Wednesday, August 1, 2012

WHORE!!!!!!!

Whore!!!!

Yes, that's what she is.

The woman right here:

Yes.  Josie, aka Very Josie, aka WHORE!.

Josie the ass-grabber.  Josie the tit-flasher.  Josie the free rider.

That Josie.

Tonight she seduced me into play in something called "The Dank" on PokerStars.  An online poker tournament with only play money.  No actual money was used in playing, it was for fun and bragging rights.

Twenty seven people entered, a lot of familiar blogging names.  At my table, for instance, there was LIghtning, DuggleBogey, Stump, Poker Grump, Grange and of course, freakin' of course, Josie.  The Whore, Josie.  That's a lot of bloggers at one table, to be sure.  I hope I didn't forget anyone, if so, I apologize.  I didn't have a lot of time to take notes, you see.

Josie was seated immediately to my left.  Yeah, she had position on me.  After tonight, I've been thinking of a few new positions for her.

Second hand of the tournament--yes the second hand.  I am dealt--wait for it--the dreaded pocket Kings.  Yes, the dreaded pocket kings!!!!!  My own personal jinx hand.  My personal hand from hell.

It was already raised by the time it got to me in the cut-off seat so I three bet.  Josie on the button smooth called.  Interesting.  One other caller.

The flop was 10 high, as I recall.  No need to be shy now, I made a big bet.  Josie was supposed to fold, but instead she freaking raised me.  I had to go all in to call, but I was sure the Kings were good.  WTF could she have?  Having played with before, I knew she was a very aggressive player.  She was probably overplaying top pair.  I've seen her do it before (see here).  No way she had pocket Aces.  No chance in hell.  Absolutely no way.  She would have raised me preflop if she had Aces.  Guaranteed.  She would have shoved there and then and I would have had to have called.  Nope, there's no freakin' way she had pocket Aces there.

Seeing no Ace on the flop, I was confident I had her right where I wanted her.  I went all in.  The computer showed her hand.  

She had freaking Ace Ace.  The biatch!  The whore!  The mother of all luckboxes!!!!!!

Of course, anyone else in that situation would have hit their two outer and gotten a King on the turn or the river for the win.  Not me.  Not with my luck with freakin' pocket Kings.  No way, Jose. I mean no way, Josie.

Two hands into the tournament, I was gone, with my all time jinx hand.  Ugh.  At least I had the distinction of being the very first person out.  That's worth...well nothing, really.  Except extreme embarrassment.  Except for the fact that everyone knows it was just dumb luck on Josie's part.  Skill played no part of this hand, Miss Josie.

There was a chat session on Yahoo with a bunch of Josie's playmates that I joined soon after the debacle.  Most of the players from our table were there.  I had the pleasure of seeing and hearing DuggleBogey bust out Miss Josie and take the chips she had stolen from me.  (Edited to add:  Josie has advised me that she didn't bust out to Duggle, but to someone with the handle of XKM.  My apologies to all.)

One person I never met before (I don't think) goes by the handle "Fullhouse538."  He says he reads and enjoys my blog, so he must be a person of exceptional intelligence and taste.  Claims to have figured out where "BSC" is.  Says he lives in Josie's part of the country but hasn't met her yet.  Of course, I suggested when he does, he has to make she shows him her ta-ta's.

Josie tried to make it up to me by saying she was "virtually" grabbing my ass.  I asked if she was also going to be "virtually" showing me her tits too.

Later, she fondly remembered how nice my ass was!  I believe I could sense some heavy breathing coming from her computer.

Grump of course wanted to know why I just don't insta-fold pocket Kings as soon as I get them, and accused me of being a slow learner.  Later he asked VJ if VJ stood for "vayjayjay."  When I said I would ask Prudence about that, VJ called her my "fake GF"!

Prudence is neither fake nor my GF.   I told Josie she is as real as her breasts.  But Josie apparently doesn't think men and woman can be platonic friends.  I guess that's why she grabbed my ass as soon as she possibly could.

Anyway, I just found out that by some miracle, Lightning won the tournament.  Will wonders never cease? (You can see him brag about his win here).

Anyway folks, that's what happened to me tonite.  Please be sure to read the post below this one, as it's only been up a few hours.  I don't normally post twice a day but I had to talk about Josie the Luckbox as fast as I possible could.

Good night!

33 comments:

  1. This tournament obviously showcased poker skills ... or lack of them ...

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    Replies
    1. Please note that NO REAL MONEY was on the line. That totally eliminates any skill involved, of course.

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    2. Waffles, I woulda said the exact same thing if I was the second one out, I assure you.

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  2. Grump's Notes Version:

    Josie beat me. Josie is a whore.

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    Replies
    1. Well,at least you left the "whore" part in.

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    2. Grump you forgot,"Josie is hottt."

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  3. I dunno why but I was like laughing so hard reading your post, Rob! Great sense of humor btw!


    no deposit bingo

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  4. Whore!!!

    Btw XKM took me out not Duggle.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the correction, I will edit the post to fix. Who is XKM, anyone we know?

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    2. XKM is a "buddy" of mine. He played Survive Donkey Island with me...based on the Survivor TV show and in the end DIDN'T vote for me; and I still haven't forgiven him for that. (I won anyway, but still) Also once when I posted that I was going to Foxwoods he showed up there. Didn't know who he was...he came up behind me and whispered in my ear "Oompa Loompa". Lol And finally...he's the guy who's been asking me to play The Dank! I was ass "Effff you! You didn't vote for me!" But he was persistent and I caved.

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    3. So, in a round about way, I have XKM to thank for MY playing in the Dank, since I heard about from you.

      XKM can kiss my ass.

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  5. I don't think Grump (aka Rakewell) and Lightning were at your starting table since they were at mine and you went out before there was any seat shuffling. It's tough to take play money games seriously. It's also easy to think Josie might be getting aggro with a less than stellar hand some of the time and pick the wrong time to call her down light.

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm, JT, pretty sure they were were at my table, especially Rakewell. Possibly I got confused because losing that hand was like getting hit by a 2 X 4.

      I did see you were in the tournament and definitely noticed you were NOT at my table. But I really thought I saw all those I mentioned at the table in the nano-second I was there.

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  6. Oh...and I'm pretty sure I figured out where BSC was from when you met up with some other bloggers there and you both blogged about it and they referred to it by its real name.

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    1. I doubt that, Jeff. None of my fellow bloggers would be that uncool as to do that.

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    2. I am totally uncouth enough to do such a thing.

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  7. You realize, of course, that Josie flashed her ta-tas at the PokerStars programmer on duty. Poor little nerd had never seen ta-tas before. He was so entranced that he agreed to arrange a cold deck for the lady.

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    Replies
    1. An excellent theory, Grange. My only problem with it is that if that had been the case, wouldn't said nerd have further rigged it so that Josie would win the tournament, instead of giving my chips away to someone else?

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  8. That was a FUN hand. LOL I couldn't believe you had the dreaded pocket kings! I just wish I lasted longer. <--that's what he said!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, you didn't put my chips to good use, did you? And why didn't come over the top preflop with those bullets?

      I love it when a woman comes over the top. (TMI?)

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    2. men rarely ever last long with the VJ - she's got mad skills

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    3. Have you ever played with Josie, grrouchie?

      I mean poker, but answer it anyway you like.

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  9. how nice my ass was! I believe I could sense some heavy breathing coming from her computer.

    OMA alert!

    OMA alert!

    OMA alert!

    OMA alert!

    OMA alert!

    OMA alert!

    OMA alert!

    Old Men's Asses disappear as fast as some poker players.

    There is some truth there; only a computer would love them.

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    Replies
    1. I imagine that Rob buys the economy size package of Handi Wipes to clean his keyboard ...

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    2. @Ken: Jealousy ill becomes you.

      @Lightning: That's why god invented Costco.

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    3. Further proof I am not an old man!

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    4. Overwhelming evidence of this was revealed to me in the Mirage poker room in June.

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  10. XKM got the last few chips that I left her with, but I got all your chips Rob, and most of hers.

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    Replies
    1. You could tell they were MY chips huh? :)

      How'd you finish? Did you at least put my chips to good use?

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