"She Doesn't Know Where Those Bills Have Been"

Sigh.

Seems like I keep getting distracted whenever want to write a blog post.  I was just about ready to start a new post for you, but it will be rather complex and time-consuming to write (might even be a two-parter), so I don't know how soon I'll be able to get that written and posted.  That means it will be too long between posts.  So I thought I'd do something I haven't done in awhile--a repost.

The story below was one of my earliest blog posts, published late 2011, when the blog was barely a month old.  As such, you will see that my game of choice back then was 2/4 limit hold'em, and I reference a casino I referred to as "BSC."  I trust you all can remember what that referred to. Yes, this story was written and took place before I started playing no limit poker!  

You will note that there's no actual poker content in this post, even though the story took place at a poker table.  This was actually the kind of story (i.e,, "provocative" or as I like to say, "salacious") I started the blog to tell, and my favorite type of post, and honestly, stories like this have been few and far between the past few years.  i miss them.

This particular story actually has one of the highest number of page views of any of my posts.  So why am I reposting it now?  Well, because I don't think most of those pageviews came from my regular readers.  You see, sometime after the original post ran, a certain website that had nothing to do with poker posted a link to it, and that got the post a whole lot of traffic.

What was the topic of the website that linked to it?  Well, it was an site devoted to interracial dating.  There was a forum there and one of the topics had to do with a white guy who was into watching his girlfriend (or wife) having sex with a black man.  Somehow this guy found my post through an web search and it got him real exited at the thought of taking his lady to the strip club I mentioned and watch her get serviced by a black male stripper.  He posted the link and asked if any of the members of the site knew if that was possibly at this club!

The odd thing about this is that, nowhere in my post did I ever say that "Freddy" was African-American.  As it happens he is.  But I didn't mention in the post, yet somehow this guy assumed he was--or perhaps he was just hoping he was.

The other thing I once noticed was that at least one (or perhaps more than one) person found the original post by searching for "do the black male nude dancers have big dicks at the Palomino Club?"  Again, how did Google search assume I was talking about a black stripper?  Of course, my post doesn't answer this pressing question.

By the way, I guess I should point out that since this was originally reported seven years ago, it's possible that the "facts" I presented have somewhat changed.  Who knows?

Anyway, hopefully you enjoy this trip back in time!

==================================

About two weeks ago I got involved in one of the most unusual conversations I’ve ever had at poker table or in Vegas generally.  It started at my normal 2/4 game at BSC.  Sitting immediately to my right was Cindy, a forty-ish Midwest housewife and mother of two grown kids (that’s how I figured her to be forty-ish; she looked younger). 

Cindy and her husband came to Vegas for one of their regular visits to, among other things, play poker, both of them.  And Cindy didn’t come to play poker to sit quietly at the table, no sir.  She was one of the chattiest people I’ve ever encountered at a poker table.  So I learned about her kids and how she can drive around 45 minutes from her hometown and go to a poker room and that she also plays a lot of home games with friends.  She talked pretty much non-stop. It got close to being too much talk, but she was such a pleasant, nice lady it was ok.  Despite all these facts I learned about her, what she mostly talked about was poker....she commented on every hand, every hand she had, the play of every hand of the table.  She was real friendly and talked with everyone nearby, and basically spoke a book about poker during the evening.  

After an hour or so, a young, athletic-looking fellow came to the table that I vaguely recognized.  I saw the name “Freddy” as first on the list when he took his seat.  I started to remember Freddy….played with him a few times before at BSC.  My memory was that he is now a local, came to live in Vegas a while ago, perhaps a year back to train for his athletic career.  I’m pretty sure he I remember him saying he had gotten a job shining shoes at the Airport to make ends meet while he trained and waited for his athletic career to blossom.

After Freddy had been at the table for some time—and hadn’t been doing well, pokerwise—I started notice something unusual.  Twice I noticed the dealer asking a chip-runner for more chips and then counting out a boatload of singles to buy them with.  At one point I even commented, 'What, did someone break into their piggy bank?"  Not long later, Freddy ran out of chips once again (he was having as bad a night as I was) and this time I noticed he was buying $40 in chips in forty one dollar bills.  Yeah, he gave the dealer forty singles and was clearly the source of all the singles the dealers kept getting rid of.

This helped me remember Freddy.  I assumed he had all those one dollar bills from getting tips at the airport, shining shoes. Made sense to me.

Boy was I wrong.  The next time he bought more chips (like I said, he was having a tough nite of poker), the dealer—who clearly knew Freddy—said to him, "I guess you worked last night?"  I was still thinking shoe-shine so I didn't pay much attention but I guess he said yes. Cindy heard this, noticed the one dollar bills and said to Freddy, who she had been chatting with like all of us on this side of the table, "Oh, are you a stripper?"  I actually didn't hear her say this, I wasn't paying attention. Cindy told me this a few days later when we were laughing over this incident. She was just joking, or so she thought.  But Freddy looked kind of sheepish, kind of uncomfortable, and then reluctantly said, "Well.....as a matter of fact.......yes, I am."  Freddy started filling in a few details before I started tuning in.  I think I first noticed when I heard the words "Palomino Club."  So Cindy got some details I hadn't heard.  But all of a sudden I noticed Cindy was pumping Freddy (so-to-speak) for info on his nude dancing career.  Once I figured out what Freddy was talking about, I knew I was gonna have a story worth re-telling and got involved in the conversation.

I asked Freddy directly....."You're a nude dancer?"  Yes.  "At Palomino Club?" Yes. It's in North Las Vegas.  "I know, I've heard of it.  But I didn't know they had male dancers there." They do. They have males dancing Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.  The rest of the time is just girls, but on those nights it's both.

I was shocked to say the least.  Of course, it had been well over 20 years since the last time I was there. And I can assure you the only people taking off their clothes at that time were women.  So I said, "What is it, like a Chippendale's show?"  Freddy laughed, said, "not exactly" and then Cindy said, "Oh no, this is a lot more than Chippendales.  There's full male nudity." Now I have to assume that Cindy had already gotten this info from Freddy before I tuned in, although I suppose it is possible that Cindy had more firsthand knowledge of this show! But I doubt that.  I said, "full male nudity....you get totally nude?"  Freddy said yes, there's full frontal male nudity on these shows, and yes, he get's completely naked on stage.  He went to explain that the Palomino Club was the only place in town that had both alcohol and full frontal nudity.  I said I knew that but I thought that was only women, I didn't know they had guys dancing naked. He repeated that they have the shows on the weekend for women to enjoy the nude male dancers. 

Wow. I don't remember if it was Cindy or me who asked if he does lap dances.  But the answer is yes, he does.  They have private booths for that. Cindy knew what that could possibly lead to, so she asked him if any actual "sex" was ever involved. He explained that there are rules and that of course it is not allowed, but if "some of the dancers want to break the rules and they get away with it....."  He was totally third person discussing this but if I had to guess, he's schtuped his share of gals in the private booths.  He said they have to be careful because you can see the booths’ motion and figure out what is going on.

Cindy asked, "If you're totally naked, where do they put the tips?"  He laughed.  Most of the tips come when they are dancing before they get totally naked.  But.....when they dance they sweat and the dollar bills stick to their sweaty skin.  Also there are girls who are basically "tip runners" who pick up the tips for them.  She asked if the dancers are on as a group or individually.  He said some of the guys work in two man teams but he always is a solo act.

I asked if only women were allowed into the show or if guys were allowed to watch them too. Cindy agreed that it was an excellent question.  The answer is that guys are allowed only as part of a couple (and the other member of the couple has to be female, it can't be two guys). And then sometimes the couple will want a private or lap dance.  He says a lot of the guys who come in are turned on watching their girlfriend or wife interact with the nude male dancer in the booth.  And if the dancer wants to interact with the guy too....well that's up to him.  Freddy indicated that he wouldn't do that.

I had to ask....what is the age group of the women who come to see this show?  He said it is mostly women in their 30's, but it is really all ages, some gals in their twenties, middle-aged women and some are grandmothers or older......Of course he said there were a lot of bachelorette parties, divorce parties, things like that.  He also said something that really surprised me....a lot of the female strippers who work there come in to see the guys.  They are the best tippers!  Then I asked if these women customers were usually attractive or usually not so attractive.  He said there are all types but there are plenty of good looking women who enjoy the show.  

If Freddy seemed sheepish at first, by this time he was totally uninhibited talking about this. Cindy was saying that she felt there was nothing wrong with what Freddy was doing.  "You're young, you’re athletic, You're good looking.  Why not?"  Then she went to say, "You know, would a parent approve of this for their child?  I guess not but there are worse things you could be doing.  I mean, my daughter is gorgeous.  She could easily be a stripper. Would that be my first choice?  I guess not....but it wouldn't be so terrible.  It’s honest work."

Cindy went on to mention some Showtime reality show I'd never heard of, "Gigolos" which supposedly features real Las Vegas gigolos and has full frontal male nudity (Cindy was quite adamant to point that out....I guess she is a fan of the show).  She said it shows the guys and the “agents” who are really pimps who set up their "dates" and such.  She said most of the guys were not very good looking and that was surprising to her.  Now at that point I wanted to say something like, "Well if the show has full frontal nudity they must show you what the women are really paying for...."  but I held my tongue.  Freddy said that some guys do make "dates" with the gals (and the couples) and he was very clear to only talk in third person.....as to what they charge for in-call service, well they have to be careful because at Palomino Club it is a lot of locals.  If the guy accepts a low rate, word gets around (that they can be rented “cheap”) and it ruins their reputation.  The guys who work some of the clubs closer to the strip, which he has also worked in the past, have an easier time accepting a low rate from some tourist gal because the word won't get around.  He mentioned Treasures and Sapphire Club as places he's worked as a male nude dancer.   

This discussion of the show “Gigolos” led to a brief detour about “swingers.”  Cindy said, almost disappointedly, that you never really know anything about your neighbor’s sex lives.  She said, "I mean you never really know who's having sex.  I don't think anybody in my Midwest neighborhood is having sex, but who knows, maybe they are!"  By “having sex” she clearly meant outside of marriage (wife-swapping, hookers, gigolo's, illicit affairs).  I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying something like, "You mean, you're not having sex with your husband in back home?" but I thought better of it. I knew what she meant.

During this discussion a regular dealer was replaced by a fill-in I’d never seen before. He was mum during all this but at one point Cindy said to him, "Quite a conversation you are listening to, isn't it?"  He just smiled.  "How are you able to keep up on the game with all this unusual discussion going on?"  He said he has the ability to multi-task.

By the time the next dealer had come in, the topic had been pretty much exhausted. One of the regular female dealers took over and she had heard none of this discussion. But then Freddy need to buy in for more chips, which meant he counted out more single dollar bills.  As the attractive female dealer picked them up off the table to count them, I leaned over to Cindy and said, "She doesn't know where those dollar bills have been."  Cindy laughed and said she was thinking the exact same thing.

Merry Christmas--They're Only Candy Canes!

Well, last night was Christmas Eve and I was playing at Planet Hollywood.  A female dealer came to our table wearing a string of candy canes.  They were lighting up, constantly blinking, obviously they were battery operated.  She wore this around her neck and shoulders.

One of the male players at the table commented that the candy canes looked like penises (they did not, unless this guy has a serious medical condition and needs to see a urologist immediately).  She laughed and said something to the effect of, "Well yeah, that's why I wear them….for the guys."

Another player said, "Men like to look at penises?  That's news to me."

The dealer said, "Well, they terrorize men…and I like to terrorize men."

After this, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a candy cane the same way again.  Not to mention eat one.

Not much to say about the poker.  Very first hand I was dealt was of course the dreaded pocket Kings.  I raised to $12, got a call and saw a flop of 9-6-6.  I bet $15 and he called.  The turn was a 9. I checked, he bet $50.  Knowing nothing about this player, I decided to fold.  Too weak?

The next hand I was dealt King-5 (I saw the King first, and was wondering if I could possibly get Kings back-to-back).  Of course I folded.  The flop came King-5-5.

The hand after that, two players went all-in preflop.  They both had pocket Kings (no, neither of them hit a flush).

I'm seeing pocket Kings everywhere.  I wish I had kept an accurate record.  I swear I've been dealt pocket Kings more than every other possible pocket pair combined this trip.  I've had mixed results, actually winning with them a few times (small pots).  The only time I was felted was when a guy called my $45 three-bet with 7-3 suited and caught a straight.  Why wouldn't you call a $45 in a 1/2 game with a monster like 7-3 suited?

An odd moment last night came when the person on my right suddenly found a "missed small button" in front of him even though he had been at the table the whole time.  She also didn't deal him into the hand.  For some reason she was thinking he had missed the small blind the time before (when I was the big blind), but the guy was there the whole time.  There was already action so we went on and thus he missed playing his button.  He was more amused than upset.

Anyway, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas.  Enjoy the pics!

"What Else Are Breasts For?"

New Year's Eve, 2016

Part 2

This is the second of three parts.  Part 1 is here.  I’ll post part 3 Tuesday evening.  We continue right where we left off.  Ginger, Faith and Jennifer had been away from the table for over an hour to have dinner.

The ladies did return within the allowed time and they were in very good moods.  But then something happened that soured Faith’s disposition.  She and Jennifer were in a hand, as was a third player.  I believe it was on the flop and Jennifer went all-in.  Her bet was a bit less than $100, let’s say it was $75. Faith was next to act.  She had Jennifer covered and she had her chips stacked very high.  She put one of stacks out in front of her. She didn’t say what she intended and she hadn’t counted the stack, but it was clearly more than Jennifer’s bet—quite a bit more.  It looked like it could have been double Jennifer’s bet; if not, it was close to that.

Faith apparently didn’t realize that there was another player in the hand, she must have thought she was heads up with Jennifer.  But before the dealer could ask her to clarify her action, the third player, who had Faith covered, announced “all-in.”  This took Faith by surprise, and then she started taking chips off the stack she had put out in response to Jennifer’s shove.  The dealer said she couldn’t do that.  He was about to count her stack, insisting her bet was a raise.  Maybe only a min-raise, but definitely a raise.  She said, “No, this was just a call, I’m taking back the chips that are more than Jennifer’s bet.”  The dealer stopped her from pulling the chips back and immediately called the floor.

The problem was that since Faith never said “call,” the chips speak for themselves.  Her play would have been fine if it was just heads up but her action was unclear since there was another player to act and that player announced all-in so fast the dealer didn’t have a chance to clarify her bet.  I believe what should have happened was that the dealer should have counted out the chips she had pushed forward and if the extra chips in excess of Jennifer’s bet were more than half of Jennifer’s bet, it would be considered a min-raise (to $150).  If they were less than half, it would just be a call.  So, if it was $120 total, it would be considered a raise to $150, and if it was $100 total, it would be considered a call of the $75 and she could take the extra chips back.

At least, as I understand the rule, that’s the case.  Anyone think differently?

Well, you didn’t really need to count because it was obvious that Faith’s stack was very close to being double Jennifer’s bet, you could just eyeball it and determine that.  Anyway, the shift boss did the count and it turned out she was only $15 short of making a legitimate min-raise, even though she insisted she was only calling.  Faith put up quite the argument, insisting that it was only a call and she was only responsible for the $75.  The shift boss refused to change his ruling, and didn’t care one bit that Faith was a long-time regular in the room (nor should he have).

Here’s where it got a bit dicey for me.  I think he not only should have insisted that all the chips Faith put out remain in the pot, but he should have made her put an additional $15 in there since she, by rule, made the min-raise.  I am not 100% certain of this, but I don’t believe he did that. I think she was just on the hook for what she put out initially and not the extra $15.

But maybe, if I’m correct, it’s ok.  I think I’ve seen situations where players put out excess chips that indicate a raise (or a call of a raise they weren’t aware of) and were allowed to just leave the chips out with completing the bet.  And it was only $15. 

Anyway, Faith folded and the guy who shoved won the pot

But Faith was really pissed. And she took it out on Jennifer, for some reason.  She immediately asked for a table change to get away from Jennifer!  Although the ruling was right, I could understand her being pissed at the shift boss.  That might have encouraged her to change poker rooms—but as I’ve already explained, that would have been difficult on this night.

I couldn’t figure out why she was so pissed at Jennifer that she wanted to get away from her, but she clearly was.  She somehow blamed Jennifer for the whole problem, when all Jennifer had done was go all-in, a perfectly acceptable poker move.  Well, the three ladies were bantering and sorta playing at each other all night.  Perhaps she thought Jennifer was just making a bluff there and because she was so sure she (Faith) had caught her, she forgot about the other player and that the whole problem was somehow Jennifer’s fault.  I didn’t see the hands there, perhaps she got pissed if she found out Jennifer was shoving with air.  But why would Jennifer do that unless she too forgot about the third player in the hand, and I find that unlikely.

So Faith moved to another table, leaving her good friend Ginger behind. I don’t think Faith was mad at Ginger too but then, I really don’t understand women, so who knows?

I’m happy to report that before the evening was over, Faith returned to the table in her original seat, and seemed to have forgiven Jennifer for whatever crime she had committed.

Now, before the three of them had gone to dinner, another person I recognized showed up at the table.  It was Rick, a reg in the room.  Rick almost always plays 2/5 when it’s running, so I hadn’t had much experience playing with him.  Maybe once or twice over the years he was at the 1/2 table with me.  And I’m pretty sure he was the guy who busted me the last time I played in the MGM Invitation (freeroll).  But I knew by reputation he was a really tough player.

Oh, there’s one other thing I should tell you about Rick.  And I tell you this only because it’s relevant to the story.  Rick is a “little person.”

So when Rick came to our table, Jennifer was almost ecstatic to greet him, it had been a long time since she’d seen him.  Rick initially was sitting in the seat to my immediate left. Not too long after Faith left the table, the guy who won that pot left the game.  Rick moved over to take his seat, which was right next to Jennifer. 

But before Rick moved, the salaciousness began.  At one point, Rick and Jennifer were in a hand together.  I’m sure Jennifer has real respect for Rick’s game.  Rick, who was sitting across the table from the ladies at the time, had made a big bet and Jennifer went into the tank.  Then she spoke to Rick from across the table, “If I fold, are you gonna show me your nuts?”  I cracked up but Rick didn’t hear what she said and asked her to repeat it.  I tried to repeat it for him, but at the same time, Ginger also respnded but with a slight variation.  She shouted, “She said, ‘How big are your nuts?’”  Rick was unfazed, and he kind of balled up his fingers and his thumb to approximate the size.  “And that’s only one,” he emphasized.  Remember, Rick is a “little person.”

And there was a question about the size of a related part of his anatomy.  I didn’t catch the context, but Jennifer said something about “six inches.”  “That’s six inches,” or something. Rick responded, “I don’t know if it’s six inches.  I know when I walk, I get carpet burn.  Is that six inches?  Or is that eight inches?”

During this back-and-forth, Jennifer said something which Rick took as a slight on his ability to, um, get a woman.  I didn’t hear the set up, but I heard Rick say, “What? You think I can’t get laid?  I’ll have you know I’m getting laid tonight!”

Now to explain this next part, I have to discuss something I don’t like talking about—cleavage.  OK, that was silly—no one would believe that.  Well, in the entire history of cleavage, there was never more of it to talk about than this night.  Even better, there was never more to see than on this night.

Seriously, the eye candy was noticeable at 4PM when I got there, and even early in the evening, long before the club goers usually show up, they were out in force.  From the time I got the preferred viewing seat right after dinner, there was almost a non-stop stream of girls, dressed to the nines (or perhaps more aptly, barely dressed to the nines), walking by. 

As I’ve explained before, there are three elements to a Slut Parade dress, which is pretty amazing, because there’s barely enough material in those dresses for one element. The dresses are generally very short, very tight, and very low-cut. Most dresses emphasize two of those three elements.  Often, the girls wearing tight, short dresses aren’t showing much (if anything) on top—except perhaps due to the tightness of the dress.  So, some nights, there isn’t that much cleavage to admire, and also, on some nights, the ladies that show up are not as great looking as on other nights.

This night was something else.  It seemed like virtually every woman who walked by had picked an outfit out that really showed off her boobs.  There was cleavage, there was side-boob, there was under-boob.  There was just a lot of boobs. And a ridiculously high percentage of the ladies were smoking hot.  Sizzling, in fact.  The average wait time to see at least two really gorgeous women walk by was 1.7 seconds.  Ok, I might be exaggerating a bit.  But not by much.  I’ve heard that there are men with an above average interest in women’s breasts (not that I know anybody like that).  This was in incredible night for any such man.

Honestly, since I’ve observing the Slut Parade, this was without question the most girls I’d ever seen.  And the highest percentage of really hot girls.  And the highest percentage of really revealing, really low-cut dresses.  What was there not to like?

It would have been a great night to have hidden about a dozen (or maybe 100) video cameras at various locations in the casino to record the lovely young ladies there to celebrate the new year.  Unfortunately, doing so would be extremely illegal.

At one point during the evening, I tweeted out the following:  “The cleavage on display tonight is unreal. Of course, I mean that in both senses of the word.”

I don’t want to imply that on this night there only eye-candy for the tit-men.  Not at all.  Leg-men and ass-men were also extremely well served.  As were fans of virtually all body-types.  There was something for everyone—and a whole lot of it.

The one problem with the view from the poker room was that, at various times during the evening, passersby would decide to stop at the rail of the poker room, right in front of our table, and just park themselves there, watching us play.  I doubt most of these folks were poker players and I have no idea what they found so fascinating about watching us.  But they did.  And thus, they were partially or mostly blocking my view of the foot traffic.  Often, there would be only a small window to peak thru to enjoy the ladies as they passed by.  It was frustrating.  Frequently I didn’t get a chance to admire the short dress, or the tight dress.  I so wanted to shout at those looky loos, “Get the f*** out of the way, you’re blocking the view!”  But I managed to avoid doing that.

So, it was in that context that Jennifer started complaining about the traffic.  It wasn’t that she objected to the girls in their revealing outfits.  It was that it was just unfair.  She couldn’t help but notice how distracted all the guys at the table were by ladies.  So she said, “There’s nothing for us to look at.  Look at the guys, there’s no guys worth looking at. It’s only the girls.  Only the girls are worth looking at.”

“And they’re all fake.”

Ginger disputed that there was nothing for them to look at.  “I like looking at good-looking people of either sex.”

Then Jennifer, noticing all the boobage on display, stated flatly, “Anything more than a mouthful is a waste.”

The dealer at the time, a male and a long time co-worker of both Jennifer and Ginger responded, “Is that true for men, too?”

Jennifer replied, “No, your equipment has multiple functions.  Breasts are just for two things—babies use them, and for sex play….What else are they for?  Milk and sex play.  That’s it.”

I dunno…..I think they’re also nice to look at.  When properly displayed, they tend to turn men into blithering idiots.  When properly displayed at a poker table, they can distract male poker players from playing well.  This is known (by readers of this blog, anyway), as the Jennifer Tilly Effect.

But that was all Jennifer had to say about breasts and their usefulness, and we moved onto other topics.

And thus ends part 2.  The final chapter will see two dealers having quite the argument, and a “delayed” celebrity sighting.  See here.

"You Did That to Me?.....But I Bought You Dinner!"

This is part 2 of my recent session with Prudence.  if you missed part 1, it is here.

Later in the evening—we were joined by two more folks who were familiar with my blog—well one for sure.  I think this was after Warren left.  You see, visiting from England this weekend were Paul and Dom.  Paul has posted numerous comments on my blog and many others you probably read under the name “Arniejokin” and you can follow him on Twitter here.  Dom is Paul’s buddy—not really sure if he reads my blog but since I had met the two of them the night before I’m sure Paul filled Dom in on it if that was necessary.  The previous night I had hoped to play with them at The Linq, but when I get a chance to write the post about that evening’s antics, you will learn why that never happened and instead we were at separate tables that night. 

Before I had arrived at the MGM, I had seen a tweet from Paul that the two of them were playing at my “home base” that afternoon.  In fact, when I got to MGM and was waiting for Prudence and Aaron to arrive, I found them at a table.  They were nearly done with their session and weren’t sure what they were going to do after their dinner break.  I suggested they return to MGM because not only was a Slut Parade night, but there was UFC fight there and that always makes for wild, juicy poker games after the fight.  I apparently convinced them, because hours later, I got a tweet from Paul asking if I could put them on the list as call-ins.  I did, and not long after that they showed up and got into a game at a different table.

When I saw Paul earlier, I told him that I was waiting for some friends to have dinner with before playing poker.  But I never identified my friends in any way.

But by the time they were sitting in a different game, clear on the other side of the room, Prudence had had quite a few drinks.  And she was not only inappropriate, as I’ve indicated, she was also quite loud.  So loud that her buddy Stan, at the podium, actually texted her to tone it down a little (or maybe a lot, actually). In addition to what I’ve described, she also managed to utter the f-bomb numerous times.  And she made a reference to “swallowing” which I’m pretty sure wasn’t about the alcohol in front of her (but I am unclear on the context).   Apparently she could sometimes be heard on the other side of the room, where Paul and Dom were playing.  And soon after they arrived, I received a tweet from Paul that said, “is that someone from an earlier blog at your table?  Prudence?”

Ha ha.  He “recognized” Prudence from across the room! So even tho they were at another table where they said they had perfect seats for the Slut Parade, they asked to be moved to our table for the jocularity.

When Paul first got to the table, the very first hand he played (and thus the very first hand I’d ever played with him), he raised.  I think it was $8.  I think I might have been the big blind.  So when it came to me, I said, “Oh, typical aggro Euro, I see.”  I don’t think he realized I was kidding.  He said, “What?  Well, it was a friendly raise.”  I just laughed.

At one point, Aaron got a phone call.  He stepped away to take it, but returned to play his next hand, still on the phone.  And it turned out he wanted to play that next hand, so he said something like, “hang on, I’m in a hand.”  At which point, Prudence, who had folded, grabbed the phone out of his hand and started talking to the person on the other end.  Prudence had absolutely no idea who she was talking to, but that didn’t stop her from carrying on a conversation with him or her.

I either couldn’t hear or can’t remember most of what I overheard her telling this person on the phone—except for one thing.  We all did hear her say, “Yes, his cock is adequate.”  She said this at least three or four times, while Aaron was playing the hand.  Now by this time, the dealer was a woman I had never seen before—but actually, you’ve already met her—she was the dealer I called “Janet” in the post here.  She was brand new to Prudence and had no idea what to make of her, but she was rather nonchalant in reacting to her antics—with an occasional smile or giggle. 

When Aaron was through with the hand, Prudence returned the phone to him and announced to the entire table, “I have no idea who that was.  It might have been his mother.”

That got everyone laughing and Janet said, “Oh….that would be awkward.”  Later, Prudence added, “If it was his mother, I should have thanked her for squeezing him out her vagina.”

Later she put her index and middle fingers up to her lips, spread them to form a “V” and asked the British boys if they knew what that was.  They claimed ignorance.  “Wow, I guess you guys never get laid.”  She explained that it was the symbol for “vagina.”

There was another woman at the table, who didn’t really react one way or the other to Prudence’s antics.  But this gal did figure into a couple of hands that cost me chips.  Yes, yes, there was actually some poker played this night.

Early on I called $6 from the button with Ace-9 off.  Six of us saw a flop of Ace-Queen-x. I called $15 and it was three-way. There was no betting on a blank turn.  I called $40 on a Queen river.  The guy had absolutely nothing and was up nearly $100.  Sadly, he lost the rest of his chips soon after and then left.

From the cutoff, I called $11 with Jack-8 of diamonds, it was 5-way.  The flop was Jack-10-x and no one bet.  With a 9 on the turn, the aforementioned lady went all in for $46.  It folded to me and I thought it was worth calling, since that would close the action, the pot was pretty big and I now had an open-ender.  But I bricked and it didn’t matter, she had King-Queen and had a bigger straight than I was drawing to on the turn. 

A bit later I had pocket Aces, both were black.  I raised to $10 and it was 5-way.  There was a King and two mediumish cards on the flop, also two spades.  I bet $40 and the lady called.  The turn was a red 5 and we both checked.  We checked a red 4 on the river.  I showed my Aces and she showed….5-4 of spades for runner-runner two pair!  WTF?  She called my preflop raise with 5-4 (but it was sooooooted) and then my big flop bet with a baby flush draw.  And then went runner-runner on the two pair.  I guess I should have bet the turn but I doubt that she would have folded, based on how she played that.  Ugh.

I called a $10 raise from Prudence with Ace-4 of diamonds.  Three or four of us saw the flop, which had a 4 on it and one diamond.  She bet $30 and I made a loose call, thinking she might be c-betting and I did actually have a pair, plus the back door flush draw.  The turn was another diamond and there was no betting.  She checked the river, which completed my nut flush.  I bet something, she folded and I showed my hand to get a drawing ticket. 

A few hands later I had Ace-4 offsuit in the small blind and I called.  But I hadn’t noticed that it was a straddle, which at MGM is $5.  Rather than make an issue of it, I just took back my two bucks and put out a red chip.  Good decision.  The flop had both an Ace and a 4 on it. I checked, going for the check-raise, but it checked behind me.  I turned a boat with another 4, and bet 15.  There was one call but no call on my river bet.

With pocket Jacks, I raised to $8.  It was three of us seeing the flop, including Aaron.  Terrible flop, Queen-Queen-X.  I c-bet $15 and Aaron called.  The board got even worse—an Ace on the turn.  I checked and Aaron bet $40.  I tanked and then folded.  So as the dealer pushed him the pot, Aaron showed his hand.  A Queen?  Nope.  An Ace?  No. He showed King-10 offsuit.  Seriously?  A total bluff?  OK, he had a gutshot, so not a total bluff (but what he didn’t know is, if he had hit his gutshot with a Jack, I would have had a boat).  Ugh.

I did the only thing I could do under the circumstances.  Remind him that I had paid for his meal.  “What?  You did that to me…..and I bought you dinner!”

But actually, it was Prudence who was more upset than I was.  “How could you do that to Rob?  You’re gonna pay for that!  He can’t give you a worse name than Jace got (see here)—nobody will ever be named that again.  But watch out!”

Heh heh…until they left, I kept teasing him about the terrible name I would come up with for him.  Actually, “Osama” was going through my mind.  In fact, when they left, he said something to me about, “Please don’t give me an awful name.”  Well ok, I did take pity on him, because he seems like a really nice guy (except as a poker player) and well…..I did get back at him a bit, as you’ll see.

Now long time readers might notice a pattern….my friends can always bluff me off hands.  I mean, before Aaron it happened here and here.  Well, more proof that I should never play poker with people who read my blog.  But I’m sure that the only times I’ve ever been bluffed successfully, it’s been by friends of mine.  I’m sure no one I don’t know well has ever been able to bluff me.  Yeah, I’m sure of that.

A bit after this hand, I was finally able to move my seat, from the middle of the table to immediately on Aaron’s left.  “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Prudence raised to $6, Aaron called and I called with King-10 of hearts.  It was four-way.  The flop had two hearts on it, but also two 4’s.  I called $30 from Prudence, as did Aaron. There was no betting on a blank turn. The river was the 3 of hearts.  Prudence checked, as did Aaron, and I bet the rest of my chips….but I was down below $100 by the start of this hand and had only like $30 or so left on the river.  Prudence called and Aaron folded.  Prudence had 6-9 of hearts (affectionately known as “Big Lick”).  No surprise she plays that.  Aaron said he threw away Ace-4 offsuit, and was really pissed to lose to two flushes. He said he was hoping for the Ace of hearts so he could all our money!  Sweet.  I thought I wanted the Ace of hearts to give me the nut flush, but now I knew better.  That gave me enough chips to play with without re-buying.

It turns out Aaron has a real job and had to get up early, so they had to call it a night before I did.

A rather odd woman took over one of their seats.  I moved over to seat 1 and this lady originally sat on my immediate left.  There was a guy sitting between Paul and Dom on the other side that had a short stack and kept raising fairly large in an apparent attempt to give away the rest of his stack as soon as possible.  When he wasn’t raising someone else was, I think either Paul or Dom.  I heard the lady on my left muttering to herself about the frequency and the size of the raises.  She mostly folded to the raises, so I kind of assumed she was a nit.

When the guy between Paul and Dom finally busted, she moved to that seat, between Paul and Dom.  She was one of the blinds when I had Ace-Queen off and raised to $8. There was a call and then the action was on this woman.  First she asked, “Who raised?”  The dealer pointed to me.  And then, knowing it was my raise, she suddenly decided there was one bit of information she desperately needed before deciding what to do.  “What’s his name?” she shouted from across the table.  Well, that was a new one on me!  What the hell difference does my name make?  How is that relevant to her decision? Now…..it might just be that she asked that because the dealer, who knows me of course, might have said, “Rob raised” in addition to pointing to me when she asked who raised.  And she apparently didn’t understand “Rob.”  But how that would affect her decision is beyond me.  Of course, if she was really that interested in my name, she could have asked me while she was sitting next to me.

Anyway, the dealer said my name a few times and she kept mishearing it, “Ralph? Your name is Ralph? What’s your name?”  I was laughing at this. “No, Rob….my name is Rob.”  And so finally she called.  I wonder if she would have folded if my name was Jack?

The flop was very low, and I put out a $15 c-bet.  The other player folded but the lady called.  The turn was an Ace, she checked, I bet $30 and she called again. The river paired the board, a second deuce.  This time, she led out for $30.  Damn.  Had she gotten lucky with the deuce? Trips?  A boat?  I tanked for a bit.  Then I realized that there was no way I could fold top pair there for so little.  Did I want to raise?  I kind of assumed that she would only call if she could beat top pair, so I figured I would play it safe and just call.  As I reached for chips, she said, “Don’t do it….don’t do it.”  Hmm…I try not to be distracted by talk like that.  Are they telling me what they want me to do or what they don’t want me to do?  Undeterred, I called.

She said, “I have nothing and flipped over two low cards, I think a 5 and a 3 (suited, I guess).  So I suppose on the turn she picked up a gutshot, otherwise, she didn’t really have anything. She bet way too little for her bluff to work…besides, I only get bluffed by my friends and I didn’t know this lady from Eve. Her play was beyond strange but I was happy to take her chips.

It was getting close to midnight, I had a few drawing tickets.  But I was not called.  I picked up soon after, booking a very small profit (slightly under $100).  But I had a shitload of entertainment for the evening.  I said goodbye to the boys from the U.K. and only wished I’d been sitting closer to them so we could have chatted.  Seemed like really good guys, despite the language barrier. 

I have reason to believe that I will be playing more live poker with Prudence and Aaron on future trips.

"What's Your Bra Size?"

Last night, as I was writing this post, it dawned on me that the next day (now, today, Sunday) would be the 4^th anniversary of the start of this blog.  It was officially launched on September 20, 2011.  Now over three-quarters of a million page views later, I won’t be celebrating the anniversary in any special way here, but it is appropriate that my post on this anniversary will be all about my pal, Prudence, since so much of the credit for this blog taking off is due to the posts I did about her in the early days, as I was trying to build an audience.

It’s been almost a full year since I did a post starring Prudence. You can find that last post with here.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but Prudence is single again. And as I was preparing for my most recent visit to Vegas, she made it clear she wanted me to meet her new gentleman caller.  So on the first Saturday I was in Vegas this month, we arranged to have dinner together, followed by a poker session at MGM.

Did I not mention that Prudence’s new fella plays poker?  He does indeed, though I’m pretty sure that was just a coincidence, not something that she was looking for in a beau. Prudence had pretty much “retired” from live poker, preferring to play online, something totally legit in Nevada.

We will have to assign a blog name for Prudence’s boyfriend, won’t we?  Now, as you will read, in the course of this night, I promised to give him a really horrible name, but I’m going to cut him a break he probably doesn’t deserve and refer to him as “Aaron.”  

As I later learned, somewhere along the line Prudence told Aaron about her poker playing buddy Rob, i.e, me.  And then she had a difficult decision to make.  At what point in their relationship was it safe to reveal to Aaron that her buddy Rob had a poker blog?  And that there was a character with multiple appearances on said blog by the name of “Prudence” who was in fact Aaron’s new girlfriend?  If you recall some of the past posts involving Prudence, you could see that this might be a dilemma for the average woman.  But, as you know, Prudence is not the average woman.

Eventually, Prudence told him about my blog, told him she was Prudence and thus Aaron started reading my old Prudence blog posts. He found them highly entertaining. So much so that he wanted to play some live poker with her and see the “real” Prudence in action.  He likes to play live, but had been only playing on WSOP.com with Prudence to this point.

So, before I got to town, I was given the heads up that Aaron was about to take Prudence to a nice dinner at a major Strip casino, after which they would play live poker together.  And I was told that, during the course of the evening, Prudence might indulge in an adult beverage or two, which could quite possibly bring out her more outrageous side.

I did get a report from that night, from Prudence.  She was relating to me things she had forgotten that Aaron reported to her the next day.  I only wish Aaron had written a guest blog post for me the next day—it would have been memorable.

But I did learn that Prudence was warned by the floor for some of her comments (not sure if it was just the sound level of what she was saying, or the actual content).  At one point, she got a nasty look from one of the female dealers when Prudence referred to the dealer as “busty.”  Apparently her breasts were practically resting on the table, covering her, um, rack.  Oh, the irony.

But the best moment was when a tourist was racking up for the night.  Apparently he was a total luckbox and had taken some big pots from almost everyone at the table.  His last victim, I guess, was Aaron.  He made a hero call and took a lot of Aaron’s chips.  And so, Prudence said to him (loudly, I assume), “You may think you’re the big winner but you’re not the one getting a killer blowjob later.  And you can’t put a price on that.”

I’m pretty sure there are some ladies working the casino late into the night who do, in fact, put a price on exactly that, but I digress.

So on this particular Saturday evening, I got to meet Aaron who turned out to be a real nice guy (and a good poker player).  The three of us enjoyed a meal at the sports bar next to the MGM poker room.  As is custom when I eat there with friends, I dipped into a relatively small portion of my voluminous poker comps and covered the meal at no actual cost to me.  And Prudence did indeed enjoy an adult beverage, as did Aaron.  She was just getting started.

We had some nice conversation over dinner and then it was time to get to the poker portion of the evening.  Since this was the first time she’d played at MGM since the post I linked to at the outset, Prudence had some old friends to say hello to that she hadn’t seen in quite some time (some players, but mostly dealers).  I was the last of the three of us to join the table we all settled into, and who was dealing there but none other than my pal Mike.  As a favor to him, I will not link to any previous posts featuring Mike, you’ll just have to remember that he’s the guy who always deals me pocket Kings and cracks them (ok, so he’s not alone there) and also likes to give me a hard time about how long my blog posts are (again, he’s not alone).

Prudence had already caught up on what was new with Mike when I finally got to the table—I was the last of the three of us to be seated.  As I took my seat, I nodded to another player I recognized at the table, someone who had made it into the blog in the past, and he said to me, “Hi Rob, it’s been a long time since I’ve played with you.”  I said, “yeah, Ace-Queen!”  We talked about the hand that made it into the blog and then he asked, “You still doing the blog?  I haven’t it checked it in awhile, guess I should check it again.”  It was Warren, and I will give you a link to the last time I mentioned him (here).  He had been playing in a different room for awhile, and since returning to MGM several months ago, I’d seen him a lot but we just never ended up at the same table until now.

Before I could answer Warren’s question, Mike kindly answered for me, saying something to the effect, “Oh yeah, he’s still doing it, with those long posts that put you to sleep. I’m ‘Mike’ on the blog, by the way.”  I of course gave my usual retort, which is, “Mike just can’t handle it because I use words with more than one syllable.”

“No, it’s not that….they just run on and on, run on paragraphs, with flashbacks within flashbacks within flashbacks.”  You see, he’s referring all the links I put in to past posts.  But Mike: except in the case of multi-part posts, it isn’t really necessary to click on all the links to follow my stories.  Those links are bonus material.  Consider them “value-added.”  Prudence chimed in, “You’re too young, you want instant gratification.  Rob’s into details.”

Anyway, I suddenly realized that with the dealer, Warren, Prudence and Aaron, at least half the table was familiar with my blog.  That’s pretty unusual unless it’s one of those games with my fellow bloggers.

Now, one of the reasons Prudence wanted to do this on a Saturday night was so that Aaron could see the Slut Parade for himself.  Unfortunately, the table we all ended up at was in the very back of the room.  And the seat I was stuck in for most of the evening had my back to the walkway. This was not lost on Mike.  “Why are you in that seat, it’s the worst seat in the house?”

I just shrugged and said that’s where they sent me, but Prudence piped in with, “Oh yeah, the titty-brigade!  We gotta see the titties!”

Mike asked me if I saw the girl twerking a little while ago.  I had not.  Prudence said, “Well, butts are not his thing anyway, he wants tits.”  Mike said, “Well, she had those too.”

The next dealer was an Asian woman, an old friend of Prudence’s (who is also Asian, in case you’ve forgotten).  They caught up right away.  Amazingly, despite the fact that this dealer has dealt to me for years, I have never given her a blog name before.  So we will now be calling her “Joyce.”  I’m not sure how it came up, but almost immediately Prudence started discussing Joyce’s chest.  Specifically, she asked, “What’s your bra size?”  I’m sure there was context for that which I missed, though perhaps Prudence now asks all her female friends that.  It was then that I pointed out that she had told me that she’d gotten into trouble commenting on a lady dealer’s breasts the last time she played live.  But Prudence was undeterred.  Since she was sitting right next to the dealer, she even grabbed and snapped Joyce’s bra strap through the side of her shirt.

And sure enough, Joyce revealed the size of her bra.  Now, since there are other dealers in the room who (unlike Mike) do read this blog, and since it would too easy for Joyce’s colleagues to figure out who she is, I will not reveal the identified bra size.  I am much too much of a gentleman to do that.  But in keeping with this blog’s tradition, I will give this wonderful woman a pseudo-bra-size.  You know, in addition to the pseudonym I just gave her.  So, we will say that her blog bra size was revealed to be 46-DD.  Again, that is not the size she revealed.

Prudence nodded when she heard the actual size and said, “Well, that’s pretty impressive for an Asian.”

Warren heard some, but not all of this discussion and asked what we were talking about it, and Joyce said, “Oh nothing, nothing.”  But Prudence said, softly I think so that Warren could not hear it, “Just bra sizes.”

They moved on to status updates on their romantic lives.  I didn’t catch the beginning of this, but I did hear Joyce say, “Well, I’m very fussy.”  To which Prudence replied, “Yeah….unlike me, where any penis will do.”  Warren heard this and said, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that said at a poker table before.”  Obviously, this was his first time playing with Prudence.

There was a hand where Warren raised preflop and Prudence was one of the callers.  Warren c-bet the flop and Prudence min-raised.  Everyone folded including Warren, and for some reason, Prudence decided to show her hand.  She had flopped a set.  Warren thanked her for showing and then asked….”Wow, why did you let me off the hook, why did you let me know you were so strong so early?” I guess he felt she should have slow played it.  Prudence said, “I’m nice…..I have a vagina.”  Warren laughed—everyone did—and Prudence went on, “I have a va-jay-jay…..it was the estrogen…..respect the pussy.”

As Joyce’s down was coming to an end, Prudence asked her who was pushing her.  She thought about it for awhile and then came up with the name of a male dealer who also happens to be Asian (and is someone who Prudence knows well). But it turned out the next dealer, was not the dealer that had been named but some other male dealer—who was also Asian.  This guy had only recently started dealing in the room and I wasn’t familiar with him either.  But as Prudence laughed about that, she started quizzing the new dealer and learned that this new dealer was actually the brother of the dealer she had been told was pushing in.  This totally amused Prudence, that Joyce had identified the wrong Asian brother as her push.  And thus she said, “See, even to other Asians, we all look alike.”

Another time, out of the blue, she looked at me and said, “I want to go on a platonic date with you next week.”  To which I replied, “All my dates end up being platonic.”  That got a few laughs and perhaps some sympathy.  I was just joking, I couldn’t let Prudence be the only one at the table getting laughs.

And that’s where I’m gonna leave part 1.  Part 2 will feature the British Invasion, and I’ll actually get to some poker. Also it will be a bit longer than part 1, because after all, this post is definitely too short.  But don’t worry, more outrageousness from Prudence will be revealed as well.  Stay tuned.  And now, you can read part 2 here.