Sunday, April 8, 2018

The Most Annoying Woman in the World

OK, that's a bit hyperbolic, I know.  This woman I ran into at the Venetian last October probably wasn't the most annoying woman in the world.  But I bet if they held a contest for that, she'd be a very strong contender.

When I got to my seat, which happened to be on her immediate right, she was talking.  And by the time she stopped to take a breath, at least an hour had passed by.  Well, it seemed like an hour.

Worse, when I arrived, she was talking about politics.  You all know how I feel about discussing politics at the poker table (in case you don't, check out the post here). When I heard her start talking about the "hard right" and the "hard left" I winced….but it turned out she wasn't talking about American politics at all.  No, she had an accent and was actually talking about Spanish politics.  Fortunately I realized I didn't really know what she was talking about and had no opinions either way on the political positions she was espousing. This was a lot less annoying than if she was talking about American politics which of course I would have strong feelings about .And fortunately no one who was listening to her tried to compare the situation in Spain she was discussing to our political situation in America.  Actually, I'm not sure anyone was really listening, and the fact is, if anyone wanted to respond to her in a way that would have gotten the conversation back to U.S. politics, I don't think they would have been able to—she didn't stop talking long enough for anyone else to get a word in.

Eventually she stopped talking Spanish politics and discussed… everything.  I can't be sure, because I totally tuned her out as best I could, but certainly enough words escaped her mouth for her to have completely covered every known topic in the universe during the time I was sitting next to her.  If you told me that she recited pi to 100,000 places I would believe you.

Ostensibly she was talking to the guy across from us, a guy in his mid-30's who looked awfully familiar to me.  I was sure I'd played with him before but it turned out he was visiting from the U.K. so maybe not.  When a reasonably attractive woman near his age came to the table, he took the opportunity to change seats so he could be on the same side of the table as the young woman.  At least that's what it looked like to the untrained eye.  I think he might have made that seat change regardless just to escape the Spanish woman's verbal diarrhea  

The young woman and the young man started talking, a conversation that for me was mostly drowned out by the non-stop noise coming out of the annoying woman.  But somehow she mentioned to the younger girl that she was old and at that age where she was no longer looking for a man or for "anything to happen."  I managed to hear the girl say, "Well, I'm at the age where I want something to happen and I'm looking for a man."  In fact, she was actually trying to change tables to sit with some guy, and I wasn't sure if it was a guy she knew or just someone who she had her eye on.  But she table changed out of there in a relatively short amount of time, leaving the annoying woman to talk to either no one or everyone, I'm not really sure which.

At one point, a bald-headed guy took the seat immediately to my right, and I'm initially wasn't sure if he was the worst poker player I've ever played with or the best.  He kind of acted like he didn't know what he was doing, but the more I watched him, the more I thought he not only knew what he was doing but he had the perfect strategy for this particular game.  You see, during this month, the Venetian had a High Hand promo going on, and every half hour (or perhaps every 20 minutes) the highest hand reported would win $300 or $400, something like that.  I can't remember the exact details.  But generally I've noticed during this type of promo, the games are limp fests and there's not much action.  Players want to see a flop cheap, and are really eager to let it go if they don't flop a hand with high hand potential.  So this guy was opening pots for $20-$25 and stealing a lot of blinds—no one had a hand worth that price.  He'd also over bet post flop and take them down that way too.  Initially he would play every single hand, and almost always raise and raise big.  If there was a raise in front of him, he'd usually just call.

I contrast this guy with the guy I told you about here who obviously didn't know what he was doing.  This guy hardly said a word the entire time (the guy from my previous post was very chatty) and it soon became clear to me that this guy was actually playing quite well for the table conditions.  I doubt it was an accident.  He was playing smart, but it was a high risk strategy.  Sure he was taking down a bunch of blinds and some limps, but he was risking a lot to steal that and of course eventually people got tired of not playing and started playing back at him.  Sure enough, the stack in front of him, which had gotten a little inflated by his early tactics, started deflating.

There's only one hand that is worth reporting on.  It was late in my session and by this time the lady to my left had quieted down a little.  She was still jabbering away, but I noticed she was actually pausing between the paragraphs she was launching from her mouth. And the guy on my right had learned that it was possible to limp into a pot or make a reasonable raise instead of bombing away.  So I was in the small blind with 10-8.  A bunch of people limped in, including the reformed maniac on my right, who was the button.  I put in a buck and the annoying woman checked.  Seven of us saw a flop of 10-10-3. 

I bet $5.  Almost everyone called, and then the guy on my right made it $10. That was an odd thing for him to do, I'd never seen him min-raise before.  I decided to just call, and most everyone else did, and six of us saw the turn, which was a blank.  I checked and it checked around to the button.  He bet $20.  I had started the hand with about $100.  At that point I decided I wasn't going to fold no matter what, so I just put all my chips in.  The lady tanked forever before finally folding.

Somehow, when the dealer tried to muck her cards, her hand flipped over, revealing 10-4.  Wow.  I was surprised she folded a 10 there.  At least I knew no one was going to beat me with trips and a bigger kicker.  It folded to the button who tanked for quite a bit before saying, "OK, I'll let it go."

As I collected the pot, I said to the lady, "Wow, you folded a 10 there, huh?"  She said, "Yes…I knew I had him beat but I was worried about you."  I didn't respond.

However, when I was ready to leave, I did whisper to her that I had 10-8, knowing I was unlikely to play with her ever again (because if I found myself at her table again, I'd ask immediately for a table change).  She said, "Really?" and was clearly totally shocked.  It was clear to me she put me on a boat.  When the shock wore off, she said, "Well, I knew it was a good fold."  It was indeed.  But still, I know she thought she was  a lot more behind than she was.


  1. why didnt u give my twitter id and blog info to the girl who was in the game earlier and actually looking to meet a guy whose into poker?

    1. I dunno Tony, I guess it never occurred to me to play matchmaker for you. Besides, she was way too young for you (or me).

  2. Hmmm ... I guess the key word is "annoying." My candidate was that and so much more so, as you might remember:

    1. I remember that story. She wasn't annoying as much as a "See U Next Tuesday." Way worse than annoying. You're almost complimenting her if you just call her annoying.

  3. A number of simple hand gestures come to mind that would have resolved this awful gabby lady....

    First would be to hold your palm forward directly in this lady's direction like a traffic cop at an intersection and I believe this is known even internationally and when you tells you how rude that is to do it is followed by simply flipping her the bird which is shorthand for STFU. Lastly you can make "talking" motions with you hand while at the same time making silly facial expressions to mock this obnoxious lady. At least she is in your memory now and you can do an instant table change request if you ever run into her again.

    A friend of mine is almost as obnoxious as this lady was in his conversational "style". When he is rambling he actually continually scans the faces of those he is blathering at and if he picks up a facial expression or a timing of drawing a breath before speaking he will actually cock one eyebrow and make a hand motion for that person to keep their mouth shut. He in almost all instances does not care to have any reply on what he is saying. He is that in love with his voice. So there was this one time I needed to take a leak and was trying to excuse myself from his diatribe and he gave me the cocked eye and hand motion and that stopped me the first time I tried to interrupt him. But then my bladder told me if I did not attend to it soon it would embarrass me. So I tried to interrupt again and got the same cocked eye and hand motion to which I used an overriding hand motion so that I did get a moment to speak after my friend just short of yelled "WHAT?" to which I simply said something like if I don't excuse myself now I will have piss running down my leg and then I headed towards the bathroom. I know what you are thinking but this particular friend doesn't have many friends and I have known him since the third grade. And no, he wasn't that obnoxious back in grade school.....

    1. Haha. Thanks, Lester you always have the answers for me. I need to put you on speed dial for when I am player poker and run into to these wackos.

      I should have mentioned in the post that the reason I didn't ask for a table change is that 1) the table was short handed when I first got there and I couldn't have moved right away and 2) the World Series game was going on at the time and my seat was actually the perfect seat to watch the game. By the time the game was over, she was actually taking breaths between paragraphs.

    2. Well having the right seat to watch an important ball game factors in of course. The blowhard taking breaths between paragraphs actually presents an opening to sneak in a few good one liners:

      It really sounds like you are in love listening to yourself speak?

      Would a slice of apple pie shut your pie hole for at least 5 minutes?

      Do you realize not a single other person at this table cares the slightest about your rantings?

      If I gave you $20 would you STFU for 20 minutes?


    3. Yeah, good thoughts but I avoid confrontation, especially with an elderly woman.