Happy Birthday, You're Under Arrest!

The last thing I would have expected to happen to get my birthday off to an interesting start was to run into Las Vegas’s Finest, ie, Metro Police—and almost getting arrested in the process.  But that’s my life, folks.

Last night, while waiting for my birthday to arrive at the stroke of midnight, I was playing poker at BSC next to the truly delightful Prudence, who, among other things, rejected my suggestion that she rub my schvantz—a suggestion I made with her boyfriend sitting just inches away.  But sorry folks, that story will have to wait, Law & Order comes first.

Midnight came, making it my birthday.  Prudence and Tom had left after giving me a birthday present and a bit later, so did I.  Where I had parked I had to take an escalator in the casino up to get to the parking area.  As I was going up the escalator, I saw in the slot area I had just left two black girls who had hooker written all over them.  Not quite literally, but my spidey-sense was going off like crazy. They were, from a distance at least, both reasonably attractive and were dressed just slutty enough to be hookers but not so slutty so as to look like club-going girls, who dress a lot sluttier than the hookers. So I was sure I had spotted a couple of gals who offer men vagina-rentals by the hour (or maybe by the half hour for men who are quick on the trigger).

Now, as I mentioned in this post, I have a married friend who loves for me to tell him hooker stories.  He’s also one of the two people (along with his wife) who encouraged me to start this blog based on the Vegas and poker stories I would tell them.  Even if I don’t blog about them, he wants hooker stories.  I haven’t posted one lately, partly due to running into a dearth of hookers recently.  Last trip I didn’t see any, surprising as it sounds.  So when I saw these two working girls, I figured I could get a story to tell my friend, whether or not I got something blog-worthy.  Why not check it out, I thought? Basically, I was mining for a good hooker story.

I got right back on the escalator, this time going down (so-to-speak) and went looking for the girls.  I found one talking to some middle-aged white guy and they both had their celphones out.  It appeared they were exchanging information on their phones, and I took this to mean I was right, she was a hooker and they were exchanging contact info for a future tryst. 

Then I noticed the other gal talking to a guy. He was white but appeared somewhat younger than middle-aged, but close to that. I missed his approach, but they were talking really intimately, it seemed.  They were very close, face-to-face.  There was some body contact as well, one of them had their arms around the other, and I think I even saw a quick hug.  You don’t usually see hookers encourage that much contact in public, it might attract attention.  If I hadn’t been so damn sure she was a pro, I might have thought that no, this was a couple already in a relationship.  But my spidey-sense is seldom wrong, I was still thinking hooker.

They started to walk off together, and I believe for a few moments they were holding hands.  I decided to follow them just to see if they headed to the elevators, and if so, that would be the end of my story.  But they went past the elevators, into an area where there are a lot of eating places and a bar or two.  I thought, oh, they want to have a drink first.  This is cool, I will see them in the bar and then observe a bit how they interact.

But no, they went past the bar, they went past all the eating places, and they went to—nowhere, really—and exited the casino through some double door.  WTF?  I thought where they went was like an “Employees Only” place but I had to get close enough to see for sure.

I should point out here that I thought I was being very careful in following them.  I lagged way behind, I didn’t want them to turn around and notice me.  I was sure I was being discreet.

Anyway, a few minutes after they disappeared, I slowly wandered over to the door they had exited, and sure enough, it said “Employees Only.”  I didn’t get it.  I was just too dumb to figure out what had happened.  All I could think of was that I sure didn’t think the girl was an employee, unless this casino actually had hookers on the payroll.

I was about to leave when I noticed an interesting looking restaurant nearby, a Burger joint.  Always on the lookout for a good burger place, I stopped to check out the menu (the place was closed).  As I was trying to read it on the wall, I heard a male voice behind me.

“Excuse me sir.”

I turned around to see a guy who was casually dressed and looked not too dissimilar to the guy who went thru the door with the hooker, but not the same guy.  He had his wallet out and showed me a freaking badge! I didn’t get a good look at it, but I did hear the guy say, “Metro Police.”

WTF????

“We noticed you talking to that woman, and then following us here, wanting to see where we were headed”

Shit.

I told the officer the truth.  “I didn’t talk to any woman.”

He disputed my claim.  “You were talking to that woman and then you followed us here.  She’s been arrested for prostitution.”

Only part of that was true.  I hadn’t spoken to anyone since entering the casino.  But of course he had me dead to rights on the “following them” part.  I was trying to think fast, to come up with a logical story as to why I would have followed them.  Gulp.  I wonder if he would have been ok with, “Well, I have a blog and I need hooker stories for it, but I never use the girls’ services.  Also, my friend loves hooker stories….”

Fortunately, I didn’t have to come up with that on the spot.  I repeated what I said before, the truth.  “Officer I didn’t talk to that woman, or any woman.”  I paused to think of something to add, but he saved me by talking first.

“Well, sir, we advise you to be careful with those girls.  We’re trying to protect you.  Many of them are trying to rob the men they solicit.  For your own safety, we advise you to stay away from them.”

I said ok, and thanked him, for what I’m not sure.  Scaring the shit out of me?  Or I guess, for not detaining me further.  For not arresting me on my god damn birthday!

I turned away and got the hell out of there as fast as my old legs could take me.  What a hell of a way to start to a birthday that almost was.  Getting arrested for soliciting a prostitute, that I didn’t even solicit! 

So...not quite the same kind of fun I had on my last birthday, as I told here.

Next time my spidey-sense tingles and a gal says “Hey baby” or “Where you going, Sugar”, or “You want some company”, I’m not even gonna bother to say “no thanks.”  I’m turning and running.

Phew.