Sunday, October 13, 2013

The Ass Man

This story took place some time ago at a poker room to remain unnamed.  I won’t even give it a phony name.  That’s because I can’t tell this story without revealing the fact that it involves me doing something that many casinos don’t approve of.  In fact, many casinos completely ban this practice.

I’m talking about taking pictures—or video—inside a casino.  You used to see signs all over every casino in Vegas warning you not to take pictures.  Now it might be different.  I’ve seen people ask cocktail waitresses to take picture of them right in front of slot machines, and they do it.  Still, I have reason to believe some casinos would not approve, and I have reason to believe that the unnamed casino would not like it if they found out what I did, even though the reason was totally harmless.

Anyway, I was playing poker in said casino’s poker room.  From where I was sitting, I could see two cashiers.  I had a real good view of them.  I wasn’t really paying attention, when all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something about one of the two women there.

I actually did a double-take because this woman looked like a friend of mine.  Actually, it’s my friend who calls herself “Luv Malts” when she comments on the blog.  I’ll refer to her as “LM” for the rest of this story.  Anyway, at first glance, this woman didn’t just look a little like LM.  No, she looked a lot like her.  In fact, I couldn’t believe how much she resembled my friend.  So much so that I almost waived and shouted “Hi” to her.  A second time a saw her I wanted to go over to her and ask what the hell was she doing, working in this casino as a cashier?

Really, it was positively eerie how much this cashier looked like my friend.  Her hair was nearly identical in both style and color.  She had a similar frame.  It was amazing.

I’d played in this poker room before, and had never noticed this particular woman.  But now, I couldn’t stop staring at her.  It was actually somewhat distracting me from my game, because every time I looked up, I saw this double for my friend.  I kept looking at her and shaking my head in disbelief.  From the distance and angle I was at, this woman could actually have been LM.  At least in my mind.

So of course, I texted LM to tell her that I was staring at her doppelganger.  She of course insisted I take a picture of this woman.  No, no. I couldn’t do that.  I couldn’t take a picture of someone in this casino.  Especially someone who was standing in front of a good amount of the casino’s chips and cash.  I knew that would not go over well.

I told LM that but she was persistent.  “Doesn’t she ever go on break?”  I wondered how that would work.  “Pardon me Miss, but you look like a friend of mine, may I take your picture outside so I can show her?”  Well, you’d have to give me credit for trying an unusual pick-up line.

I didn’t know how I could pull it off.  I gave up on the idea, but I had to admit, I really did want to get a picture of this woman to show my friend.  Hmmm….

I realized I had a pretty good view of her from right where I was sitting.  And I do of course have a zoom feature on my celphone camera.  But I didn’t think there was any way I could take a still picture of her from my seat.  I’d have to put the phone up to my face to focus and aim, and it would be obvious what I was doing.  I sure didn’t want to bring attention to myself.  Plus my celphone camera makes a clicking noise when I snap a pic and it was surprisingly quiet in the room, and I thought someone might hear it.

But I thought I could take some video.  I could hold the phone low, move it around a bit, and if I shot for 10-20 seconds, I wouldn’t have to worry that the one shot I took had her in focus—I figured that, within that time frame, she’d be there, in focus, even if she was obscured for part of it.

Then I could share the video with LM—and also take still captures from it which I could send to her as well.

So that’s what I decided to do.  I never put the phone up to face.  I kept it low and held it close to my chest.  I looked down to see that I was shooting towards the cashier, and just let the video run.  I guess I looked down a few times to make sure she was in the frame.

Now, I really thought I was being careful.  But somehow, someway, a player a couple of seats away figured out exactly what I was doing.  As I was doing this, I overheard him tell the guy next to him (further away from me) something like, “Look, that guy is photographing that girl.”

Shit.  Well, of course, he wasn’t with the casino—he was just a patron, like me.  I had to hope he wouldn’t rat me out.  The other guy commented about how weird he thought that was.  “Why is doing that?”

“I guess he’s into that.  That must be his thing.”  And the other guy said something like, “Well, whatever gets you going.”  “Yeah, he must really think she’s hot.”  I’m not sure exactly what they said, that’s the gist of it.

There dialog confused me, but I wasn’t paying that much attention.  I was too nervous that they would say something.  Either to me, or worse, to someone who works for the casino.

I cut the video short and immediately stuck my phone back in its holster.  I didn’t even check to see the quality of the video.

But when I looked up I realized what the two of them were talking about.  There was someone at the window that the subject of my video was helping the entire time I was recording.  And the two guys clearly thought the subject of my video was that other person, not the cashier.

You see, this casino is one of those that has a “party pit.”  The party pit consists of “hot” girls who deal table games in sexy, revealing clothing.  You know, low-cut tops, short, tight skirts that show plenty of leg and show off the derriere.  

So when I looked up, there, at the cashier, with her back to us, was one of those party pit dealers.  Facing away from us, the only part of this gal that was really visible to us was her backside.

That’s what the guys were talking about.  They assumed I was so into this gal—or her ass—that I was photographing her.  But not her, since you couldn’t see the rest of her.  They assumed I was shooting her ass.

In other words, they had me pegged as an ass man.  They probably would even say that I was “obsessed with asses.”  When I got over my concern that they would out me (as an illegal picture taker, not as an “ass man”), I started laughing to myself.  I mean, clearly these guys had never read my blog, right?  That is not something I’m used to being accused of. 

I must admit, I was fairly tempted to tell those two guys about the blog and say, “read it and let me know if you still think I was talking a picture of that dealer’s butt.”  But of course, I said no such thing.

Anyway, when I was ready to leave, I cashed out with this particular lady, and up close, she didn’t quite look as much as LM as she did from a distance.  The video came out ok—and without a shot of the party pit dealer I was supposedly photographing.  Of course, both LM and her husband failed to see any resemblance!  But I tell ya, from that angle, in that light, I know what I saw and she really did look like LM. 

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