Sunday, November 17, 2013

“Must Kill TV”—A Book Review

Once again I am breaking format, once again I’m doing a book review.

And once again that book is written by Ken Levine.

Levine writes good.

No, I mean he writes well.  He writes good books.  He writes funny books.

Very funny books. 

Levine, the writer/producer/creator/show-runner of great TV Shows, (Cheers, M*A*S*H, Frasier, et al), the baseball announcer, the blogger (he’s either a renaissance man or he can’t keep a job) has written his first novel.  I liked his previous book (see here) so much, I had to buy the new one, just off the presses, especially since the Kindle edition is only $2.99 (a bargain at half the price).

Levine’s novel is a comic thriller.  It is a vicious, very funny satire on the TV biz.  It’s a behind the scenes look at what it’s like to be the President of a struggling TV network.

Charles Muncie is head of ABN, which has declining ratings.  When Stevie Gersh, the star of his one remaining hit threatens to quit his show, Muncie tells him he’ll do anything to get him to re-up for another season.  Muncie knows his own job—and his prestige, his reputation, his identity and of course, his lifestyle—are on the line.  He thinks he means it when he tells Stevie he’ll do anything, until the star comes back and tells him all he has to do get him for another year his commit one little murder.  He wants his ex-girlfriend dead, merely because she turned down his marriage proposal.

Yeah, that’s all—one little murder.  Muncie is presented initially as a decent guy.  He is devoted (and faithful) to his wife (his college sweetheart) and is a loving father to his daughter.  So of course, there’s no way that Muncie would even consider such a heinous request, right?

Well….

There are many twists and turns in the story, and along the way, the TV industry is completely lampooned.  There are fictional characters that are based quite clearly on real people you can identify.  For example, Stevie Gersh appears to be based (loosely, I hope) on Jerry Seinfeld.  I am hoping that Seinfeld isn’t nearly as big an asshole as Stevie Gersh is.  I assume Seinfeld wouldn’t ask to have someone killed.

On the other hand, maybe Seinfeld would have done five more years of his show if the network had just whacked someone for him?

Another minor character is named Tara Durban, a totally obnoxious TV star/writer that is obviously based on Lena Dunham of (HBO’s Girls).  Here, I have every reason to believe the real life version is more offensive than Levine’s caricature.  She provides some hilarious comedy relief.

There’s also plenty of real life Hollywood types mentioned by their real names.  For example, there’s a great running gag about Katherine Heigl.  Another running gag revolves around the fact that Muncie’s all time favorite TV show as (apparently) Alf.  An aside:  I recognized the names of two cops as two of Levine’s writing cohorts from his days on Cheers.  Oh, and there’s a scene that takes place in the real bar in Boston that was the model for Cheers.  


 
Because it takes place in Hollywood, every single person that Muncie meets is pitching an idea for a TV series.  Even hard-core criminals are looking for a development deal.

As the plot races forward at a break-neck pace, there’s jokes in almost every paragraph.  Some of these jokes service the plot, many are just highly amusing throw away gags. 

I found myself laughing out loud a lot.  It was a bit embarrassing when I was reading it on my celphone in the doctor’s waiting room and everyone kept staring at me.  Fortunately I was at home reading it when I came to one incredible plot twist that had me laughing for about three minutes non-stop.

Muncie is a fascinating protagonist, and I found him surprisingly sympathetic.  The rest of the characters are less developed but service the plot well—and are likely based on people Levine’s worked with.

As a service to my blog readers, I will “warn” you that there’s a fair amount of raunchy sex (hey, it’s Hollywood!).  And the phrase “full, natural breasts” is used more than once.  There is of course some violence too.

I have to admit, I’m not much of a fiction reader these days.  I think the last novel I read was The Old Man and the Sea, which I read when it was first published.  Levine’s book is definitely funnier.  It was fun to get engaged in a book for the first time in a long time.

It’s a fast, funny, suspenseful read.  You don’t see the plot twists coming, and you’re pretty much laughing all the way through.

I couldn’t put it down.  In fact, the other night, I skipped my evening of blog-writing to finish it.  So, since I took a night off from blogging to finish it, I decided I had to at least get a blog post out of it. Hence, this post.

I highly recommend the book, obviously.  It’s only $2.99 for the Kindle version (and $8.73 for the paperback, no hard cover is available).  I’d be shocked if you didn’t get your money’s worth out of it.  You can order it here.

To be clear, I get no money at all if you do buy it.  I don’t even know Mr. Levine.  But clearly, our comic sensibilities are quite similar.  And if the book does well, Levine might just decide to write a sequel.  If he does, I’ll pre-order it.

And as Levine says on the book’s webpage, there are no commercials.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

I Did Have Ace-Queen, Dammit!

The Sunday before Halloween was my first real poker session of my most recent Vegas trip.  I played about 8 hours, with about ½ hour off for dinner.

I was warmly greeted by many of my MGM buddies who obviously had missed me.  It had actually been over a month since I was there.

Abe was one of those who came over to say hi.  He had a few nice stories for me.  As I mentioned in the post here, they started having a football promo in the room Sundays and Monday nights.  In addition, they have a “Progressive Power Hour” promo, where every hour there’s a specific high hand you have to get in order to win a progressive jackpot.  That promo had started near the end of my previous trip, and there were some hands that had never been hit, meaning the jackpots for 6-7 and 8-9 hours were over $2,000 by the time I returned.  So, if you caught quad 6’s or a 6-high straight flush between 6 & 7 (am or pm, actually) or quad 8’s or an 8-high straight flush between 8 & 9, you’d get a nice reward.

Now when the football promo started, Abe laughed at the idea of every getting picked.  He said he simply doesn’t win those things.  Ever. And though I had hit the football promo once on my last session in town the previous trip, Abe, good to his word, had come up empty last I had heard. 

But he told me that he actually won it twice on the same night on a previous Sunday.  One prize was $100 (the minimum) but he actually managed to select the one $500 prize (the maximum) the other time.  Furthermore, that particular nite he had a winning poker session (even not counting the promo winnings), which was unusual because he has told me repeatedly that he never wins on Sundays.

Finally he told me on that particular night, he came thisclose to winning the 8-9 promo hour jackpot.  He said he had the draw to the 8-high straight flush. A one-outer, of course.  He actually did get the 8 for his straight—but it was the wrong 8, so he won the pot but missed out on the promo money.

But then he said that the dealer of that hand was Michelle, and I got a real kick out of that.  Of course, Michelle is the dealer who “never pushes me a pot,” who I win with so rarely that I keep a mental count of all the pots she owes me (see here, for example).  Abe of course knows exactly who the “Michelle” on my blog is, but he didn’t use her real name when he told the story.  No, he actually called her “Michelle.”

Heh heh. It’s sort of like the phrase, the dreaded pocket Kings.”  I feel I should get a royalty whenever someone refers to one of my blog characters by their blog name.

And of course he was pointing out it was Michelle because he knows she’s my jinx dealer.  I don’t think she’s Abe’s jinx dealer.  I believe that would be Mike.  I run hot and cold with Mike, depending on whether or not he cracks my Kings (see here).  But Abe never seems to win with him.  It’s kind of funny, if you play in a room a lot, it seems there’s always one or two dealers who you always seem to lose with, and another one or two who seem to be your own personal “lucky” dealer.

They have one more promo I’ll mention.  It’s a cash giveaway thing, where, for the month of October, they were holding drawings every three hours to give away a total of $100K for the month.  To qualify for the drawing, you needed a flush or better to get a drawing ticket.  The prizes were between $100 and $5,000.  This promo started just after I left town last time, and by some fluke, almost all of the big prizes were picked early.  By the time I got back there were only smaller prizes ($300 and under, I believe) available. 

These promos will figure into many of the blog posts about this trip I’ll be doing about this trip.  And I have to say—and this is kind of bad to admit—I think the thought of catching some of these promos affected my play a bit.  I know I played more suited cards than normal just trying to get a ticket for the cash drawing.  And I played anything that could conceivable get me an 8 or 6 hi straight flush at the appropriate hours.  One time I had pocket 8’s when quad 8’s was the high hand, and after I blanked on the flop, I thought I would probably call a flop bet just in case I could hit runner runner quads.  I lucked out, no one bet the flop.  I folded on a blank turn.

At the table early in my session was Warren, who I wrote about in this post here.  He’s the guy who shocked me by calling me “Rob” even though we’d never exchanged names.  He had recognized me from my pic in Ante Up.  I suspected in that post that he was a blog reader but I found out this trip he had never read it.  It’s ok, I’m sure he’ll be reading this post!

Early in the session I had Ace-Queen of spades, raised to $10 and had two or three callers, including Warren.  The flop was Ace-10-8 and Warren, who was the big blind, bet $16.  It folded to me.  I immediately flashed back to the last hand I had played against him, which, conveniently, I had blogged about in that post I just linked to, so it was fresh in my mind.

Just as in that previous hand, I had raised, and Warren, first to act on the flop, had led out on an Ace high flop.  It was déjà-vu all over again.  Except that that time, I had pocket Jacks, and the Ace was bad card.  This time, I had top pair, second best kicker. 

And I recalled his comment at the time, that he figured I didn’t like the Ace.  And of course, I did have some doubt that he had Ace back in that earlier hand.  Now, he had seen that leading out against me (when I was the preflop raiser) had worked before.  So I wondered if he was just trying the same move again.  Did he put me on a big pair and feel I would fold to his bet with the Ace showing?

You see, I might otherwise have only called there, not wanting to bloat the pot too much with just a top pair hand.  But thinking about the previous hand, I couldn’t help thinking he was testing me.  He might not have an Ace, or if he did, it was likely weaker than mine.  So I decided to test him back.

Instead of calling, I raised to $40.  I really thought that would change his mind that I didn’t like the Ace, and he would likely fold.  But no, he smooth called.

The turn was a blank.  He checked and I decided to check behind him for pot control.  It was a pretty dry board.  But I knew that by checking, he was probably going to bet the river and I’d probably have a tough decision to make.

Except that the river was a Queen.  A very nice looking card, if you ask me.  Warren checked again and I put out a bet of $55.  He tanked for a bit and then started talking about not liking the Queen.  He didn’t like it a lot.  “I didn’t want that Queen to come……I put you on Ace-Queen…..so I fold.”  He meant to fold face up, but only card was exposed, a King.

He said he meant to show both cards and that he had Ace-King.

Shit.  It always bugs me when someone guesses what I had and they’re right.  Of course, I’m putting people on hands all the time, but I never verbalize it (except as a joke).  But when people do that to me, I wonder if I’m too predictable.  Did you know I was going to write that?

Another player made a comment, expressing surprise that he folded top pair/top kicker.  And Warren said, “It’s not like I haven’t played with him before.”

Then he mentioned something about my checking the turn making him think his Ace was likely better than mine.

Humph.  I of course would neither confirm nor deny his guess.  Instead I said, “Ace-King, huh?  You don’t three-bet with Ace-King?”

He said, “No, not usually.”  To which I replied, “Good to know.”

He said, “I said usually.”  And I said, “I know, I know…..I don’t usually three-bet with 7-deuce, but sometimes I do.” 

Who says I can’t bluff?

Anyway, he laughed at that, but he was clearly bothered by the hand.  If I hadn’t been way across the table from him, I would have whispered to him, “Hey, eventually, you’ll be able to find out what I had by reading my blog.”  But this hand made me think that, although he knew I blogged, he hadn’t read the blog, because if he had, he likely would have said something like, “I guess I’ll find out what you had when I read about on your blog.”  But he didn’t mention the blog.

I’ll flash forward a couple of nights.  I was once again playing at the same table with Warren.  At one point, out of the clear blue, he said to me, “I was thinking about that hand last night.  I still think you had Ace-Queen.  I still think it was a good fold.  But…I can’t get it out of my mind.”

I just laughed.  As a poker player, I know it’s the hands you lay down—when you don’t know whether it was a good lay down or not—that haunt you the most.

Warren is a good guy.  Very likeable.  So when I left for the night, as I walked away from the table, I went over to him and whispered something like, “It’s not there yet, but if you read my blog, I’ll eventually talk about that hand you laid down.”

Yeah, I could have just said to him, “Yes, I had Ace-Queen, you bastard,” but hey, I could always use another blog reader.

A couple of days after that, while I was playing at a table where Mike was dealing, Warren came over to me and said, “I read your blog.  Very entertaining.  I have a lot of the same thoughts as you do while playing.”

As I was thanking him for the compliment, Mike—who loves to rib me about my blog posts being too long—said, “How many naps did you have to take to get through it?”

My usual self-restraint was missing in action.  Without any hesitation whatsoever, I blurted out to Mike, “F*** you!”  I think I said it loud enough to possibly have gotten myself in trouble—but I didn’t.

Mike cracked up, but it was mostly because he was so damn proud of his own joke.  After Warren left, he even said to me, “That was really funny, what I said.”

I said yes, it would definitely make it into the blog.

Before that though, I told Warren that he had been mentioned here already.  He hadn’t read that far back, so I gave him the name of the blog entry where I introduced him (already linked to, above).  I haven’t seen him since, so I don’t yet know his reaction to being immortalized here with a phony name.

There’s a lot more from that night to talk about—I played for 8 hours, after all (plus it was the Sunday before Halloween)—but I figure if I stop here, maybe this post will be short enough for Mike to get through without having to take a nap.

More to come...... 

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Reminiscences About 2/4 Limit


The other day I received an email from the MGM poker room.  It was work related, and it informed me that the MGM would no longer be offering a 2/4 limit game.  Instead, it would offer a 2/6 spread limit game. 

As I was making the corrections on AVP’s listings, I started to feel sad and nostalgic.  So I thought I’d do a post recalling those 2/4 games, which now I couldn’t go back to even if I wanted to!  Only a few locals places spread the game anymore, with just a couple of exceptions on the Strip. 

I’d spent a lot of time playing 2/4 limit before I switched to NL less than 2 years ago.  When I started this blog, I was a 2/4 player.  Most of the stories I had to tell then—the ones that originated from a poker table, anyway—came out of my playing 2/4 (and mostly at MGM).  I assumed that would continue to be the case if I kept up blogging.

But that’s not what happened, I switched to NL and started producing more poker content—actually talking about hands and strategy—than I ever anticipated.  That’s not to say that there’s no strategy in 2/4 it’s just that….ok, there isn’t really that much strategy in 2/4.  But it was a great place to gather the kind of stories I liked to blog about….the “woman saids”, the “boobsmentionings,” the “obnoxious jerks,” “woman touching their boobsstories.”

Fortunately, switching to NL didn’t eliminate stories with those labels, and I was even able to add “vagina mentionings” and of course,  the dreaded pocket Kings.”  But every now and then, I think back to those 2/4 days fondly, and also realize that there are blog-worthy stories from those days that I never got around to writing up.

In fact, not long ago, I was thinking of one specific night of 2/4 that I remembered fondly and had never blogged about.  I went to one of my old notebooks to see if I could still compose a post about that night.

Sadly, I could not.  Almost of all of my early blog posts from that era were basically written originally as emails to my friends, as I explained here.  The few that weren’t, especially the really old stories, were basically stories I had told and retold so many times over the years they were still fresh in my mind.

But the way I took my notes back then—mostly before I knew I was ever gonna do a blog—doesn’t really lend itself to doing stories from years back.  Knowing I would soon be telling these stories to just a few friends, I just jotted down a key word here or there, reasoning that this would be enough to trigger the entire memory so I could relate a good story a few days or even a few weeks later.

But a few years later?  Not so much.  It doesn’t help that my memory is getting worse and worse as time goes on.  I use to be able to remember hand histories the next morning.  Now, if I don’t write them down at the table, within a few minutes of the hand, forget it.  They say that the memory is the second thing to go, and I can’t remember what the first thing is.

So sadly, that very memorable, very fun 2/4 session I tried to research recently from two years ago is mostly lost forever.  I do recall that there was this family reunion taking place right before Christmas.  There were three people from the family at the table, a mother, a daughter and a niece.  The mom had an unusual occupation.  She was a Prison Warden.  She was about to be transferred from one federal penitentiary to another one.  I think the new state was West Virginia, so, as she said, she was being transferred to “Bum F***, W.Va.”

I remember that she was incredibly talkative and very funny, cracking jokes, many at the expense of her daughter and her niece.  As I recall, the daughter was rather average looking, modestly dressed, and was talking about never being married, and in fact having broken off a long engagement right before the wedding (she was in her late 20’s).   He cousin was quite a bit hotter, and dressed quite sexily.  I definitely recall cleavage—and the fact that her pants were too low. In other words, she was showing “cleavage” front and back. She was bickering with her aunt, the Prison Warden, about cash that had missing from their suite’s safe.  The aunt thought that the niece either lost or stolen the money, but she replaced it anyway.  It was constantly being brought up throughout the nite.  

Pretty much everything in the previous two paragraphs I remembered on my own.  When I dug out my book of notes, the only readable words from this night were “Bum F***” (which I hadn’t remembered) and Chippendale’s.

Ah yes, Chippendale’s.  That’s all I wrote.  I’m sure at the time, there was probably much discussion about the two younger girls going to Chippendale’s, and whether or not the Prison Warden would go with them or not.  I’m sure there was a lot of funny stuff there, that was probably a key reason I thought this night so memorable.  But I don’t remember it, dammit.

And this story actually took place after I started the blog.  I remember thinking at the time, boy I can’t wait to blog this.  But before I had a chance to write the blog post, I ran into this young lady I decided to call “Prudence” and, suddenly, a Prison Warden talking about going to Chippendale’s didn’t seem so sensational any more.

And then I made a quick turnaround trip back to Vegas and by then I was playing NL and so, I never got back to those last of the 2/4 stories from the month before.

Another night on this trip I played poker with tennis great Roger Federer.  Ok, it wasn’t really Roger Federer playing 2/4.  Just a guy who looked like him.  Turns he was visiting all the way from Germany for his bachelor party.  A three-day visit, as I recall.  That’s a long way to go for three days, isn’t it?  They didn’t even have anything planned—it was a last minute trip.  But I guess even if you live in Germany, you know that the best place on the planet to come to for a bachelor party is Vegas.

When I told the guy he looked like Roger Federer, he mentioned that the part of Germany he was from was just across the border from Federer’s hometown in Switzerland.  And then he thanked me for the compliment.  He was very flattered I had told him he looked like Federer because after all, Federer is such a great tennis player.

Huh?

If I said he looked like Federer when he was playing tennis, that would be a nice compliment indeed.  But I just said he looked like him facially.  “You bear a physical resemblance to someone who plays tennis really well.”  OK, I suppose Federer is a good looking guy.  But I’m thinking the best looking thing about him is either his one-handed backhand, his trophy case, or his bank account.

Many months before, I played 2/4 with a rather crazy woman from Wisconsin.  I seem to recall that when she took off her jacket, she revealed a rather large chest and a rather low-cut top.  Or maybe she was revealing that to start and then put on the jacket.  I can’t remember which.  But I do recall the cleavage.

Anyway, she was there with some platonic guy friend for his or her birthday, I can’t recall which.  Her actual boyfriend was serving overseas in the military.  She was a non-stop talker and a non-stop drinker.  I’m sure she was a fountain of woman saids, if only I had properly taken notes.  Damn. 

I do recall her telling the story of her male friend actually getting so drunk and getting so mad at her for some reason that he actually threw several plates at her at some fancy restaurant they had eaten at the night before.  He’ d gotten thrown out of the place, yet somehow, she forgave him before the night was over and she let him sleep in their hotel room that nite.  She said it was ok because he only got that way when he was drunk.

I also recall that she got all excited when a male dealer who had the same first name as one of her ex-boyfriends came to the table.  She asked the dealer for his last name and to my surprise, he told her.  Apparently that name had some significance to her as well.  So did the dealer’s middle name.  She started speculating about all the trouble she and the dealer could get into just because he had a name similar to one of her ex’s. I think her excessive alcohol consumption might have had something to do with that.

One time there was this very fun woman from Seattle who entertained us one evening.  I can’t really remember anything she said, but I do recall this one bit she did.  Whenever she ordered a drink—and trust me, it was always an adult beverage—she would also order a bottle of water.  She would take the bottle of water and stuff it in her huge purse, which she had just for this purpose.  She said the hotel was charging way too much for water, and this was her way of getting back at them.

There was another trip where I played three or four nights in a row with a really nice young couple from Dallas.  In those three or four nights, I learned pretty much their entire life story—how they met, how she got him into poker, how he had to move to Dallas to marry her, etc.  I believe he was a teacher and she was a nurse.  Boy did they love poker.  They were there every morning from 11:00 AM to the wee hours of the morning.  They would take a two hour dinner break, that was about it! 

At one point, the guy, being a history teacher, mentioned how fascinating it was for him to visit the famed Texas School Book Depository and the museum there, memorializing the JFK assassination.  Of course, he was way too young to have been around for the actual historical event.  But I’m not.  He was very interested in my recollections.

On their last night, as I got up to leave, I said goodbye and he got up to shake my hand.  She got up to give me a hug.  You don’t see that at a 1/2 game!

I made many “temporary friends” like that playing 2/4.  Vegas visitors who came thru town for a few days and played 2/4 every night for a few days.  Some of them came through every few months, or maybe once a year, and it always seemed to coincide with my visits.

One was a woman from Ohio (I think) who came every Christmas.  She loved poker and her husband didn’t play.  He came to play golf.  She played poker while he was on the course, then he’d retire early so he could get up early for the next day’s round.  She practically lived in the poker room when she was there.  Nice lady.  She told me several times that she had never gotten quads, even though she had been playing longer than I had.  At that time, I had never gotten a straight flush, but I had gotten quads many times, I was shocked that she had not.  Weird.  And at 2/4, where you play so many hands and so many go to the river?

When I bumped into her last year—after I switched to 1/2, I told her I was no longer playing 2/4.  Although she most definitely remembered me—and even remembered my name—she did say she was glad I was no longer playing 2/4 because she never could beat me.  Funny, I don’t remember that.

Another regular I would run into was a nice guy from Arizona who came with his buddies every late summer to do their NFL Fantasy Football Draft.  He’d spend every evening at the 2/4 game. There’s a strange story about one of his buddies.  I had learned his name the night before, and he joined his buddy late and had to be put on the waiting list.  I knew he was waiting to be called but the one name on the list was “Hector”—not his name.  When they called Hector, he was indeed the person who claimed the open seat.

I asked him about the phony name (hmm, this was before my blog, maybe this is where I got the idea for fake names?).  He told me in confidence that he used a fake name because of his profession.  He was actually a pastor.  He didn’t want to use his real name in case any of his parishioners happened to be there.  He wouldn’t want them to see him engaging in such an unholy activity as gambling.

I didn’t think anything of it at the time but afterwards I thought his story was really odd.  For one thing, his real name, which I no longer recall, was a very common name, like Joe or Dan or Bill, something like that.  And it was only his first name.  No one who saw it would assume it was their pastor’s name.  And of course, the odds of any of his parishioners being there were beyond remote.

And then there was the woman from a nearby Rocky Mountain state.  We seemed to run into each other every time I played there.  The funny thing was, we both thought the other one lived in Vegas.  So did one of the dealers.  When I said something that indicated I didn’t live in Vegas, both the dealer and the woman were floored.  And I was shocked she didn’t live there, and trust me, she lived a lot further away from Vegas than I did.  But she came almost as often as I did.

We became good pals, and I think she was a little offended when I suddenly starting playing 1/2 instead of joining her at the 2/4 game.  But although I didn’t give her a name, I did mention her in this post here.  She’s the one who made the comment, “Yeah, before she started rubbing something else."

There were some local regulars I knew on sight and became friendly with, like the guy who would play 2/4 after a long, hard shift at his job.  Seriously, this guy had the worst job ever.

He worked security at the Hard Rock’s pool.  Talk about a rough gig!  Now, for a description of the Hard Rock’s pool (and my first ever hooker post), you can click here. I don’t know how much the job paid, but whatever he was paying them, it wasn’t enough.

Picture from the Hard Rock Pool (so they said)
And I’m sure you all remember the athlete who like liked to play 2/4 when he wasn’t waiving his manhood around in front of frustrated housewives from the Midwest (see here)?

Anyway, with the announcement that MGM’s 2/4 game was history, I thought it would be good time to close that chapter of the blog as well.  I wish I could do full posts (and I mean, extra, extra, extra long posts) about each of these tidbits I’ve mentioned, but sadly, I can’t.

As I said, the memory…..um, what did I say about….what was I?  Oh, never mind.