Thursday, March 7, 2013

Talk to the Rack

This one is about another fun night of poker at BSC.  Three ladies who work there are involved in the first part of this post, as is Adolf Hitler.

Well, not the Adolf Hitler.  But Adolf Hitler if he was Asian.
Seriously, this guy came to the table and he looked like an Asian version of Adolf Hitler.  He had the Hitler moustache and the Hitler haircut, but he was Asian.  It was just one of the weirdest things I’ve seen.  He didn’t say two words while he was there.  Not even, “Let’s invade Poland.”
Anyway, he left without saying a word, and nothing interesting about the poker involved him, I only mention him because of his odd appearance.  I wish I had snapped a picture of him, but if I had, I’d be afraid to post it anyway.  Just didn’t look like a guy I’d want pissed at me.
But the three ladies I mentioned in the beginning are all women I’ve mentioned here before.  In fact, for a story where all three are featured, you can read the post here.  The three ladies are Ginger, Isabel and Susan.  The first two are dealers, and Susan works up front and is also a chip-runner.
There was a Kibitzer who came to the table to, well, to kibitz.  I guess this guy had been playing in the room for several days, he seemed to know a lot of the dealers, and more than a few of the players.  I got the feeling though that he was not a local, just a out-of-towner who had put in a lot of hours there in a short amount of town.  He came by to chat with the player to my immediate right, a guy who was also a very chatty guy.  He had a loud voice, and when he talked to the players across the table, or to the dealer, he was basically shouting in my ear.  He was talking to the other players and the dealer a lot, so it was annoying to say the least. 
The Kibitzer also had a loud voice, and he told the guy next to me that he was having a bad day at the tables and he was done for the night.  I gathered that they had played together a few times in the past several days, but that they were not lifelong friends.
A seat opened up across the table from myself and the chatty guy to my right, so the Kibitzer went to take it.  However, he didn’t want to play, he just wanted to sit down so he could talk to the dealer, and to some of the other players at the table he apparently knew, and most especially, the guy on my right.  This would have meant some very loud chatter going on right in my ear, causing me to consider getting a table change. 
Fortunately, the dealer told the Kibitzer that he couldn’t sit at the table if he wasn’t playing, but he was welcome to pull up a chair and sit behind a player.  He bitched and moaned something fierce about that, saying that there was currently no waiting list—meaning no player available to take the empty seat—and that he had been playing so much in the room he should be given some special consideration.  But the dealer insisted.
He got up, but to my chagrin, he didn’t take the hint to move on.  Instead he stood behind the table, behind a few players he didn’t even know, to chat loudly with the guy next to me.  Lovely.
The male dealer who told him this was soon pushed by my pal Ginger.  Kibitzer knew her and started chatting with her too.  Meanwhile, I commented to Ginger that I hadn’t seen her playing poker at all lately.  I asked if she was limiting all her playing—and drinking—to the Red Rock (see here).  She said no, she doesn’t do that anymore.  No more playing poker, no more getting wild and drunk.  I wasn’t really buying this, but then she added, “But she does.” 
And as she said “she” she pointed or nodded off in the direction of two women standing, talking a few feet away.  And she clearly meant her pal Isabel, her partner-in-crime in several previous posts, including the one I linked to at the beginning of this story. Seeing Isabel, who had finished her shift and was on her way out of the room, I laughed and nodded, “Yes, I know.”
Isabel was talking to Susan who was still very much working and looked to be in a rather serious discussion with Isabel.  But that caused the Kibitzer to look over in their direction, and he apparently wanted to tell either Isabel or Susan—or possibly both—something.
He started talking to them—or should I say started shouting to them—but they didn’t want to be interrupted.  Susan was holding a couple of empty chip racks in her hand.  At first the two of them tried ignoring Kibitzer, but that proved to be impossible. 
Susan said something to indicate for him to stop talking to them until they were finished, but he pressed onward.  So, Susan held up one of the empty chip racks in front of her face and said to the Kibitzer, “Talk to the rack.
Without missing a beat, I looked over there and said, “I never in my life thought I would hear a woman tell that to a man.”
Yeah, I am happy to say I was really fast with that one.  It’s nice to have the perfect line at your fingertips when you need it, instead of thinking of it 10 minutes later, as so often happens.
Susan was so into her conversation that she apparently didn’t hear it, but a few of the players did and of course thoroughly enjoyed it.  So did Ginger, she completely cracked up.  When she realized that Susan hadn’t heard my comment, she said to me, “She didn’t hear that….you have to tell her what you just said when you have a chance.”
A woman insisting I tell another woman a tacky joke I made that basically had to do with men having difficulty not focusing on bosoms?  Well, if the lady insists…..
It took some time, but eventually Susan wandered by and wasn’t too busy that I couldn’t interrupt her.  I waived her over and reminded her of the situation, and then gave her the line.
Ginger cracked up all over again, and Susan seemed a little shocked.  I guess she still doesn’t read my blog (though I know she knows about it).  She exclaimed, “Rob!  (sigh)  You men are all alike!”  Oddly enough, until she heard that, she must have thought I was the one male on the planet who was not obsessed with bosoms.  Heh heh.
The guy on my left also enjoyed the line.  Either he missed it the first time I said it or enjoyed it just as much in reruns. He cracked up and complimented me for the joke. He was a very outgoing guy, seemingly having a very good time.  His talking was nonstop, about the poker and everything else, and was really a nice guy.  Though, inasmuch as he had position on me, I would have preferred that he not raise nearly as much as he did.
It was obvious this guy was a regular in the room, which surprised me because I didn’t recognize him.  I’ve been playing NL there for over a year, how could there be any regulars I’d never seen before?  Besides, you would have thought I would have heard him before; he was very loud, and had a few signature catch-phrases that he repeated throughout the night.  I won’t report them here to protect his identity.  I’ll just call him “Sammy” because I don’t think I’ve used that name before.
I’ll get back to Sammy in a minute, but first I wanted to mention that the empty seat at the table that Kibitzer tried to sit in was taken by another female dealer I’ve mentioned here before, Michelle.  Michelle is the dealer who I have a running joke with about her never pushing me a pot, as explained, among other places, here.  This night Michelle was playing, not dealing, but the night before, when she was dealing, I had the usual luck I have during her down, which is to say, all bad.
So when she came to the table to play, she said to me, “I’m doing this for you, Robert.  Since I cost you all that money last night, I’m playing tonight to save you money.”  I laughed and thanked her.
Kibitzer was still there and knew Michelle.  Now Kibitzer was a pretty big guy, and Michelle is a very small woman.  So for some reason, Kibitzer reached over and grabbed Michelle’s hands, which are quite small, and said, “Look at these tiny hands.  I always tell guys, ‘look for a woman with small hands….cuz it will make it look so much bigger.’”  That got a few laughs, including from Michelle, who said, “Oh, that’s so dirty.”
Back to the very friendly Sammy.  At one point in the evening, he noticed my card protector.  Since the story I told here, I’ve changed it.  When I started working at AVP, I starting using an AVP card protector that I received during one of their events, before I started working for them.  Sammy noticed it and asked about it.  He says he loves AVP.
I was only too happy to tell him I work for them.  But when I told him it was my responsibility to keep all the information on the tournaments, special events, promos, etc, up to date, he started complaining just a bit.
He said that there was some kind of one day promo that one of the rooms, or maybe it was a chain, had recently that wasn’t on the site.  I explained that it is beyond the scope of the site to list a promo that’s only going to run for a day or two, but we do list all the monthly ones—or try to.  He sorta accepted that, but then complained that we hadn’t mentioned the big tournament events currently going on at M Resort and Red Rock.   
Whoa!  I knew damn well those events were both listed, I had definitely entered them myself and furthermore, they were the reason I was in town at this particular time.  I’ve already blogged about the Red Rock event, (see here), and I’m sure a post about the M Resort event will be appearing soon.  Sammy didn’t know about the special events section on AVP as it turns out.  So I had to show him on my celphone how to locate it and access it, right on the main page. 
That shut him up about the special events, but he had more to whine about.  He went on to mention that the room reviews on the site confused him, particular the rating for the “competition.”  I agreed that was always a bit confusing, because bad means good.  If the competition is bad, that’s a good thing, right?
That settled, he moved on to the waitress ratings.  “How do you rate the waitresses?  By how good they are at bringing drinks?  Or by how hot they are?”
Of course, the actual category is for “cocktail service”—though in the description, the first question is “were the waitresses attractive?”
I said the text you provide would clarify, Sammy then suggested we should devote more importance to how hot the waitresses are.  Perhaps have a separate category for that.  He then said, “Well, everyone knows the hottest waitresses are at the Wynn, and then the Aria.”
I replied, “Well, I’ve heard that.  But the last time I was at the Wynn (see here), I didn’t really think they were all that exceptional.  Have you ever seen the waitresses at M Resort? I think they’re the hottest, or at least used to be.” (I don’t go there as much as I used to, and they recently had a management change)

He said that the waitresses at the Wynn are not really waitresses, they are models. I told him I had heard this too.  Not sure if it is true at Aria but I heard first hand from someone at the M Resort that it was true for them. They have to sign “model contracts” to be hired to serve drinks there. The contract says that if they gain a little weight and go up a dress size, they have only X amount of days to get back to their earlier size or that’s grounds for dismissal. 
Anyway, he and another guy who was joining in the conversation dismissed the M Resort as being five time zones away from civilization.  Obviously people who actually live in Vegas have no idea what a long drive is, unlike those of us who live in Southern California.
Sammy felt that there should be a thread on AVP about the hottest cocktail waitresses.  Then he went one step further and suggested a separate app (phone app, I guess) dedicated to rating the cocktail waitresses based on their degree of hotness.  I told him I didn’t have the authority at AVP to do anything about that, but that he could suggest it either in an email, or perhaps start a thread on the forums suggesting it.  I know AVP is always listening to its readers in regards to the type of coverage (or in this case, uncoverage) they want.
Sammy insisted he would start such a thread, and predicted that it would become one of the most popular threads on the forums, but it’s been over a month, and I’ve yet to see such a thread on the forums there. 
As an aside, I must admit that my pal Woody has frequently encouraged me to do a post about the hottest cocktail waitresses in Vegas, with specific attention to which cocktail waitress uniforms are the sexiest and most revealingbasically rating the uniforms.  I have resisted all temptation to do this, because, honestly, I don’t want to use this blog to objectify women.  But I suspect Woody would like Sammy.
He never really let the waitress topic go during the session, he kept bringing it up again and again.  Especially when the waitress serving us came by.  He didn’t find our particular waitress that night hot enough, as compared to the girls at the other rooms he’d mentioned (I believe we had an fill-in that night, not one of the regulars that serve the poker room).
At one point, it appeared the waitress might have been within earshot of his comments about the hotness or lack thereof, of various waitresses.  I warned him that if she had indeed heard him, he was in big trouble.  Either he would never get another drink, or worse….he would indeed get a drinkbut if I was him, I sure wouldn’t drink it!
I was very tempted to tell Sammy about my blog at this point, but again, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I did, I think, tell him my identity on AVP (robvegaspoker) and if he really does read the forums, he can track me down from there.
While having all this fun. I also managed to have a profitable poker session, managing to almost double up my initial buy in of $200.  The best poker story involves the most powerful hand in poker, the mighty deuce-four.  You see, I won two pots back-to-back with that hand.
The first hand I limped in with and no one raised.  I flopped bottom pair, the four, with the worst possible kicker, so I didn’t bet it.  But no one else did either.  I don’t remember the turn card but it didn’t look like much to me so this time I bet, and everyone folded.  OK, so I won a very small pot.
Very next hand I get the deuce-four again, and again limp into an unraised pot.  This time the flop comes K-5-3, so I flopped the open-ender.  I called someone’s flop bet and hit a 6 on the turn.  I raised the guy’s turn bet and he called, but didn’t call my river bet.  So that was a bigger pot.
Hmm….winning twice in a row with the mighty deuce-four.  Should that have been the lead story of this blog post?  Nah, no surprise there. I won twice in a row with the most powerful hand in poker.  Big deal.
Now, if I had won twice in a row with the dreaded pocket Kings, that would have been noteworthy enough to be the lead on this post.

(Edited to add:  Well "Sammy" never did start that thread on AVP, but someone else did.  A new forum member saw one of my posts, checked out the blog when this was the first post and decided to start a thread about best cocktail waitress outfits in Vegas.  If you're interested, you can find it here).


  1. Rob, who better than YOU to blog about the cocktail waitress outfits in Vegas!!?? Sammy is correct, this is a subject that needs EXTREME attention. Recall that Luv Malts and I were in the casino bar at the Red Rock last weekend. Hot outfits? Oy vey, yes. We snapped photos of our waitress/server, photos which I give you permission to use in your blog. Mandalay Bay most hot? Maybe. The Orleans? Maybe. We need Rob's opinions with photos. Woody

    1. Thanks Woody. I'll take it under advisement.

  2. Somehow I just can't get this imagine of Rob talking to the racks out of my head. Needless to say, I imagine he would be quite a conversationalist.

    1. Sadly, I'm not quite as suave as I let on.

      Remember the great Jackie Gleason in The Honeymooners (hopefully you've seen the reruns).

      It's more like, Homina, homina, homina, Rack of the future."