Getting Hammered

This took place a long time ago.  I wish it was in a galaxy far, far away.  You know, like in a galaxy I’ve never visited.  But no, it took place right here on Earth.  It was the kind of session I especially hate, one that started off promising and ended up in disaster.  I swear, I think I’d rather lose two buy-ins in the first 10 minutes than be teased like this.  Poker is a cruel bitch.

It was a table full of donkeys.  There were some incredibly loose calls, loose shoves, and nobody was folding anything.  It was the kind of a table where I was screaming (internally, mind you), “Just give me a hand, any hand.”  There were certainly enough calling stations there to pay me off.  One hand I wasn’t in, someone had raised preflop with Ace-Jack.  His raise was called by a guy with 10-4 off and a guy with 10-6 off.  The flop was 10-9-4, two of a suit that I don’t think anyone had.  On the flop there was a bet, a raise and then the guy with Ace-Jack shoved even tho he had nothing but overcards—into two players who both liked their hands. Both players called, everyone was all in on the flop and they all showed their cards.  As you can see, one guy called all in with top pair, crappy kicker.  At least the 10-4 guy had two pair (but what were either of them doing calling a raise preflop?).  The turn was a Jack and the river was a 9, so Ace-Jack actually won the pot.  He had the smallest stack (about $150).  The other guys had closer to $200.  Crazy hand.

So when one of those idiots raised to $10 and another one of them called, I made it $40 with Ace-King.  The original raiser folded but the guy who originally called then shoved for $68 more.  Ordinarily, that move would scream of a monster but I knew that based on the way this guy had been playing, that was necessarily true.  I doubted he would have just called initially with either Aces or Kings, and I was happy with a coin flip for that price.

We didn’t show.  The flop was King-high but it was all clubs.  Uh oh.  The turn was a low red card but the river was another club.  Had he sucked out on me? No, no…..he flipped over Ace-4!  Seriously.  His Ace was red and the 4 was a spade, and my pair of Kings was good.   Sadly, he didn’t rebuy. 

I had to call raises to keep playing, hoping to catch another hand.  My profits dwindled down to about $20 (so, I had $220 in my stack) when the first bad hand happened.  In the big blind, I had Ace-6 of clubs and called a raise to $10, as did one of the maniacs.  The flop was Ace-8-3, one club. I called a $20 bet, so did the other guy.  A second club hit on the turn.  The preflop raiser shoved for $43.  The maniac tanked for a long time but called. I took his hesitation to mean that he was seriously considering folding. I called too, with a pair and a draw to the nut flush.

The river was a red 6.  Not the club I was hoping for, but two pair seemed good to me.  I could have shoved, but thinking the guy almost folded on the turn, I decided to bet smaller, figuring there was a better chance of getting him to call $50 if he had a weak Ace or a smaller pair.   But the guy looked at my stack and bet enough to put me all in.  Uh oh.  I was pot committed and besides, I still thought he might have done that with just an Ace.  I really had no respect for him as a player.

But he flipped over pocket 3’s for a flopped set that he had slowplayed.  Shit.  The guy who had shoved the turn mucked without showing.

So I had to rebuy another $200.  My stack went up and down, never too far in either direction.  I was down $50 at one point when I turned a boat, so that got me up a little even tho I didn’t get paid on the river for it.  Then I went about an hour without getting anything to play.  I mean nothing.  Once or twice I was able to play a hand from the blinds, but usually I couldn’t even do that.  I had less than nothing to play.

Finally I got the dreaded pocket Kings in the big blind.  There were a whole bunch of limpers by the time it got to me.  I made it $20.  At this table, I expected at least three callers, if not everyone.  But every damn one of them folded.  That was very frustrating, first hand in an hour and no one wants to play—at a table that was not full of nits.

A little while later, I realized I was ready to go. I figured I’d play one or two more orbits and call it a night.  On the button, I had 7-5 of hearts.  If you ignore the Kings, this was a monster hand compared to anything I’d seen for the past five orbits.  So when the maniac in front of me raised to $10, I decided to call. The call was partly out of frustration for not having anything to play in so long and partly because the raiser had been the guy who had called a raise to $10 with 10-6 at the beginning of the night.  He had me covered.  I figured he might pay me off if I caught something and I liked the fact that I had position on him.

The flop was 8-7-2, one heart. The preflop raiser bet $15.  I figured he was very likely c-betting a flop that missed him, so I called with my middle pair and my backdoor draws.  The other player folded.

The turn was another 7. He put out $20.  I made it $60.  He asked me how much I had behind, I moved the chips out so he could see them…..and then he shoved. (NOTE: this was edited and corrected from original version, see BuzzedSaw's comment below).

WTF?  Well, I had put nearly half my stack in so I was committed.  Besides, what hand that beat me made sense?  I called. What could he possibly have?

The river was a brick.  I show my trip 7’s and he showrd…..7-deuce!  Yeah, that’s what he had, the so-called worst starting hand in Hold’em.  A lousy freaking 7-deuce.  Which, I might add, he had raised with preflop.  And flopped two pair with.  And turned a boat with.  Are you freaking kidding me?

I got up from the table in a bit of a daze.  I’ve had worse beats before, lost bigger pots.  Technically it wasn’t even a bad beat; he was ahead of me on the flop.  But losing to the hammer, that just seemed like twisting the knife into my gut.  It was painful. It was humiliating, even.

I swear if he had pocket 8’s there, it wouldn’t have been nearly so traumatic.  But as it was, I was suckered by a guy raising with 7-2.

It was a bad ending to a terrible night of poker.