Lookin' To Get Out

I hope I remember how to do this!

First off, let me say that if you’re glad to see a new post from me, you have Allen Kessler and Ann-Margret to thank (now there’s a pair I never thought I’d put together in the same sentence!).

I could explain that right now, but if you remember my blog from the glory days you know I almost never get to the point right away.  I take my time.  And since this is my first blog post in over half a year, I will likely get even more sidetracked than usual, if that’s possible.  Sorry.  You have the option now of not reading this at all, or scanning it until you come to the part where I actually get to the main point of this post.

You see, this post is actually a movie review.  The movie is the 1982 “classic,” Lookin’ to Get Out.

Here’s the first fork in the road I’m taking.  It is actually quite appropriate that I return to this blog after being missing in action for over six months with a movie review because watching movies is now my main leisure time activity, replacing poker thanks to the various lockdowns that started back in March, 2020.  Suddenly, I couldn’t go out and play poker every week (and for awhile, I couldn’t go out and do anything—for that matter, I couldn’t go out at all).  Remember that?  If you lived in California you do.  And since I couldn’t play poker, I had nothing to blog about.  So I got completely out of the rhythm of writing blog posts every night.  What took up my time, you ask?

An old hobby I never really abandoned but suddenly had a lot more time for—watching old movies.  I mean old.  Mostly from the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.  Oh sure there were movies from the 60’s forward that I watched and enjoyed, and even movies that were practically new.  But old films got most of my attention.  Fortunately I had access to Turner Classic Movies, which may have saved my life.  And when I switched to YouTubeTV,  I suddenly had a virtual DVR that was able to hold an unlimited number of movies (TV shows too).  I have nearly 2,500 movies on that DVR at this moment, most of them from TCM.  Plus there’s Netflix, Amazon Prime and Disney +.  I’m not likely to run out of movies to watch anytime in my next three lifetimes. Of course, not all of those movies on the DVR will ever be watched and a lot of them I’ve already watched, but there’s no way to delete them, you just have to let them “expire” automatically after nine months.

If you’re interested, my favorite genres are film noirs, pre-code films and screwball comedies.  But I’ve watched films from virtually every conceivable genre over the past three years.  I’ve even watched Bette Davis melodramas.

As a kid I always loved old films, and while attending UCLA in the ‘70’s I took two film courses that introduced me to some great movies I hadn’t seen or even heard of before.  I wish I still had the lists I made of the films I saw then, but whenever I come across one of them now, I usually remember if I saw them in a class. Great films I do remember from those classes include High Noon (my all-time favorite western), Ninotchka, Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, Holiday, and You Can’t Take it With You.  And so many more.

I was on Twitter a lot and suddenly no one was tweeting about poker (because no one was playing it), which was the main reason I joined it in the first place.  But I found Twitter accounts that talked about movies, and some specialized in the old movies I was most interested in. I get recommendations from them all the time. You may see me interact with some of these accounts from time to time, commenting on the movies they recommend (especially when they recommend good ones).

So it isn’t unusual for me to watch a movie based on a Twitter recommendation, but I never expected to get a movie recommendation from Allen Kessler (come on, you knew I’d get back to him eventually).  Does anyone reading this not know who Allen Kessler is?  Since I can’t hear you answering, I’ll tell you that Allen, nicknamed “Chainsaw,” is a professional poker player and gambler. He is known for being extremely picky about tournament structures and rake, for never paying for a meal (he gets comped a whole lot) and for his generosity in sharing his comps with his friends.  He was probably one of my first follows on Twitter and he follows me as well.  We’ve interacted on Twitter any number of times.

But I never met him in person until this past October.  I was playing in a tournament at Orleans and on the break I recognized him sitting at a tournament table that I walked by on the way to the restroom.  He was playing a different tournament than I was (no doubt a “mixed game” tourney which he prefers to NLH).  I couldn’t help recognizing him from all the pics of him I’ve seen on Twitter and elsewhere.  I’m not sure I even intended to say this out loud, but as I was about to pass him, the word “Chainsaw” audibly escaped my lips.  He looked up and I said hi and told him I was “robvegaspoker” and of course he knew me from Twitter.  He was in the middle of the hand and I didn’t want to be late back from break so that was the extent of our interaction.

That incident has nothing to do with why he’s responsible for this blog post buy you know how I am.  Just the other day, on Twitter, Allen posted a link to a movie that was available free on YouTube (it’s amazing how many good movies are available on YouTube for free—high quality prints in many cases, too). That movie was Lookin’ to Get Out (see, I got back there, eventually).  Allen said about the film, “This is my favorite gambling movie of all time.  Enjoy!”

Well, now, if a famous (and infamous?) and prolific gambler like Allen Kessler claims a movie is his all time favorite gambling movie, well, I just have to take note.  I gotta figure Kessler knows what he’s talking about, or at least there’s a good chance he does.  Since he hasn’t discussed movies much on Twitter (to my recollection anyway), I didn’t know how well his tastes in film align with mine, but I just had to give him some respect based on the subject being gambling movies and he being a pro at that very occupation.

Then I did what I always do these days when someone mentions I movie I might want to watch.  I checked the IMDB rating.  It was 5.1.  I won’t go into the intricacies of the IMDB rating system, (at last a tangent I won’t go on!) but when I’m looking over the movie listings I check IMDB and generally use “7” as the minimum for a movie I’ll watch (this is a consensus rating “voted” on by the users of IMDB).  I’ll definitely consider lower rated movies depending on the cast, the director, the subject matter and personal recommendations I get (from Twitter or otherwise).  For sure, movies that rate a 6.4, for example, have been known to surprise me and have been found vastly underrated by no less an expert than yours truly.  But man, that 5.1 is really, really, really low!

I had to reconsider.  What do I know about Allen Kessler?  I know he gambles for a living.  I knew he loves Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune.  But do I know if he likes Citizen Kane?  Do I know if likes Casablanca?  Does he agree with me that Vertigo is the best ever Hitchcock movie?  Does he even like Hitchcock?  If he doesn’t, he can be dismissed as not having anything meaningful to say about film.  Well, it seemed like a bad idea to present him with a movie quiz just to follow one of his movie recommendations.  It would probably take longer than just watching the damn movie and deciding for myself whether or not I liked it.

I looked at the cast.  Jon Voight was the star.  Ok, a good actor for sure.  Good actors have been known to make some terrible movies though. Burt Young.  Wasn’t he in the Rocky movies?  Those were good, that was a plus. 

And then….then, I saw the name Ann-Margret.

Ann-Margret!

Does it surprise anyone who’s familiar with my blog that I really like Ann-Margret?  I think not.

Let me just say that as an owner of a y-chromosome who came of age in the ‘60’s, I believe it is in my DNA to love Ann-Margret.  For my money, she is the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen. 

So if you have Ann-Margret in your movie you have my attention.  And that tipped the scales in favor of giving this 5.1 film a try.

No doubt some of you are recalling that Ms. Margret was in another gambling movie earlier in her career.  In fact, she was in one of the all-time great poker movies, The Cincinnati Kid (1965), which has a 7.2 rating on IMDB (should be much higher).  She doesn’t have a big role, but it is important and she looks incredibly good (not a difficult feat for her in those days).  I’m sure at least 99% of you have seen it, right?  If not, drop everything and watch it ASAP.  Just a terrific poker movie that stars the great Steve McQueen and the legendary Edward G. Robinson.  I’ve seen a boatload of Robinson films these past three years and even if the movie is less than stellar you can count on him to give a riveting performance (same with James Cagney and of course, Humphrey Bogart).

But I digress (that’s so unlike me). The movie in question is Lookin’ to Get Out. And to be honest, it is not a great movie.  In fact, it might not even be a good movie.  It is a Jon Voight vanity project. In addition to starring, he co-wrote the script, and his production company produced it. His (then) 7-year old daughter has one scene in it (her movie debut).  You know her now as Angelina Jolie (speaking of sexy women—but definitely not in this movie).  His soon-to-be ex-wife (and Angelina’s mother) also has a brief scene in the film.

It’s a comedy I guess.  I suppose there’s a bit of seriousness about gambling addiction and also about male friendship.  It’s a buddy-movie (Voight and Young).  It has a familiar plot: Gamblers Voight and Young lose a lot of money to bad people you really shouldn’t be losing money to if you value your knee-caps and other body parts, or your life for that matter.  To try to raise the money to pay the debt, the only thing they can think of is to gamble more, only this time, win.  Of course!  Because that’s what compulsive gamblers do.

Ann-Margret plays a woman from Voight’s past.  If you have ever seen a movie before, you know when they meet again they both start having those old feelings for each other. Surprise!  This causes complications on top of the gambling debt

A lot of totally outrageous things happen, many are quite unrealistic. There are more than the movie’s share of “Oh, come on” moments (as in, no one would ever do that).  When the movie turns to outright comedy, it tends to go overboard.  There’s a long chase scene that goes on way too long.  But it’s very funny for most of it.  Similarly, there is an outrageous fight scene inside a casino that they didn’t know when to end (hint: sooner than they did).  But did I laugh and enjoy it?  You bet (so to speak).

There’s also a pretty awesome extended blackjack scene.  That’s the game the boys play to try to get their gambling loses back.  That is really a great scene, thoroughly enjoyed that.

This was filmed in 1980 and Ann-Margret looked like, well, Ann-Margret.  She was gorgeous and sexy.  She had big hair.  And she is and was a very underrated actress.

One thing I have to mention is the setting of the film.  After starting out in New York, the boys hit Vegas to strike it rich.  Most of the movie takes place in Vegas, and it was filmed at the MGM Grand.  However, it wasn’t the MGM you know today.  This was filmed when the MGM was located where Bally’s is today.  No wait, I mean, where the Horseshoe is.  Yeah, that property started out at the MGM, then it was Bally’s for like forever and is now the Horseshoe.  The MGM sold it and then bought the property they now own on Tropicana.  Got that straight?  From the exterior, you actually see the Barbary Coast (ah, the good old days) more than the MGM.

More important, this is my Vegas. This is the Vegas I first knew and fell in love with.  It was a real treat to see this Vegas right there in front of me. As I said, it was shot in 1980.  That is the first year I ever went to Vegas.  I know this Vegas!  One of the things I loved about the movie is that it took me back there.  Also, 1980 was the year of the famous MGM fire.  Coincidentally, the last day of filming was when the fire hit. Amazing.

So despite this not be a great film, I loved it.  It was just a lot of fun, faults and all.  This is definitely not The Cincinnati Kid, or Rounders (except for a very early scene, there’s no poker in it).  It’s more about friendship and discipline (or lack thereof) than gambling.  But there is a great payoff to the gambling story I won’t spoil.

Because of the flaws, I am hesitant to unconditionally recommend it, although I suspect readers of this blog will have a head start in liking it.

But I can say I had a lot of fun watching it.  A lot.

Thanks, Allen.

(Note:  I supposed I should have put a pic of Allen with this post instead of Ann-Margret.  But then I would have felt obligated to ask Allen for a picture or at least for his permission to use one, so I decided that even Allen would prefer looking at a picture of Ann-Margret rather than one of himself.)

Will I Ever Publish Another Blog Post?

Well, the question answers itself, doesn't it?  If you are reading this, the answer is decidedly yes!

OK, so I guess what I mean then, is this my last blog post?  Will I ever publish another blog post after this one?  

I think so. I intend to, anyway. Maybe another one very soon.  

I just noticed that my last post was published in November of last year.  November!  Long time, no blog!  

My productivity was already waning even before the initial lockdown hit, and after that, well, the lockdown took away my will to live write. And my material. Even though I have some posts "mentally" written, forcing myself to get in front of a keyboard has been exceedingly difficult.  Plus, I've been busy, mostly with personal stuff that I can't talk about but also with things like taxes and Vegas trips.  

Did I say Vegas trips?

I did, I did.

If you don't follow me on Twitter, you might not know that I have been to Vegas twice since Mid-April.  Yes, twice.  If I can shake off the writer's block, I should be able to crank out a few posts about those trips, now, shouldn't I?

Yes, I should.  Perhaps of equal note, remember that poker room out in Ventura that I was my go-to room for many years when I was home in L.A.?  Well, I was sure it was never going to re-open, but somehow it did!  Back in February in fact.  And I've been to it several times and although none of the game reports were that exciting, I certainly feel that I owe your folks a review of the new location   So there's that.

And I have a doozy of a story that only tangentially relates to Vegas, about what I went thru to get a credit card that I wanted to have in my wallet before my most recent Vegas visit.  I estimate that it will roughly be an 87-part post, so decide for yourself if you really want me to shake the writer's block.

So I do have some material.  It's just a matter of forcing myself to write it up.  Fortunately my pal Don came up with a series of text messages about the hell he recently went through trying to escape the parking structure of a major Vegas casino/resort, and even before I asked if I could run them as a guest blog post (which I was about to do), he volunteered to have them published in this here blog.

So I at least have one, mostly pre-written post that I can get up fairly quickly.

Hopefully more after that.

So, as I used to say whenever I ran a mult-part blog post, stay tuned.

And so.....if I get back to writing regularly, maybe I will be comfortable enough writing that I won't have to rely on the crutch of using the word "so" so many damn times in a post.

To finish this off, here's a pic of the kind I know my readers always used to look forward when I published regularly.  In fact, I'm quite sure that pics like these are the main reason you all miss my blog.  Enjoy!

No Plexiglass, No Masks, Better Poker

Long time, no blog! So this will be the first of two-parts, just like in the good ol’ days.

In my previous post, here, I reported on two sessions at the Bike.  I visited there again in late May and had a totally miserable time.  I decided I would not return to the Bike until California completely opened up, which was scheduled for June15.  Lockdown poker was not for me.

In May, there was still plexiglass at all the tables, everyone was required to wear a mask and you could not have a drink (any kind of drink, even water) at the table.  I described my issues with that in that post linked above.  What I didn’t describe is how much I hate the drive to and from the Bike (one of the main reasons I started playing in Ventura).  That particular day I used Google Maps to help me navigate the journey to and from them, but despite the help, it was still a horrific drive.  I can’t get to the Bike without driving thru the heart of downtown Los Angeles, and even on a Saturday afternoon, it is miserable.  Forget about trying it during any kind of rush hour.  And to make it even worse, Google Maps had me exit the freeway and take surface streets for part of the drive and took me straight into a traffic circle.  Is there a setting for Google Maps where I can tell it to avoid traffic circles? You can refresh your memory as to how much I hate traffic circles here.

The game that day was awful.  Not only was I totally card dead but the table was dead too.  As noted, between the plexiglass and the masks, there was absolute no chatter at the table.  I was sitting in virtually total silence the entire afternoon—and also I desperately needed a drink of water.  I mean, the NBA playoffs had just started and the games were on in the room.  You would think that would stimulate some conversation among the players, but no, no one said a word. Funerals are more fun than this. Sure I like to win, but what first got me into poker was that it was a social game and there was a lot of friendly banter (which in a perfect world, would lead to great blogging material.)

After a terrible drive home (where Google Maps gave me some misinformation about what lane to be in), I vowed I would not return to the Bike until the lockdown was over—if then. It just wasn’t worth it going thru that hellish traffic to only be more miserable at the table.

Of course, in general, the poker games were more fun in Ventura than the Bike (and more fun in Vegas than at either).  But thinking back, I did have some great, fun posts from Bike sessions, so it is at least possible. I mean, if there were no masks and no plexiglass and I wasn’t suffering from a painfully dry mouth, that is.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t go to Ventura, well, sadly, it has not reopened and is unlikely to do so any time soon, if ever.  The lockdown was devastating to them (and tons of other small businesses, for sure) and they filed for bankruptcy (see here). Perhaps they will find a new location and re-open sometime in the future, but I am not holding my breath.  So for now, it’s The Bike. 

But the state did indeed open up on June 15.  Well, mostly.  There are still some restrictions (for example, you can’t ride Uber without a mask, or visit a medical facility without one).  The state rule is that no one who has been fully vaccinated is required by the state to wear a mask, inside or out. Businesses can request proof of vaccination but are allowed to go with the honor system.  No place I’ve entered since 6/15 asked me if I had been vaccinated (and I entered every place I did without a mask, it was glorious!)  Of course any business or government facility can have stricter rules if it desires.  But for all intensive purposes, we are open and free! (Note: I am a professional writer, and I know that the proper expression is, “for all intents and purposes.”  But my purposes are actually fairly intensive.)

On the 15th, most of the southern California rooms tweeted out that masks were no longer necessary for those who had been vaccinated.  Some tweeted out pics of the plexiglass being removed.  Only a few rooms voluntarily talked about drinking at the table, but it seemed logical that it would be ok and some answered my question about it when I asked (the rooms that answered confirmed drinking was allowed at the table.) The Bike was one of the rooms that didn’t answer my inquiry (don’t they know who I am?) but I assumed it would be ok. Just the same, for my first visit, I smuggled in a couple of small water bottles. We were having an early season heat wave and there I was carrying a heavy jacket so I could hide the bottles in the pockets.

So this past Saturday, I made the trek down to the Bike.  I still had to “check in.” They won’t let you enter the casino without a player’s card (even though once inside it is totally useless as they are not tracking hours for comps, no Southern CA room is.) They are still keeping track of who is there for contact tracing purposes in case an outbreak breaks out. I don’t believe they took my temperature but they did give me a paper orange wristband to show that I had been screened.  

As soon as I entered the place, I saw what I wanted to see. Well, no, I didn’t see a scantily clad Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.  But I did see little carts next to the poker tables with beverages on them. Yes! Also, blissfully, in the main poker room, I didn’t see one hint of plexiglass anywhere.  Sweet!  And masks? Well, every single employee wore a mask, but well over 75% of the players seemed to be unmasked.  That was great for a couple of reasons.  One, I might actually be able to hear what someone was saying.  It would make it easier for fun conversations to be had.  Also, well, I want to see as much of a person’s face as possible when they make a bet. I want to see if they have a poker face. The mask makes it too easy to cover that up. The very first place they should ban masks, after banks I suppose, is poker rooms.

It would be nice if the dealers were maskless, because they’re the ones who you have to hear in order to know what is going on with the game.  It’s a visual game but you sometimes need to hear the dealer answer a question of how much the bet is or who’s turn it is to act. But there is a different government bureaucracy in CA that controls health and safety standards for workplaces, and they dilly-dallied making a decision on whether or not employees could go maskless in workplaces.  They only decided the day before I went to the Bike that they didn’t have to wear masks either.  So businesses weren’t prepared and were still requiring masks for the time being.  Hopefully that will be gone by the next time I hit the Bike, but it could be that the Bike wants their employees to keep wearing masks.  We’ll see.

I had used the excellent Table Captain software from my employer, PokerAtlas, to register for the game I wanted while I was driving down there.  I checked in on the phone, saw there were a few names ahead of me on the list, and tried to figure out how the people with drinks had gotten them.  But I saw nobody serving or offering to serve drinks.  When I got to a table, I asked how to get a drink.  I was told that they were coming around every hour or so with a cart that had soft drinks on it.  But if I didn’t want to wait (I didn’t) I could go to the Bike Brewery (just off the casino floor) and get a drink from the take-out line.  Which I did.

It seemed like it took forever for me to get that $2 Diet Pepsi, but I made it back to my game without missing a blind.  And I was happy to have that drink, let me tell you.  I later realized that they had not yet hired back any servers or cocktail waitresses, that’s why it was self-serve.  All the time I was there, there was only one time that someone came by with a drink cart, but they never came close to my table  And I think they just had water.  Oh well, hopefully next time things will be closer to normal.

And with that I’ll stop and tell you more about the game and the poker next, probably at the end of this weekend.  Hint: The table was a lot of fun and I encountered an extremely colorful character! Stay tuned.

I Broke My Arm, Then the State Broke Me

Where have I been? 

First I'd like to apologize to all my readers (or, what's left of them) for not posting the next chapter in my broken arm saga.  The truth is I have been unable to find the motivation to write it up. 

I suppose I could blame the relative lack of positive (or really, any) feedback to the first three posts for failing to motivate me to finish.  That plays a part in it, but really only a very small part.  I know when I post something that is non-poker it usually doesn't get much of a response.  Besides, I have to admit that I have maybe lost my touch in the ability to put an entertaining spin on the weird things that happen to me. 

But really what has me demotivated, demoralized, disillusioned and depressed is what is going on in the country right now, and more specifically in my state, and in my city of Los Angeles. 

Just when things were starting to look up, lockdownwise, everything went to shit.  I mean, my arm was well on the way to mending, I was actually able to use it for a lot of things (but by no means everything).  And the state was starting to open up.  Restaurants had re-opened, and even poker rooms had re-opened.  While the poker room out in Ventura remained closed, both The Bike and Commerce were opened and spreading 8-handed poker (I think it was 8-handed, anyway). 

So things were looking up, and there was light at the end of the tunnel. I was getting ready to write up my next post (although part of the initial delay was due to my finally having to get my nose to the grindstone and complete my taxes, which as usual I had put off to the last minute, and the last minute had been delayed three months), and then….. 

And then, California Fascist Dictator Governor Gavin Newsom re-closed the state in most counties (including mine and all the ones near me).  Poker rooms were shut down again, just weeks after opening to good attendance.  Restaurants were closed to indoor dining.  It was take-out only unless they could find some space for outdoor tables.  Gyms, barbers, hair salons, nail salons, all put out of business. 

Just as I was done with my taxes, just as I was feeling well and able enough to get out and do some things…..the rug was pulled right out from under me (and everyone else in the state). 

I could no longer find a reason to drag myself out of bed, and certainly didn't feel like sitting at the keyboard hacking out a blog post about my damn broken arm (which as you will recall, only happened because of the initial lockdown).  I felt like my arm had been re-broken.  I vowed not to post again as long as CA was closed.  It was a pretty easy vow to keep because I couldn't motivate myself to write anyway.  And since I make zero money from this blog—it has always been a labor of love—no one else could motivate me either.

Yes, I know, I know, it could be worse.  Plenty of people are suffering through this crisis more than I am.  Yes, many people have died or been really, really ill. This pandemic is horrific. But I'm not everyone else, I'm just me.  I'm telling you how this is affecting me. 

Although actually, I am thinking of the many victims.  And not just those who have died or those who have lost loved ones.  I'm thinking about the people who are the victims of the lockdown. I think of those poor small business owners (restaurants, gyms, hair salons, etc) who were closed down for several months, losing huge amounts of income, then went to great expense to redesign their businesses to meet new safety standards, only to have the rug pulled out from under them by being shutdown just a few weeks after re-opening. 

For example, during the brief period of freedom before the latest lockdown, I managed to get a haircut. At the time, Los Angeles Fascist Dictator Mayor Eric Garcetti had not deigned to reopen Los Angeles (might also have been due to the fascists on the L.A. County Board of Supervisors) so I couldn't have gotten my haircut in L.A.  Fortunately I have been going to the next county over to get my haircut so I was able to get it cut in that brief window I had.  The lady who runs the shop had gone to great expense to accommodate social distancing rules, put up plexiglass everywhere, relocated the chairs, printed up forms for all her customers to fill out, set up chairs ouside her shop to wait since you couldn't wait inside.  Must have cost her a fortune, and this was after she lost several months of income.  Plus she can no longer handle the volume she could before because she had to take some chairs out and reduce staff. 

I imagine restaurants had the same issue, taking out tables, putting up plexiglass, paper menus, etc.  And of course, if a restaurant isn't running at full capacity it is probably losing money.  So all that expense just to run their business at a loss!  But at least they had some money coming in. 

Imagine how they felt when the Fascist Dictator Governor pulled the rug out from under them and forced them to close again?  My heart breaks for the families who have lost loved ones to the virus, but my heart also breaks for the small business owners who are losing their businesses day by day by this lockdown. 

Sometime after Newsom reclosed businesses, Garcetti revived his stay at home order.  So once again, not only is there no place to go but I have been placed under house arrest and confined to my quarters. And I am in solitary confinement! I am still waiting to be advised of what offense I am being punished for, having no knowledge of being convicted with any crime. I haven't even been charged with one.  Is this America or some third world dictatorship? 

I should also point out that not only am I being denied the ability to do anything, but just like those small business owners, my financial situation is being impacted.  My livelihood—my income stream—depends on live poker.  Not just in Las Vegas (where it is coming back), but the entire country.  And particularly in California.  There is no worse state for poker to disappear from for me than my home state.   

So anyway, I guess that explains what's taken me so long to post and why I still am not in any mood to finish my broken arm story.  And seriously, this may be my last blog post.  I dunno if I'll ever feel like finishing that story, and besides, what am I going to write about after that?  I seriously doubt I'll ever play another hand of poker.  As long as California Fascist Dictator Governor Gavin Newsom is in charge, live poker is unlikely to return to the state. I'd be willing to bet no currently closed poker room will re-open in CA before year's end (or maybe early November).  And circumstances prevent me from travelling to Vegas right now. 

When Fascist Dictator Governor closed us down recently, he said it would be for three weeks.  That was five weeks ago and in the meantime he's only closed down more of the state, not re-opened any part of it.  And before that, remember back in March when they locked us down the first time, it was "Fifteen days to slow the spread," or "Two weeks to flatten the curve."  That was bullshit too.  I guess you just can't trust a Fascist Dictator Governor to keep his word.  Who knew? 

That's all I've got to say.  Is this good-bye?  Kind of looks like it, but we'll just have to see. I really had to force myself to write this but I did feel I owed you some sort of explanation.

Health (and Poker) Update

First of all I'd like to thank everyone who left comments on my last post. As you know, I usually respond to comments individually; this time I didn't. It was just too difficult at the time to respond. But I do appreciate all the well wishes.

So…..it appears I am on the mend. I saw the doc on Wednesday, he said I am progressing nicely. I see him again in another 10 days, and a few days after that I will begin physical therapy.

He took the immobilizer off and although he gave me a sling, I don't really have to use it. I am using it mostly to sleep to make sure I don't roll over onto my bad arm which would not be a good thing.

He even said I could drive although this is a bit problematic. I did drive the other day but I cannot shift gears with my right hand. Fortunately it's been around 20 years since I drove a stick shift—that would be impossible now— but even having to use my left hand to shift the automatic transmission is not pleasant. Plus I have a rather large car and it is not easy turning with one hand.

But obviously I am encouraged and hope to be much more functional very shortly, Fingers crossed!

I want to talk a little about the return of poker. As you may have heard Nevada insists on only 4-handed poker when they finally turn on live poker. Of course 4-handed poker is not a great game. Most people assumed only a locals rooms like perhaps The Orleans would even try it.

Thus, it was a surprise when the LVRJ revealed the other day that the Venetian plans to open the poker room as soon as their casino opens, with 4-handed games. So what does this mean?

I have no insider information but I can speculate a little bit. My guess is that management over at the Venetian has heard from some of their regulars and determined that there is some interest in 4-handed games. They may have even reached out to some of their known regulars to get a feel for this. So though it seems like a long shot, perhaps they know that they can get some games going 4-handed, even though obviously most players would prefer bigger games.

Another thought I had is that they are probably hoping that 4-handed poker won't be the standard for very long. I am sure they are hopeful that the powers that be will allow 6-handed poker in the not-too-distant future, depending on how the numbers on the coronavirus continue to decline. Obviously 6-handed poker should be viable in the Las Vegas market. So perhaps the Venetian figures that if they're already up and running with 4-handed poker, they'll have a leg up on the competition—which will be closed—when the spigot is turned on for 6-handed games, It's just a thought.

We'll just have to see but it sounds like a possibility to me.

In the meantime stay well everyone, and try not to take a nasty fall that will break your arm. I do not recommend that at all.

PS: While I was out of commission, this little ol' blog passed TWO MILLION total page views!  If I hadn't been convalescing, I would have done some kind of celebratory post. Oh well.

A Left-Handed Blog Post

This is an update for those of you who don't follow me on Twitter. Two weeks ago, just a day before my birthday, I managed to take a nasty spill at my house and broke my right arm. Yes, I am right handed. Needless to say it'll be a while before I can actually post much of anything again. I have no idea what the recovery time is. I'll try to keep you posted. In the meantime try to enjoy your quarantine time—for those of you with two good arms, it'll be a lot easier for you than me.

Pictured above is golfer Paige Spiranac, demonstrating one of the many things that she can do with her right arm that I can't.

The Final Straw

Well, it turns out my last post was too short.  Don't laugh, but I left out vital information about my one session at MGM from July.  I also may have screwed up the hand history that was the main topic of the post.  So this post is my attempt to remedy all that.

First things first, I have a critical update on the straw situation at MGM.  Readers will recall that over a year ago I learned that MGM had a new policy.  They were no longer provided drinking straws in beverages.  I wrote about it here.

Well, when I went into MGM that Friday night, I had forgotten about that—until I received the diet Coke I ordered and it came without a straw.  Damn. They still have this stupid no straw policy?  Oh well.

But a few minutes later, I noticed a few drinks around the table with straws in them.  And when the waitress came back around, I saw that she had a container of straws on her tray.  So I asked her if I could have a straw, and she said sure and handed me one.  Apparently, they have straws but you have to ask for them, they don't just automatically put one in for you.

Well, that's good enough, I thought.

But then I noticed the straw she handed me was one of those god-awful paper straws, which are almost totally worthless.

So….you have to ask for straws and they're paper???  Yeesh.  As long as they are going to give out those damn paper straws, can't they at least make it automatic so you don't have to remember to ask?  It's the worst of both worlds.

I know getting accurate, current information on the straw situation in Vegas is more important to my readers than any discussion of poker I could come up with, so I had to make sure I related this to you.  It should have been in my previous post, but I messed up.

Anyway, for those of you who do come here more for poker than straws (there must be some of you out there), I need to correct my last post anyway.  You probably should reread before continuing, it's here.

My good buddy "Zourah" left a comment for me on Twitter.  Actually he tried to leave a blog comment but it didn't go through.  So let's see what Zourah wanted to comment:

"But pocket 8s do make a straight there don’t they?

I really don’t have a problem with calling the turn given your position but you’ve underrepresented your hand to the point it’s worth raising the river."

Well that had me perplexed for sure.  But first, to get to Zourah's point on my play, I think he's right and I already admitted that I misplayed the hand.  I should have raised on the river.  I have no argument with Zourah's recommendation.

But had I butchered something in the relating of the hand history?  Did I describe the guy as having a straight?  Well, I reread my post and sure enough, the way I told the story, he would have had a straight.  How did I miss that?

I had to reconstruct my thoughts.  I recalled that when I was reviewing my voice notes and the contemporaneous notes I made at the table, there was a bit of a discrepancy.  My written notes said the turn card was a 9.  But I remembered somewhat disputing that when I listened to myself relate the hand on the recorder.

Sure enough, I just played back the voice note and I was debating what the turn card was.  I can hear myself saying, "I don't remember what the turn card was.  I wrote here 9, but it might have been a 7.  I don't remember.  I know it wasn't a really low card and it wasn't an over card."

This happens all the time when I do voice notes.  I know I tap those notes into my phone really fast and frequently screw up.  But if my finger slipped trying to type a "7" I most likely would have typed a "6" or an "8", not a "9".  But clearly the next morning when I voice-recorded it, I was not sold on that card being a 9. 

Since my voice note wasn't sure though, and I had written 9 at the time, I went ahead and called it a 9 in the the post without realizing the implications of that.

So I suppose I should just say it was a 7 and move on.  That way he didn't have a straight.  In the long run we're all dead it doesn't matter if he had a straight or just two pair because he was always losing to my full house. 

But it reminded me of just unclear it all was to me at the time of showdown.

Here's what I remember.  I called and waited for the lady to show her hand, which she did promptly.  I only could see one card, the Jack.  But the dealer declared her hand to be trip Jacks, not a full house.  At that point, the other player was unhappy, he turned over his hand and I thought it was a pair of 8's.  But before I could be sure, he flipped them back over face down and mucked them.  Meanwhile, I was in the process of showing my hand, which I did fairly promptly, but not before he had already conceded the pot by mucking his hand, after the brief display.

In other words, he thought he was beaten by the lady's trip Jacks.  He definitely conceded the pot to her before he even saw my hand.

Which he wouldn't have done if he had a straight, of course.  He would have known his straight was no worse than the second best hand and could still have conceivably been the best hand.

But as I said in the previous post, it's hard for me to believe he called with just an unimproved pair of 8's.  He wasn't that bad a player.  Maybe he was a bad enough player (or just having a brain freeze) to think his straight was losing to trips?  Or perhaps he somehow thought the lady had a full house?  I couldn't see her other card (she was on the far side of the table from me) but the dealer told me (and everyone else) she just had the three Jacks.

Another thing I failed to put in my previous post:  When he turned over his hand, he muttered something about, "I knew I should have been wary of the paired board."  Well, that's something you're more likely to say when you have a straight than just a pocket pair, isn't it?

So I can't be sure what happened there.  Why was I confused about what the turn card really was?  And did the guy concede the pot even though he had the best exposed hand at that point?

I'm actually thinking he may have had the straight there.  And somehow thought the lady had turned over a boat.

Of course if the lady had turned over a boat, she would have won the pot, as her boat would have been better than mine.  I'm assuming if the dealer had misread her hand she would have said something.

Although maybe she missed it too, maybe she trusted the dealer.  I have to assume that there is a greater than zero pct chance I was awarded the pot in error.

That would be unfortunate for the lady, but ultimately that's on her for not speaking up.  She was a solid player but you know we all make mistakes.

And of course, there still exists the very real possibility that the guy just screwed up by mucking too soon.

It's also possible that the turn card was a 7 and not a 9.  I thought it might have been a 7 the next day. That would explain everything but the guy's bad play.

Anyway, thanks for Zourah for pointing this out (no one else did) and giving me all these possible scenarios to consider.

Where's Rob?

Well, it's no secret that I haven't posted much lately.  Where have I been?

Mostly, I've been right here, but not writing.

I have several excuses.  Lack of material is the main one.  Since it had been over half a year since my last visit to Vegas, there hasn't been much to write about.

Also, I have to admit that my enthusiasm for sitting down in front of the ol' PC to hack out a blog post just ain't what it used to be.  Some of that is due to the aforementioned lack of material, but some of it is just getting a little bit tired of trying to come up with fresh and entertaining content.

But the good news is that I now have some new material that should be forthcoming.  You see I just got back from a sort-of last minute visit to Vegas on Tuesday.  I was there for a week and should be able to get a good number of posts from a mostly successful trip.

I'm sorry I didn't let you folks know I was headed to Vegas.  As I said, it was somewhat last-minute, and I planned to announce it when I got there.  In fact, I was hoping to do some blogging from there.  But I just got so busy from the get-go, then when I didn't post anything the first day or two, I just figured I'd wait until I returned.  And I had business obligations while in Vegas.

Then when I got back Tuesday night, I meant to post this right away but I was really tired and then had to spend the next two nights writing my newest Ante Up column in record time (for me).  So I finally have a chance to breathe.

So give me a few days and let's see if I can get something more interesting than this posted.  In addition to the new Vegas stories, I believe I can do a post on my last Ventura session from before I left town and I also even found a story from my Xmas Vegas trip that I can write up--at least I think so.  I've completely forgotten what it was now so I'll have to re-listen to my tapes to find it.

Man, I just noticed that I only had two posts in the month of July!  That's pathetic. I'm sure I can do better than that going forward.

So hang in there and thanks for your patience.  Stay tuned!

7th Anniversary Post: Remembering the Hard Rock Hooker

I publish this post on the seventh anniversary of this blog's debut.  Yes this is a reprint of the very first post I ever published (well, sort of, read on).

You see, a few weeks back I suddenly realized I was coming up to the anniversary of the blog, and I got the idea of commemorating it by reposting my first blog post.  But why do this for the seventh anniversary?  It's not like seven is normally a big deal.  I guess i should have done this two years ago for the fifth anniversary--but the truth is I didn't think of it.  And why not wait for the 10th anniversary?  Well, because I might not remember then.  Also, who knows if I'll still be doing the blog three years from now.

Anyway, technically, this isn't quite the first post I did.  On September 20, 2011, I actually published two posts, just a few minutes apart.  You see, I wanted to make sure I had enough content ready so that this blog wasn't going to just be a one-post wonder.  I published two that first day and two more the very next day.  Then after a day or two another post, and then another day with two more posts.  By the end of September, I had nine posts up.

The actual first post was a review of my previous experience staying at the Excalibur.  Since that experience dates back to like 2010 it has almost no relevance today.  In fact, I should take it down, but I don't want to diminish my actual post-count. I guess I thought I might periodically review hotels in Vegas, but I never did that again.  It was just a mindless rant.

Besides, this post below is a hooker story--obviously the first one of many to appear here.  What better way to kick off the blog?  As you know, hooker stories are a staple of the blog.

For the record, I was able to research this and figured out that the actual incident I describe below took place in the summer of 2008--so this is like the 10th anniversary of the story taking place..  I can't vouch for things being the same over at the Hard Rock.  Perhaps the place is hooker-free.  Perhaps they've replaced the hot female bartenders at the pool with senior citizens (I rather doubt that).

I must admit, when I reread this post to publish it again, I sort of cringed.  I feel that if I wrote this today, it would be a lot different in terms of writing style, word usage, sensitivity (ie, a bit more PC) and even grammar.  I was tempted to change a few words and some phraseology.  But I decided to present it in all it's original glory--I didn't change a thing.  But I feel I'm not the same person today who wrote this seven years ago.

Oh, I did change one thing.  Back when I started the blog, I didn't add pictures to the posts.  I didn't start doing that for a few months--in fact, I didn't even know you could do that.  I'm sure you will all agree that the blog is better with the pics.

I'm sure this post, like a lot of my early ones, was adapted from an email I sent to my friends relating this story to them (using those emails was one of the reasons I was able to post so much material right out of the gate).

Hope you enjoy this trip down memory lane!


=  =  =  =  =  =  =  =  =  =  =  =  =


A few years ago I decided to go to Hard Rock (not a pseudonym) to check out the pool.  I told the guy I wanted to play blackjack but he didn't seem to care.  Not sure if it was because it was a weekday or not, but all he was there for was to make sure no one took anything glass into the pool area and to make sure they didn't take any bags there (I guess they don't want anyone smuggling outside food and drinks in).  Anyway, I got into the pool area and looked around.

Oh my gosh.  This is the place I wanted my ashes scattered when I die.  The female employees who work in the pool area--all of them wearing bikinis with very tiny sarongs wrapped very tightly around their bikini bottoms--are nothing short of sensational.  I mean they all have killer bodies. Unlike the cocktail waitresses inside, they all seem to be natural on top.  Basically, they don't hire girls for the pool unless they make the average Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model look like Rosie O'Donnell.  I'm not kidding, these girls were unbelievable.

Of course, the clientele in and around the pool isn't bad either.  About 80% of the girls there are various degrees of hot.  Every now and again you see a girl in a bathing suit and you wish she was covered more but that's rare.  This is eye candy at its absolute best.

I eventually made my way over to the bar/casino area.  Behind the bar, there were two female bartenders in turquoise bikinis with virtually perfect bodies.  Don't ask me what their faces looked like, I never got there.  They could look like Greta Van Sustern for all I know.  They not only had one swim up blackjack table but three blackjack tables next to the bar for people NOT in the pool.  These were manned by two awesome looking bikini -clad dealers and one guy, who, sorry ladies, was wearing a shirt.  The minimums for the BJ were $15, $25, and $100.  Frankly, the girl dealing at the $15 table was so hot that I was tempted to play there even at $15 a throw just to get a better view of this gal, but there was no room.  And as hot as the other dealer was, I wasn't quite prepared to play BJ at $100 a hand to get close to her.

But I decided that, while it might not be worth a hundred bucks or so to hang around, it was definitely worth the price of an overpriced drink.  There was an open spot at the bar which I took, which offered a pretty good view of the pool, a great view of the two awesome bartenders and a nice view of various hot girls walking right past me to and from the bar, the casino area and the ladies room.  Also the hot waitresses getting drinks to deliver poolside.  It's pretty much the best experience a guy could have without taking off his pants.

So I sat at the bar and waited to order a drink.  I knew the drink would be ridiculously expensive but I figured it was worth it to buy me, say, 1/2 hour at this venue. I decided to order a Bud Light Lime that I had seen one guy at the bar drinking....in the always stays cold aluminum bottle.  I had heard a couple of guys at poker the day before raving about how great these new bottles were.  And I figured domestic beer would be cheaper than a Corona or a mixed drink.  However, the bartender was totally ignoring me, like she didn't see me.  Not really a problem, gave me more time to enjoy the view.

Which I was.  But then at one point I noticed a few feet from me a girl drying herself off who I definitely did not want to see in a bikini, even though she was indeed wearing one.  This was an example of the one in five patrons who wasn't hot.  Oh, I guess her face was nice enough, but she was definitely too heavy to get away with wearing a bikini.   I wouldn't call her obese, but she was a million miles from being "trim."   Even though she did have big tits that were natural because her bikini showed a lot of cleavage and they were quite sagging.  Hey, if a girl is showing lotsa cleavage and I want to turn away, you know there's a problem, right?

So it didn't take me very long to look away from her and go back to looking at the hot bartender who was ignoring me.  But, within five seconds, the girl I was just describing came over to me, rubbed up against me and said hello.  She was actually getting me a little wet--and not in a good way.  She started chatting me up and since I wasn't born yesterday I immediately realized that the gal was a hooker.  So, they don't just work on the Strip casinos at around 1:00AM, it seems.

She asked me my name and gave me hers (which I immediately forgot) and asked where I was from, what I was here for, what I like to play, was I going into the pool, etc.  And constantly rubbing up against me.  She even complimented my shirt, which was just a plain old pocket T like I usually wear.  I lied to her and said I was leaving town in a couple of hours but it did not deter her.  In hindsight, I know I should have said that I didn't have a room at this hotel to see how she would deal with that, although I thought that was implied by my saying I was leaving town soon since this was around 3:00PM and I would have been checked out of my room by now.  Subtlety was wasted on this girl, apparently.

I was annoyed because she was just a total distraction from what I was really there for.  I mean, even if I was open to the idea of hiring a hooker, this was not the girl I would ever hire.  I probably shouldn't admit this but if I'm being totally honest, if this gal had looked like one of the bartenders, it's not outside the realm of possibility that this story might have a totally different ending.  And one I wouldn't be putting in a blog post. But this girl?  No way.  She would have to pay me, not the other way around.

Now here's the most embarrassing part.  She asked me if I was going to order a drink.  I said that I was trying to but that I was being ignored.  Then she asked if I would buy her one.  I just didn't know how to handle this situation.  I guess my instinct was not to be rude and say no.  Or to tell her to get lost like I should have.  Or make up something about meeting my girlfriend any minute.  So before I knew what I was saying, I said yes, I would buy her a drink.  Such a gentlemen!  Such a putz!

She immediately flagged down the bartender who was ignoring me.  She ordered something, I couldn't hear what, and I ordered the Bud Light Lime.  I really didn't know what it was called so I had to point out the guy who was drinking what I was talking about.  The bartender went to get the drinks.  I got out a twenty figuring that there was no way two drinks could be more than that, including tip.

What I didn't realize was that this slut ordered two drinks.  The bartender put two drinks in front of her (one was huge bottle of bottled water and I didn't know what the other one was) and gave me my beer.  Then she said the tab was $33!  Thirty Three dollars!  I gulped, reached back for my wallet and took out another $20.  You have to tip a buck a drink, right, so that's $36 this little adventure is costing me.  I looked at the receipt.  My beer was $7, so was the bottled water (Large Fiji water).  Now the seven bucks for the beer is outrageous enough, but how do they have the balls to charge the same price for the goddamn water?  And the other drink?  That was a "Red Bull Tiki" and the cost of that was $19!!!!!  Yikes!.  What the hell is a Red Bull Tiki anyway?  For $19 it better be one awesome drink.

Well, it was an expensive lesson but I was trying to figure a way out of it.  I didn't really want to sit there with this chunky hooker and chat with her.  Fortunately, after she had the drinks, she asked me if I was going to be  there that night.  I reminded her that I was leaving in a couple of hours.  She asked I was sure and if I might be interested in joining her for a hot tub party instead.  I insisted that I was not staying long.  She then started to pack up her stuff and said she was taking off but told me, "Don't go anywhere, I'll be back."  Screw that.  As soon as she was out of view, I grabbed my overpriced beer and got the hell out of there!  Back inside the casino.  I didn't think she'd be trolling inside, not in that bikini that was revealing much too much flesh.

I do wonder if this gal has some kind of "arrangement" with the hotel.  She was definitely in the pool and the pool is for guests only.  I doubt she has a room at the Hard Rock.  Does she sneak by or does she have a deal with the hotel?  Perhaps the hotel gets a cut, or maybe the hotel is just okay with it because it brings in customers?

Anyway, it was a pretty annoying experience, and not just because of the $28 I was out (I was willing to spend $8 for the beer I ordered for myself).  It cost me a good half an hour or more of eye candy viewing.  Because there was no way I was hanging around the pool and risking having to deal with her again.....or perhaps some other hooker who was working the pool.

The saving grace is that, at least I got a great story out of it.  By the next day it almost seemed worth it for the story.  And now, I can honestly say that I have spent money on a hooker.  And also, that I got screwed by one.  Just not in the way you'd want to.