Why Not a Jewish Themed Hotel/Casino?

It was recently announced that an “Asian gaming powerhouse” planned to build a new Asian-themed resort on the site of the old Stardust, buying that property from Boyd Gaming.  You can read about it here.

I sent the link to my friend Luv Malts, who, as I explained here, is one of the people most responsible for me starting the blog.  I knew as a Vegas aficionado (she's always loved Vegas), she would be interested.

LM, as I call her here, is Jewish, as am I.  She responded with a political incorrect email wondering why someone hasn’t done a Jewish-themed hotel-casino yet. And then she had some thoughts on what that would be like, presented below:

“The Shalom House”

·         Must show lack of foreskin to register at hotel (private facilities will be provided where the cocktail waitresses will provide verification.  Could be a major draw to the hotel).

·         Free lox and bagels at check-in, plus two for one buffet coupons.

·         Courtesy and compliments are forbidden.  Only kvetching and complaints are allowed.

·         Upgraded room comes with AK* Jewish mother at no extra charge.  She stays in your room and points at your clothes that need to be ironed and hung up.  She insists that you eat more at time of room service because you are all skin and bones.  Nagging is included.

·         10% discount with proof of physician or attorney as family member or extended mishpucha.

·         Cocktail waitresses:  Skimpy, sexy Israeli-type gals that wear barely nothing except a very large Uzi strapped across their enormous bosoms.

I thought these were great, and I came up with a few of my own:

·         No restaurant in the hotel serves mayonnaise.

·         If a customer even asks for mayonnaise, he is escorted off the property, and no refunds are given.

·         The poker room offers several tables of No Limit Dreidel in addition to regular poker.

·         Players are required to tip the dealers when they win (what am I?  A Schnorrer?)

·         If a Jewish man registers at the hotel and is single, he is immediately introduced to three Jewish mothers who will sing the praises of their eligible, single daughters.  If he marries one of them before his stay is over, there is no charge for his visit.

·         All hookers who solicit in the hotel are verified shiksas.  No nice Jewish girl would ever do such a thing.

·         The “house wine” at all bars and restaurants is Manischewitz.

Feel free to use the comments section to add more.

*-AK does not mean Ace-King.  In this case, it means “Alter Kocker” which translates from the Yiddish into “old fart.”