Thursday, September 14, 2017

The (Naked) Woman Who Came to Dinner

Last week in Vegas, my buddy Lightning made a last minute decision to come to Vegas while I was there. And he decided to organize a dinner with some of his poker pals.  The final guest list was supposed to be Alysia Chang, VegasDWP and of course, yours truly.  He had invited a few others but for various reasons, they couldn't make it.  So it appeared that it would just be dinner for four.  It didn't quite work out that way. 

The venue for this feast was Hugo's Cellar at the Four Queens downtown.  You might remember I told you about a dinner around Christmas time last year with Alysia & DWP (here). It is a very classy place, and a bit pricier than the In-N-Out Burger cuisine I'm used to.

I was the first of the party to arrive, and I waited around for the others to show up. Lightning, who had been dropped off by AC while she went to locate the parking garage, was next and immediately informed me that there would be a couple of unexpected guests joining us for dinner, two people that neither Lightning nor I had met before—or even knew existed until minutes before.

It seems AC had invited a friend of hers to join us.  Of course I will have to give him a phony name, as is my wont.  Truth be told, due to the salaciousness of the evening, it would really be best if I gave everyone in attendance pseudonyms (myself included), but sadly, that won't work.  Anyway, this friend of Alysia's is purported to be extremely wealthy, so let's call him "Rich Guy" or RG for short.

And included in Alysia's invitation was RG's "friend," a young lady.  I put friend in quotes because I'm not quite sure that's the right word, but I don't know what the right word would be.  Anyway, Alysia referred to the lady that would accompany RG as "Naked Girl."  Well, that certainly pricked our interest.  Of course Naked Girl isn't her real name (at least I assume it isn't) nor is it a name she adapted to keep her identity a secret because she is a female super-hero. Although I have to admit, a female super-hero that goes by the name "Naked Girl" sounds pretty cool to me.  "The adventures of Naked Girl, fighting for truth, justice and the right to bare arms—and everything else."  Naked Girl, to my knowledge, had no idea she was referred to by the strangers she was about to meet as Naked Girl. I assume she had no idea that we knew the reason we would be referring to her as Naked Girl (if she ever found out that we were, that is).

You see, Alysia got a text from you RG a few days earlier that there was a "hot-ass naked 24 year old woman" at his place.  She wondered if this was a problem and he said it sort of was.

I could certainly sympathize.  What guy would want a hot naked chick running around his home?  It's disgusting.

Well, VegasDWP showed up (he actually may have arrived before AC, I'm not sure) and we finally got more of the story of RG and NG.  You see, RG and NG hadn't arrived yet, and AC received a text from him that they were on their way but running late.  So we took the table and decided to order and let the two late-comers catch up.  It's a good thing we did.

Alysia explained that RG had a party Monday night.  And he listed it on his Facebook page, so that all his FB friends were invited.  Well you know how Facebook is, AC explained.  Some of your FB friends are friends of friends of friends.  You end up having FB friends you've never met in your real life.

So, on this Monday night, the night of RG's party, a very attractive young lady showed up at RG's place and said she's there for the party, she was invited.  So she joined the party. And met RG for the first time.

Well it turned out the girl was from The Netherlands!  Yes, that's right. She was a Dutch girl.  Now when I first heard this story, I thought that Naked Girl had flown all the way from The Netherlands to Vegas just for the party.  But as you'll see, that turned out not to be totally correct.

So she went to the party and guess what?  It turned out she didn't have anywhere to stay in Vegas. So apparently Rich Guy let her stay with him for awhile until she could figure out her next move.  I guess Naked Girl is a spontaneous kind of gal.

She's also a naked kind of gal.  Because once the two of them were alone in RG's place after the party, Naked Girl apparently got naked and had stayed that way for pretty much the entire time she was there.  Because what's a Naked Girl to do?  Truth be told, I don't know that she waited for everyone else to leave the party to get naked.  I suppose it's possible she got naked while the party was still going on.  But I didn't hear that and I assume I would have if that was the case.  But I do know that later she apparently refused to put any clothes on, preferring to walk around his house naked the entire time.

All that was well and good, but it wasn't like she was going to show up to dinner at Hugo's buck naked, was she?  I was running well but I wasn't running that well.

Have I mentioned yet that we were shown a couple of pictures of Naked Girl before they arrived? Yeah, that happened.  They were pictures that RG took of her in his place that he had sent to Alysia.  One was a picture of her with some clothes on.  It was a shot from the back with her wearing a bra and I think shorts.  But the other pic was more interesting.  It was a pic of her stark naked from behind.  When I first saw the pic, I thought she was standing at the refrigerator.  But when I saw it again, I realized she was standing in front of the washer/dryer.  And that made total sense.  She was washing all of her clothes so she didn't have any to wear, right?

And by the way, she looked really, really good with her clothes off, at least from behind.  Really good.  Especially if you like them slim.

This prompted DWP to comment, "This will be the first time I've seen a woman naked before I meet her.  Usually it's the other way around."  I said it sounded like a good trend and that we should all hope it continues. 

Of course separately and then together, we all thought of the Seinfeld episode that discussed "good naked" vs. "bad naked."  You remember that, right?  If not, Google "Seinfeld Good Naked Bad Naked."  Jerry was dating a gal who spent all the time in his apartment naked and it turned out that—at least for him—there was indeed such a thing as "bad naked."  And Alysia got the sense that RG might be getting tired of Naked Girl's nakedness.

As I said, we started ordering and eating long before RG and NG showed up.  So at one point, during all this talk about Naked Girl's interesting wardrobe choices, Lightning asked our waiter, "What's the dress code here?  Would it be ok for someone to show up totally naked?"

The waiter was taken aback by this.  It must have been the first time he'd heard the question.  Which is surprising, this being Vegas and all.  I wish I had a picture of his expression when he heard the question.  But he recovered and said that they don't really have a dress code but that they would prefer their patrons wear some clothing.  Or something like that.

Of course, we were all a bit curious as to why AC had invited these folks to the dinner.  After all, this was supposed to be a gathering of poker/twitter/blogging buddies, and three of the four of us had never met RG—and even Alysia had never met Naked Girl.  So we kind of teased her about it.  I said, "You invited them because Lightning, DWP and I are just too boring, that's it, isn't it?"

She insisted that was not the reason.  She said that, although she didn't expect Naked Girl to show up naked, she was sure she would show up in some kind of skimpy outfit....some kind of mini-dress, low-cut, revealing.  You know, she was hot and she'd show up scantily clad.  She thought the guys would really like that, she was actually doing us all a favor. I believe she indicated that she thought I would especially enjoy that.  Harumph.  I challenge anyone to find any evidence that I enjoy looking at scantily clad women.

But I suppose she knew that one person at the dinner would enjoy looking at Not-Quite-Naked Girl in a skimpy outfit.  Herself.  After all, the very first time I met Alysia, she made it clear that she liked to going to strip clubs (see here).  And yes I mean clubs where women take off their clothes, not a male revue like Chippendale's (though she might enjoy that too, I dunno, it has never come up).  In fact that first night I met her, she suggested that we all go to a strip club and offered to buy Pete Peters, Coach and myself lap dances.  Honestly.

In fact, on this night, the discussion of Naked Girl prompted AC to ask me why I don't frequent strip clubs—pointing out that the pics I frequently post on this here blog would lead someone to believe I might enjoy such clubs.  Well, that's pretty flimsy evidence if you ask me.  But I gave the first answer that came to mind, which is just one of several reasons.  "I don't really like fake boobs."

To which she replied, "Not all strippers have fake boobs."

I said something to the effect that most do, and then I asked, "How do you know so much about strippers?"  And she reminded me that she goes to strip clubs.  And then she said something to the effect of, "And lots of strippers have rubbed their boobs in my face."  Well that would be a good way to tell the authenticity of the boobs, that's for sure.

That prompted a discussion on fake boobs that we all participated in.  I believe the consensus was that we prefer original factory equipment to after-market add-ons.   

Well, the four of us were just about done with our dinners when RG and Naked Girl finally showed up.  In person, with her clothes on, Naked Girl was a mighty fine looking woman.  But she was completely dressed.  And not at all scantily clad.  She was wearing jeans and a modest tank top. I felt somehow cheated.

But she really was good looking.  So there was that.  And it turned out that the reason they were so late was—wait for it—they had gone clothes shopping for her. Yes, this is the woman who literally had nothing to wear.  In fact, we found out that she hadn't come to Vegas from her native Netherlands.  She came to Vegas from Australia (I think)—or some other place where it was actually winter, not summer.  And all her clothes were winter clothes, nothing appropriate for the Vegas heat. So what's a girl to do in that situation but go around stark naked all the time?  Made sense.

Once we all started talking, I was rather surprised by NG.  I guess I was expecting a different kind of woman, but she was very intelligent, very classy.  Didn't come off as the kind of gal who would just fly halfway around the world to drop in on someone she'd never met in a city that she didn't have any place to stay. 

And RG turned out to be a interesting, witty, entertaining guy himself. There was plenty of quality conversation.  And of course, once they showed up, there was no discussion of Naked Girl's nakedness.  Or lack thereof.

The two of them actually showed up about 90-minutes late.  So by the time they were finished with their meal, it had turned into a really long evening.  I decided it was too late for me play poker after, although Lightning and DWP headed off for the Wynn.  AC went somewhere with RG and Naked Girl.  I have no idea where.  A strip club perhaps?  I don't think so, but who knows?

I later heard that RG got tired of Naked Girl and all of her nakidity hanging around his place.  So he sent her packing (assuming by then she had something to pack) and she left town.  I understand that she was hoping to stay longer with Rich Guy but it just wasn't meant to be.  I guess Rich Guy found out that Seinfeld was right—there is such a thing as bad naked.


  1. Entertaining post, thank you.

    What guy would want a hot naked chick running around his home? It's disgusting.

    I'd like to try it once, you know, just to make sure it's disgusting.

    1. Thank YOU, MOJO.

      You know, you've convinced me. I'm willing it to try it for the next year just to see if it's as bad as I suspect.

      Maybe two years.

  2. I am uncertain if the NG thing is a conundrum or a quandary? Regardless I am at a loss to think of a single situation where there is such a thing as bad naked for having a hot chick around. Zero. Nada.

    Ok... guess I came up with ONE: NG frying bacon for me. That would require an apron.

    1. Part of it might be that RG, being very rich, appears to have attracted beautiful women. I saw pictures of him with several beauties. And although Naked Girl was very good looking (pretty face and slim, attractive figure), likely she was one of the less attractive women that RG has "dated." Also, she was looking for some financial assistance which I do not think RG was willing to give.

    2. @Lester, see Lightning's comments.

      @Lightning...well, I didn't spell it out (on purpose), but you touched on it...It might just be that NG was looking for a meal ticket, and if RG is really as rich as AC says, he probably gets that a lot

    3. TBC would have GLADLY supported NG but likely not at the same level RG would???

    4. I'm trying to figure out if TBC could handle NG. The next day, RG had a business dinner and NG was whining that there was "nothing to eat" and could I please get her something from Uber Eats? I offered to make her a tuna sandwich as I had bread, mayo, relish and tuna in my kitchen. She wasn't thrilled. She didn't want the hard boiled eggs I offered to make for her either...

    5. @Lester. I don't think this is the right girl for Tony. He's on record as saying he only is interested in UGLY women, not good looking ones. She therefore wouldn't appeal to him.

      @AC--Wait, what? She couldn't take a stroll to the nearest fast food place--naked, of course--and pick something up?

      And I have to ask, since you obviously saw her that night, was she naked? I'm assuming yes, but maybe she's only naked in front of guys.

  3. Great post Rob. Enjoyed it very much.

    1. Thanks very much Neo. It was a fun post to write but I never know if it was fun to read unless I get feedback like this. Very much appreciate it.

  4. Rob you know that as much as I enjoy hanging out with the crew, new blood is always good for the blog from time to time. Glad you didn't feel put upon.

    1. You can bring Naked Girls to the party any time. Still waiting to hear if NG ate a tuna sandwich you made for her naked.

  5. This entire post reminds me of this scene from Stripes...