Why I'm Blogging Instead of Playing Poker

Ugh.

First a sick laptop.

Then a sick me.

This is not the Vegas trip I envisioned.

I guess it started Thursday night.  My throat was bothering me all day.  I was hoping it was just “Vegas throat”…that excessive dry feeling I get more often than not when I’m in Vegas due to the aridity of the desert.  It’s one of the reasons I’m so sensitive to getting drinks at the table promptly and get so upset when they take my glass of ice away (see here).

But then, as I was playing, I started feeling a bit nauseous as well.  I stopped being able to concentrate on the game and just kept wondering if I was going to be tossing my cookies later.  This is actually another common thing that happens to me in Vegas, though.  The radical change in diet from being on the road sometimes affects me like this and usually it goes away in a couple of hours.

The trouble was that a fun game was about to take place.  Pete Peters, grrouchie and Chris were about to descend on MGM for a game of bloggers poker.  And just as they started showing up to join me, I decided it wasn’t safe for me to stay there and play.  I cashed out, said hello/goodbye to all of them, and felt terrible that I missed such a fun time.

Fortunately by the time I got back to the room, the nausea had passed.  My throat still felt funny, but it seemed to be on the mend the next day.  I thought I was ok to play last night, and that’s the session I’ll be writing about today.

I wanted to play a tournament today….it is after all Saturday in Las Vegas during the WSOP.  But after waking up, I started coughing.  And coughing.  And I could no longer deny that I had a cold.  Ugh.  So I am staying in for now.  Other than the cough, I feel pretty good, but I sure don’t want to be stuck at a poker table—especially at a tournament, where I’d be locked in—with a non-stop cough.

The irony is that all last fall, last winter, and just this past spring, I had managed to avoid getting a cold.  And now I finally get one…in summer?  In Vegas?  During the WSOP? (OK, technically it’s not summer quite yet, but tell that to the Vegas temperature, which is currently 102 degrees and is supposed to get wormer by the day all week.

Well, at least it gives me a chance to do some much needed blogging.

Last night was a success mainly on the basis of one hand.  I started out chipping downward.  I raised to $8 with Ace-Queen off, had two callers.  The flop was Queen-9-x. There was a $15 donk bet which I called.  A King on the turn and the two of us left both checked.  A Jack on the river was pretty scary, but he bet $20 and I made the crying call.  He had 10-9.  So he went runner-runner straight. 

Ace-7 of clubs, I raised to $8 and again had two callers.  The flop was A-10-7, and the 10 was a club.  Pretty good flop.  I bet $15 and had one caller.  The turn brought a second club.  I bet $25 and took it down.  I wondered if I should have slow played there.  I don’t think so. I’d be playing for a drawing ticket, not to win.  I had a lot of outs to either a boat or a flush for the ticket.  Everything I’ve been reading lately says don’t slow play.  Besides, why give a free card and then possibly get counterfeited on the river?

A guy raised to $6 and I had a couple of Aces.  As soon as I grabbed enough chips to re-raise, before I even counted or made my bet, he threw his two cards away.

In early position, I had King-10 of spades.  Against the advice of TBC (but totally following the advice of Ed Miller), I raised to $8.  The flop was King high, and two spades.  Again, another damn good flop.  Again, I didn’t slow play it, I c-bet and took it down.  Maybe this table was just too tight?

Pocket 8’s in the small blind, no raise.  I just completed, and five of us saw a flop of 7-8-9, two clubs.  I bet $5 and another guy—the resident aggro at the table—made it $15.  Hmm…..It was such a scary board I decided to just play for showdown value.  Pretty wimpy, I know, but I couldn’t get the possibility out of my head that I was already behind.  The turn was a King, non-club and I check/called $25.  A red 6 on the river put four to a straight out there.  I checked and so did he, and he flipped over 9-8 for flopped two pair.  Damn….we probably could have gotten it all in if I tried.

Then came the big hand.  I had dropped down to about $120 when I started to win some of those smallish pots.  I was now back close to my $200 buy-in.  I raised to $8 with Ace-Queen of clubs.  The guy behind me made it $25 and it folded back to me.  This guy was Belgian, and was moderately aggressive.  It was a close call, but I decided to call and see the flop.  I think it would have been an easy fold if it my hand wasn’t suited (Miller really likes suited hands). 

I didn’t see any clubs on the flop, as I had hoped.  But there was an Ace and a Queen, along with a 9.  I expected him to c-bet so I checked, and he put out $25.  Something about the way he bet made me think he wasn’t going to stop.  So I just called.  Sure enough, on a low turn card (no flush possible), I checked and he put out $50.  Again, I called.  Another 9 hit the river, and I checked, assuming he would make another bet.

He did.  He wasted no time in announcing all-in.  He had me covered, and I had $100-ish left.  I snap-called.  He showed Ace-King.  It was a really nice double-up, putting nearly $400 in front of me.

I managed to drop some of that profit, and one hand is haunting me.  I had pocket Jacks and raised to $8.  It was 3-way.  The flop was King-high and I c-bet $15, and one player called.  I’d played with this guy a few times this trip—and in the past as well.  I heard him chatting with another grinder a few nights earlier.  He’s a European grinder hoping to be able make a living at poker.  He moved from one European country to another recently because of better rules for online poker.  He was also the guy who had insta-mucked his hand when I grabbed chips to three-bet him with my Aces earlier this session.

Another King hit the turn, and I checked, as did he.  But on a blank river card, he bet $50 after I checked.  Did he really have trip Kings?  I tried to talk myself into making the hero call, but I just couldn’t do.  I laid it down.

A few hands later, I got Jacks again, and took a small pot with a preflop raise and a c-bet.  By then I was starting to think that a shorter session would be the right call, not sure if I was actually sick or not.  So I picked up my stack and booked a $115 win.  Not bad considering how I started out, or that I was coming down with a cold.

So Long, Hewlett-Packard POS, You Will Not Be Missed

This is not the blog post I wanted to write today—believe me.  I wanted to do a real post, about something poker related, something that’s happened to me since I got to Vegas.  Well, this story did happen to me since arriving in Vegas, but I sure wish it had not.  And it’s only related to poker because it affects my work, which is in the poker biz.

I couldn’t do any real work yesterday—and certainly couldn’t write a blog post—because my damn laptop died. 

I want to give credit where credit is due.  My now ex-laptop was a Hewlett-Packard piece of shit.  I believe the model number was actually “piece of shit” or POS for short. 

The thing has been a piece of shit since the moment I got it. Ironically, I didn’t want to have anything to do with Hewlett-Packard       when I bought the shiny new POS.  I had my battles with HP years ago trying to get a printer to work and having to wait a week for them to mail me the software.  The software that came with the printer didn’t work and downloading the software from their site didn’t work either.  I had to get a CD with the correct software on it.

I only got stuck with this POS because I had just purchased a brand new laptop weeks before—from Acer, I believe—and that died on me while I was in Vegas.  That was a fun story I never told.  I called Costco tech support and they helped me a bit, but when I still couldn’t get it to run, they connected me with Acer support which I am sure is located somewhere in India and there was a language barrier to say the least. 

They ran me thru some recovery procedures—and of course they didn’t work.  I was fairly convinced the problem was actually minor and just some little software glitch that a real nerd could fix in five minutes.  Trouble was, the only option was to ship the laptop to Texas for them to take 3-4 weeks to repair and return.  As I had to do work for PokerAtlas while in Vegas, and also I had a column due for Ante Up in less than 72 hours, that didn’t seem like a very good option.  Note, I was actually able to get some things off the Acer machine before I was done with it, even tho it didn’t work right.  That’s what convinced me that someone who knew what they were doing—or could explain to me what to do in clear English—could get it running again and it might just have been fine.  Might have even been operator error.

I needed a new computer pronto and also knew that with Costco’s return policy, I’d be able to return the machine when I got back to LA (though I actually spoke to the store manager of the Costco where I had purchased the computer to confirm).  So I had to buy one immediately while in Vegas.

The problem was that by the time this happened, Windows 8 had just come out and all I heard about it was that this new OS was a piece of shit.  You might say it was the HP of operating systems.  Besides, since it was a total revision of Windows, I didn’t feel like I had time to learn it and still make my column deadline.

Of the three or so Windows 7 machines that I could find at the Vegas Fry’s, the HP I went with was the best of a bad lot, at least in my mind, at the time.

Since purchase, it’s already been in the shop three times.  It’s been sent to Texas at least twice.  I have never for one second not regretted buying it.

Upon returning to Las Vegas, it has been acting up more and more.  For a while, the “o” key has been sticky, which always slowed me down when I was writing a column or a blog post.  Monday, the right shift key stopped working, making it real difficult to type anything with any amount of speed.  Having to always use the left shift key was such a pain. I could get around that of course.  In fact, I do have a portable USB keyboard I could use, and indeed, started using it.

But then the whole damn computer just started slowing up and locking up.  In order to get any relief, I had to reboot the laptop, and it was like 3-4 times on Tuesday, with less and less satisfactory results.  Web pages just started crashing and crashing….got that message from Google Chrome that a web page was unresponsive—it was happening all the time.  Other browsers also had issues.

And then….I would type something and the letters would appear on the screen seconds later…..more than a few seconds.  It would be one letter every other second….I had already typed an entire paragraph and finally start seeing the first word of the paragraph on the screen.

I checked Task Manager and saw that the system was using 100% of the memory virtually all the time, and nearly 100% of the CPU at least 95% of the time.

I realized that this could be just a buggy software program acting up, or maybe even a virus.  But when you combined all that with the fact that the POS had already had several serious hardware breakdowns in its short life, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

It was either throw the damn laptop out my window in disgust, go to the nearest casino and start taking hostages, or buy a new laptop.  It’s not like I’m so flush with funds that spending money on a new laptop was a pleasant thought.  But I had to do it to keep my sanity.  If you are in Vegas, you may soon see me on one of the pedestrian bridges begging, with a sign that says, “Please help, I once bought a Hewlett-Packard computer.  Anything you can give appreciated.”

I went with Lenovo.  The reason is simple.  One of the times my HP was in the shop, I got a Lenovo as a loaner.  I absolutely loved it.  Even though it was Windows 8 and I hated that, I loved the computer.  In fact, I was praying that they wouldn’t be able to fix my HP and that they’d let me keep my loaner.  Sadly, that was not the case.

So far, I’m digging the new machine, writing this very blog post on it.  Windows 8.1 is a significant improvement on Windows 8 and after a while, I’m getting used to that.  And I know that Windows 10 is on the way. 

So I spent most of yesterday, after bringing home the new laptop, setting it up, no simple task.  And I’m missing my older versions of Windows Office that I use.  Can’t install them since the disks are back in L.A.  I was hoping to get by with Google Docs & Google Sheets, but after a brief trial, I don’t like that idea.  It seems like you can only use them when you’re on the internet and that’s not really a good option.  I need to be able to use the programs while offline.  So I am using the trial versions of the newest Windows Office products while in Vegas and that should keep me going until I am back in LA and can install the older versions which seem just fine to me.  Hopefully that will work.

Anyway, that’s why this post is just a sucky rant about a piece of shit laptop from….and don’t you ever forget this….Hewlett-Packard.  Remember that name, Hewlett-Packard.  When you think of shit, think of Hewlett-Packard.

Ok, clearly I need to cheer up.  I need something to put a smile back on my face.  I think I may just have thought of something that might cheer me up.  I think a good percentage of my readers might enjoy these pics too—though not all, I guess.

Going Downtown for a Quickie

Saturday I went downtown to play in the $160 deepstack event at Binion’s.  When I arrived, the inimitable PPP was already there.  I assume he hired a custom limo to get there—or perhaps had rented his own personal helicopter.  But he was busy trying to find the finest wine available in downtown Vegas—which I believe is sold for a buck and a half a box—at the time, so after registering I took in the scenery on Fremont Street.

It didn’t take too long to find something to prick my interest.  There was a young lady wearing almost no clothing.  She had on a g-string, a bow-tie, boots, and was holding a fan that she used to cover her chest, preventing one from getting a good look at her ta-ta’s.  She was a street performer earning her living posing for pictures.  I took some shots of a “Devil Girl” doing the same thing sometime back and posted them here.  As soon as I saw her I thought I should get a pic of her for this here blog, since the girl was essentially topless and there’s some silly rumor going around that I am obsessed with bosoms. 

And this time, I thought it would be cool to be in the picture with the “performer”, and since PPP was around, I felt I could impose on him to take the picture.  So I waited for him to drain his box of wine and asked him to take a pic.  He was happy to oblige and we went back outside to locate her.  We had to wait for her to finish talking to some guys, but when she saw me giving instructions to PPP as to how to take a pic with my cell phone, she practically shoved the guys out of the way to come over and discuss a business transaction.

Now, I know how the game is played, and that one is honor bound to tip the performer if you take her picture, especially if you pose with her.  So I was already prepared to give her some  money.  I suppose you could get away with a couple of bucks, but in my mind I was already thinking of giving her five bucks for the picture.

I had seen her pose for a few shots with guys and that was the only time she would pull the fan away from her chest so you could get a look at her breasts.  But of course I should make it clear, at no time did anyone actually see her bare boobs, because for that to happen, you have to see nipples and hers were protected not just by the fan but by the star pasties she had glued on.

Now, as soon as she got close to me, she leaned in and said, “You can just give me a tip, but if you want me to take the fan away, it’s a minimum of $5.”

I found this amusing, but, OK, since that was what I was going to give her anyway, no problem, I told her.  Note, she trusted me and didn’t take the money before I got the pic.  We put our arms on each other shoulders and she dutifully put the fan behind her, revealing her true star quality.  But just as PPP was about to take the pic, who should walk by but none other than George Costanza!  Seeing such a famous fictional character, I felt I should ask him for a picture, and lo and behold, he gladly agreed to pose with the semi-naked young lady in my place.  So below is a picture of George Costanza and the sorta semi-naked red-head from Fremont Street.

There isn’t much to say about my tournament run—or lack thereof.  I started losing chips from the beginning, getting playable hands and then finishing second best.  Example, very first hand of the tourney I had J10 in the big blind and caught top pair, only to lose to some guy playing garbage catching two pair.

Then, the first hand of the second level I saw one of the oddest plays I can remember.  This guy two places in front of me had just come into the tournament late, had been dealt maybe two hands before this one.  He limped, and was the only person in when I looked down at two Queens.  I raised to $700 (the bb was $200) and he was the only caller.  I c-bet an all diamond, Ace high flop for $1K.  I did have the Queen of diamonds.  He called.  We both checked a blank, then the river put another Ace on the board, and again, we both checked.

I expected to lose, but not the way I did.  Did he have a weak Ace?  No.  Did he have a medium to low flush?  Nope.  He showed me two Kings!  Seriously?  He limped in with pocket Kings?  And didn’t come over the top when I raised? WTF? 

My thought at the time was, that this guy had never played poker before.  I mean, who plays Kings that way—especially in a tournament situation?  Maybe a cash game, but not to raise with them in a tournament?  Wow.  However, as the tournament wore on, he gave every indication that he was an experienced tournament player.  So maybe I should play them that way from now on?

I got some chips back when I lucked out and hit a gutshot on the turn, but that was the high point for me.

Late before the first break, I had Ace-Jack offsuit and Ace-10 suited back to back.  I raised both times, each time getting a couple of callers.  I missed, c-bet both times, and then had to let them go.  I dunno, maybe I’m supposed to keep barreling, but I don’t think these guys were going anywhere.  On the Ace-Jack hand, the guy called me on the flop with Ace-King, and won by the strength of his kicker.  It would have been nice if he had three-bet me and saved me some chips.

I was totally in shove-or-fold mode by the start of level 5, stack of around $5K with the blinds at 300/600.  I did steal the blinds by open-raising with Ace-3 offsuit when no one called.

A hand or two later, I looked down at two Jacks and shoved a little more than $6K.  A lady with a big stack called and when everyone else was gone, she flipped over Ace-King off.  Ok, about as good as I could hope for.  The flop was promising—it was Jack-high.  The problem was that all the cards had those little red diamonds on them.  I looked over at her red Ace and sure enough, it too had a red diamond on it.  And then so did the turn card, whatever it was.  My only chance was for the board to pair.  Sadly, it did not.

I was done.  It was so early I took another stroll around Fremont.  My red-headed co-star was no longer around, but I did notice perhaps an even more naked woman this time.  She was a very attractive black lady who was wearing almost nothing but gold paint.  A lot of it, covering her from the ankles to the neck.  There was also some black paint at various parts of her body, apparently some kind of design I couldn’t figure out.  Through the gold paint, you could see a gold g-string covering her hoo-ha and hopefully protecting it from the gold paint (I assume you wouldn’t want gold paint in your hoo-ha).  The gold paint also covered the pasties she was wearing to conceal her nipples.  Las Vegas is such an uptight town that a lady’s nipples are not fit for public display, you know.

Anyway this girl had no fan to cover up, and had no reservations about showing off as much of her body as you could see through the paint.  She posed for pictures but she seemed to be unwilling to pose unless someone was with her.  I even saw a young mother send her little girl—6 or 7, I’d guess)—over to pose for a picture with the naked girl.  I found that a little odd, to be honest.  I wonder if the mother plans on showing the girl the picture every time she fails to do her homework?  “If you don’t do well in school, you might have to make your living this way!”

Since PPP was still alive in the tournament, I couldn’t ask him to take a picture of the golden girl with me.  And George Costanza was nowhere to be found.  So I didn’t get a picture of the lady.  Perhaps another time.

Anyway, it turns out that my visit downtown was a complete bust.