs wrapped very tightly around their bikini bottoms--are nothing short of sensational.  I mean they all have killer bodies. Unlike the cocktail waitresses inside, they all seem to be natural on top.  Basically, they don't hire girls for the pool unless they make the average Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model look like Rosie O'Donnell.  I'm not kidding, these girls were unbelievable.

Of course, the clientele in and around the pool isn't bad either.  About 80% of the girls there are various degrees of hot.  Every now and again you see a girl in a bathing suit and you wish she was covered more but that's rare.  This is eye candy at its absolute best.

I eventually made my way over to the bar/casino area.  Behind the bar, there were two female bartenders in turquoise bikinis with virtually perfect bodies.  Don't ask me what their faces looked like, I never got there.  They could look like Greta Van Sustern for all I know.  They not only had one swim up blackjack table but three blackjack tables next to the bar for people NOT in the pool.  These were manned by two awesome looking bikini -clad dealers and one guy, who, sorry ladies, was wearing a shirt.  The minimums for the BJ were $15, $25, and $100.  Frankly, the girl dealing at the $15 table was so hot that I was tempted to play there even at $15 a throw just to get a better view of this gal, but there was no room.  And as hot as the other dealer was, I wasn't quite prepared to play BJ at $100 a hand to get close to her.

But I decided that, while it might not be worth a hundred bucks or so to hang around, it was definitely worth the price of an overpriced drink.  There was an open spot at the bar which I took, which offered a pretty good view of the pool, a great view of the two awesome bartenders and a nice view of various hot girls walking right past me to and from the bar, the casino area and the ladies room.  Also the hot waitresses getting drinks to deliver poolside.  It's pretty much the best experience a guy could have without taking off his pants.

So I sat at the bar and waited to order a drink.  I knew the drink would be ridiculously expensive but I figured it was worth it to buy me, say, 1/2 hour at this venue. I decided to order a Bud Light Lime that I had seen one guy at the bar drinking....in the always stays cold aluminum bottle.  I had heard a couple of guys at poker the day before raving about how great these new bottles were.  And I figured domestic beer would be cheaper than a Corona or a mixed drink.  However, the bartender was totally ignoring me, like she didn't see me.  Not really a problem, gave me more time to enjoy the view.

Which I was.  But then at one point I noticed a few feet from me a girl drying herself off who I definitely did not want to see in a bikini, even though she was indeed wearing one.  This was an example of the one in five patrons who wasn't hot.  Oh, I guess her face was nice enough, but she was definitely too heavy to get away with wearing a bikini.   I wouldn't call her obese, but she was a million miles from being "trim."   Even though she did have big tits that were natural because her bikini showed a lot of cleavage and they were quite sagging.  Hey, if a girl is showing lotsa cleavage and I want to turn away, you know there's a problem, right?

So it didn't take me very long to look away from her and go back to looking at the hot bartender who was ignoring me.  But, within five seconds, the girl I was just describing came over to me, rubbed up against me and said hello.  She was actually getting me a little wet--and not in a good way.  She started chatting me up and since I wasn't born yesterday I immediately realized that the gal was a hooker.  So, they don't just work on the Strip casinos at around 1:00AM, it seems.

She asked me my name and gave me hers (which I immediately forgot) and asked where I was from, what I was here for, what I like to play, was I going into the pool, etc.  And constantly rubbing up against me.  She even complimented my shirt, which was just a plain old pocket T like I usually wear.  I lied to her and said I was leaving town in a couple of hours but it did not deter her.  In hindsight, I know I should have said that I didn't have a room at this hotel to see how she would deal with that, although I thought that was implied by my saying I was leaving town soon since this was around 3:00PM and I would have been checked out of my room by now.  Subtlety was wasted on this girl, apparently.

I was annoyed because she was just a total distraction from what I was really there for.  I mean, even if I was open to the idea of hiring a hooker, this was not the girl I would ever hire.  I probably shouldn't admit this but if I'm being totally honest, if this gal had looked like one of the bartenders, it's not outside the realm of possibility that this story might have a totally different ending.  And one I wouldn't be putting in a blog post. But this girl?  No way.  She would have to pay me, not the other way around.

Now here's the most embarrassing part.  She asked me if I was going to order a drink.  I said that I was trying to but that I was being ignored.  Then she asked if I would buy her one.  I just didn't know how to handle this situation.  I guess my instinct was not to be rude and say no.  Or to tell her to get lost like I should have.  Or make up something about meeting my girlfriend any minute.  So before I knew what I was saying, I said yes, I would buy her a drink.  Such a gentlemen!  Such a putz!

She immediately flagged down the bartender who was ignoring me.  She ordered something, I couldn't hear what, and I ordered the Bud Light Lime.  I really didn't know what it was called so I had to point out the guy who was drinking what I was talking about.  The bartender went to get the drinks.  I got out a twenty figuring that there was no way two drinks could be more than that, including tip.

What I didn't realize was that this slut ordered two drinks.  The bartender put two drinks in front of her (one was huge bottle of bottled water and I didn't know what the other one was) and gave me my beer.  Then she said the tab was $33!  Thirty Three dollars!  I gulped, reached back for my wallet and took out another $20.  You have to tip a buck a drink, right, so that's $36 this little adventure is costing me.  I looked at the receipt.  My beer was $7, so was the bottled water (Large Fiji water).  Now the seven bucks for the beer is outrageous enough, but how do they have the balls to charge the same price for the goddamn water?  And the other drink?  That was a "Red Bull Tiki" and the cost of that was $19!!!!!  Yikes!.  What the hell is a Red Bull Tiki anyway?  For $19 it better be one awesome drink.

Well, it was an expensive lesson but I was trying to figure a way out of it.  I didn't really want to sit there with this chunky hooker and chat with her.  Fortunately, after she had the drinks, she asked me if I was going to be  there that night.  I reminded her that I was leaving in a couple of hours.  She asked I was sure and if I might be interested in joining her for a hot tub party instead.  I insisted that I was not staying long.  She then started to pack up her stuff and said she was taking off but told me, "Don't go anywhere, I'll be back."  Screw that.  As soon as she was out of view, I grabbed my overpriced beer and got the hell out of there!  Back inside the casino.  I didn't think she'd be trolling inside, not in that bikini that was revealing much too much flesh.

I do wonder if this gal has some kind of "arrangement" with the hotel.  She was definitely in the pool and the pool is for guests only.  I doubt she has a room at the Hard Rock.  Does she sneak by or does she have a deal with the hotel?  Perhaps the hotel gets a cut, or maybe the hotel is just okay with it because it brings in customers?

Anyway, it was a pretty annoying experience, and not just because of the $28 I was out (I was willing to spend $8 for the beer I ordered for myself).  It cost me a good half an hour or more of eye candy viewing.  Because there was no way I was hanging around the pool and risking having to deal with her again.....or perhaps some other hooker who was working the pool.

The saving grace is that, at least I got a great story out of it.  By the next day it almost seemed worth it for the story.  And now, I can honestly say that I have spent money on a hooker.  And also, that I got screwed by one.  Just not in the way you'd want to.

The Naked Poker Player, The Cigar Man, & The Possible Hooker

You must be used to the fact that I don’t post my anecdotes in chronological order, right?  This is the tale of my first night in Vegas last month. 

Got into a 1/2 game at BSC and was minding my own business when the fellow to my right suddenly said to me, “You play here a lot, don’t you?”

I figured it was because he’d seen me being friendly with the dealers but no, he said he recognized my “card protector”.  I talked about my card protector in this post.  Anyway this guy is a frequent visitor to Vegas and admitted that he didn’t really recognize me, just the card protector.  Wow.  Guess I would make a good bank robber if no one recognizes me.  Anyway, his wife was across the table from me and she was very memorable.  She had a terrific figure, a skimpy dress and was revealing some very nice “no limit cleavage”, a concept I mentioned, among other posts, here.

A bit later, the husband took off, quickly followed by his wife.  That left the table short-handed for a bit.  The wife’s seat had been seat 1, right next to the dealer.  I was in the middle of a hand when I saw out of the corner of my eye a completely naked woman walking behind the dealer to take seat 1.

Honestly, for a second or two, that’s what it looked like to me.  In reality, she was an extremely attractive woman wearing an ultra-tight dress that gave new meaning to the term “skin-tight.”  She had darkish skin (Hawaiian, perhaps?) and the dress was almost identical to her skin-tone.  At first glance she really did look naked.  I suspect that was kind of the effect she was going for.

 It was certainly attention-getting.  I mean, I’ve seen a lot of strange things in Vegas and in casinos, but a completely naked woman, that would be a new one.  Now, just last summer, while playing in the very same BSC, I did see two really attractive girls walking through the poker room wearing skimpy bikinis and nothing else.  No towel, no cover-up, no nothing (well, maybe some kind of footwear but my eye never got there).  At first I thought they were coming from the pool to exit the casino to walk on the strip, but later I realized there was sort of a back way to the rooms near there and they were probably just walking thru the poker room from the pool as a shortcut, ignoring all the signs asking people coming and going to the pool to wear some kind of cover up when walking in the casino.  I wasn’t complaining about their rules violation.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed these two girls.  Of course a lot of the male dealers saw them, and we discussed this later when they dealt to me.  But the best reaction was from Ginger, the very attractive dealer I first wrote about in the post here. She noticed the two bikini girls the same time as I did and I think her head snapped even more than mine did.  She saw me noticing the girls, looked at me and gave me a classic “WTF?” look.

There was another time a number of years ago, back when I played table games, not poker, that I was playing blackjack at the Hard Rock.  It was the middle of the day in the middle of summer.  I looked up and saw a girl in a very small, white bikini walk very slowly towards the table across from mine, where she started talking to a player—presumably her boyfriend or husband.  The bikini was ridiculously tiny. The girl’s figure was just plain ridiculous.  Seriously, she was unbelievably well built.  All of the players at my game saw her, and our jaws just dropped in unison.  We told the male dealer to turn around to check this out, but he said he couldn’t turn his had away from the—you’ll pardon the expression—rack that he was responsible for.  There was so much incredibly tanned, incredibly proportioned flesh revealed, and her walk to the player had been so slow, that it was pretty damn obvious that this body was god or Mother Nature given (depending on your religious views), and not store bought from a talented plastic surgeon.

But I digress.  The girl about to take seat 1 only looked naked. The dress was, as I said, very tight, I don’t know how she could breathe—or sit down—in it, but she did.  It was extremely short too, the amount of leg I could see before she took her seat added to the “nude” effect.  She was well enough endowed for the dress to stay put even though it was strapless. So there was some nice no-limit cleavage too.  It was pretty damn eye-catching.

Unfortunately, she didn’t play many hands, and didn’t stay long.  I didn’t see a guy with her, but it seemed she was just killing time waiting for someone.  Well, it was fun while it lasted. 

But you want to hear about the poker, right?  Right.  So a guy comes to the table and takes the seat on the other side of the dealer with a big fat cigar in his mouth.  Of course he couldn’t light it, but he kept that thing in his mouth and chewed on it the whole time he was there.  He bought in for the maximum, $300, My first impression was that he was going to be a tough player, but I was proven wrong.

First though, I lost some money to him when I was dealt pocket Queens.  He had limped in, or was the big blind, not sure which, when I raised to $12 and he called (one or two other callers too, I believe).  There were 2 8’s on the flop and nothing near as high as my Queens.  I bet it strongly and he stayed with me.  I ended up losing $100 to him because he had 10/8 and called my raise with that crap.  I gave him too much credit, I didn’t think he’d have called my preflop raise with a hand like that.  I was wrong.

So I figured out that he wasn’t nearly as good a player as I feared, and I used that information, plus a little bit of a screw up on his part, to get my money back.  In early position he tried to raise.  But he messed up and put his $2 out first and then said raise and tried to add more to it.  A classic “string raise” which is not permitted.  Since he had raised before without screwing up, I assume this was just a glitch and not a case of his not understanding the rules.  But I definitely kept that in mind when I looked at my hand, in late position.  It was Ace-King off.

It had been limped around to me and ordinarily that’s a sure raise. 

But I had gotten the impression that Cigar man had wanted to raise big, and I thought if I raised, he might 3-bet me.  I really didn’t want to invest much money in a hand that is just a good drawing hand preflop.  So instead of raising, I limped.  No one raised and we saw the flop really cheaply.

There was a King on the flop.  When he bet out, I just called.  I put him on a pocket pair.  Sure it could have been Aces, but my gut told me it was not.  I thought my pair of Kings were good, and if I raised, he might fold, I wanted him to stick around.  Sure enough, as two harmless cards came on the turn and the river, he bet each street.  Finally on the river, fairly convinced he couldn’t beat my Kings, I raised.  He called.  My read was dead on.  He had pocket Jacks.  I took all my money back from him and a lot of his own buy in as well.  It was very nice.

Cigar man lost the rest of his chips soon thereafter, and regrettably, didn’t rebuy.  But his brief visit to the table ensured a profitable session for me, if not hugely so.

There was one other interesting woman at the table, and she was there pretty much the whole time I was.  No cleavage.  She was wearing a big sweat shirt that said “Cougars” in large letters.  Since she said was from Seattle, I assumed the shirt was referring to the sports teams of Washington State University, whose nickname is The Cougars.  She was cute and young if you think late 20’s/early 30’s is young (for me, it sure as hell is).

She was a fun girl, and it was great that there was always at least one nice looking woman at the table, and as mentioned earlier, sometimes there were other females as well.  She was joking and laughing with the guys at the other side of the table, unfortunately, she was too far away from me to hear a lot of what she was saying.  I don’t think she was saying anything too salacious though.  I don’t think I missed hearing any great “woman-saids.”

Because she wasn’t saying anything raunchy, I just couldn’t screw up the courage to say to her the one line I had going through my mind looking at her “Cougars” sweatshirt.  And Prudence was not there that night either.  So I had to wimpily admit to Prudence the next night that without her there to get me in the proper, uninhibited frame of mind, I didn’t have the guts to say to the gal, “You know, you look much too young to be a Cougar.”

I left the room with a small profit and headed to my car.  I noticed that the area of the casino where I’ve often seen ladies of the evening ply their trade was being torn up.  There was a lot of remodeling going on.  I wondered where the ladies would be working since their normal area was not accessible.  But I assure you, based on what happened to me in this post here, I was not even looking for them.  Really.

But I couldn’t help notice an extremely attractive blonde girl in the vicinity. She had either very short shorts on or a very short skirt.  She was really tall, extremely high heels, and a purse big enough to hide a small child.  Her top was rather modest, as far as I could tell.  But I walked right by her and she didn’t say a word to me.  So I assumed she was not a hooker, since I am usually the exact demographic these girls are looking for.  Besides, I got a good look at her face, and I thought she was way too beautiful to be a hooker.  She was really quite lovely.

Well, I wasn’t hanging around there waiting to find out.  I learned my lesson, officer.  So I tried to take my normal route to the parking lot and found it was closed off due to the construction work.  I had to retrace my steps and take an alternate route. When I did this, she had made the same mistake, we passed each other and again she ignored me (she was obviously alone, and like most hookers, talking on or looking at her cell phone the whole time).  So she was kind of following me, apparently to the parking. 

At this point I decided to stop just to see if she would say anything to me or if she was indeed headed out. Sigh. Old habits die hard.  She walked right by me, but then surprised me by heading toward the self-parking and not the valet.  I had observed in the past that most hookers use the valet parking.  From what I’ve seen waiting for my own car when I do use the valet, I think they tip the valets to keep their cars right there in the driveway and not actually park them so they can make a hasty exit if they need to meet a client elsewhere.

So when I saw the gal going to the self-parking I was again convinced she was not selling happy endings.  She was now way ahead of me and I continued my way to the self-parking, where it was necessary to take an escalator.  But as I got near the escalator, suddenly she stopped before getting on it herself.  She was looking down at her cell phone. 

And then I was surprised that as I was about to walk by her, she suddenly looked up, gave me a big smile and said “Hi.  So….where ya headed?”  I remembered the incident with the cops.  I just said, “Home” and kept walking and got on the escalator.  So indeed she was a hooker.  And I noticed her top, when you looked at it straight on, was indeed not as modest as I thought.  It was very classily revealing.  This was definitely the classiest, best looking hooker I can recall seeing.

But I was a little uncomfortable when she followed me on the escalator, and then on the long walk to my car.  But she said not another word to me, she didn’t harass me in any way, and she apparently headed straight to a car, which was on a different level than mine.  No further hooker encounters that night, or I believe, the rest of the trip.

Note:  I was really mad at myself as I started writing this post.  I almost instantly hit upon the perfect name for this post.  It should have been called, “Naked Came The Poker Player.” Just one problem.  I have already used that title.  Yeah, just threw it away, thinking I would never be able to do a post where it would be so appropriate, so I blew that title on my entry for “hooker week.”  You can find that post here, even though there are no poker players, naked or otherwise, in it. Damn, I wish had older post to do over, title wise.

Hard Rock Hooker

A few years ago I decided to go to Hard Rock (not a pseudonym) to check out the pool.  I told the guy I wanted to play blackjack but he didn't seem to care.  Not sure if it was because it was a weekday or not, but all he was there for was to make sure no one took anything glass into the pool area and to make sure they didn't take any bags there (I guess they don't want anyone smuggling outside food and drinks in).  Anyway, I got into the pool area and looked around.

Oh my gosh.  This is the place I wanted my ashes scattered when I die.  The female employees who work in the pool area--all of them wearing bikinis with very tiny sarongs wrapped very tightly around their bikini bottoms--are nothing short of sensational.  I mean they all have killer bodies. Unlike the cocktail waitresses inside, they all seem to be natural on top.  Basically, they don't hire girls for the pool unless they make the average Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model look like Rosie O'Donnell.  I'm not kidding, these girls were unbelievable.

Of course, the clientele in and around the pool isn't bad either.  About 80% of the girls there are various degrees of hot.  Every now and again you see a girl in a bathing suit and you wish she was covered more but that's rare.  This is eye candy at its absolute best.

I eventually made my way over to the bar/casino area.  Behind the bar, there were two female bartenders in turquoise bikinis with virtually perfect bodies.  Don't ask me what their faces looked like, I never got there.  They could look like Greta Van Sustern for all I know.  They not only had one swim up blackjack table but three blackjack tables next to the bar for people NOT in the pool.  These were manned by two awesome looking bikini -clad dealers and one guy, who, sorry ladies, was wearing a shirt.  The minimums for the BJ were $15, $25, and $100.  Frankly, the girl dealing at the $15 table was so hot that I was tempted to play there even at $15 a throw just to get a better view of this gal, but there was no room.  And as hot as the other dealer was, I wasn't quite prepared to play BJ at $100 a hand to get close to her.

But I decided that, while it might not be worth a hundred bucks or so to hang around, it was definitely worth the price of an overpriced drink.  There was an open spot at the bar which I took, which offered a pretty good view of the pool, a great view of the two awesome bartenders and a nice view of various hot girls walking right past me to and from the bar, the casino area and the ladies room.  Also the hot waitresses getting drinks to deliver poolside.  It's pretty much the best experience a guy could have without taking off his  pants.

So I sat at the bar and waited to order a drink.  I knew the drink would be ridiculously expensive but I figured it was worth it to buy me, say, 1/2 hour at this venue. I decided to order a Bud Light Lime that I had seen one guy at the bar drinking....in the always stays cold aluminum bottle.  I had heard a couple of guys at poker the day before raving about how great these new bottles were.  And I figured domestic beer would be cheaper than a Corona or a mixed drink.  However, the bartender was totally ignoring me, like she didn't see me.  Not really a problem, gave me more time to enjoy the view.

Which I was.  But then at one point I noticed a few feet from me a girl drying herself off who I definitely did not want to see in a bikini, even though she was indeed wearing one.  This was an example of the one in five patrons who wasn't hot.  Oh, I guess her face was nice enough, but she was definitely too heavy to get away with wearing a bikini.   I wouldn't call her obese, but she was a million miles from being "trim."   Even though she did have big tits that were natural because her bikini showed a lot of cleavage and they were quite sagging.  Hey, if a girl is showing lotsa cleavage and I want to turn away, you know there's a problem, right?

So it didn't take me very long to look away from her and go back to looking at the hot bartender who was ignoring me.  But, within five seconds, the girl I was just describing came over to me, rubbed up against me and said hello.  She was actually getting me a little wet--and not in a good way.  She started chatting me up and since I wasn't born yesterday I immediately realized that the gal was a hooker.  So, they don't just work on the Strip casinos at around 1:00AM, it seems.

She asked me my name and gave me hers (which I immediately forgot) and asked where I was from, what I was here for, what I like to play, was I going into the pool, etc.  And constantly rubbing up against me.  She even complimented my shirt, which was just a plain old pocket T like I usually wear.  I lied to her and said I was leaving town in a couple of hours but it did not deter her.  In hindsight, I know I should have said that I didn't have a room at this hotel to see how she would deal with that, although I thought that was implied by my saying I was leaving town soon since this was around 3:00PM and I would have been checked out of my room by now.  Subtlety was wasted on this girl, apparently.

I was annoyed because she was just a total distraction from what I was really there for.  I mean, even if I was open to the idea of hiring a hooker, this was not the girl I would ever hire.  I probably shouldn't admit this but if I'm being totally honest, if this gal had looked like one of the bartenders, it's not outside the realm of possibility that this story might have a totally different ending.  And one I wouldn't be putting in a blog post. But this girl?  No way.  She would have to pay me, not the other way around.

Now here's the most embarrassing part.  She asked me if I was going to order a drink.  I said that I was trying to but that I was being ignored.  Then she asked if I would buy her one.  I just didn't know how to handle this situation.  I guess my instinct was not to be rude and say no.  Or to tell her to get lost like I should have.  Or make up something about meeting my girlfriend any minute.  So before I knew what I was saying, I said yes, I would buy her a drink.  Such a gentlemen!  Such a putz!

She immediately flagged down the bartender who was ignoring me.  She ordered something, I couldn't hear what, and I ordered the Bud Light Lime.  I really didn't know what it was called so I had to point out the guy who was drinking what I was talking about.  The bartender went to get the drinks.  I got out a twenty figuring that there was no way two drinks could be more than that, including tip.

What I didn't realize was that this slut ordered two drinks.  The bartender put two drinks in front of her (one was huge bottle of bottled water and I didn't know what the other one was) and gave me my beer.  Then she said the tab was $33!  Thirty Three dollars!  I gulped, reached back for my wallet and took out another $20.  You have to tip a buck a drink, right, so that's $36 this little adventure is costing me.  I looked at the receipt.  My beer was $7, so was the bottled water (Large Fiji water).  Now the seven bucks for the beer is outrageous enough, but how do they have the balls to charge the same price for the goddamn water?  And the other drink?  That was a "Red Bull Tiki" and the cost of that was $19!!!!!  Yikes!.  What the hell is a Red Bull Tiki anyway?  For $19 it better be one awesome drink.

Well, it was an expensive lesson but I was trying to figure a way out of it.  I didn't really want to sit there with this chunky hooker and chat with her.  Fortunately, after she had the drinks, she asked me if I was going to be  there that night.  I reminded her that I was leaving in a couple of hours.  She asked I was sure and if I might be interested in joining her for a hot tub party instead.  I insisted that I was not staying long.  She then started to pack up her stuff and said she was taking off but told me, "Don't go anywhere, I'll be back."  Screw that.  As soon as she was out of view, I grabbed my overpriced beer and got the hell out of there!  Back inside the casino.  I didn't think she'd be trolling inside, not in that bikini that was revealing much too much flesh.

I do wonder if this gal has some kind of "arrangement" with the hotel.  She was definitely in the pool and the pool is for guests only.  I doubt she has a room at the Hard Rock.  Does she sneak by or does she have a deal with the hotel?  Perhaps the hotel gets a cut, or maybe the hotel is just okay with it because it brings in customers?

Anyway, it was a pretty annoying experience, and not just because of the $28 I was out (I was willing to spend $8 for the beer I ordered for myself).  It cost me a good half an hour or more of eye candy viewing.  Because there was no way I was hanging around the pool and risking having to deal with her again.....or perhaps some other hooker who was working the pool.

The saving grace is that, at least I got a great story out of it.  By the next day it almost seemed worth it for the story.  And now, I can honestly say that I have spent money on a hooker.  And also, that I got screwed by one.  Just not in the way you'd want to.