Would Patch Adams Kiss the Girl in the Purple Bra?

There will be a number of references to breasts in this post.  I apologize in advance.  But this post about a person who is obsessed with breasts.  No, not me.  It is about a woman is obsessed with breasts, at least her own.

I did a couple of posts last month about a girl I gave the name “Didi’ to.  You can see those posts here and here. Didi is the girl who, among other things, revealed to everyone at the table that she wears a 36DD bra (hence the name “Didi”).  She also liked to bet in prime numbers and decided that I look like Robin Williams—specifically Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire.  She even threw a celphone across the table at me to show me the scene in that movie where I looked like him.  It was not her celphone, by the way, it was the player to her right’s.

That story took place early in my late May/early June trip to Vegas.  I noticed Didi several times during that trip, seeing her at other tables, but I was never sent to the table she was at and I did not go out of my way to play with her.  I hadn’t had a good session, pokerwise, when I played with her that one time.  And she played erratically, raising very big, and seemed to be a luckbox.  So it was hard to play my game with her at the table.  Besides, I thought, I had heard her schtick, and I figured I got all the blogging material I could out of her.

I was wrong.

My last night in town of that particular visit was a Sunday night, and I was assigned a table right near the front of the room.  As I took the open seat, seat 1, I noticed Didi at the table behind me. She was sitting at seat 9 at that table so I had a good view of her and also was within hearing range of her.  Of course, in her case, you didn’t have to be in very near proximity to her to hear her.

Our eyes met and she recognized me.  I believe we had said hello to each other once or twice when we played at separate tables.  This time, she pointed to me and said, “Patch Adams!”

Patch Adams?  Patch Adams was one of the more obscure, least popular movies that Robin Williams ever made.  Most people have mercifully forgotten its existence by now.  There are at least a million Robin Williams characters better known that Patch Adams, including the aforementioned Mrs. Doubtfire.  And yet now she was calling me “Patch Adams?”  Well, I guess it was better than being identified with a cross-dresser—not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I said hello to her by her real name and couldn’t help noticing her stack.  Yes, I mean stack of chips.  She was almost invisible behind the huge stack of chips in front of her, and there were $100 bills in front of her too.  She was clearly having a very good night. 

Oh, and yes, I did notice her rack too.  Sorry, I couldn’t help it.  Not only was it 36DD but she was wearing a v-neck t-shirt that revealed a whole lot of cleavage, of which she had plenty to reveal.

I recalled that the table she was at was usually a 2/5 game, not a 1/2, so I asked my dealer if that was a 2/5 game and indeed it was.  Didi was moving up in the world.

The seating was perfect for me in the sense that I could hear pretty much of all her outrageous comments without actually having to play at the same table with her.  Of course it did distract from the poker at my table.  All I will tell you about this poker session for me was that it was not a good one, but there were no particularly memorable hands.  I will also point out that this session took place the night after the story I told here took place, and that the Dutch guys I talked about in that post joined my table soon after I got there.  And they also knew Didi from a previous session, apparently. 

Almost immediately, I heard Didi telling her male dealer that she would give him half the pot if she won it.  And then demanded a kiss from him just as she had before.  By now all the dealers were familiar with her routine and kissed her on the check without a fuss.

Later one of my dealer pals told me that he figured that, between two other dealers and himself, she had probably tipped over $1,000 that night, already. At one point she had at least $4,000 in front of her.  So there was a lot kissing going on.

Aside from that, the first odd comment I heard from her was, “I have small boobs.”

Well, it is a well-known fact that people lie at a poker table.

Soon thereafter, I heard her say, “Spank me.  Spank me.”

I turned around and saw that she was standing up and had turned her back to the dealer, who was my pal Jack.  She was a bit bent over, so she was pretty much thrusting her ass in Jack’s face, demanding to be spanked.  I think this was in lieu of a kiss for a half-pot sized tip, but am not sure.

Jack of course could not “spank” her, even if he wanted to.  He gently patted her safely on her shoulder.  Didi reluctantly decided that this was close enough to the spanking she was demanding and sat down and gave Jack his tip.

Referring to her poker play, she announced that she was “tight as a ten-year old.”  I thought that was in remarkably bad taste, but she continued.  “I know I’m tight.  I’m tight because this barely fits.”  By “this” she meant the two fingers of hers, her index and middle fingers, she was now holding up, closed together, in front of her.  And then she bent over her third finger, extended her pinkie and….well, if you don’t see where she was going with that, you’re probably better off not knowing.

Didi had such a mountain of chips in front of her at one point that she wanted to color them up to $100 bills (perfectly ok as long as she kept the bills on the table, which she did).  Jane, the floorperson I’ve mentioned a number of times before (see here for one example) was called over to take her red chips and exchange them for bills.  But she didn’t bring her a chip rack with her and went to look for one.

“I have a big rack,” Didi said.  And so Jane replied, “I do too.” A fact which has already been mentioned here.

Jane was wearing a suit jacket and that comment caused Didi to grab the jacket and open it a bit so she could get a better look.

Women get away with murder.  If I had tried that, I would have gotten slapped, and kicked out of the room.  Not that I would ever consider such a thing, mind you.

Then, kinda/sorta referring to the poker, she said, “I have a big pair.  I have a big poker pair.  My pocket pair is bigger than yours.”  I really don’t think she was referring to her hand, though.

When Jane took away 4 stacks of red to get the bills, she said to Didi, “You’re $400 behind.”  To which Didi replied, “I like it from behind.”

Much later, I heard her refer to herself as a “backdoor girl.”  I’m sure she meant she was always chases those backdoor flushes.  Yeah, yeah, that’s what she meant.

I guess there is one poker hand of mine I can squeeze in here, because I actually think Didi played a part in it.  I raised preflop with a pair of Aces.  I bet $14 because there several limpers.  One of the really good players at the table called, as did a weak player.  The flop was King high, two diamonds and I didn’t have the Ace of diamonds.  I bet out $30 and the weak player folded but the good player called.  Black queen on the turn, I bet $50 and the good player starts fumbling with his chips and looks like he’s going to raise.  Since I figure he’s doing this to get a read on me, I look away.  I turn to see Didi behind me leaning over, with her elbows on the table.  The effect was to create a rather generous view of the aforementioned 36DD’s.  I admit that got my attention for a second or two.

When I turned back to my game, I saw the guy playing with his chips for another second or two and then just folding.  I think the indifference that I was exhibiting by looking away convinced him I wasn’t worried about his raising. Maybe he was thinking, “This guy is checking out boobies when it looks like I’m gonna raise? He must want me to raise.”

Soon thereafter, I heard Didi say, “I’ve got the nuts.  No, I don’t have nuts.  I have big tits.”

Now she was telling the truth.  I glanced behind me and was rather surprised to see that she wasn’t just claiming to have big tits.  She was attempting to prove it.  Because there she was, pulling her t-shirt down to fully reveal her purple bra. That part of this story was teased here, complete with a picture of a blonde showing off her purple bra (in case you don’t know what a purple bra looks like).  Note, that blonde is not Didi (nor is the girl below).  She didn’t just quickly flash the top of her bra, either.  She pulled the shirt down completely below it, and sat there with her bra (and a whole lot of cleavage) fully exposed for quite a few seconds.  Also, she kind of felt herself up, touching the ta-ta’s from both the outside of bra and digging in the bra a little to get a better feel.

For those who won't click the links, this is what a purple bra looks like

I’ve played a far amount of poker the past few years and I’d never quite seen anything like that in a poker room.  I’m pretty sure that is a non-standard play.  So, at the risk of spoiling a future blog post (i.e., this one), I sent out the following tweet to all my followers: “Just saw a girl playing 2/5 announce, ‘I've got big tits’ and then pull down her top to reveal her purple bra. She kinda felt herself up too.”

Two of my female followers, who were presumably nowhere near where I was playing, tweeted back that it wasn’t them!  Several male tweeters demanded that I post pictures of the event.  You know, “pics or it didn’t happen.”  Interesting, these tweets are no longer available to me but I know I got them.  And then there was good ol’ Poker Grump, retired from poker but checking in with this tweet from Asheville, NC: “You just condensed what would normally be a 10,000 word blog post into 140 characters.”  Of course, I replied, “Fear not, Grump. The inevitable 10,000 word blog post is coming.”

Sadly, I don’t think this post will make it to 10,000 words.

I replied to those that wanted pics that it would be impossible and that I doubted she would even flash her bra again.

But I was wrong about that.  She flashed her bra at least three more times during the evening that I saw.  I don’t recall the context of those other times, but at least once she said, as she covered up, “I guess I should tuck them back in.”  And reached into her bra to do so, before pulling up her shirt.

One other time that I recall her doing this was when I heard someone say, “they’re kinda nice.”  I’m not sure what he was referring to but Didi took it to mean her boobs.  “They’re very nice,” she said and then dropped her shirt again to reveal her bra, and I guess prove her point about them being very nice.

As far as I could tell, no floor person or higher ups saw her do this, but the (male) dealers sure did and did not request that she either refrain from doing this or cover up.

I guess I should comment here a bit about Didi’s outrageous behavior.  No doubt she is doing this distract the other players, especially the male players.  She has basically taken the Jennifer Tilly effect to the extreme, not just showing off her cleavage but talking explicitly about her big tits and other risqué topics.  And of course, flashing her bra.

Around this time, an older woman passed by that Didi apparently had played with before.  Didi flagged her down to say hi and then added, “Oh, you should try to get on this table. It’s a fun table.” Then she added, “And you’ve got big boobs too.”

The woman didn’t seem that surprised by the comment and just said, “Why, thank you.”

Why do I get the feeling if it had been me who had said that she had big boobs, the reaction would have been totally different?

From a distance, it became apparent that Didi’s luck had changed, and her stack had diminished a bit.  When she lost, she would occasionally get nasty but then catch herself.  She apparently missed her card and I heard her say, “Oh, I was one jack off.  Don’t make fun of me, assholes…..I love you all.”

Not sure if there was any context at all for it but I heard her say, “I’ve got really big tits.”  Apparently since she had been playing they had gone from just big to really big.  I couldn’t help turning around when I overheard this and she noticed me and again called me “Patch Adams.”

This time I called her on it. “Patch Adams?  That’s what you’re gonna call me?  The most obscure Robin Williams character ever?”  I considered telling her the name I’d already picked out for her, but didn’t.

“Yes, it’s Patch Adams.  Why don’t you come over here and kiss me?”

Hmm.  I assumed she meant a little peck on the cheek as the dealers who she had tipped had done.  I honestly couldn’t think of a reason not to.  And I thought giving her the peck on the cheek would make for a noteworthy bit in the inevitable blog post that was being written in my mind as the evening progressed.

But as I had just been dealt two cards, I would have to wait.  By the time I mucked my hand (pocket Kings, of course) and got up to go over to her to give her the peck on the cheek, she was in the middle of a big hand and I had to walk back to my table without kissing her.  A player at her game said, “I think she was kidding about the kiss,” but I said, “No, I don’t think she was.”

As I waited for another opportunity, I began to think about the requests I had gotten for a pic of her exposing her bra. I knew I couldn’t take a pic like that secretively.  But what if I asked for her to pose and she agreed?  She just might, outrageous as she was.  Dare I ask?  Dare I tell her that my twitter followers demanded it?  I thought about it.  I hadn’t mentioned her on the blog yet.  But if she found out about the blog before I wrote about the first night (let alone this one), it might inhibit me when I wrote about her.  Did I have the guts to ask for a pic?

I was trying to figure out just how big my balls were, but alas, I never got a chance to find out.  Initially, the problem was I kept waiting for he not to be in a hand, and that just didn’t happen.

Meanwhile, the dealer at my game was Rita, who, oddly enough has already her rack discussed on this very blog (see here). She noticed me talking to Didi.  But the Dutch guys at my table were also talking to her, and were very interested in how she was doing, especially when she had that massive amount of chips in front of her.  I think they were considering trying to get into her game and taking some of those chips from her.

Rita noticed the Dutch guys’ interest in her and I said to her, “She’s kind of an attraction, there, isn’t she?”  Rita said, “Yeah, her play, her attitude…”  and I said “her big stack.”  To which Rita whispered to me, “Her big rack.”

Feigning shock, I said to Rita, ‘You said that, I didn’t….at least aloud.”  Rita responded with, “Yeah, I’m a pretty good mind reader.”  And I just laughed and said, “I think that one was pretty easy to read.”

I was still looking for an opportunity to go over and give Didi the peck on the cheek.  Now I was kinda hoping when I did it, I’d have the courage to at least mention the purple bra, and maybe if she flashed it for me (as I suspect she would have), I’d find the guts to ask for a pic.  But as I kept looking over there, I noticed that Didi’s stack was diminishing dramatically.  The Dutch boys reported that she had just lost a huge hand and a lot of chips.  Then I looked over a short time later and there was a big commotion over there.  I saw a hand that was over and Didi had apparently just lost another big pot.  I went over to look.

All I saw was the aftermath.  They were counting some guys chips to pay him off, he was the winner.  In front of him were the dreaded pocket Kings.  The board had a pair of 8’s (one on the flop and one on the turn) and a King on the river.  Didi apparently had an 8.  I think she may have turned a smaller full house than Kings full, and I’m sure it was pushed all in on the turn, and the guy with the Kings rivered his full house to win a monster pot.

I didn’t see how much but when I looked back over there after the pot was settled, she was buying more chips, although she was probably using the hundreds she had left, not actually rebuying.  Still, considering the stack she had in front of her just a few moments before, it was shocking.

I didn’t see what happened next, but we then noticed Didi had gotten up from the table and was heading out.  I saw her drink was still in her seat but there were no chips left.  The Dutch boys asked her if she was done.  “No, no, I just need to hit the ATM and rebuy.  I got sucked out on a few times.”

Wow.  She had lost at least $4K, actually more like $5K if you count the at least $1K in tips I mentioned at the outset (and that was only to three dealers, it was likely a total of well more than that).

The Dutch guys suggested she move to our table.  She said she would do that….but when she returned, she sat down at her old seat in the 2/5 game and played there.

But not for very long.  I looked around not long after and she was gone.  She had lost the $500 she rebought for and had taken off without saying a word.

This was my last night of that trip, but my contacts in the room told me that Didi didn’t return to the poker room the entire time I was back home.  However, I did see her a couple of times on my most recent visit.  She was back playing 1/2.  I guess getting up so far ahead and then losing it all (and then some) at 2/5 took it’s toll on her.  I didn’t play with her either time I saw her, and wasn’t close enough to her table to tell how she was doing (or hear any outrageous comments).  As far as I know her bra was kept under wraps the entire time.

Ultimately it was a rough nite for Didi, but she plays wild, aggressive poker and this night she got burned. And gratuitously showed a bunch of poker players her purple bra.