Thursday, October 31, 2013

"Full Service—Anything You Want"

As I write this, I’m back in Vegas, playing poker, winning poker room promotions, working, talking to hookers.

Yes, hookers.

These were the first real encounters I’ve had with practitioners of the world’s oldest profession since the post you can find here (and for a good laugh, be sure to read the first comment after the post, from one of my biggest fans).  They weren’t just sightings—they were actual conversations with the ladies.  Verbal encounters, as it were. Note, I wrote “verbal encounters,” not “oral encounters.”

The first one took place on the Sunday before Halloween, at MGM, where the hot night club was having a “Sexiest Costume” contest.  I suppose I’ll have more to say about Halloween in Vegas in a later post.  The point is that the club was open, and as I indicated in the post I linked to, there was a burning question I wanted to ask a working girl on a night when the club was open.  We’ll get there in a moment.

So I was over near the lobby, watching the people in costumes coming and going from the casino.  In addition to the costumes, there were also plenty of young ladies dressed in their normal club-going attire, which as I’ve indicated before (here), can be attention-getting to the male eye.  So it was an enjoyable experience.

As I was walking around, I passed a woman sitting at a slot machine, but not playing it or even looking at it.  She was looking at into the aisle of passersby.  I was a passerby.  She spoke to me, saying something like, “Hi, how are you?”  Then she added, “Come talk to me.”

I hesitated for a second then decided to talk to her.  After all, I had that question to ask her.

I didn’t say anything, I just stopped in front of her.  She asked where I was going.

“Oh, just back to my room.”

“Are you staying here?”

“No, at a friend’s house.”  That wasn’t the truth, but I was definitely not staying at the MGM, and I did always wonder how they would handle it if someone wasn’t staying where they were soliciting.

“How far is that?”

Pulling a number out of thin air, I said, “Oh about 20-minutes from here.”

“Oh, that’s far.  Why don’t you get a room here? You should get a cheap room.  You should get a cheap room and we can have some fun.”

“Where would I get a cheap room?” I asked, knowing that there are no such things as cheap rooms at the MGM.

“You can get a room for sixty bucks across the street at the Motel 6.”

I didn’t ask if they’d leave the light on for me.

Instead I said, “Well, I don’t think so.  I lost most of my money just now.”  In fact, I had just come from a winning session but I don’t believe that it’s against the law to lie to a hooker in Nevada.

She asked how much I had lost, and again, pulling a number out of the air, I said, “$500.”

That’s not a lot.”

Hmm, I wonder if this gal has access to my tax returns?  I said, “Well, it is for me.”

“Well how much you got left?”

Here I totally blew it, and I’ll explain momentarily.  Instead of giving the right answer, I said, “Well, not much.  I’ve just got enough to get home.”

“Are you sure you don’t have enough….for me…..so we can have some fun?”

I was wondering why, if we were both going to have some fun, as she implied, I should have to pay her something.  Shouldn’t the “fun” itself be enough?

I guess not.

I said I was sure, and she said, “Well, ok then.” 

But I did remember to ask the question I wanted to ask.  “Can I ask you something?  Can you really make any money on a night like this, when there are so many amateurs around?”

All she said was, “Depends.”  I waited and she didn’t say anything else.  And since she knew by now she wasn’t getting any of my money, she had lost interest in me.  So I accepted that as my answer and walked away.

But after I left, I had one of those slap your head moments.  There’s another question I should have asked her, and I had the perfect opportunity.  And I blew it.

I think my readers would have been interested in knowing how much the services she was offering would cost.  I know my pal Woody, who absolutely loves all hooker stories, is always curious about “How much?”  Woody, to be clear, is happily married and would never engage the services of such a woman.  He lives vicariously through my hooker stories.  I’m sure my other readers are a bit curious too.

It would have been so easy, so much in context, to get that information.  When she asked me how much I had left, all I had to do was say, “Well, how much would I need?”  Or, I could have said, “About $200.”  If I had said that, she either would have said, “Not enough,” or….”That works.”  Or whatever.  The point is, I had the perfect opportunity to find out this vital piece information without saying anything that could have been interpreted as my soliciting her (in case she was a cop), and I just didn’t think of it at the right time.

I was very annoyed with myself.  She was still sitting there as I walked around.  I considered going back to her to say something….but there was no way I could go back to her to and bring up the topic now without possibly getting myself into trouble if she was indeed law enforcement.

I haven’t mentioned this woman’s appearance. She was a brunette with a very cute face.  But she was extremely plainly dressed.  Probably even more plainly dressed than the “Dressed Down Hooker” of my previous post.  Loose fitting top, not low-cut.  Pants that weren’t tight.  She didn’t look at all like a hooker.  She also didn’t have a particular good figure.  Later, when I saw her leave, she was carrying just her celphone and her jacket, I didn’t even see a purse.  But it might have been hidden by her jacket.

As such, based on her appearance and based on my being so mad about blowing the opportunity to find out her fee schedule, my original idea for the title of this post was going to be “The nondescript hooker and the idiot blogger.”

But that changed a couple of nights later, on a night when the club was not open.  It was a bit past 11PM and I was done playing poker for the night, after a marginally profitable session.  I was heading to the parking structure and when I got to the same area where I had encountered the nondescript girl two nights earlier, I noticed a huge crowd also heading to the parking.  Apparently a show had just let out.

Rather than get swept up into the crowd, I moved toward the side, and basically leaned against a pillar to let the crowd go by.  Across the aisle, I did happen to notice a tall blonde girl walking alone.  I didn’t see what direction she had come from but suddenly she started walking towards me.  She wasn’t looking at me and I didn’t see her notice me so I wasn’t sure she if she was coming to me or if she was headed somewhere behind me.  I didn’t really have time to turn on my “spidey-sense,” she was there so fast.

And yes, indeed, she was coming to me.  Or for me.

I thought it was unlikely she was coming over to me to just ask for directions.  Or to tell me she recognized my picture on the internet.

When she got to me, I noticed how tall she was.  She had to lean over to whisper to me, and she had to bend over quite a bit. Of course, I’m not the tallest guy in the world.

She leaned into me and said, “What are you doing tonight?”

Before I had a chance to formulate a response, she continued.  “Would you like to go upstairs to your room and have some fun?  Some entertainment?”

Wow, that was fast.  Usually they work up to a little bit.

It took me a second or two to come up with a response.  I was actually thinking of my conversation with the gal two nights earlier and was trying to come up with a way that I could get her to reveal her rates.  You understand, of course, that I wanted this information strictly as a service to you, my curious readers.

But all I could manage to say at the moment was, “I don’t think so.”

She persisted.  “I can make you a real good deal.  Four-to-five hundred dollars. Full Service.  Anything you want.”

Wow.  I’ve never, ever had a girl be so direct so quickly before.  It was quite a shock.

She had certainly solved my dilemma of how to get her to reveal a price, hadn’t she?

I guess I should describe her a little better.  She was hot.

Really.  She had a very, very attractive face.  Off the top of my head, I’d say she was most attractive hooker I’ve ever seen, at least of any woman I was 100% sure was in this line of work.  She was wearing tight pants that revealed that she was quite thin—possibly bordering on “too thin” but probably not.  But she was wearing a jacket that covered her up on top.  I couldn’t tell much about her chest.  However, as my readers are well aware, that is not an area of the female form I have much interest in, so it didn’t really matter.  I will point out that when she walked away from me a few minutes later, the view was excellent.  And for those scoring at home, I didn’t notice her purse, if she had one.

I have to admit, her offer was rather tempting. Of all the gals who have suggested this particular type of business transaction to me, she was almost definitely the girl who came closest to getting me to consider doing something that was quite illegal in this part of Nevada.

But not close enough to actually agree to the deal.

So I said to her, “No, really, I don’t think so.”

So she said, “Well, the lowest I could go is $300.  For full service.”  She emphasized the words “full service.”  “Let’s go upstairs to your room.”

But once again I said no. “No, sorry. I lost a lot of money tonight and I really can’t afford it.”  Again, that was not true.  But I’ve come to believe that’s the best way to say no, because the thing they want most of all is my money, and if I tell I don’t have any, they tend to quit trying.

She pulled away, “Well, okay.”  She had a way of saying “okay” as if I had just passed on the opportunity of a lifetime.

And with that, she moved on, walking rapidly to the front of the property.  She didn’t stop to talk to anyone else, at least while I could see her.  But as indicated earlier, she did look good walking away.  Those tight pants fit her well.  Really, really well.

I guess I should make a few observations here.  As I mentioned earlier, this was the most direct, to-the-point, in-your-face approach a working girl has ever taken with me.  She got right to the point and even mentioned the price at the outset.  I’d never seen a girl be so blatant before.

And the way she said the price, especially how she came down on the price after my initial rejection, made her sound a bit like a used car salesman.  A used car salesman having a going out of business sale.  Maybe she was having a going out of business sale?  Or maybe this was just the Tuesday night, early bird special?

Although I’m glad I have a figure (monetary, not physical) to report, it still would have been nice to have gotten such info from the first girl.  Because if this blonde was worth $300, anything over $25 for the first girl would be way too much.  That’s more a comment on the blonde than the brunette, by the way.

So, $300 for anything I wanted, huh?  Anything?

Damn.  I missed an opportunity to get a $300 poker lesson from a really hot blonde.

 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

22 comments:

  1. u should of pulled a tony and asked 5 dollars 4 a kiss

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    1. I don't think she was interested in setting up a kissing both, anger.

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  2. welcome back. there was a clone that hacked yr blog

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    1. I have no idea what you're talking about. But it sounds bad. Can you please explain? Thanks.

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    2. just kidding around bcuz some of yr blogs lacked the boobies and bitches .LMAO.

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    3. Gotcha, anger. Your sarcasm was missed in the cold hard text. i couldn't see the wry smile on your face.

      BTW, in my response to your other comment, I just noticed I spelled "booth" "both." I do know the difference!

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  3. The hookers likely approach the second most pathetic looking poker player at MGM because the most pathetic looking one hasn't been there for almost two months ...

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    1. Whatever do you mean, Lightning? Aren't you always claiming to be irresistible to women? I'm sure based on that, SHE would have offered to pay YOU $300 for "full service"--anything she wanted.

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  4. WTF is "anything" and/or "everything" ?? Wow, talk about stoking the imagination!

    I have been too busy to read you anecdotes lately, but I am certainly pleased I read this latest blog post. Good stories.

    Now, it occurs to me that since the 2nd. girl offered you services for money, that she definitely was NOT a cop. Under the circumstances, well....., hmmmmm.......... Just thinking there may be more to this story than we are being told!

    Cheers. Woody

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    1. It's ok that you're not reading my blog lately Woody. Afterall, as we both know, "no one is interested in reading" my silly stories.

      Yes, when she added "anything you want" to "Full Service", it did open up my mind to some interesting possibilities. Maybe she meant we'd play a really cutthroat game of Parcheesi?

      I bet if I'd been quicker on my feet, I could have come up with a suggestion that would make back off from "anything you want." But I was too shocked by her blatantness to be thinking like that at the time.

      There's no more to the story, I assure you. But I did think--again, after she left--that her bringing up a price like that made it pretty clear she wasn't a cop. That would be clear entrapment.

      Of course, it could have been a trick roll.

      But seriously, Woody, that $300 is a buy-in at a 1-3 no limit game. I have my priorities.

      Or.....I'm addicted to poker. One of those two.

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    2. Rob's account of what happened is total bs. I am convinced it went more like this:

      Rob: "How much for an order of boobies with a side of vagina?"

      Hooker: "That will be fifty big blinds, Lakers fan"

      Rob: "Ummm ... sorry -- must sleep immediately."

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    3. I suppose your version COULD be accurate, Lightning. Except there's no way the lady could know I was a Lakers fan. I wasn't wearing my classic George Mikan jersey.

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    4. I think Lakers fans are like Man Utd fans over here,? you don't have to be wearing a team sweatshirt to spot you.! !

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    5. Thanks Glenn, interesting theory.

      So....I can spot hookers and hookers can spot Lakers fans?

      OK.

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  5. Great post Rob. Wow, you are indeed a hooker magnet. Perhaps you look lonely ??!!!! All I know is they want to jump your bones!!!! It's a tough life.

    Excellent observations on all the details, i.e., purse size, face, bosom size, etc.

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    1. Thanks, LM.

      I definitely AM a hooker magnet.

      For some reason, they all seem to think I have a lot more money than I do!

      I dunno why....it can't be based on the way I dress.

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  6. You should start floating your "shouldn't the fun itself" theory with them and write about their take on it... ;)

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    1. Yeah, if I think of it next time, I'll try it and see if they laugh in my face.....or tell me to go f*** myself.

      I suspect it would be the latter.

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  7. Rob, I think you need to tell these ladies that you have some buddies that would be interested and to take her picture and that you will text it to them. Then you can post their pics on your blog and we can play the game "rate the hooker" .

    ohcowboy12go

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    1. Thanks, cowboy. I'm pretty sure no one who does what they do for a living would be interested in having their picture taken.

      Although I suppose, like some of those street performers you see in Vegas, they might be willing to have a pic taken for a price.

      Probably more than a $1.

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  8. Way to go Rob !! that post was the GOAT!!! ="greatest of all time".
    How does it feel to be a top shelf hooker magnet?

    Sorry i couldn't make it to Vegas for Halloween, i'm sure it was a blast and profitable. I'm headed that way 11/9-11/12 and if i see the amazon blonde, i will do my best to find out what the $300 - "full service-anything you want" package provides; and if i survive, will report back immediately.

    Also, if you can change plans and make it back to Vegas that weekend, my offer of an all expense paid trip to Hooterville still stands,
    Cheers, and GL,
    Big L

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    1. Thanks very much, Big L and again, thanks for the offer. It is certainly one of the most unusual offers I've ever had, perhaps even more unusual than the one the Amazon blonde was offering.

      One of these days we will get together for some poker. Strippers optional.

      Let me know if you run into that blonde and if so, you can let us all know what "Anything you want' truly means. You're welcome to do a guest post about it!

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