Monday, December 29, 2014

Colder Than a Witch's Tit

New Year's Eve forecast for Las Vegas:  Snow.

Snow?  In Vegas?

Yes, snow. 

Snow!

Barring some unforeseen circumstance, I will be on the Vegas strip for New Years Eve.  If I can get there from my undisclosed location.

As I write this, there is a 60% chance of snow in Vegas on Wednesday, starting in the afternoon.

That should make things interesting.

Having lived almost all of life in Southern California, I am not used to being around snow. I am sure as hell not used to driving in it.  I think I drove in a few flurries once on a once-in-a-generation snow fall (very light flurries) coming home from work through the highest elevation of my commute one February many, many years ago.   But that was for less than five minutes, tops.

Another time, my buddy Norm and I were making our annual birthday trip to Vegas--it was mid-April--and we encountered some snow through the higher elevations.  This was actually on Easter Sunday and it was a freakish late winter storm (in Spring).  I immediately pulled over and let Norm drive the rest of the way, since, through his work, he had been forced to learn how to drive in snow.  I never needed to.

We got by ok, it wasn't snowing much as we made it into Vegas.  We later learned that just hours after we drove through the area known as Mountain Pass, they had to close the road because of the snow.  If we had left LA a few hours later that day, we wouldn't have made it to Vegas that day.

And it will be cold.  Of course, it has to be for it to snow.  Duh.  It's already cold here, very cold.  What's missing is the precipitation, and that is due in time for New Year's Eve.  But a storm is a' coming, and the snow level may get as low as 2,000 feet--which is the elevation of the Vegas Strip!

The past few days, Twitter has been all a' twitter about the coming possible New Year's Eve snow storm.

Discussing the possibility of all those tourists driving in the snow on the day of the year where more alcohol is consumed than any other day has been, um, interesting.  True, many tourists will be in town from cold weather states where they are used to snow. But most of the Vegas tourists come from Southern California (like me) where they are only used to driving in snow if they like to go to the mountains to ski. Many, like me, do not do that.

As I say, interesting.

It's already ridiculously cold here, much colder than I'm used to. I'm spoiled, living in L.A.  I come to Vegas every winter, where it is always colder than Southern California.  Still not as cold as Buffalo or Minnesota, of course, but colder than my mild L.A. climate.

So when I get in my car late at night (or early in the morning) and see the temperature gauge reading in the 40's....or even, gulp, in the 30's, I am a bit taken aback.

Still, as friggin' cold as it is, it is not unseasonably cold.  Because it is winter, and that is the season for cold.

One of my twitter peeps, discussing the coming storm, where the temperature may drop to the mid-20's, said, "I heard it's gonna be as cold as dicks."

I never heard that phrase before.  I wanted to ask, "As cold as Dick's what?"

But it will be colder than a witch's tit, if you believe that old saw.

Should be interesting, to say the least.  I am worried about the girls who make up what I lovingly refer to as The Slut Parade. I hope they have the good sense to leave those barely-there dresses in the closet and dress warmly and appropriately for the cold weather.  Long, heavy pants, multiple sweaters, heavy coats, no skin showing at all.

Yeah, that's what I hope. 

Stay tuned to the weather channel and this space for further developments.

As for the pic below, Kate Upton is, to the best of my knowledge, not a witch. But here she is in a bikini, in the snow, and I bet when this pic was taken, her famous "hand-warmers" were not very warm.



32 comments:

  1. Sorry about that. The snow must of come in my suitcase. Give me a shout if you are around. I leave on the 2nd

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    1. what?????? cocaine in the suitcase???? oh A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ . p.s. u may want 2 invest in a snow scrapper 4 the windows. i know just 1 day all but assuming u dont want to sit in yr car forever but car's heater eventually melt it

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    2. @Ben....suspect I will be at MGM for the next few nites, look me up. Leave the snow back in your room.

      @anger, that's a good tip but I'm not sure I could even FIND a snow scrapper in Vegas. Also. it sounds like the snow will start falling in the afternoon, hopefully after I get my car in covered parking for the night, so I won't have to worry. Hopefully.

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  2. Been watching the forecast . . . hoping air travel is not impacted . . . Might be tougher for those driving in from California . . .

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    1. And you were expecting to hang out by the pool add day. Silly boy.

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    2. PPP: I've had problems with air travel from vegas on a day where it was windy with a little rain. If it snows, good luck ever getting in there....Just sayin'! Lol

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    3. @P3 fly into Denver then Greyhound LMAO!!!!!!!!! #P3ongreyhoundyeahright

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    4. I believe that PPP is currently looking into take a cab ride from DC to Vegas for New Years.

      Or, perhaps, he will try Uber.

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  3. Actually driving on snow isn't that hard. Now, ice is a different story, of course.

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    1. Yeah, I've heard that black ice on the road is deadly.

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    2. Would it have been racist if I said "Vanilla Ice"?

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  4. Sorry, but this Midwestern guy just can't keep from smirking as I read this. I am reminded of this conversation with my mother-in-law from many years ago. We were getting ready to head to her place -- 450 miles straight north into northern Wisconsin.

    lightning36: Hi Mom: How is the weather up there?

    Mother-in-law: Not bad. We only had 23 inches of snow the other day. I don't think the temperature will get below zero much while you are here.


    The night I fell in love with my wife we were at a dinner dance in Chicago. The temperature that night, with the wind chill factor, was -80 F.

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    1. fell in love?? that black ice is slippery

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    2. I'm sorry but let's face it, you're dumb as f*** for living in a place that gets that cold on a regular basis.

      If the temp was -80 F, that wasn't really love, it was a mutual desire to keep warm by sharing body heat. You would have fallen in love with Troy Aikman if he had been nearby on that nite.

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    3. Troy Aikman??? Bartman is a better example. r u smoking some good sheeeit now ,rob??

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    4. No, anger, I used Troy Aikman for a very specific reason and Lightning knows why.

      It was summer of 2013 when Lightning and Lucki Duck (and his lovely wife) were enjoying a dinner of bra burgers and Lightning and Duck were teasing each other over their favorite sports teams. Duck was giving Lightning shit over the Bears and Lightning was returning fire by ripping Aikman, the famous retired Dallas Cowboy (and ex UCLA, my team).

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    5. bra burgers?? r those like edible panties??? man, i didnt know Lucki duck/wife was so progressive WOW!!!!!!!! first Rob wearing fried oreos like pasties then Lightning's " fornicate (G rated) me ,tonite"song, and P3 "sharing" a bed with a school"friend". also Mrben "tapping" 4 filets/steaks. new title "Robvegassexualdeviantpokerblog"

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    6. Yes....bra burgers....see the following post:

      http://robvegaspoker.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-duck-schmuck-x-2.html

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  5. Rob--as someone who lives in Illinois, and dealt with record breaking snowfall last winter, all I have to say is.....suck it up buttercup!! Lol

    I do feel bad in a way, since you aren't used to it, but a couple of inches shouldn't be bad. I'm guessing, tho, that vegas is lacking in snow plows and salt trucks?

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    1. People live in places like LA and Vegas cuz they hate cold temperatures, so don't tell us to suck it up. Keep that crappy cold weather to yourself.

      If the roads get too bad, all they can use is sun tan lotion to try to melt the snow.

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  6. I live close to the Strip and on most years will see snow once a year. I saw snow at around 2-3 am last year, once.

    Steve007

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    1. yeah, light dusting once in a blue moon.

      I was actually here just days after the last big snow storm hit Vegas, and got to see a lot of snow still on the ground and on rooftops. It was more fun to see the aftereffects that the actual occurence.

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  7. Unless it snows like it did in 2008, I might worry more about driving in the rain. Sometimes there will be flooding in Vegas and that's worse than driving when it has been snowing for a short while.


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    1. True enough...don't get me started on driving in the rain in Vegas. Five minutes of rain and all the streets are flooded.

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  8. A couple of points (and you may feel free to edit as necessary):

    1. The car we took to Vegas in April was my car, which I traded in for a new one as soon as we got back.

    2. Sporting goods or automotive supply stores would both be good places for a scraper, but if you can't find one, use your hotel keycard.

    3. Even if The Slut Parade dresses for the occasion, they will probably not go commando.

    4. For the folks telling you to "suck it up": remember, we're from a place where one can "go to the snow" and when tired of that, go to the beach IN THE SAME DAY. (Even if I do live in Gooniesland now, where it will be cold, but not snowy).

    5. As bad as the weather is now, think about it when you are then in July and it's 105°.

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    1. Thanks Norm.

      1. As I recall, you claimed that you had no choice but to sell the car once it had been snowed on.

      3. In that case, why am I even here?

      4. Anger...they have snow near Miami? I don't know about that. Most places in Southern California are a two hour drive to the mountains where there is plenty of snow (usually) in the winter.

      5. Ah yes.....and please remind me how cold it is now when I am back here in July schvitzing.

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  9. So, you'll be driving in from "an undisclosed location"; that really sounds like a TBC term. Top secret !! Worried about your sock roll as well?
    Just kidding, of course. Have fun and check out the fireworks at midnight, in the snow.

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    1. The undisclosed location was a reference to the immediate post-9/11 US when the Vice President was secure in a undisclosed location. I was not thinking of Tony when I used it.

      I'll pass on the fireworks thank you, too much of a mob scene and when you've seen one fireworks show, you've seen them all.

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