Thursday, February 11, 2016

A Night of Poker And Dick Pics

I had one poker session with my pal Prudence and her boyfriend Aaron in December.  After a fine dinner at the CafĂ© Lux, we played at the Venetian and quickly got to the same table. 

As it happens, although she had a few adult beverages, Prudence was not at her most outrageous.  In fact, the next day, I recalled that she had made only one vagina-mentioning and I couldn’t even recall the context of it.  I can’t believe I didn’t make a note of it at the time.  Oh well, a Prudence vagina-mentioning lost for all time.

But Prudence was more concerned the male organ on this night.  Not sure how it came up (so-to-speak) but she started talking about her collection of dick pics, right there at the poker table.  This was a collection she’d accumulated before she met Aaron and was on the market.  Through a dating app or two (or three…), she was “meeting” guys and a surprising number of them thought it was perfectly ok to send pictures of their genitals to women they had never met at all and had merely exchanged a couple of texts back and forth with.

Prudence insisted that any time would send her an unsolicited dick pic, she instantly crossed him off her list of possible dates.  In fact, she said, she never responded any further to any guy who sent her one….with one exception.  Purely in the interest of research, she did ask one guy, “Does that ever work?”  The guy texted her back, “You’d be surprised.”

But I wasn’t surprised to hear that Prudence had been subjected to that.  I follow a number of single women on Twitter who complain of this problem.  All the ladies I know agree with Prudence—sending such a pic is grounds for immediate rejection.

Personally, I find it hard to believe guys can reach dating age and not have figured out that men and women are different.  Of course we know that, in this type of situation, if a woman sent a guy a picture of her boobs (or even a shot of her hoo-ha), the guy would likely be ecstatic.  Approximately 99.98% of all men would be eager to date the lady, and the other .02% are lying.  Well, except for the fact that I’ve heard that a lot of hookers use these apps to solicit business, and that guys have to be careful about that.

Really guys, do you actually think that the only difference between the sexes is what’s in those pics you want to send?  Men and women are just wired differently. I am reminded of the time a young man was working under my tutelage a few years back.  As an April Fool’s Day joke, he texted his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her.  It was just a joke.  She got really, really mad.  Could he have really not seen that coming?  I said to him, “Son, have you ever actually met a woman before?”

But I digress.  What about that guy who told Prudence, “You’d be surprised,” you ask?  Well to the extent that the guy was not just bullshitting her, it’s strictly a matter of numbers.  You know, you play enough poker, eventually you’re gonna hit your one-outer.

Prudence was talking about dick pics when a new dealer pushed in; he came in on the middle of the conversation.  He asked Prudence, “Did I just hear what I think I heard?” Prudence assured him that he had. 

Other than that, Prudence was not at her most Prudency.  She managed a few f-bombs, and raised her voice a bit, but only one dealer warned her to watch her language.

As for the poker, early on, I called $7 with Ace-Jack off in late position. It was four-ways.  The flop was all low spades (I didn’t have a spade) and no one bet.  The turn was a blank so when it folded to me, I bet $15 and got one caller.  A Jack hit the river and I bet $25.  I got a call, but he mucked when he saw my hand.

I completed with Ace-Queen in the small blind, again four of us saw the flop.  The flop was Ace-Ace-5.  I bet $5, then $10, then $15 and one player kept calling.  He had Ace-4 and my kicker was good. 

I called $7 from the small blind with Ace-9, it was four-ways.  The flop was Ace-9-7.  I checked.  Next player bet $10, the preflop raiser folded, but Prudence called.  And was really pissed when I check-raised to $40.  But she folded after the other guy did likewise.

I raised to $8 with pocket Aces and only Aaron called.  The flop was King-King-7 and I bet $12, he called.  There was no more betting and my Aces held.  Aaron didn’t show his hand.

Aaron opened to $8 and I called with 6-5 suited and we were heads up.  I flopped an open-ender, but there was no betting on the flop or the turn.  I never got my straight, but the river paired my 6.  He bet $15 and I called. He insta-mucked.  Heh heh.

I limped in with pocket 8’s.  A guy shoved his last $17.  Three players called before it got back to me so I called.  I whiffed the flop but no one bet.  The turn was an 8.  I bet $50 and everyone folded, except for the guy who was all-in.  He didn’t show when he saw my set of 8’s.

I called $8 with 8-7 of clubs.  There were a number of players behind me but no one else called and we were heads up.  I kind of liked the flop, which was 8-8-7. He bet $10 and I called.  The turn was a blank and he bet $25; again I just called.  The river was a blank and this time he checked.  I bet $50 and he called.  I showed my boat and he showed….the dreaded pocket Kings. Wow.  A hand I was in and someone had pocket Kings and the other player flopped a boat and it wasn’t me who had the pocket Kings?  Who’da thunk it?  It was a nice pot, and I must admit cracking someone else’s Kings like that made it all the more sweeter.

I raised to $8 with pocket Queens and four of us saw a low flop.  A $25 c-bet took it down.

Raised to $8 with 8-7 of clubs, there was one call.  The flop was King-high, no clubs.  I c-bet $12 and he called.  No betting on a blank turn.  There was an 8 on the river.  I didn’t bet it and he just mucked when he saw my mighty pair of 8’s.

And that was it.  I ended up with a $150 profit.  It was a fun night friends and poker.


  1. Thanks for the great post and the dickless pics, you the man. GL

    Big L

    1. Thanks, Big L.

      But these ARE "dick" pics. Wondering if anyone will figure that out.

  2. "I completed with Ace-Queen in the small blind, again four of us saw the flop. The flop was Ace-Ace-5. I bet $5, then $10, then $15 and one player kept calling. He had Ace-4 and my kicker was good."

    Talk about your thoughts during this hand. I feel like you got smallish value from the walk (5 - 10 - 15). By the turn, he's likely to have an Ace, so why not bet bigger on the river and/or turn? Also, why not raise PF from the SB?

    1. I suppose I could have bet a little bigger on the turn and river, but how much more? An extra $5 on the turn and an extra $10 on the river? Maybe. It was a small pot and I don't know how much more I could have bet there. But I suppose you are right. I didn't even discuss my thought process in my notes the next day, seemed to me like I was betting more each street.

      I go back and forth with Ace-Queen, but these days I am disinclined to raise from the blinds with that hand. It's a bad hand to play out of position. Of course, a bigger enough blind there and I likely steal all the limps, but if I get called I'm playing a tricky hand out of position in a raised pot.

    2. If you're a blind, and there's no raise ahead of you, what hand is likely ahead of you if you flop an ace or a queen? Aside from sets and weird 2 pair hands, if you raise preflop you have a much better idea of where you're at compared to limping in and letting someone with any random junk hand getting in and flopping a disguised hand that beats you.

    3. Excellent point, Nick. Thanks.

    4. Sorry for the delay in response. So, I think a caller is calling $5 as well as calling $8 on the flop. Therefore, I bet pot / $8 on the flop, which gets the pot to $24 going into the turn. $15-$20 [$20 preferably] on the turn gets the pot to $64 by the river and you can make a nice $40-50 bet on the river to trip Aces who are NEVER folding... That's a great value for a limped pot with an underepped hand like AQ... Even if you want to level back from that, you're making far more using larger bets. These players at 1/2 & 1/3 --- and 2/5 --- are not folding trips! You hooked the fish, now get value!

    5. Thanks again. I wish my notes had recorded more of my thought process at the time. But you are right, and that is definitely an issue for me, not getting enough value when I have a good hand.

  3. Rob. Also consider would you fold to a raise of 10 there with AQ in the SB? If not, you should be inflating a limped pot with your premium hand. Sometimes you will miss, but premium hands win more than they lose so in the long run you want bigger pots.

    Need to know how they are dick pics too? Intrigued...

    1. Actual, depending on the table and who raised, I might fold AQ in the SB to a raise. It's a hand that is easily dominated. But I appreciate your input, it is quite valid.

      OK, so here it is. All of the actresses in the pics have played detectives in TV or movies. Back in the day, the word "dick" was used as a slang term for a detective. I guess I'm dating myself by saying that, now that I think of it, I haven't heard that used in many, many years. But look at detective/film noir movies from the 30's, 40's and 50's and you'll see it. Read a Philip Marlow novel too.

      Thus, those are pics of "dicks". heh heh.

      The actresses depicted are, in order, Gillian Anderson, Marg Helgenberger, Kathryn Morris, Angie Harmon, and Kristen Bell. All have played female dicks.

    2. Forgot to say...they're all former "dicks" even tho they are, presumably, "dickless."

  4. Even at the age of 59 I remain naive at times. Why did any of these successful actresses, let alone all of them, pose in these getups? Would we find these types of photos for male actors with similar creds?

    Yeah, yeah, I know, no one else who reads (or at least comments) on your blogs gives a shit, but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents. :-)

    1. LOL....thanks for the great comment, Cranky.

      The simple answer to your question is two words, "sex sells."

      Some of these pica are, I think, actual stills from their movie or tv work. I'm 100 % sure that last pic is from Kritsten Bell's TV show, the name of which I'm to lazy to look up. I believe they probably wanted her to do that scene nude or at least topless and this was the most skin she was willing to show.

      As for men....I believe it has to do with what I mentioned in this very post....the difference between men and women.

    2. Uh Rob ... not so sure that men and women are different on the sex issue. Women enjoy it and want to look at men. Trust me. But in our society the man's perspective rules. As for Cranky's perspective ... great question on why legitimate actresses would pose in such get-ups. My answer would be: MONEY and yeah, a lot of women feel sexy and confident posing in outfits that attract the opposite sex! Ah, life is grand ain't it?!

    3. Heh heh....well, it was your friend Prudence who was complaining about receiving Unsolicited Dick Pics, so ask her if women like receiving them.

      As you should know, CONTEXT is everything. I never said women don't like look at nude or nearly nude men, but there are usual conditions. An unsolicited dick pic from a guy is usually considered sexual harassment.

      There's almost no such thing as an unwanted boob or hooh-ha pic for a guy.

    4. Gals only complain about an unsolicited dick pic (those dreaded UDP's) when they don't like the guy sending it. Case closed!

    5. The problem is that the guy sends the UDP during the first five minutes of the internet conversation, before the gal has figured out whether she likes him or not.