"Full Service—Anything You Want"

As I write this, I’m back in Vegas, playing poker, winning poker room promotions, working, talking to hookers.

Yes, hookers.

These were the first real encounters I’ve had with practitioners of the world’s oldest profession since the post you can find here (and for a good laugh, be sure to read the first comment after the post, from one of my biggest fans).  They weren’t just sightings—they were actual conversations with the ladies.  Verbal encounters, as it were. Note, I wrote “verbal encounters,” not “oral encounters.”

The first one took place on the Sunday before Halloween, at MGM, where the hot night club was having a “Sexiest Costume” contest.  I suppose I’ll have more to say about Halloween in Vegas in a later post.  The point is that the club was open, and as I indicated in the post I linked to, there was a burning question I wanted to ask a working girl on a night when the club was open.  We’ll get there in a moment.

So I was over near the lobby, watching the people in costumes coming and going from the casino.  In addition to the costumes, there were also plenty of young ladies dressed in their normal club-going attire, which as I’ve indicated before (here), can be attention-getting to the male eye.  So it was an enjoyable experience.

As I was walking around, I passed a woman sitting at a slot machine, but not playing it or even looking at it.  She was looking at into the aisle of passersby.  I was a passerby.  She spoke to me, saying something like, “Hi, how are you?”  Then she added, “Come talk to me.”

I hesitated for a second then decided to talk to her.  After all, I had that question to ask her.

I didn’t say anything, I just stopped in front of her.  She asked where I was going.

“Oh, just back to my room.”

“Are you staying here?”

“No, at a friend’s house.”  That wasn’t the truth, but I was definitely not staying at the MGM, and I did always wonder how they would handle it if someone wasn’t staying where they were soliciting.

“How far is that?”

Pulling a number out of thin air, I said, “Oh about 20-minutes from here.”

“Oh, that’s far.  Why don’t you get a room here? You should get a cheap room.  You should get a cheap room and we can have some fun.”

“Where would I get a cheap room?” I asked, knowing that there are no such things as cheap rooms at the MGM.

“You can get a room for sixty bucks across the street at the Motel 6.”

I didn’t ask if they’d leave the light on for me.

Instead I said, “Well, I don’t think so.  I lost most of my money just now.”  In fact, I had just come from a winning session but I don’t believe that it’s against the law to lie to a hooker in Nevada.

She asked how much I had lost, and again, pulling a number out of the air, I said, “$500.”

“That’s not a lot.”

Hmm, I wonder if this gal has access to my tax returns?  I said, “Well, it is for me.”

“Well how much you got left?”

Here I totally blew it, and I’ll explain momentarily.  Instead of giving the right answer, I said, “Well, not much.  I’ve just got enough to get home.”

“Are you sure you don’t have enough….for me…..so we can have some fun?”

I was wondering why, if we were both going to have some fun, as she implied, I should have to pay her something.  Shouldn’t the “fun” itself be enough?

I guess not.

I said I was sure, and she said, “Well, ok then.” 

But I did remember to ask the question I wanted to ask.  “Can I ask you something?  Can you really make any money on a night like this, when there are so many amateurs around?”

All she said was, “Depends.”  I waited and she didn’t say anything else.  And since she knew by now she wasn’t getting any of my money, she had lost interest in me.  So I accepted that as my answer and walked away.

But after I left, I had one of those slap your head moments.  There’s another question I should have asked her, and I had the perfect opportunity.  And I blew it.

I think my readers would have been interested in knowing how much the services she was offering would cost.  I know my pal Woody, who absolutely loves all hooker stories, is always curious about “How much?”  Woody, to be clear, is happily married and would never engage the services of such a woman.  He lives vicariously through my hooker stories.  I’m sure my other readers are a bit curious too.

It would have been so easy, so much in context, to get that information.  When she asked me how much I had left, all I had to do was say, “Well, how much would I need?”  Or, I could have said, “About $200.”  If I had said that, she either would have said, “Not enough,” or….”That works.”  Or whatever.  The point is, I had the perfect opportunity to find out this vital piece information without saying anything that could have been interpreted as my soliciting her (in case she was a cop), and I just didn’t think of it at the right time.

I was very annoyed with myself.  She was still sitting there as I walked around.  I considered going back to her to say something….but there was no way I could go back to her to and bring up the topic now without possibly getting myself into trouble if she was indeed law enforcement.

I haven’t mentioned this woman’s appearance. She was a brunette with a very cute face.  But she was extremely plainly dressed.  Probably even more plainly dressed than the “Dressed Down Hooker” of my previous post.  Loose fitting top, not low-cut.  Pants that weren’t tight.  She didn’t look at all like a hooker.  She also didn’t have a particular good figure.  Later, when I saw her leave, she was carrying just her celphone and her jacket, I didn’t even see a purse.  But it might have been hidden by her jacket.

As such, based on her appearance and based on my being so mad about blowing the opportunity to find out her fee schedule, my original idea for the title of this post was going to be “The nondescript hooker and the idiot blogger.”

But that changed a couple of nights later, on a night when the club was not open.  It was a bit past 11PM and I was done playing poker for the night, after a marginally profitable session.  I was heading to the parking structure and when I got to the same area where I had encountered the nondescript girl two nights earlier, I noticed a huge crowd also heading to the parking.  Apparently a show had just let out.

Rather than get swept up into the crowd, I moved toward the side, and basically leaned against a pillar to let the crowd go by.  Across the aisle, I did happen to notice a tall blonde girl walking alone.  I didn’t see what direction she had come from but suddenly she started walking towards me.  She wasn’t looking at me and I didn’t see her notice me so I wasn’t sure she if she was coming to me or if she was headed somewhere behind me.  I didn’t really have time to turn on my “spidey-sense,” she was there so fast.

And yes, indeed, she was coming to me.  Or for me.

I thought it was unlikely she was coming over to me to just ask for directions.  Or to tell me she recognized my picture on the internet.

When she got to me, I noticed how tall she was.  She had to lean over to whisper to me, and she had to bend over quite a bit. Of course, I’m not the tallest guy in the world.

She leaned into me and said, “What are you doing tonight?”

Before I had a chance to formulate a response, she continued.  “Would you like to go upstairs to your room and have some fun?  Some entertainment?”

Wow, that was fast.  Usually they work up to a little bit.

It took me a second or two to come up with a response.  I was actually thinking of my conversation with the gal two nights earlier and was trying to come up with a way that I could get her to reveal her rates.  You understand, of course, that I wanted this information strictly as a service to you, my curious readers.

But all I could manage to say at the moment was, “I don’t think so.”

She persisted.  “I can make you a real good deal.  Four-to-five hundred dollars. Full Service.  Anything you want.”

Wow.  I’ve never, ever had a girl be so direct so quickly before.  It was quite a shock.

She had certainly solved my dilemma of how to get her to reveal a price, hadn’t she?

I guess I should describe her a little better.  She was hot.

Really.  She had a very, very attractive face.  Off the top of my head, I’d say she was most attractive hooker I’ve ever seen, at least of any woman I was 100% sure was in this line of work.  She was wearing tight pants that revealed that she was quite thin—possibly bordering on “too thin” but probably not.  But she was wearing a jacket that covered her up on top.  I couldn’t tell much about her chest.  However, as my readers are well aware, that is not an area of the female form I have much interest in, so it didn’t really matter.  I will point out that when she walked away from me a few minutes later, the view was excellent.  And for those scoring at home, I didn’t notice her purse, if she had one.

I have to admit, her offer was rather tempting. Of all the gals who have suggested this particular type of business transaction to me, she was almost definitely the girl who came closest to getting me to consider doing something that was quite illegal in this part of Nevada.

But not close enough to actually agree to the deal.

So I said to her, “No, really, I don’t think so.”

So she said, “Well, the lowest I could go is $300.  For full service.”  She emphasized the words “full service.”  “Let’s go upstairs to your room.”

But once again I said no. “No, sorry. I lost a lot of money tonight and I really can’t afford it.”  Again, that was not true.  But I’ve come to believe that’s the best way to say no, because the thing they want most of all is my money, and if I tell I don’t have any, they tend to quit trying.

She pulled away, “Well, okay.”  She had a way of saying “okay” as if I had just passed on the opportunity of a lifetime.

And with that, she moved on, walking rapidly to the front of the property.  She didn’t stop to talk to anyone else, at least while I could see her.  But as indicated earlier, she did look good walking away.  Those tight pants fit her well.  Really, really well.

I guess I should make a few observations here.  As I mentioned earlier, this was the most direct, to-the-point, in-your-face approach a working girl has ever taken with me.  She got right to the point and even mentioned the price at the outset.  I’d never seen a girl be so blatant before.

And the way she said the price, especially how she came down on the price after my initial rejection, made her sound a bit like a used car salesman.  A used car salesman having a going out of business sale.  Maybe she was having a going out of business sale?  Or maybe this was just the Tuesday night, early bird special?

Although I’m glad I have a figure (monetary, not physical) to report, it still would have been nice to have gotten such info from the first girl.  Because if this blonde was worth $300, anything over $25 for the first girl would be way too much.  That’s more a comment on the blonde than the brunette, by the way.

So, $300 for anything I wanted, huh?  Anything?

Damn.  I missed an opportunity to get a $300 poker lesson from a really hot blonde.

 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!