And the HORSE You Rode In On

There's so much to report from the past 48 hours in Vegas--not to mention all that happened earlier--that I hardly know where to begin.  I am so, so tempted to just wait until I return home and do one record breakingly long blog post covering everything all at once.  Just to piss off a few people who have complained about the legnthiness of some of my blog posts.  But no, I'll try to break it up into shorter (for me) posts.  So, for a quick update, I guess I'll start with the last major event of last nite's festivities, the HORSE game.

This took place at the Riveria after the TBC tournament ended.  I will have plenty to say about the tournament, the evil bastard who busted me out of it (and you know who you are, uncool one) and the entire day leading up to it--including my first ever meeting with Tony himself--in the near or not so near future.  But let's get to the HORSE game first.

Oddly enough, Poker Grump was one of the first players to bust out of the tournament.  This was probably just punishment for him bluffing me off a better hand early in the tournament.  OK, he had an open-ender, but I had top pair and folded to his re-raise.  Just to try to put me on tilt, he showed his bluff.

OK, but what he doesn't know, until now, is that earlier, I 3-bet him pre-flop with total air and got him to lay down whatever the hell he had.  Yeah.  He raised, I had garbage but took advantage of the tight image I have with him to raise back at him.  Heh. Heh.  He folded like a cheap suit.  So he returned the favor sometime later and tried to get me off my brilliant game by showing me his superior play.  Unfortunately, it was not me who had the pleasure of busting him out.

Anyway, after he busted out, he got a HORSE game going in the room.  HORSE is a mix of five different forms of poker played on a rotating basis.  If you need an explanation, you can see here.  It was $3/$6 limit.  Now, unlike Grump or Cleopatra, who we will now call Josie for the rest of this post, I was one of the last to bust out of the tournament, so the game was in full throttle by the time I finished my tournament run.

I went over to check it out.  Everyone was having a lot of fun, except Lightning who was, I believe, still fuming over a cash hand he played just before leaving for the tournament.  I'm sure he will be posting a blog entry of epic proportions about that hand when he has time. 

The game was full but that was fine, I had no intention of playing.  I only really know how to play Hold Em (no matter what you've heard).  Hadn't played some of those other games ever!  So I figured I would just watch and kibitz.

Josie was clearly having a great time.  Until I reminded her that despite her earlier coming over to my table to mock me for the small size of my...chip stack during the tournament, I had managed to survive the tournament for a lot longer than she had.  So I had won our "last longer" bet.  And just to be clear, it's not the kind of "last longer" bet you perverts out there are thinking of.  However, I can assure you (and Josie) that I would win that bet too.

As such, Josie will be posting on her blog, when she returns home, the picture that was taken of her almost completely exposing her impressive bosom for me from the night before.  If you can take your eyes off her (which will be a challenge), you will see that yes, I am indeed looking at her chest.  How could I not?  How could anyone not?  ((Edited to add: Josie has now posted the picture I'm referring to in her latest post, which you can find here.))

I must say this is continuing a nice trend of woman taken their off or lowering their tops for me.  Recall the poker player who lowered her shirt so that her female friend to take a picture of her cleavage right in front of me a few months ago in the middle of a poker tournament (see here).  And just the other day Prudence took one look at me and took off her shirt (see here).  Oddly enough, when I met Carmel the night before, she did not expose her chest to me.  I say oddly because she recently won the poll, "Internet babe most likely to expose her chest to Rob."  Oh well.  More about Carmel in a future post.

I didn't mention Prudence there gratiuitously.  She figures into this story later, even though she wasn't there.  Anyway, Josie disputed that we ever made such a bet, but I ask you, who was drinking alcohol and who was downing diet Cokes?  Nuff Said.  So Josie told us about the bet she made with Poker Grump about the HORSE game.  She said that if she ended up with more chips than Grump by the end of the night, she would win the opportunity to take a picture of Grump naked.

Grump agreed that was the bet.  However, the interpertation of what that meant was disputed.  Grump stated that if Josie won, what that meant was that Josie would take a picture of Grump while she was naked (and Grump would conceivable be fully clothed).  But Josie thought it me that she would take a picture of a naked Grump.  I believe the issue was never properly resolved, but I can assure you that there were no naked poker players at any time at the Riveria last nite.

At one point Josie was showing her cards to people, like me, because she wasn't sure how to play some of the games.  "Is this a good hand?"  One time she accidentally flash her cards to Stump, who was sitting next to her and still in the hand.  He warned her that she flashed him--with her cards.  I said something about "well, it was only her cards she was flashing."  Josie--desperately trying to get her own "label" on my blog--said, "Well, it's early yet."  Unfortunately, unless Josie sits near enough me at a poker table for me to hear all her the outrageous things she says while playing, she may not earn that label on this trip.

Although I was having a great time watching and kibitzing, I did start thinking of getting into the game.  It was only 3/6, it was limit, and even though I didn't know most of the games, how badly could I get hurt?  Unfortunately, the only seat that opened was Lightning's, who left to cry in his beer, or his Jager bombs.  That was far away from Stump, Grump and Josie, all sitting together and having a great time.  But the lure of a card game was too much for me to resist all nite.  I decided to bite the bullet and get in the game.

When I started, the game they were playing was 7 Card Stud, 8 or better...basically 7 card stud high/low.  Haven't played that in 30 years, in some penny ante home game.  On my second hand, when I had 6 cards, I had a 6 high straight.  I don't know the game well, but I was pretty sure that was what is known as a "monster."  I mean, a straight looked like the best high hand.  A 6 high is almost always gonna be the best low hand.  I would win both halves of the pot.  Which I did. I got two calls at the end and sure enough, the entire pot, a very large one, was shoved to me.  Grump leaned over, "Aren't you glad I got you to play?"  Uh, yeah, now I sure was.

Nothing much happend for me for awhile until the game turned to Omaha.  Yes, freakin Omaha.  It is well document how much I loathe that game.  But at least this was limit, not a no limit tournament.  I figured I could muddle through.  Now unlike all my previous Omaha experience, this was not Omaha High, but Omaha Hi-Lo, so I was totally cluess here, even more than usual.  And worse, I hadn't even realized that this was Hi-Lo when the hand I'm about to describe happened!  Embarrassing to admit, I know.

I think I was dealt a pair of 9's and Q/3 of diamonds.  Neither of the 9's were diamonds.  I decided that was enough to stay in to see the flop.  There were two diamonds on the flop, including the Ace.  So I was drawing to the second nut flush.  Of course I stayed in.  The turn card was the King of diamonds, not only making my flush but making it the nut flush.  As long as the river card didn't pair the board, I had the absolute nuts.  I bet out, got some callers.

The river card was a blank, so I knew I won the pot.  Again, I hadn't realized this was Hi-Lo, so I assumed I won the whole pot.  I bet out, got a caller or two, one of whom said he had the second nuts, ie, a Jack flush.  I said I had the nuts and won the pot.  There was some review of the hands and it was only then that I realized they were looking for a low hand to take half the pot.  But there wasn't one.  In this game, you have to have no better than an 8 high to claim the low pot.  If no one does, high hand wins everything.  Which is what happened here.
Now I was really glad I played the game.

A bit later, there was some drama concerning TBC and Josie.  I have no idea what that was about, but they both left the table for some time.  It was then that I received a text message from Prudence, who off course, all the readers of my blog who were in attendance (and there were quite a few) were asking about.  All were disappointed that she failed to make an appearance, even though I did invite her.  Anyway, Prudence sent me the following text:

"I am eating dinner with Tom with a very confrontational woman who keeps looking at me while screaming that Asian men have small cocks."

I of course laughed and immediately texted her back that she should tweet that.  She did and really improved upon it.  Her tweet went as follows:

"Drunk stripper keeps looking at me and screaming that Asian men have small cocks.  Not true.  Dad showed me his all the time and it was big."

Definitely a candiate for "Tweet of the Year."

After I stopped laughing, I immediately re-tweeted that and then told everyone at the table to check out her tweet.  Stump did and I thought he was going to pass out from laughing so hard.  Fun times.

BTW, Prudence assured me that she "was never ever molested. But I love a good pedophilia joke."

I think I won one other small pot--don't remember which game--and lost some chips too.  Still, as the game was breaking and I cashed out, I had made over $100 for playing a relatively short time.  Maybe, just maybe, I will play HORSE again.  Maybe.

Anway, that's one small portion of a very interesting--and bizarre--day in Vegas.  More tales to be told--and experienced--soon.  ((Edited to add:  The story of the rest of this day and all that led to this particular post, is now up and can be found here.  Consider it the prequel to this post.))