Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Not Everything's Flat In Iowa

As I mentioned in my previous post, there is already much to blog about from my current trip.  But I've never been one to insist on doing posts chronologically, and the stories I mentioned last time will take a lot of time to write up (and yes, also, a lot of time to read) if I want to do them justice.

Therefore, this post is about last night's festivities at BSC, and involves poker, a well-endowed woman, an aggressive hooker and the state of Iowa.  I believe only one of those topics is new to this blog, but I'm not sure.
This session started out on a very bad note when my straight ran up against a flush on my very first hand of the day.  I was dealt AQ off and raised, a couple of callers.  King and Jack on the turn, but two diamonds (I had no diamonds).  I was hoping to take down the pot with a continuation bet, but a woman--a regular in the room that I've played with numerous times before--called.  On the turn, a 10 of diamonds hit, giving me a straight but also putting a flush out there.  I bet again hoping the double threat of a straight and a flush would get her to concede, but she called.
The river card was yet another diamond, making me throw up a little in my mouth.  I checked and when the woman bet a relatively small amount, I made a crying call even though I was sure I was beat.  I even said, before putting my bet out, "Gee, I don't suppose you have a diamond, do you?"  In fact she had two diamonds, one of which was an Ace.  She had the nut flush on the turn.  She bet just small enough amount to get me to call.  A bigger bet and I would have folded.  So right off the bat I was down $60.
This particular villain was sitting between her husband and her daughter, and not long after, the entire family left for dinner.  In this woman's place a rather attractive, albeit unusual looking, woman was seated.  She had a rather science fictiony look to her, and I immediately thought she sorta looked like a female Vulcan.  But pleasantly so.  I have no idea what her name really is, so let's call her Saavik.      
In addition to her exotic looking face, she had something else that caught my attention, oddly enough.  She was rather well endowed the chestal region.  Furthermore, she was showing some eye-catching cleavage.
But she was not showing said cleavage in one of those "dressed for clubbing, I'm a slut" outfits that so many females wear while in Vegas.  Her outfit was very professional looking (and no, I don't mean that profession); you know, the kind of outfit a female business executive would wear to the office.  It was just that, her jacket closed below the bust, and the top underneath the jacket was cut to expose a decent amount of her bosom (or, an indecent amount, depending on your point of view).
She almost immediately revealed that she was in town for a conference and had attended meetings and other convention type programming all day.  That certainly helped explain the outfit she was wearing.  Before she arrived, a guy wearing a suit and tie had joined the table and he was attending the same conference.
So it would be unfair to accuse Saavik of going for the JenniferTilly Effect with her choice of clothing. It was not anywhere that revealing dammit.  On the other hand, one might be inclined to say that, for the professional setting she was attending, the cleavage was inappropriate.  Except, as I've already discussed here, cleavage is never inappropriate.
Anyway, I was still smarting from my straight vs. flush fiasco when Saavik further abused me.  I was dealt pocket Aces under the gun.  To my dismay, five people called my preflop raise.  Not exactly what I was hoping for.  The flop came 10-4-4.  I led out a bet of about 3/4's the size of the pot.  Two callers, including Saavik.  The other caller was a BSC regular I don't remember playing with before.  I assumed he was a regular though because he knew all the dealers as well as I did.
I kind of figured at least one of them could beat my Aces.  They were both reasonable players, neither one had shown anything crazily aggressive.  In fact, I don't think I ever saw Saavik raise preflop during the entire session.  I prayed for an Ace on the turn, and didn't get it.  I don't recall what it was, but it didn't help me at all.   I guess I need help in how to proceed in this situation.  I just checked.
The guy checked and then Saavik reached for chips.  She put out a fairly small bet for the size of the pot.  But it was close to half her remaining stack.  Both the regular player and I had her well covered (and more covered than the outfit she was wearing).
I 'm not sure why I called, other than it was such a relatively small bet, so I was getting better odds than I would normal expect.  But it was a tough decision.  The other guy also took some time.  I was kind of hoping he was thinking about raising.  If he had, it would have been a much easier lay down.  But he finally just called.
The river card seemed meaningless as well.  We both checked to Saavik, who pushed all in.  I think it was around $50, give or take.  Again, the bet to pot ratio was quite small, and I felt I was worth making the crying call even though I strongly suspected I had the worst hand of the three of us.
The other guy debated for awhile, said he was probably in 3rd place, and finally mucked.  He said that he assumed I had pocket Kings (maybe he reads my blog) but that Saavik had a big hand, maybe a 4, maybe a full house.  Anyone care to guess what Saavik had?
Just pocket 10's.  Yeah, she had flopped a friggin' boat.  I didn't show my bullets.  The other guy said, "Well, that's why I didn't get another 10 to fall."  So he probably had Ace - 10.  I'm thinking if that's the case, he probably played the hand worse than I did (especially if he thought I had a big pocket pair).
Saavik took down a very nice pot and I was suddenly quite short stacked.  I waited an orbit and then added $100 to my stack so that I had enough ammunition to continue to play the way I wanted to.
Meanwhile, Saavik had told us all that she was from Iowa and that she is a serious sports fan and therefore has to travel outside her state to see professional games, and she does it regularly.  And so she told us that there is really nothing much happening in Iowa.
To prove her assertion about her home state, she told us about a t-shirt she saw in the gift shop at the Iowa airport before boarding the plane to Vegas.  It said something to the effect, "Nothing tips like an Iowa cow."
I pointed out that she should have gotten it for Vegas, so she could where it when playing poker, where players are expected to tip the dealers.   There was some cross talk and I don't think she heard me.
Then she mentioned the "other shirt" she saw that airport gift shop.
It said, "Not Everything is Flat in Iowa."
Ahem.  I had just scored a cute "woman said" story.  Everyone laughed, and I'm sure that everyone at the table (all guys, save her) had the same thought--how appropriate it would have been for her to have purchased and worn said shirt.  Perhaps she even mentioned it because she did buy it.  But I was surprised she had brought that up when she didn't have to....this was the first--and last--even remotely risqué thing she had said all evening. This wasn't Prudence, after all. And she had to have known that by bringing this up, it would make all of us start thinking about her impressive chest.  Because, you know, until then, none of us would have.
During the rest of the session, she kept giving me sly smiles whenever our eyes met (she was sitting across from me).  I did not take this to mean she was interested in me or was flirting with me.  I took it to mean she was very happy about taking so many of my chips.
Later when the other guy in that story returned from the rest room, he asked if he missed anything.  "Any fights?  Any big hands?  Any all-ins?"  We all shook her heads no.  And then I added, "No flopped boats."  Saavik enjoyed that.
I did get most of my money back, slowly.  A short stacked guy went all in after I raised with AK.  It was an easy call based on his chip stack.  The board missed me and I assumed i would lose to a pocket pair, but no, he had AQ and thus gave me all the rest of his chips. 
I caught a an Ace high straight against a set of 10's and stacked some short stacked guy.  A nut flush also got me some chips.  I got pocket Aces again and this time a guy in early position raised to $15.  I made it $40 sure that the other guy would at least call.  But he folded.
I got two callers when I raised with pocket Queens and no one called my flop bet on a low flop.  By the time I was ready to call it a night, I had gotten all but a few bucks of my $300 buy in back.
Walking to the parking lot, I was deep in thought about the session as I walked through the area where hookers have been known to congregate.  After this story, I no longer seek out hookers to blog about or tell my friend Woody about, but they still seem to find me. As I walked passed two girls I hadn't really noticed sitting in front of two slot machines (but facing out, not towards the machines), I heard one of them say, "Hey what are you looking for?"

I didn't get a good look at them, but they both some reasonably attractive as Vegas hookers go.  They didn't really stand out in my mind, good or bad.
I gave them a quick glance but kept moving.  The girl continued.  "Hey, come here."
That was said rather pleasantly.  But when I continued to ignore them, she said it one more.
"Come here!"  This was said very sternly, much more like an order than an invitation.

I turned to her and shook my head.  "No thanks."  Nothing she could have said would have gotten me to stop, but she needs to work on her sales pitch.  She'd only get guys who like to be verbally abused with that tone.
I kept heading to my car and my thoughts returned to the Mid-Western girl who flopped a boat against my Aces and told us--and demonstrated--that everything isn't flat in Iowa.


  1. I'm going to have to find one of those t-shirts for my wife.

    1. So you're telling us that a) you live in Iowa (or your wife is from there) and b) she isn't flat chested.


      Thanks for the comment!

  2. Awe-inspiring bequest! Your blog is attention-grabbing. I feel affection for it.