Thursday, May 3, 2012

Prudence's Birthday Surprise

I know what all my loyal readers are saying out there.  Sure it’s fun to read about Rob getting lost in Vegas, or about the hooker with the world’s biggest ta-ta’s, or about him meeting one of his readers and cashing in a poker tournament to boot, or about running into several of the characters featured in his prior posts at a well attended poker tournament….but what you really want to read about is Prudence.  What the hell is going on with her?  Why haven’t we heard anything about her in lo these many weeks?

So here goes with the latest words of wisdom from the uninhibited poker lover known as Prudence.  My last post featuring her was here where she praised my testicles.  This time, she almost grabbed them. 
That last post was two trips ago. On my previous visit, I saw (and played with) Prudence just one time. We weren’t at the same table together for all that long. The most reportable thing she said at that time was that she was about to embark on a vacation with her boyfriend, Tom.  I guess because she was already thinking about her trip she was a bit un-Prudence like that night.  For example, she was talking about some animated TV character whose head was supposedly the width of the character’s creator’s mother’s “hooh-ha.”  Yes, she actually said “hooh-ha”, not “vagina.”  That kind of indicated to me that Prudence was off her game that night.  I suppose the fact that she wasn’t drinking (in anticipation of her trip?) might have had something to do with it.
Speaking of her game, she and I did get into one interesting hand, albeit briefly, that night.  I raised to $12 in late position with AA after a few limpers.  She was in the BB and made it $30. Now she knows my game and and reads the blog so she had to know my hand was pretty good, she has never seen me raise with mediocre cards (actually I have done it in that position, but I’m sure she’s never seen it).  So I knew she had to have a really good hand to 3-bet me.  But she couldn’t have a better hand than I had.  When one of the limpers called her $30, I wasn’t sure what to do and I can’t honestly say the fact that it was Prudence who 3-bet me and not some total stranger didn’t affect my decision.  I knew I couldn’t call there, I had to raise, and just decided to shove.  Prudence probably wasn’t going to call any raise I made there—she would be sure I had Ace’s if I raised—but I didn’t know what the other player would do, he had just gotten to the table and hadn’t played a hand that I could recall. So I guess I was hoping he might call me if he had a lesser big pair than my Aces.
First, Prudence gave me all kinds of dirty looks, bitched and moaned, agonized over it, teased me a bit, and then, being absolutely sure of what I had, she showed me (but not the other guy in the hand) her Pocket Queens and said, “Does that scare you?  I’m guessing not” and then folded.  Now that I write this, I realize that was very improper of her to do. Sure she only showed me her cards after she knew she was gonna fold, but that still gave me valuable information in case the other guy called.  If he had called, and there’s a Queen on the flop, I know he doesn’t have a set of Queens.  So she shouldn’t have done that and should have been warned by the dealer, she wasn’t, and whether it was because the dealer didn’t notice or that the dealer knows her—as do all the dealers at BSC—I can’t say.
The other guy insta-folded and I took down the pot.  I probably could have made more money playing it less aggressively but also would have been risking losing a lot of money there.  But if that had created a big pot with me and Prudence fighting it out, it would have made a helluva blog post!
As I stacked my chips, she commented about her queens not scaring me with my pocket Ace’s and I didn’t confirm what I had, but I didn’t have to. She would have bet her last nickel that I had exactly what I had, I’m sure.
So that was my March trip.  Now we come to my April Vegas trip and on Saturday night of this trip, the eve of my birthday, I got my first chance to play with Prudence since then.  I was sitting at a 1/2 game minding my own business. I was playing for about 20 minutes when a seat opened up immediately to my left.  A girl takes the seat and I look over and it is Prudence. I say hello and she is surprised, she had not noticed that the table they were sending her too had me on it, and right next to me to boot.  She proudly showed off her drink and told me that she was "drinking" as in booze.  
When she joined the table there were two other women there.  I actually had a choice of tables 20 minutes earlier and picked this one because there were two gals there, instead of the other table which was all guys who looked unpleasant, serious and possibly like good players.  This table appeared softer on first glance.  One of the girls was a dealer at another room in town.   The other gal was rather heavy, but had a cute face and was showing a fair amount of cleavage (Prudence would be disappointed in me if I didn’t report that).
So Prudence sits down and sees me and seems very happy to see me.  I had seen her and Tom 2 nites before but they didn't play as Tom took an early out—not enough tables going for him to make any money.  So I had joined a private conversation with the two of them and the “birthday boy” from this post whose birthday is the day before mine and who hosted the Pineapple game last year for his birthday.  This year he took the day off instead.  Anyway, Prudence announces, after seeing me and then showing off her adult beverage, that this is going to be a fun table.  And so it was.
I told her that I had mentioned her on my latest blog post (which was this one) even tho it wasn't about her, and she was glad to hear it.  "Good, I like that."  We started catching up a bit and doing some small talk when she noticed some guy walking in the poker room without a shirt (he had a jacket that was open half why down his chest, but no shirt).  Why wasn't he wearing a shirt, she wondered. When he got close to our table, and possibly within earshot (or maybe not), she yelled, "Hey, show us your tits!"  Everyone cracked up, including the two gals.  I don't recall if it was a guy or a gal who said, "Hey, that's something a guy's supposed to say."  The heavy gal was laughing and repeated the line, "Show us your tits."  Prudence realized that she recognized the guy as a regular and that he and his wife are very nice people.  She left to find out why he didn't have a shirt and came back and told us that he had just arrived in town and had come directly from the plane, as if that explained it.  The heavy gal said, "So it's ok to fly on a plane without a shirt?"  I said, "Yeah, I kinda think that's worse."  Then I said, "Well, it turns out they only have the one shirt, and the two of them take turns wearing it.  Tomorrow the wife will be the one not wearing a shirt."  Then I said they had lost their shirt gambling.
It didn't take long for Prudence to start throwing the v-word around.  I'm not sure the context of her first usage of the word "vagina" dammit.  I think it was fairly gratuitous, she just said for the sake of saying it, as if to remind me that she was the kind of girl who say "vagina" for no apparent reason. By the time she started talking vagina, the lady dealer who was playing had left but the other gal was with us all nite.  She was not offended and even said "vagina" a few times herself, in response to Prudence saying it.  Again, until a very specific instance I will get to, I can't remember any context for this. But I did commend her for linking her name on the comments section of my blog to the fake website, told her I cracked up when I approved her comment and I tested that link.
When the seat on her left opened up, she called over to the next table, and it turned out that Tom was now playing instead of dealing, and he was at the table.  He moved over to the seat next to her.  That didn't inhibit her at all but I thought it might inhibit me, I didn't want to be too outrageous with her boyfriend right there (not to worry).  So a few minutes late she announced, "I have to pee so bad I'm thinking of peeing right here since I'm wearing a pad.  I'm just not sure the pad would hold it."  Tom said that depends on the size of the pad.  Prudence saw me reacting to that and said, "See, I can be totally outrageous in front of you....whether I mean it or not."  She waited until the opportune moment in the game to go to the Ladies Room, and I assume she didn't pee in her pants.
Knowing that I am Jewish, Prudence started talking about how, back in her East Coast hometown growing up, she spent a lot of time with Jews despite going to Catholic school, and that in her community, among the Jewish men, it was the Asian gals who were the new equivalent of the Blonde Shiksa Goddesses (yeah, she said "shiksa" ).  I said that wasn't the case among the Jews I know but it is apparently the new thing among younger Jewish guys--they all have "Yellow Fever" so that all of her boyfriends when she lived back east were Jews.  She also said Tom had "yellow fever" too and that's why he pursued her!  Later when she talked about her Mom visiting her last week, and saying that she should move back east and become a doctor, I said, "Oh, you have a Jewish Mother!" and she agreed.
At one point the two of us were in a hand together, and I bet out.  She purposely knocked her knee into mine....I think she was warning me that she was going to raise and she was also warning me not to call her.  Was she just being friendly or was she attempting to “soft-play”  me?  Hmm…  
So later when I won a nice size pot, that she wasn't in, she patted my upper thigh (with her hand) under the table to congratulate me. I couldn't resist saying, "Next time, go higher, please!"
Those of you who know me only from this blog probably aren’t surprised that I said that to her.  But people who know me personally certainly would be.  I can assure you that, except for a woman I was already in a physical relationship with, there is no other woman on the planet I would make such an outrageous comment to. Believe me, it is not like me at all to say something like that to a woman, even a close friend.  And remember, her boyfriend was sitting right on the other side of her.
But it occurred to me if there was any woman on the planet I could say something like that to and get away with it, it was Prudence.  So I just went ahead and didn’t censor myself and out it came.
It was the closest I'd ever come to actually shocking her. Or to actually seeing her acting shocked.  She kinda went "woa" and immediately leaned over to Tom to tell him what I said. Didn't bother him at all.  I said to her, "Look, I figure if there is one woman in the world I could say that to and get away with it, it's you."  She agreed and said it was fine. I suspect that she enjoyed that for one moment, I was as outrageous as she was.
Oh, and no, this was not the “birthday surprise” that Prudence had for me that is referenced in this post’s title.  That will come later.
At one point Tom made a big bet that caused Prudence to fold her pocket Queens, but Tom showed her he only had pocket 4's.  This pissed Prudence off to no end.  She said he was definitely sleeping on the couch tonite.  And I said, "I know someone who's not getting laid tonite."  He reluctantly agreed.  So did Prudence.  She kept fuming about it and then said he might end up sleeping in the car!  A bit later--and I don't think there was much context for this--other than that she was still mad at Tom--she turned to me and said, "No matter how mad I am at Tom, there's still no way you're ending up in my bed!"  I was pretty shocked--did she think I was thinking otherwise?--and kinda nervously laughed and said to her, "I really wasn't expecting to, so I'm not disappointed.”
I have to admit that when I thought about her comment later, it did bother me a bit.  We are pals, for sure, but had I said or done anything that made her think it was anything more than that in my mind?  I sure don’t think so.  She didn’t take the comment about patting a little higher seriously, did she?  Hmm…..I actually asked what the context of that comment was the next day, and she couldn’t really remember, other than it might have been just a funny comment she made in the spirit of Tom having to sleep on the couch.  But she assured me that I hadn’t said anything to make her think it was necessary to say that, other than as a joke.
Or….maybe this was the context of that comment.  In a hand that Tom, Prudence and one regular that Prudence hates was in, I had pocket 5's.  I hit a third 5 on the flop, but there was both a flush draw and a straight draw out there.  Tom was first to act and bet $30.  The regular was next and he called.  I had to scare off the draws so I bet $100.  Prudence was pissed.  She had a good draw.  She hemmed and hawed and debate and said "F you" to me.  When she finally folded, she subtlety gave me the finger.  Tom and the other guy folded, and Prudence said to me, "If you don't show your hand, I'm gonna kill you."  So I showed her that I had the set of 5's. She was both pissed and impressed at the same time.  Pissed that she had to fold her flush draw, but impressed with my balls.
She actually said that, “There was some impressive display of balls on that one.”  Then said something like, "And me here with my vagina, no guys were all taking advantage of me and my vagina.  All those balls on display before it got to me.  It was a 'mine's bigger than yours' contest and I don't have one.  I should have grown one for just that hand, and it would have been bigger than all of yours."  Meanwhile, the heavy gal said something about her vagina too, even tho she was out of the hand—but not sure exactly what it was she said.  But she was clearly perfectly comfortable with the outrageousness of Prudence.
Earlier, Prudence had asked me if BSC was the only place I played.  I said no and mentioned other places I play, and as it turned out that the dealer at this moment was an attractive blonde who works at both BSC and Binion’s.  I see her most weekends when I play at the Binion’s tournament. So I pointed out to Prudence that I know our current dealer from Binions and I play in their tournaments on the weekends, like I had that day.  
Then, much later, with a different dealer, Al, she said to me, out of the blue, "So you go downtown, huh?" Without missing a beat, I said, "That's a rather personal question, isn't it?" Prudence cracked up and Al went nuts. "Whoa....that is a personal question."  But he was still dealing when Prudence made the comment about me not sleeping in her bed, so Al said, "Are you sure about that?  He's already said he goes downtown."
While Al was still dealing, Prudence told us about a weird experience she had on her vacation.  She said that in the Midwest, in the middle of freaking nowhere, they came across an Asian Massage Parlor.  They actually stopped in and there were two Chinese girls working there barely speaking a word of English.  How they heck did they get there, she wondered?  Anyway, Prudence got a massage, a totally legitimate one, but it was clear that this was not the kind they normally do!  Yes, they normally offer massages that have happy endings.  Al asked her if she got offered a happy ending—he was curious if girls get offered that—but Prudence did not get such an offer.
Later when Brent came to deal, I pointed out to her that Brent is the person who has topped her...that the blog post about his "protect your hand" story replaced her debut story as the most popular post on my blog.  Brent knew about this from me telling him last time I was in town but it but being the gentlemen he is, he refused to hold it over Prudence.  Actually, truth be told, I don’t think he considers it that much of an honor.
But while Brent was dealing, something reminded me of the story I told here, the blind girl who rubbed my leg instead of her husband’s.  Surprisingly, this story was not triggered by Prudence rubbing my leg earlier, although after I told the story I believe Prudence brought it up (so-to-speak) again.  Anyway, everyone who heard it enjoyed my story of the blind girl and someone asked if I had to leave the tournament because of that. And of course Brent said I couldn’t leave because I couldn’t stand up at that moment.
Tom checked out of the game, but Prudence played a little longer.  A chip runner delivered a package from the snack bar to Prudence, I assumed it was a snack for her.  No, Tom came by to see if she had given me my birthday present yet. She almost forgot.  In the bag was a big soft pretzel for me, for my birthday. They even sprang for cheese to go with it!  They both wished me happy birthday, and soon thereafter, Prudence got up too.
Before that, when it appeared that Tom had disappeared, she said to me, "You know, I think Tom's left me here, You may have to drive me home."  I laughed but said I would be happy to do so if needed.  Of course, it wasn't necessary.  
Sorry if I haven’t talked much about poker from this night.  Except the few hands I already described, I can’t recall much about poker, I was having too much fun with Prudence, Tom, the other players and the dealers.  Despite not paying near the attention I should have, I still came away over $100 up for the night, so it was a great night by any measure.
Thanks again for the birthday pretzel, Prudence and Tom!  And thanks as always, Prudence, for being so much fun and giving me so much great material to blog about.


  1. LOL Rob, your tables sound like a lot of fun.

    btw do you get paid by the word or something? :)

  2. Thanks, Josie. My question is, are you as outrageous at the poker table as Prudence is?

    You're not trying to imply that my posts are too long or too wordy now, are you? Heh heh. I WISH I got paid by the word.

    Or at all, for that matter.

    1. Rob, sometimes moreso, sometimes less so. Well maybe not less so. :)

    2. Really. So when was the last time you discussed your vagina at the poker table?

    3. I don't usually discuss my vagina at the felt although when I was in AC the guy next to me dropped some chips and while he was retrieving them I said "Hey how bout a favor while you're down there?"

      Does that count? :)

      Of course I've also offered the dealer a "front rub" for pocket kings" I flashed that old guy, which made gary's jaw drop...hmmmm what else...I sometimes will tip the waitress for a guy who's lost to me...but I give him the dollar bill as one would give it to a stripper.

      That's just the tame stuff. :)

    4. I remember the dealer and the "front rub". Of course, when you say "flash" you still had a bra on, right? It wasn't an R-rated flash. Still, impressive. Regarding the guy who dropped the know, if it was some gal and I said that to her (and it wasn't Prudence or maybe you), I'd get arrested for that comment! So good going there.

      I don't understand the tip thing. Are putting the dollar bill (not a chip?), in the guy's pants, who then gives it to the waitress? Or are you giving it to the waitress directly (that I'd pay to see)?

      I have to say tho, that if I was ever to get you and Prudence at a poker table together, I think I'd get a enough "woman said" stories for the rest of my natural life!

  3. I want a Trip report when you bang Prudence!
    I Bet you would be saying poker references to her during sex.
    I can hear it now,
    You: "I'm all in!
    Prudence: "That's all you've got!"
    Prudence: I didn't know we were in a Hyper Turbo, That didn't last very long.

    1. I almost didn't publish this because you're Anonymous and because of the content. I hope this doesn't offend Prudence, assuming that's possible. But while I suppose the comments are amusing, there is no chance of any kind of post like that or any kind of interaction like that ever happening. I hope you're just kidding but since you are unidentified I can't be sure.

  4. Actually, this is Rob. Neo, please email me at the email address over on the right side of the page. Thanks.