"I Just Had an Orgasm AND Took Out @Robvegaspoker!"

So much to blog about, so little time. 

This post is part 2 of my report on the latest AVP Meet &Greet Tournament that took place June 7.  Don’t remember reading part 1?  That’s because I haven’t posted it yet, and have no idea if and when I ever will.  Which is a shame, because the first part will have some nice poker hands, including yours truly flopping quads in a tournament for the second time this trip (see here).  (Edited to add, ok, two months later I have now posted part 1, and you can read it here if you want to read the story in the right order)

But it will be easier, faster, and frankly more fun for me to get immediately to the climax of the event right away, and save the foreplay that led up to it for a later time.

I was having a decent enough run to have lasted to the point where it got down to two tables.  There were over 120 runners and 13 were to be paid, so that wasn’t good enough for a cash yet.  Over at the other table, where’d she been all day, was that effervescent, lovely, delightful social butterfly, Alaskagal.  I’m sure everyone who reads my blog knows her or at least knows of her. She’s worked for AVP for many years, so we’re essentially co-workers.  And pals.

I was short stacked, having struggled to keep my stack between with a tournament “M” of 5 and 10 for several levels, and sometime dipping below 5 by a bit.  Rumor had it that Alaskagal was the big chip leader for the entire tournament at this point.

As I struggled to hang on, we lost enough players at our table that they had to move a player from the other one.  That player was Alaskagal.  And she sat immediately to my right.  At least she wouldn’t have position on me.  To my surprise, she expressed dismay at being on my right, meaning she was worried about my having position on her.  Either she was kidding or she has totally overestimated my poker skills.

We got closer and closer to being in the money, so of course things tightened up at the table.  Last place money was only a bit more than the $100 buy-in ($233), but when you’ve been playing for 5-6 hours, getting double your buy-in sounds pretty good if the alternative is losing a hundred bucks.

So AG, with her big stack, put out a pretty hefty raise, and I looked down at Ace-Jack offsuit.  This was a huge hand for my situation, and with a raise in front of me, there was only one thing to do—shove.  It was an easy decision.  It folded back to her, and she very reluctantly called. I can’t recall the numbers there, but she felt was pretty much pot committed.

She flipped over Queen-10 of clubs.  Nothing hit and I had a very nice double up.  I sat there quietly, stacking my chips, being a total gentleman, while AG took to berating me for taking all those chips from her.  I reminded her she didn’t have to call there, and I think she was a bit mad at herself for having to risk so many chips on such a marginal hand.  Didn’t stop her from taking it out on me, though.

She of course took to Twitter to further express her frustrations.  Now she had been tweeting about the tournament all this time, something I had not been doing myself.  I rarely tweet or even read twitter during tournaments, it’s too demanding on my limited concentration skills.  Up until this point, she had not mentioned me at all on twitter.

Suddenly I get a text message on my phone that I have been mentioned on twitter.  The tweet was short and sweet.  It was from Alaskagal, the demure young woman sitting on my right. And it said:

“F***ing @Robvegaspoker!”

Unlike as it appears above, she didn’t put in the asterisks.  She spelled it out.

Such language. So unladylike.  Shocking, truly shocking.

This was her first mention of me that day, so there was absolutely no context for that tweet, other than that she was playing in a tournament.

So, a couple of thousand miles away, Benton , AVP’s resident poker pro, realized there was a way to interpret that tweet that was not at all what AG intended, and replied with what is surely the tweet of the year (at least in my book), so far:

“Pretty interesting that you'd live tweet an event such as that but to each their own!”

He didn’t include me on that tweet so I didn’t see it until after AG got through laughing hysterically and showed me.

I admit that I didn’t quite get it at first, it took me a few seconds to dope it out.  AG said the same thing, she didn’t grasp it right away.  But her friend, who I’ll call April for this post, was standing behind her and got it right away, and I think it was her reaction that got AG to look at it another way so she got it too.  April explained, “Well, I have a dirty mind.”

Damn.  At the beginning of the tournament, April was sitting immediately to my left, and it was only now I was learning that she has a dirty mind.  Oh well, I will run into April another day, I’m sure.

I started laughing hysterically and some of the other players at the table, who had no idea what was so funny, started commenting on my maniacal laugh.

AG responded to Benton with this tweet (typo she made corrected):

“well played, sir! Rob and I got a good laugh out of it. (When there was a pause in the action, of course!)”

And Benton replied:

“Ha, I'm sure there were awkward laughs throughout. #zing”

Of course I had to get into the act so I tweeted this:

“we both got standing ovations!!!”

And Benton came back with:

“Ahhh, the good ole standing "O" huh?!? Very nice. (See what I did there? Standing "O") ;-) #ImClever”

Eventually, AG recovered, both emotionally and chip wise.  I understand how losing chips to a fish like me would ruin anyone’s day.  So she said we should take a picture together and she tweet out the picture below, with the text being “me & @robvegaspoker.”  

Benton was disappointed with the picture for obvious reasons, and tweeted back:

“Oh my, after that first tweet I was expecting a much more intriguing picture. #Lame-o #JustKidding #WishIWasThere”

Back to the tournament, where we had whittled it down to 14 players, meaning we were at the bubble.  People began talking about a deal to pay the bubble.  But Alaskagal and the jerk, I mean guy, next to her refused.

“Someone’s got to be the bubble,” she explained. 

I know there are good reasons to not pay the bubble.  I understand that someone has to be the bubble.  I get that.

But I hate, hate, hate bubble-blockers.  I think it’s rude and petty.  I know people disagree.  But even you don’t consider it, as I do, I big “F.U.” to someone you’ve been playing poker with for 6 (or whatever) hours, it’s bad for another reason.  If you don’t agree to pay the bubble and there’s more than one table, as we had, you have to play “hand-for-hand” which is just excruciating.  Especially at a tournament, such as this one, with a lot of inexperienced dealers who deal slowly.  One lady we had earlier dealt about 5 hands during her down.

And for what?  To save a lousy $10 or $15 bucks for yourself?  Petty and cheap, in my opinion.

But no, because of AG and the fine gentleman next to her (on her right, that is, not me), we couldn’t do it.

I may have folded one playable hand during this time, but then I was dealt 66 and said to myself, “aw, screw it” and, first into the pot in early position, shoved.  I figured my stack was big enough for some fold equity there, and if I got called I had a hand with showdown value.  A bit earlier, before we were down to just the bubble, I had shoved in middle position with Ace-King.  At that point, the chip leader (and eventual tournament winner) was the big blind.  It had folded to him and he looked at his cards and folded in disgust.  “I wish I had Aces there.  That’s a pretty aggressive bet into my stack.”

A poker player looking at his hand and wishing he had Aces?  Whoda thunk?  In my position, what was I supposed to do?

So I thought even though he wasn’t the big blind he might find a reason to call me there, but he didn’t.  No one did.  I picked up the blinds and antes.

And then my buddy Vegas724 shoved.  I had just met him, after he tweeted to me that he is big fan of my blog and was looking forward to meeting me, which we did before the tournament started.  He and I were at that table all day.  Real nice guy—but how could anyone who likes my blog not be, right?

The chip leader to his left called.  I guess the math made sense, he called with 10-8 off.  Vegas724 had a big Ace, can’t recall if it was AK or AJ.  But he looked really good after the flop, which had an Ace.  Then a 10 came and I believe I heard Alaskagal call for an “8”.  Now at that point you’re really looking to knock out players, and she hadn’t been playing with Vegas724 long enough to realize what a super great guy he was, or that he was a big fan of my blog (which is the most important thing, of course).  So I would almost forgive AG— if she hadn’t vetoed paying the bubble, which he now was.

Sure enough, a freakin’ 8 hit on the river, and my blog-reader was out.  He was quite upset initially, because it was such a horrific suck-out, but he recovered quickly and then learned that for being the bubble, he was entitled to two free nights at the Golden Nugget, a damn nice consolation prize.

A few hands later, I looked down at Ace-Jack, this time suited.  And once again, Alaskagal raised in front of me.  I knew it was pushing my luck to run Ace-Jack into her a second time, but in my position, it was the only move that made sense.  I couldn’t wait around and have my stack eaten by blinds and antes waiting for a better spot.   My re-raise shove was, I think, about four times her big raise, so I did have good fold equity there.

But she called and flipped over two Jacks.  Ugh.  Only Aces would have been worse.  I only had one live card.  Basically a three-outer.

I don’t remember the board, but there sure as hell wasn’t an Ace on it.  I was done and then I heard Alaskagal whooping and hollering like she’d just won the Main Event at the WSOP.  Seriously, she was beyond ecstatic.  She actually climbed up on the table and started taking her clothes off, she was so happy.

OK, that’s not true.  I made the last sentence up.  But her excitement did seem a bit unseemly.  When I had won my big hand against her, I was perfectly calm and even a bit sympathetic.  She seemed to take great joy in busting me in particular out.  Now, I don’t expect her to soft-play me, of course not.  I just think the over exuberance was way over the top.

I had no choice but to feign being really, really, really upset by the beat.  In fact, I was only really upset by the loss.  To rub it in further, she insisted on taking another picture of the two of us, which I present below.  There’s no truth to the rumor that if she had had a better camera, you would see steam coming out of my ears.  But I believe the pic probably does show my sentiments at the time.  And you can cleary see AG's shit-eating grin.

Anyway, Alaskagal explained to the table why she was so out of control excited.

“Whew.  I just had an orgasm.”

OK, that does explain it then.  April expressed surprise that she could have an orgasm so easily.  Obviously, April doesn’t know me.

In fact, Alaskagal sent out the following tweet:

“I just had an orgasm AND took out @Robvegaspoker!”

Usually I’m the one “taking out” the ladies before they climax, but hey, this works too.

After collecting my winnings I went back to say goodbye to AG, still feigning upset.  By now the final table had been assembled, as people dropped out like flies once the bubble bust.

Now, I recalled that Alaskagal had loved my recent “Slut Parade” post and even retweeted the link to it.  So when I went back over to say goodbye, I whispered in her ear, “When I blog about this, you can be sure I won’t use a word anywhere near as nice as “slut” to describe you.”

She said, “Oh yes, the slut parade.” 

I then said, “My late mother would be beside herself to see me use the word I’m going to call you.”

And then I said goodbye.  Of course, I am not calling Alaskagal any nasty names.  I was just kidding.

OK, I will call her one nasty name.

She’s a really, really, really good poker player.  She ended up taking down second place, thanks to all those chips she took from me with her friggin’ pocket jacks.  First place was taken by the chip leader I’ve discussed above, who I’m going to call “Bing” because he reminds me so much of the late, great crooner, Bing Crosby.

Later, when I caught up on all the tweets, and saw AG tweeting about her orgasm (can you imagine anyone doing that?), I sent out the following tweet in response:

“Just the latest in a long line of women I've sexually satisfied. It's a gift.”

And then sent out the following tweet to Benton:

“I made @AlaskaGal1 cum right in the Golden Nugget tourn area. That sounds like the title of my next blog post, I think.”

And Benton replied:

“Oh boy I can't wait to read that blog! Sounds like y'all had a blast.”

We did Benton, we did.  But I decided not to go with that title for the blog post.  I always prefer to use someone else’s quote, rather than my own, for a title when possible.  Especially when it’s from a woman and is a classic “woman said.” 

Thanks to Alaskagal for practically writing this post for me, and for being such a good sport.  And thanks to Benton for his major, major contributions from 2,000 miles away.

(And as indicated in the second paragraph, part 1 has now been published, see here.)