"What's Your Bra Size?"

Last night, as I was writing this post, it dawned on me that the next day (now, today, Sunday) would be the 4^th anniversary of the start of this blog.  It was officially launched on September 20, 2011.  Now over three-quarters of a million page views later, I won’t be celebrating the anniversary in any special way here, but it is appropriate that my post on this anniversary will be all about my pal, Prudence, since so much of the credit for this blog taking off is due to the posts I did about her in the early days, as I was trying to build an audience.

It’s been almost a full year since I did a post starring Prudence. You can find that last post with here.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but Prudence is single again. And as I was preparing for my most recent visit to Vegas, she made it clear she wanted me to meet her new gentleman caller.  So on the first Saturday I was in Vegas this month, we arranged to have dinner together, followed by a poker session at MGM.

Did I not mention that Prudence’s new fella plays poker?  He does indeed, though I’m pretty sure that was just a coincidence, not something that she was looking for in a beau. Prudence had pretty much “retired” from live poker, preferring to play online, something totally legit in Nevada.

We will have to assign a blog name for Prudence’s boyfriend, won’t we?  Now, as you will read, in the course of this night, I promised to give him a really horrible name, but I’m going to cut him a break he probably doesn’t deserve and refer to him as “Aaron.”  

As I later learned, somewhere along the line Prudence told Aaron about her poker playing buddy Rob, i.e, me.  And then she had a difficult decision to make.  At what point in their relationship was it safe to reveal to Aaron that her buddy Rob had a poker blog?  And that there was a character with multiple appearances on said blog by the name of “Prudence” who was in fact Aaron’s new girlfriend?  If you recall some of the past posts involving Prudence, you could see that this might be a dilemma for the average woman.  But, as you know, Prudence is not the average woman.

Eventually, Prudence told him about my blog, told him she was Prudence and thus Aaron started reading my old Prudence blog posts. He found them highly entertaining. So much so that he wanted to play some live poker with her and see the “real” Prudence in action.  He likes to play live, but had been only playing on WSOP.com with Prudence to this point.

So, before I got to town, I was given the heads up that Aaron was about to take Prudence to a nice dinner at a major Strip casino, after which they would play live poker together.  And I was told that, during the course of the evening, Prudence might indulge in an adult beverage or two, which could quite possibly bring out her more outrageous side.

I did get a report from that night, from Prudence.  She was relating to me things she had forgotten that Aaron reported to her the next day.  I only wish Aaron had written a guest blog post for me the next day—it would have been memorable.

But I did learn that Prudence was warned by the floor for some of her comments (not sure if it was just the sound level of what she was saying, or the actual content).  At one point, she got a nasty look from one of the female dealers when Prudence referred to the dealer as “busty.”  Apparently her breasts were practically resting on the table, covering her, um, rack.  Oh, the irony.

But the best moment was when a tourist was racking up for the night.  Apparently he was a total luckbox and had taken some big pots from almost everyone at the table.  His last victim, I guess, was Aaron.  He made a hero call and took a lot of Aaron’s chips.  And so, Prudence said to him (loudly, I assume), “You may think you’re the big winner but you’re not the one getting a killer blowjob later.  And you can’t put a price on that.”

I’m pretty sure there are some ladies working the casino late into the night who do, in fact, put a price on exactly that, but I digress.

So on this particular Saturday evening, I got to meet Aaron who turned out to be a real nice guy (and a good poker player).  The three of us enjoyed a meal at the sports bar next to the MGM poker room.  As is custom when I eat there with friends, I dipped into a relatively small portion of my voluminous poker comps and covered the meal at no actual cost to me.  And Prudence did indeed enjoy an adult beverage, as did Aaron.  She was just getting started.

We had some nice conversation over dinner and then it was time to get to the poker portion of the evening.  Since this was the first time she’d played at MGM since the post I linked to at the outset, Prudence had some old friends to say hello to that she hadn’t seen in quite some time (some players, but mostly dealers).  I was the last of the three of us to join the table we all settled into, and who was dealing there but none other than my pal Mike.  As a favor to him, I will not link to any previous posts featuring Mike, you’ll just have to remember that he’s the guy who always deals me pocket Kings and cracks them (ok, so he’s not alone there) and also likes to give me a hard time about how long my blog posts are (again, he’s not alone).

Prudence had already caught up on what was new with Mike when I finally got to the table—I was the last of the three of us to be seated.  As I took my seat, I nodded to another player I recognized at the table, someone who had made it into the blog in the past, and he said to me, “Hi Rob, it’s been a long time since I’ve played with you.”  I said, “yeah, Ace-Queen!”  We talked about the hand that made it into the blog and then he asked, “You still doing the blog?  I haven’t it checked it in awhile, guess I should check it again.”  It was Warren, and I will give you a link to the last time I mentioned him (here).  He had been playing in a different room for awhile, and since returning to MGM several months ago, I’d seen him a lot but we just never ended up at the same table until now.

Before I could answer Warren’s question, Mike kindly answered for me, saying something to the effect, “Oh yeah, he’s still doing it, with those long posts that put you to sleep. I’m ‘Mike’ on the blog, by the way.”  I of course gave my usual retort, which is, “Mike just can’t handle it because I use words with more than one syllable.”

“No, it’s not that….they just run on and on, run on paragraphs, with flashbacks within flashbacks within flashbacks.”  You see, he’s referring all the links I put in to past posts.  But Mike: except in the case of multi-part posts, it isn’t really necessary to click on all the links to follow my stories.  Those links are bonus material.  Consider them “value-added.”  Prudence chimed in, “You’re too young, you want instant gratification.  Rob’s into details.”

Anyway, I suddenly realized that with the dealer, Warren, Prudence and Aaron, at least half the table was familiar with my blog.  That’s pretty unusual unless it’s one of those games with my fellow bloggers.

Now, one of the reasons Prudence wanted to do this on a Saturday night was so that Aaron could see the Slut Parade for himself.  Unfortunately, the table we all ended up at was in the very back of the room.  And the seat I was stuck in for most of the evening had my back to the walkway. This was not lost on Mike.  “Why are you in that seat, it’s the worst seat in the house?”

I just shrugged and said that’s where they sent me, but Prudence piped in with, “Oh yeah, the titty-brigade!  We gotta see the titties!”

Mike asked me if I saw the girl twerking a little while ago.  I had not.  Prudence said, “Well, butts are not his thing anyway, he wants tits.”  Mike said, “Well, she had those too.”

The next dealer was an Asian woman, an old friend of Prudence’s (who is also Asian, in case you’ve forgotten).  They caught up right away.  Amazingly, despite the fact that this dealer has dealt to me for years, I have never given her a blog name before.  So we will now be calling her “Joyce.”  I’m not sure how it came up, but almost immediately Prudence started discussing Joyce’s chest.  Specifically, she asked, “What’s your bra size?”  I’m sure there was context for that which I missed, though perhaps Prudence now asks all her female friends that.  It was then that I pointed out that she had told me that she’d gotten into trouble commenting on a lady dealer’s breasts the last time she played live.  But Prudence was undeterred.  Since she was sitting right next to the dealer, she even grabbed and snapped Joyce’s bra strap through the side of her shirt.

And sure enough, Joyce revealed the size of her bra.  Now, since there are other dealers in the room who (unlike Mike) do read this blog, and since it would too easy for Joyce’s colleagues to figure out who she is, I will not reveal the identified bra size.  I am much too much of a gentleman to do that.  But in keeping with this blog’s tradition, I will give this wonderful woman a pseudo-bra-size.  You know, in addition to the pseudonym I just gave her.  So, we will say that her blog bra size was revealed to be 46-DD.  Again, that is not the size she revealed.

Prudence nodded when she heard the actual size and said, “Well, that’s pretty impressive for an Asian.”

Warren heard some, but not all of this discussion and asked what we were talking about it, and Joyce said, “Oh nothing, nothing.”  But Prudence said, softly I think so that Warren could not hear it, “Just bra sizes.”

They moved on to status updates on their romantic lives.  I didn’t catch the beginning of this, but I did hear Joyce say, “Well, I’m very fussy.”  To which Prudence replied, “Yeah….unlike me, where any penis will do.”  Warren heard this and said, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that said at a poker table before.”  Obviously, this was his first time playing with Prudence.

There was a hand where Warren raised preflop and Prudence was one of the callers.  Warren c-bet the flop and Prudence min-raised.  Everyone folded including Warren, and for some reason, Prudence decided to show her hand.  She had flopped a set.  Warren thanked her for showing and then asked….”Wow, why did you let me off the hook, why did you let me know you were so strong so early?” I guess he felt she should have slow played it.  Prudence said, “I’m nice…..I have a vagina.”  Warren laughed—everyone did—and Prudence went on, “I have a va-jay-jay…..it was the estrogen…..respect the pussy.”

As Joyce’s down was coming to an end, Prudence asked her who was pushing her.  She thought about it for awhile and then came up with the name of a male dealer who also happens to be Asian (and is someone who Prudence knows well). But it turned out the next dealer, was not the dealer that had been named but some other male dealer—who was also Asian.  This guy had only recently started dealing in the room and I wasn’t familiar with him either.  But as Prudence laughed about that, she started quizzing the new dealer and learned that this new dealer was actually the brother of the dealer she had been told was pushing in.  This totally amused Prudence, that Joyce had identified the wrong Asian brother as her push.  And thus she said, “See, even to other Asians, we all look alike.”

Another time, out of the blue, she looked at me and said, “I want to go on a platonic date with you next week.”  To which I replied, “All my dates end up being platonic.”  That got a few laughs and perhaps some sympathy.  I was just joking, I couldn’t let Prudence be the only one at the table getting laughs.

And that’s where I’m gonna leave part 1.  Part 2 will feature the British Invasion, and I’ll actually get to some poker. Also it will be a bit longer than part 1, because after all, this post is definitely too short.  But don’t worry, more outrageousness from Prudence will be revealed as well.  Stay tuned.  And now, you can read part 2 here.