A Night of Poker And Dick Pics

I had one poker session with my pal Prudence and her boyfriend Aaron in December.  After a fine dinner at the Café Lux, we played at the Venetian and quickly got to the same table. 

As it happens, although she had a few adult beverages, Prudence was not at her most outrageous.  In fact, the next day, I recalled that she had made only one vagina-mentioning and I couldn’t even recall the context of it.  I can’t believe I didn’t make a note of it at the time.  Oh well, a Prudence vagina-mentioning lost for all time.

But Prudence was more concerned the male organ on this night.  Not sure how it came up (so-to-speak) but she started talking about her collection of dick pics, right there at the poker table.  This was a collection she’d accumulated before she met Aaron and was on the market.  Through a dating app or two (or three…), she was “meeting” guys and a surprising number of them thought it was perfectly ok to send pictures of their genitals to women they had never met at all and had merely exchanged a couple of texts back and forth with.

Prudence insisted that any time would send her an unsolicited dick pic, she instantly crossed him off her list of possible dates.  In fact, she said, she never responded any further to any guy who sent her one….with one exception.  Purely in the interest of research, she did ask one guy, “Does that ever work?”  The guy texted her back, “You’d be surprised.”

But I wasn’t surprised to hear that Prudence had been subjected to that.  I follow a number of single women on Twitter who complain of this problem.  All the ladies I know agree with Prudence—sending such a pic is grounds for immediate rejection.

Personally, I find it hard to believe guys can reach dating age and not have figured out that men and women are different.  Of course we know that, in this type of situation, if a woman sent a guy a picture of her boobs (or even a shot of her hoo-ha), the guy would likely be ecstatic.  Approximately 99.98% of all men would be eager to date the lady, and the other .02% are lying.  Well, except for the fact that I’ve heard that a lot of hookers use these apps to solicit business, and that guys have to be careful about that.

Really guys, do you actually think that the only difference between the sexes is what’s in those pics you want to send?  Men and women are just wired differently. I am reminded of the time a young man was working under my tutelage a few years back.  As an April Fool’s Day joke, he texted his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her.  It was just a joke.  She got really, really mad.  Could he have really not seen that coming?  I said to him, “Son, have you ever actually met a woman before?”

But I digress.  What about that guy who told Prudence, “You’d be surprised,” you ask?  Well to the extent that the guy was not just bullshitting her, it’s strictly a matter of numbers.  You know, you play enough poker, eventually you’re gonna hit your one-outer.

Prudence was talking about dick pics when a new dealer pushed in; he came in on the middle of the conversation.  He asked Prudence, “Did I just hear what I think I heard?” Prudence assured him that he had. 

Other than that, Prudence was not at her most Prudency.  She managed a few f-bombs, and raised her voice a bit, but only one dealer warned her to watch her language.

As for the poker, early on, I called $7 with Ace-Jack off in late position. It was four-ways.  The flop was all low spades (I didn’t have a spade) and no one bet.  The turn was a blank so when it folded to me, I bet $15 and got one caller.  A Jack hit the river and I bet $25.  I got a call, but he mucked when he saw my hand.

I completed with Ace-Queen in the small blind, again four of us saw the flop.  The flop was Ace-Ace-5.  I bet $5, then $10, then $15 and one player kept calling.  He had Ace-4 and my kicker was good. 

I called $7 from the small blind with Ace-9, it was four-ways.  The flop was Ace-9-7.  I checked.  Next player bet $10, the preflop raiser folded, but Prudence called.  And was really pissed when I check-raised to $40.  But she folded after the other guy did likewise.

I raised to $8 with pocket Aces and only Aaron called.  The flop was King-King-7 and I bet $12, he called.  There was no more betting and my Aces held.  Aaron didn’t show his hand.

Aaron opened to $8 and I called with 6-5 suited and we were heads up.  I flopped an open-ender, but there was no betting on the flop or the turn.  I never got my straight, but the river paired my 6.  He bet $15 and I called. He insta-mucked.  Heh heh.

I limped in with pocket 8’s.  A guy shoved his last $17.  Three players called before it got back to me so I called.  I whiffed the flop but no one bet.  The turn was an 8.  I bet $50 and everyone folded, except for the guy who was all-in.  He didn’t show when he saw my set of 8’s.

I called $8 with 8-7 of clubs.  There were a number of players behind me but no one else called and we were heads up.  I kind of liked the flop, which was 8-8-7. He bet $10 and I called.  The turn was a blank and he bet $25; again I just called.  The river was a blank and this time he checked.  I bet $50 and he called.  I showed my boat and he showed….the dreaded pocket Kings. Wow.  A hand I was in and someone had pocket Kings and the other player flopped a boat and it wasn’t me who had the pocket Kings?  Who’da thunk it?  It was a nice pot, and I must admit cracking someone else’s Kings like that made it all the more sweeter.

I raised to $8 with pocket Queens and four of us saw a low flop.  A $25 c-bet took it down.

Raised to $8 with 8-7 of clubs, there was one call.  The flop was King-high, no clubs.  I c-bet $12 and he called.  No betting on a blank turn.  There was an 8 on the river.  I didn’t bet it and he just mucked when he saw my mighty pair of 8’s.

And that was it.  I ended up with a $150 profit.  It was a fun night friends and poker.