"Every Bimbo Within 1,000 Miles Must Be Here Tonight"

This one goes back to my first poker session of my most recent trip.  It was a Friday nite, two nites before the Super Bowl, so it was a busy weekend.

Being a Friday night, it was a Slut Parade night. By sheer coincidence, I was sent to a table at the front of the room, looking directly at the foot traffic as it proceeded to and from the nightclub. 

There was a guy at the table who I initially took to be mid-40’s, but based on his comments, he was obviously older than that.  At first, early in the evening, he was wondering why the poker room had been moved to its current location.  We told him about the club and that it was impossible to play poker over there when the club was open.  You know, now that I think of it, I hear that question so often that I really should print up new cards.  Instead of just having the blog’s URL on them, I should put the URL to the Slut Parade post, so that when people ask why the poker room moved, I can just hand them the card and say, “Read this.”

But it wasn’t long before the young ladies started walking by.  This got the attention of virtually every man, but this guy had an especially strong reaction.  The first verbal reaction I heard from him was, “Holy shit!”  He was not referring to his cards.

The dealer, who I’ve referred to as “Doug” in the past so let’s go with that, couldn’t help noticing the guy’s reaction to the barely dressed young ladies.   Doug told the guy, “Yeah….if you go over to where the poker room used to be, between 11PM and 1AM you’ll see tons of them.  Huge crowd.  And it’s like 4-to-1 girls to guys.”

The guy said, “Oh really?  It must be easy to get laid, then.”

“It depends…..” The speaker was a young guy, a college student from Southern California who apparently came to Vegas often and knew how the whole club scene worked.  “You gotta spend a lot of money.  You can get laid but it costs money.”  He paused for a bit.  “Also, depends on how much you want to lower your standards.  The primo guys get the primo girls.”  He said it also depended on the percentage of girls to guys, which varies from night to night.  He said sometimes there are just so many girls they actually let guys in for less to balance things.  It sounded like he might have known what he was talking about, but really, who knows?  He wasn’t dressed like he was going to the club on this night.  Instead he was playing poker with a bunch of guys

Anyway, a few minutes later a group of girls walked by wearing the standard issue club dress, meaning they were extremely short (the dresses, not the girls).  The older guy couldn’t help himself, exclaiming, “My god, those dresses are so short, they’re barely covering their pussies.”

He immediately caught himself and realized how vulgar that sounded.  “Oh man, I shouldn’t be thinking like that.  I got three daughters.”

I laughed and said, “Well, don’t let them come here.”

A little later another group of girls walked by and caught his attention.  The dresses these girls were wearing made the previous dresses we had seen look like Berkas.  He just stared at them for a few seconds and then finally gasped….very slowly….”Mother f***er.”  It took him about 10 seconds to get out those four syllables. 

Sometime later, in a totally non-related context, he mentioned that his middle daughter was 35!  Wow, he was a lot older than I thought.  He said his eldest daughter was 38 and the youngest was 15.  When he revealed that, he was quick to add that they were all from the same mother.  He said something about the last one being an “accident.”  I’m sure she’s thrilled to be known as an “accident.”

There was a guy who said he was going to be married soon (no, not the guy who was telling us how to get laid).  The older guy said that he had been married once and that was it for him.  If his wife died before he did, he was never going to get married again. 

It turned out he was in Vegas with a buddy, not the Mrs.  His pal was playing at another table and he eventually game over to our table.  The two friends chatted, and the topic of conversation was the scenery we had all been enjoying.  His friend said, “Every bimbo within 1,000 miles must be here tonight.”

And the guy at our table said, “The pussy around here tonight is unbelievable.”

Guys, guys.  Very judgmental of you.  And kind of creepy.

At one point, a group of guys caught our attention.  There were five or six young lads, all wearing identical t-shirts that said, “Party with Vegas Sluts.”  I’d actually seen this shirt in gift shops before, but this was the first time I’d seen anyone wearing it.  A bachelor party, perhaps?

Another group of guys who walked by looked like they had escaped from a Marching Band.  Again, five or six of them, each one wearing a drum like you’d see in a Marching Band.  No other instruments, just six drummers.

Just another Friday night in Vegas.

There was some poker too.  I had not won a hand when I limped in with Ace-3 of diamonds in late position.  Yeah, I was trying to get a flush so I’d have at least one ticket for the next drawing.  The big blind was a guy who had missed his return flight to Chicago just hours earlier and thus had to get a room across the street at Hooters.  He raised to $17 and I figured I would fold.  But before it got back to me, two guys had called and I was the last to act.  I figured with the pot that big I might as well roll the dice and call.

It was a low flop with 2 diamonds.  The guy from Chicago bet $40 and the other two folded.  I called with my draw to the nut flush.  Medium sized diamond hit the turn, completing my flush.  This time the guy checked.  My stack was only about $50-$60 at this point.  I couldn’t really bet without shoving, so I shoved.  I suppose I could have checked and hoped he bet the river, but I’m not comfortable slowplaying flushes. He thought for a long time before folding.

When he folded, he said, “I guess I didn’t raise enough.”  He meant the preflop raise of course.  I can’t really blame him.  The $17 raise was enough—it was more than enough.  But unlucky for him, the two guys in front of me didn’t feel like folding to his big raise, so I came along for the ride.

A little bit later I had King-Jack of hearts in the big blind.  The only limper was the same guy from Chicago.  I flopped a gut-shot, but there were two diamonds on the board, no hearts.  We both checked.  I hit my straight on the turn.   Since there was virtually no pot, I only bet $6, and he called.  A third diamond on the river gave me pause.  I checked.  I didn’t like that third diamond and I didn’t want to get raised.  But he shoved anyway—for about $35.  I almost folded but then thought better of it.  Somewhat resignedly, I called.  I said, “You got the flush?  I’m giving you some of your money back.”

But no, he only had top pair.  I stumbled into the right play, I guess.  He was through for the night.  I was clearly his nemesis. 

With pocket 7’s, I called a raise to $12, three of us saw a flop of 10-8-7, two hearts.  Preflop raiser led out with $26.  I made it $80.  Was that a mistake?  It was such a wet board I couldn’t see just calling there.  The other guy folded and the bettor thought for a long time before folding.

The last hand of note was the first time I had the dreaded pocket Kings for this session (and this trip).  I raised to $10 and there were two callers.  It was a low flop but it was all hearts.  I did have the King of hearts.   I bet $25 and no one called.  Not a memorable hand but I did want to point out that I can sometimes win with that crappy starting hand.

I had a small profit for the night.  Not a bad way to start a trip.

You Don't Get Enough Practice Playing Monsters

Quads everywhere.  How many times can you see quads in one night?  In my case, one time too many.

This is about a very good session from early November.  It was almost a fantastic session, but then poker happened.

Soon after I got into the game, a woman at our table was selected as the 6PM drawing winner.  I’m going to call this woman Faith because, as far as I know, that’s her real name.  She’s unlikely to ever appear in another blog post of mine again, so why bother with a pseudonym, especially since she didn’t do or say anything salacious dammit.  The biggest prize in that month’s drawing was $3,000 and damn if she didn’t draw one of the envelopes containing $3,000.

Now as it turned out she was booked on a 9:45PM flight for her home in South Carolina.  That didn’t stop her from earning more drawing tickets, which she declined to take since she wouldn’t be around for the 10PM drawing.  Faith told us that just a few days earlier, on Halloween, she was picked for the second to the last drawing of the month.  There were two envelopes left, one for $2,500 and one for $100.  She picked the one worth $2,500.  She cashed out that night, went to play penny slots, and hit an $800 jackpot.  To say she was running good would be a serious understatement.

I was doing so-so and then this hand happened. The player directly to my left was James, who is a daytime dealer.  He must surely recognize me as a regular, but probably doesn’t know me by name.  After I limped in with Queen-Jack in the cut-off seat, James, made it $7 from the big blind.  By the time it got back to me, four players had already called his bet so it was pretty easy for me to call as well.  The flop was Ace-Queen-Jack, two hearts (I was heartless, as usual).   I called a $12 bet.  Why didn’t I raise with my two pair?  I’m not sure.  I must have been concerned that someone already had the straight, and I didn’t think I’d be able to protect my hand anyway on such a draw-heavy board.  Two other players called as well.

But when a harmless 5 of diamonds hit the turn and it was checked to me, I bet out $70, which was about half of my stack.  Only James called.  Then a 9 of clubs hit the river and I decided to check.  I didn’t think James would call my bet unless he had me beat.  But if I checked, I thought he might bet a hand that was worse than mine (or better, in which case I was screwed).  And indeed, he bet enough to put me all in, and I called.  He showed Ace-King of hearts.  He not only had top pair, top kicker, but a guy-shot to a Royal Flush!  Lucky for me, he missed.  That was a nice pot.

Then came a great hand that I messed up big time, and inspired the title of this post.  I had 10-4 in the big blind.  No one raised, so I saw the flop for free.  The flop was 10-10-2.  I checked, deciding to slow play it.  The guy two seats to my right bet $10 and I just called.  The turn was a total blank and I checked again.  It was just the two of us and the guy bet $20 and I just called.  I know I should have raised there and that was clearly a bad play on my part.  But not as bad as my next move.

I suppose I was somewhat concerned that the other guy might have a 10 with a better kicker. But that worry left me when the case 10 hit the river.  Then my concern became, “I have to get something for this.”  I figured that since he obviously didn’t have a 10, he wouldn’t bet.  I dunno where I came up with that, it was not very smart.  He could have bet a full house easily.  But for some reason, I bet.  And I bet only $10, thinking that would be small enough for him to call with anything.  But he must have had nothing, because he folded.  I showed my quads so I could get a ticket to the next drawing.  Note, if he had a boat, he likely would have called the $10 just to show it and get a ticket himself.

He saw my quads and asked why I bet.  I really didn’t have a good answer.  “I don’t know, I guess I wanted to get something for it.  You know, I panicked.  You don’t get a lot of practice playing monsters.”

Then I asked him if he would have bet if I had checked and he said yes.  Shit.  I would have min-raised and he would have folded but I would have gotten more for my quads than I did.

I kept thinking about what I said.  You really don’t get much practice playing monsters.  They come along so rarely.  I actually remember reading something like that from one of the first poker books I read.  I think it actually said not to worry too much about playing monsters because you just don’t get them very often and you can’t really screw them up too much.

Except I did.  Of course, that book was a book on limit poker, so yeah, you wouldn’t cost yourself that much by playing it badly. 

I stopped worrying about it after awhile because I figured it would be a long time before I had another monster hand.

Heh heh.

Awhile later, I got pocket 6’s, limped in, missed on the flop and folded to a bet.  The very next hand I got pocket 4’s. I limped in again.  This flop hit me a little better than the previous one.  It was King-4-4.  Quads again?  Ho hum.

Guess who led out on the flop?  Right, the same guy I had the quad 10’s against.  At least this time I had position on him so it made it harder to screw up.  I called his $10 bet but no one else did.  I don’t remember the turn card but he bet $20 and again, I called.  After a meaningless river card, he put a $100 bill over the betting line and said, “make it $50.”

Bless you, sir.

I tried to act a little hesitant, without overdoing the Hollywooding.  But eventually I put a stack of $100 out.

He announced “Call.”  He didn’t show his hand, but I’m pretty sure all the color drained from his face when he saw my quads.  This was not just the second time he’d lost to quads in less than an hour.  It was the second time he’d lost to quads to the same guy in less than hour.

I’ve had some bad runs, but I don’t think I’ve ever lost to quads twice in one session.  And certainly not to the same guy!

Yikes.  He busted out a little while later and didn’t rebuy.  He muttered something about it not being his night.  Ya think?

Then I won a bunch of smallish pots.  Pocket 10’s, Ace-Jack, Ace-Ace, I raised with all of them and took down the pots with c-bets.  I limped with pocket deuces and hit my set.  I bet $15 on the flop had one caller.  The guy led out on the turn, $15.  I made it $45 and he called.  He checked the river, I bet $50 he called and mucked when he saw my set.

I limp/called $6 with 9-8.  Six of us saw the Queen-9-8 flop.  I bet $30, only one called.  Blank on the turn, I bet $50, he made it $100.  I called.  Another blank on the river, we both checked.  All he had was a Queen, another nice pot. 

Yeah, I was having a very good night.  I had over $700 in front of me, over $500 in profit.

And I debated what to do.  Should I call it an early night and book a $500 plus night?  Or should I keep playing and try to build on it even at the risk of losing some—or all—of it back?

It was about a year earlier that I had written a post about playing scared and trying to “book the win.”  You can read that post here. Sadly, to this day I have a tendency to play too timidly when I’m up big for the night.  But I’m fighting it.  On this night, I decided to stick around, this is an area of my game I have to keep working on.  So I played on and made sure I monitored myself for signs of playing “scared.”

I had Ace-Jack of diamonds and called a raise to $7 in late position.  I don’t know whether I called just to prove to myself thatI wasn’t playing scared or if I was trying to get a flush for another drawing ticket.  James flat-called behind me.  The flop was Ace-King-5.  Preflop raiser checked and I bet $20.  James called and the other guy folded.  Another King hit the turn and this time I checked.  James bet $30 and I called.  The river was a blank and I checked, hoping James would check behind me.

But no, he bet $50.  I thought long and hard.  Did he have a King?  Did he have an Ace with a better kicker?  A lucky two pair? He hadn’t three-bet preflop so it was hard to put him on Ace-King.

I thought, for the size of the pot, there was a decent enough chance that he might have had a lesser Ace than mine, enough of a chance to make calling the right choice.  Besides, I thought, if I fold, doesn’t that prove I’m playing scared to protect the win?

Ugh.  He didn’t just have one King.  No, he had two.  He had the dreaded pocket Kings and they were quite dreaded for me.   I was totally shocked.  I couldn’t believe he didn’t three-bet with them preflop.  That’s a very dangerous play in my opinion, but it clearly paid off for him.

So that was the third time I’d seen quads at that session.  A bit unusual, to say the least.  I liked the first two times a lot more.

Well that cost me a bit over $100.

With Ace-Queen I called a $7 raise and four of us saw a Queen high flop, two hearts, one spade.  I led out with $20 and everyone called.  The turn was the second spade.  The guy to my right bet this time, $35.  I called.  I’ve seen so many times people betting like that with top pair and a mediocre kicker, I felt it was worth calling.  Only one player also called—the preflop raiser.

A third spade hit the river.  The guy to my right bet $70.  I don’t know why, but I still thought my TPTK might have been good.  I called.  I expected the preflop raiser to fold, but no, he made it $200!

The guy to my right folded, as did I.  Now I finally was convinced my Queen was no good.  The guy who bet the $200 showed his hand, which was Ace-9 of spades!  He had gone runner-runner flush.  Why he called the flop bet is beyond me.  But my stack had taken another big hit.

I limp/called $7 with Queen-Jack of clubs, late position.  Flop was Ace-10-2, one club.  Preflop raiser bet $20 and the next guy went all in for $24. The guy to my right called.  At that point, I thought it was worth calling with my gut-shot (and back door flush draw) for the size of the pot. The turn was a blank and this time, everyone checked.  The river was the King of hearts, giving me the nuts.  I bet $50 and no one called.  Still, it was a nice pot.

I had been down under $300 before that hand, but after, I was back to plus $350.  I figured it was a good time to book the win.  I didn’t think I had played too scared when I was up over $500, but I couldn’t dismiss the possibility that I had actually made some bad calls just trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t playing scared, and that’s not good either.

So, $350 isn’t as good as $500, but I’ll take a +$350 night every time, thank you.

A Duck & A Schmuck Walk Into The Bike......

Less than a week after my last visit to the Bike took place, (see here), I returned for some more poker.  In that last post, I had a fun time because of the group of people I was playing with.  This time, I had a fun time and it had nothing to do with the personalities of the people at the table.  They were all fine, nothing wrong with any of them.  But this time the fun was in the results.  This is going to be poker post.

I was on the waiting list to get into the $2-$3 game for awhile, and finally got called to an existing game.  I went over there and saw no open seat.  Not to worry.  The floor person told me that the guy in seat 6 was just about to move to a bigger game.  And with good reason.  He was sitting behind a mountain of chips.  Looked like he had about $700-$800 or so.  But a hand had just been dealt, and he had cards in front of him so I was going to have to wait at least one more hand before I could claim my seat in this game.  So I watched the hand in progress.  It was an interesting one, to say the least.

Seat 3, with a stack of about $150, raised to $15, I think another player called and Seat 6 shoved.  He had everyone at the table covered.  It folded back to Seat 3 who snapped called.  It was heads up on the flop, which included a King and a Queen.  Nothing else on the board mattered.  Seat 3 turned over the dreaded pocket Kings for a set of Kings.  Seat 6 showed King-Queen off suit for top two.

As the guy in Seat 6 counted off the bet he had to pay off, someone else muttered, “This is an action table.”  Ya think?  Guy three-bet shoved with King-Queen offsuit?  Of course, he was leaving the table, to be replaced by me, the famous nit.  And you can’t blame Seat 3 calling the shove with the dreaded hand.  I assume he had seen enough of the big stack’s play to know his three- bet range was pretty wide.

I took over Seat 6.  At the Bike, at this level of game, you have to post to come in, so I decided to wait a few hands until I was the Big Blind.  Every hand I saw before I started playing was raised preflop.  And I never saw a showdown.  This was going to be interesting.

Finally coming in on the Big Blind, I looked down at King-deuce off.  As I explained in this post, that hand will forever be known to me as “a duck and a schmuck.”  I didn’t expect to have to play this hand, I was sure someone would raise me off it.  But to my surprise, no one raised—for the first time since I had come to the table—and I got to see the flop.  Perhaps an even bigger surprise was that eight of us—yes eight, and the table is nine-handed—saw the flop.  Really hard to believe one of the late position players didn’t put in a raise.

The flop was King-2-5, rainbow. The small blind bet $17.  I made it $50.  It folded back to the small blind, who just called.  The turn was a 9 and had put all four suits on the board.  And the small blind immediately moved all-in.  He had around $110-$115 left. 

That put me in an interesting situation.  Outside of the general action of the table, which was clearly aggressive, I had no specific read on this guy.  He hadn’t won any of the pots I saw before I came in.  There was no reason to think that he might be shoving light there, other than the Bike is known for super-aggressive play and this was definitely an action table.  But usually there’s always a couple of pretty tight players at this game.  Maybe he was one of those.

There were no draws.  He might have hit a lucky two pair (perhaps he had King-9 and the turn card hit him?).  Or perhaps more likely, a set. I would prefer not to have to make a decision like this on my very first hand, but the deck had other ideas.  If I was beat, my session would be getting off to a very demoralizing start.  But if I was good, it would be a really nice beginning.

I didn’t think very long.  “Call.”  I said.  If he was even close to the average player at the Bike, my two pair had a good chance of being good.  I don’t remember the river card, but I turned over my King-deuce and he turned over King-8.  There was no 8 on the board.  My duck and a schmuck was good.  He shoved on the turn with top pair, crappy kicker.  Welcome to the Bike.

Nice start.  I had played one hand and was up over $180.  So I immediately racked up and booked the win.

Just kidding. As I was stacking my chips, I remembered all the things I routinely hear at a poker table when someone wins their very first hand.  Sometimes it’s, “You can’t win ‘em all if you don’t win the first one.”  Other times people say it’s a bad omen to win the first hand.  Really?  I’ll take it every time.

Just a few hands later I had pocket 5’s in middle position.  Seat 3 raised to $15 and one player called in front of me.  This was the Bike I was used to.  I called, as did one other.  Again, the flop was good to me.  I flopped bottom set, two spades.  The highest card was a King.  Preflop raiser bet $15 and the next player called. The $15 bet seemed way too small.  With the flush draw out there, I made it $75.  It folded back to Seat 3, who took a long time to decide, but finally folded.  So did the player behind him.  I took the pot.

It was again just a few hands later when I looked down at two red Queens.  I was in early position and there was a $6 straddle (there were a fair amount of straddles at this game).  First in, I made it $18.  Three players called.  Yeah, it was that kind of table.

I didn’t get the Queen I wanted but there were no higher cards either.  It was 10-high with two clubs.  I put out $50.  No one called and my $300 buy-in had grown to over $600 in less than 15 minutes.  Also, at this moment, I think my table image was that of an aggro, if not a maniac.  A bit strange for me.  But I fit right in for this table.  .

Of course, my run of good cards couldn’t last forever.  I went card dead and looked for some spots.  There was going to be no way to bluff anyone at this table off a hand.  I figured I’d just open my calling range, especially in late position, and call raises with hands I wouldn’t ordinarily play.  Anything decent, semi-decent, or barely decent would be considered.  But for a long time my best hands were things like 9-4 or Jack-2, so I folded a lot.

I played enough hands to dip below $600 a bit.  Then I had King-9 of hearts on the button.  It limped to me.  I considered raising but decided to just limp.  Only 5 of us saw the flop, which was low for this table when it wasn’t raised.  Or even if it was.  The flop was good, a King and two hearts.  It folded to me and I bet $10.  Since no one had bet before I thought I might take it down there, but no, two players called.  A blank hit the turn and I checked behind everyone else.  Then an Ace on the river kept me from betting the river (no one else did).  My King was good.

A bit later I had Ace-King offsuit, the only time all day I had this hand.  The Ace was black and the King was a diamond.  Only three called my raise to $12.  The flop had two 10’s and 2 diamonds, but no Ace or King. Two players called my $25 c-bet.  The turn was a Queen of diamonds.  I checked and so did everyone else.  The river was a low diamond, giving me the second nut flush.  I bet $100 and no one called.

I never saw pocket Kings myself, but I did finally get a couple of Aces.  I raised to $12 and three called.  The flop was low, two diamonds.  I did have the Ace of diamonds.  I bet $30 and only one player called.  The board paired deuces and I checked.  The other player bet $40 and I called.  Meaningless low card on the river and I checked it.  The other player checked behind me and showed 10-8 for one pair, 8’s.  So he called my preflop raise with 10-8 offsuit.  Thank you, sir!

This put me up over $400.

I can’t do this entire post without mentioning one hand I didn’t win.  So a bit later I had King-Queen off suit and limped in late position.  Six of us saw the flop, which was King high, two spades.  My King was a spade.  It checked to me and I bet $15, two players called.  The turn was a blank and we all checked.  Ace of spades on the river.  I was one spade short of the nut flush.  This time, a player bet, the next guy raised, so I didn’t think my Kings were any good and I folded.  I was right.  The first guy shoved, the other guy called.  The first guy had flopped a set of 4’s.  Really bad decision slow playing that with two spades on the board.  The other guy had 9-3 of spades for the flush. 

The right play for me there was to raise preflop.  Of course, I am quite sure if I had, neither of those two players would have folded (especially the guy with pocket 4’s) but that still would have been the right play.  It occurred to me that I might be thinking a little too much about how a $400 win was going to feel to play right.

I played a bit more, but didn’t get anything close to a playable hand.  So, with just a buck or two under $700 in front of me, I decided to call it a day.  The $400 I won was my best cash session at the Bike to date, and I was happy to take it.