Penis Jokes & Vagina Talk

This post will consist of two seemingly unconnected stories that I am tying together.  The first story involves penis jokes; the second involves vagina mentionings.  Penises and vaginas?  Yeah, I guess those can sometimes fit together nicely.

The first story goes back to my arrival in Vegas last month.  I ended up having to stay the first night at the LVH—The Las Vegas Hotel. Until recently, this property was known as the Las Vegas Hilton, but apparently they recently severed their ties with the Hilton Corporation and now have no connection with that hotel chain.  I have no idea why this happened, but I strongly suspect that it might very well be because it has been so many years since Paris Hilton released a sex tape that they had given up hope of her releasing another.

Upon arriving in Vegas after the long drive from L.A., I had a rather urgent need to use the Men's Room.  So I immediately went to the one in the main casino before doing anything else.  As I was doing what comes naturally, I looked up over the urinals and was rather taken aback by the decor of the restroom.

Posted over each urinal were very large pictures of a bunch of rather hot looking women, all posed so that they are looking downward.  The obvious implication is that they are looking at the guys’ members as they are doing their business.

And reacting to what they see.

As you can hopefully make out from the pictures accompanying this post, the hot girls are basically reacting to the size—or lack of size—of the penises they would be seeing from their vantage point.  Unfortunately, my cell phone did a lousy job of capturing the images, I guess because of the excessive fluorescent lighting in the Men’s Room.  I only took a couple of pics, because, you know, getting caught taking pictures in a Men’s Room could be even more problematic that getting caught following a hooker. 

But basically, the girls are all acting either impressed with the guy’s equipment, or laughing at it.  There are pictures with the girls holding magnifying glasses, tape measures, their hands wide apart, their fingers closely held together, etc. In other words….penis jokes.  Every conceivable reaction a woman could have upon first seeing a guy’s penis is probably represented. Note, I didn't get any pictures of the ones where the girls had tape measures, but there were quite a few.

I was surprised for a couple of reasons.  First of all, I was shocked to find this in a Men’s Room at a seemingly respectable casino, the main Men’s Room in fact.  I might expect something like this at a sleazy bar in the middle of nowhere, that appealed to a “certain type of clientele”—but not at an otherwise decent casino in Vegas. It wasn’t even a downtown casino—it was right in the Strip area (not on, but near) and is the main hotel used for many of the conventions at the Vegas Convention Center, which is right next door.

The other thing is that, well, some guys are known to have “shy bladders”—or perhaps are just plain shy—and it could easily slow the process they went in there to take care of.  Or…since the girls depicted are quite attractive, perhaps a different physical reaction might be produced among some of the younger, hornier guys in need of relief—making the process of elimination difficult if not impossible.  On a busy night in the casino, these two effects could easily combine to create a backup in the restroom where one otherwise might occur.

Extremely low class penis jokes in the main casino of a major Vegas hotel?  Who’da thunk it?

That leaves us with the vagina-portion of this post.  If you suspected that this section involves the delightful Prudence, you obviously know my blog.

This story picks up from where I left off in this post here, when, after the AVP tournament, I had joined Prudence at BSC.  As I noted in that post, she was not drinking on this nite, having only bottled water in front of her.  Usually this means a more restrained, less outrageous Prudence.  But she already had announced to the table (and probably a few neighboring ones) that I had had my ass grabbed by a “girl with big juggs,”  earlier in the nite, so you can see she was not exactly reserved on this nite.

Anyway, there was a hand when the guy next to her, who she had gotten to know and bit and was now quite friendly with, failed to make a bet on the river of a hand he won.  I’m not sure of the details, but I am thinking he had a straight and was worried about a flush.  Anyway, as he was stacking up his chips, Prudence couldn’t help commenting on his missed value bet, as only she can.

“Whoa,” she said, “What happened there?  What’s between your legs?  Where are your balls, sir? Do you have a vagina?”

I was only surprised because I knew that she was not drinking that night.  From my experience, she usually only starts uttering the v-word after she has a few adult beverages under her belt.  So when I stopped laughing (and of course, everyone else laughed, including the “victim” of this criticism), I said to her, “I thought you weren't drinking tonite.”  Note that we weren’t sitting next to each other and thus everyone could hear this.

She said, “Well, I don’t have to drink to be myself.  That’s what my therapist has been telling me.  She said, ‘You don’t have to drink to say vagina.’”

I said, “Yes, I’m sure that’s an exact quote from your shrink.”  She just laughed.

But that did lead to an interesting story from the guy who had just been accused by Prudence of having a vagina.  Prudence had already discovered this gentlemen had recently gotten his MBA.  He said that as part of this process, it is necessary to give an oral presentation (not sure if this should properly called a “dissertation” or not).  So, he and a few of his friends offered another MBA candidate $100 from each of them if this guy would say the word “vagina” in his MBA oral presentation.  They thought he couldn’t/wouldn’t do it, but in fact he did—and, so this poker player claimed—actually did it in perfect context, it totally fit in with his speech.

This guy was offered the same deal but he couldn’t do it.  And he never went into further detail, so I’ll never know how “vagina” fits in to an MBA oral presentation.

But just imagine this.  What are the odds of a guy with a story like this finding himself sitting next to Prudence for a night of poker?  If he had sat at any other poker table in Vegas that night, he likely wouldn’t have found an excuse to tell that story.

((Edited to add, fellow blogger Waffles commented below with a link to an entire page full of pics of funny urinals, some similar in theme what I saw at the LVH.  I highly recommend you check it out, the post is here.))