Naked Geezers, Personal Questions & Hookers

This is going to be a hodgepodge post of a few little vignettes from my most recent Vegas trip, starting with a Sunday visit to Binion’s to play in the 2PM tournament.  But stay tuned for a special bonus at the end!

I arrived downtown and saw something bizarre and disgusting on Fremont Street.  There was an old man—in his late 60’s at least—naked.  Well, not quite naked.  He had a g-string, but that was it.  So he was bare-assed naked.  He was one of the street performers there hoping     to make money posing for pictures for tips.  Honestly.  But come on man, who wants to see that?  At least he wasn’t fat but still…..does anyone want to see a naked 70-year old man?  I should point out that there’s almost always some much younger, decent looking guys hanging out on Fremont in similar attire.  But at least in that case, I suppose there might be some ladies (or gay men) who would want to see that.  But a 70-year old?  Ugh.  I mean really, ugh.

Before the tournament started, I was talking to Audrey, full-time Binion’s dealer, part-time reader of this very blog.  I mentioned the disgusting sight I’d just witnessed outside.  “Who wants to see an old man naked?” I asked.  “No one,” was her reply.  That’s what I thought.

But we both agreed that this is Vegas, and you do see some strange, strange things, especially on Fremont St.  She asked me if I’d seen the topless nuns.  I confessed I had not   Apparently there are some women who walk around in nun’s habits but with breakaway tops so that they can flash their boobies to the tourists.  Of course, in order to prevent getting busted (sorry), they have to have pasties over the nipular area.   I said, “That’s sacrilegious!”   She agreed.

Then she told me that one time, she had seen one of the “nuns” waking from her car towards Fremont before starting “work.”  She said that the woman had not yet put her pasties on and was walking around downtown completely topless.  O.K.

By the way, I don’t want to embed it in my post here, because it might be too “adult” for this blog, but if you search YouTube for “Nuns Flashing Crowds at the Fremont Experience,” you should be able to see some video of the naughty nuns.  You know, if you like that sort of thing.

The tournament was terrible.  I managed to bust out before the first break, one of my quickest exits from a tournament ever.  Nothing particularly interesting about the way I busted out, either.  Got hands to play, and kept making second best hand.  When I was getting low on chips, I shoved over a raise with pocket Queens.  The raiser called me with Ace-King.  Of course he caught an Ace on the turn and I was done.

Before leaving, I had a chat with Paul, the TD over there, about the upcoming Binion’s Classic.  He was telling me about a few difficulties finalizing the schedule (which I need for my day job, of course).  Registration was still open and I recognized a woman walking in to buy in late.  Let’s just say that this lady has been mentioned a time or two on this very blog, but I don’t want to identify with even her blog name.  We said hi to each other and I wasn’t sure if she was entering for the first time or had busted and was re-entering.  So I said to her, “Are you just coming?”

She gave me this great look of fake indignation and said, “That’s a rather personal question!”

Paul and I looked at each other and, simultaneously, exclaimed, “Whoa!”

Busting early gave me enough time to go back to Mermaid’s—the favorite casino of blog reader angerisagift—and try the Deep Fried Oreos.  Last time I indulged, I only had the Deep Fried Twinkie.  So now it was time for the Oreos.  They were very good, delicious, really, but I have to confess I prefer the Twinkie.  If I ever indulge again, I’ll go with the Twinkie.

I played cash at BSC the rest of the day.

I had a decent session, at least.  I’d added about $100 to my $200 buy-in on a couple of hands.  One, I had a Jack-high flush that beat a10-high flush.  The other time, I had two-pair on a board with 3 cards to a straight and I almost folded to the river bet.  But I sniffed out the bluff and beat his low pair.

Then I was dealt the dreaded pocket Kings in early position.  I raised to $8, got a call, then a guy with a big stack—over $600 made it $25.  The guy hadn’t been overly aggressive since I’d gotten there, but he got that big stack somehow.  I was in the midst of a bad run of poker, plus the experience of busting out of the Binion’s tournament in less than two hours.  So I did something I don’t usually do with the dreaded hand.  I just flat called the three-bet.  Nitty, I know, but was a bit snake-bitten—and with the guy’s huge stack I didn’t want him to re-raise me and make me see his range as nothing but Ace-Ace.  The other guy called as well.

The flop was Jack-Jack-4.  The big stack bet $40. I assumed he didn’t have quads—he likely would have slow played it—but Ace-Jack was certainly a possibility.  Or Queens.  Or Aces.  I decided to call the $40, as did the other fellow.

The turn card was a beautiful King.  I checked, planning on check-raising.  But the other two players checked behind me.  Damn.

The river was a blank, and this time I had to bet.  The pot was nearly $200, what was the most I could bet to get some action?  I hoped $100 would get a call, but they both folded.  Could I have bet any less into a $200 pot?  I don’t see how.  I wonder if a pot-sized bet would have looked like a bluff and gotten a call?

Whatever, this was the most interesting hand of the session.  I eventually left with a $200 profit, my first win in a few sessions. 

I’ll conclude this oddball post with a few hooker encounters.  These encounters didn’t occur on the day I’ve been describing, to be honest.  But even combined, these quickie hooker interactions aren’t lengthy enough for an entire post, and I have to stick these hookers somewhere, don’t I?  So this post is as good as any.

Start with a Saturday, near the end of my trip.  I was roaming around the area I call “Hooker Central”—which is actually a great place to observe the prim and proper ladies going to and coming from the nightclub that attracts what I respectfully call The Slut Parade.  I was noticing a few such young ladies when I noticed a couple of black women talking to a young (late 20’s?) white guy.  I could tell from the body language that the guy didn’t know the women.  Perhaps he was asking for directions to the poker room?  I didn’t think so.  My spidey sense told me the ladies were for hire by the hour.  I didn’t get a real good look at their clothes but from a distance they appeared to be wearing the only-slightly slutty type of outfits that the typical Vegas working girl wears.  Before I could focus in on them, suddenly a blonde girl appeared, about the same age as the guy.  She grabbed his arm and yanked him away from the two apparent hookers.  She appeared to be yelling at the guy.  And they headed off towards the room elevators.  I got momentarily distracted by a gaggle of club-goers showing a whole lot of skin, and when I looked back, the two ladies had disappeared and I never saw them again—that night, anyway.

A bet later I was walking by the bar, which is somewhat enclosed.  I assume that hookers work out of this bar, but for sure I’ve seen the ones who work the slot area go in there to get a drink—or take potential customers in there for a drink (and a negotiation?).  I happened to notice a very classy looking young woman sitting right up against the short wall that enclosed the bar.  She didn’t strike me as a hooker at all, she seemed more like a business woman.  I honestly didn’t get a chance to assess her outfit, other than it wasn’t in the slightest bit revealing.  She had short, dark hair that was perfectly coiffed.  She was alone and talking on her cell phone.

So I was totally surprised when, as I walked by her, she looked at me and said, “Where are you going?”  OK, I was caught off guard and somehow, I managed to say, “Oh, I think I’m just going back to my room.”  She responded, “Do you want some company?”  Umm, umm…I said, “I don’t think so.”  And to my complete amazement, she said, “Oh, well have a good night.”

Really?  In all the times I’ve been hit on by hookers, I’ve never, ever come across one that gave up so easily.  I would have bet the farm that she would have followed up with a “Are you sure?” or some such.  Some kind of follow up to be sure I wasn’t interested in buying what she was selling.  But nope, that was it. The total soft-sell.  If this story had been the main thrust of this blog post, I would have called it, “The Hooker Who Took No For an Answer.”

The next night, I was in the same area and wouldn’t you know, I saw the same two black ladies strolling around, trying to talk to guys as they passed by.  At least I think it was the same two ladies.  About 90% sure.  They were similarly dressed, and they were about the same size as I recalled (a bit overweight to my eye).  And when the traffic died down for a second and they noticed me, they wasted no time in heading my way.

Only one of them spoke.  I was sitting in front of a slot machine.  “Who are you waiting for?”  I said, “Oh, no one, I’m just relaxing.”  She replied, “Well, do you want to relax with us and have some fun?”  I said “I don’t think so.”

This girl didn’t give up so easily.  “Oh come.  Have some fun.  Two naked girls.  Tits in your face…..”  OK, I had to say the one thing that I knew would make them lose interest.  “No, really.  I don’t have any money.”

She said, “You don’t have money?  What are you doing in Vegas without any money?”  I said, “I lost it all gambling.”  Fortunately, that was not true.

And she replied, “Well get a cash advance.”  I have to admit, that was a new one.  Never heard that before.  I don’t know this for certain, but it is my understanding that cash advances in Vegas are pretty expensive.  Probably would have added quite a bit to the cost of the fun and the tits in my face.  If I had been thinking better, I might have asked her something like, “Well, how much would I need the cash advance for?” but sadly, I didn’t think of that.  I just said that I wasn’t interested in doing that and said “OK, have a nice evening,” and they left.  

SPECIAL ADDED BONUS:  The music video below was recently called to my attention by several readers--thanks. It's called "Vegas Girl Walk" and although it doesn't actually say it, this is really a celebration of The Slut Parade.  In fact, it is obvious that most of it was filmed at the MGM, the home of the original Slut Parade.  Check it out for a taste of the Slut Parade. Enjoy!